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The first time it happens Buck is taken aback. He's just gotten off of a 48 and wanted to pick up some food so he didn't go back to an empty loft. Once he's home, he wants to stay there. So, he blames the first time on him being absolutely exhausted and just wanting to pick his deli meat in peace. He certainly did not want to run into Taylor Kelly and he certainly did not mean to come out to her standing at the deli counter.
It goes a little like this:
Buck walks into the local Whole Foods. Buck wants that special honey ham that Eddie introduced him to because now he's acting like an addict about it and craves it on every sandwich he makes. Buck approaches the deli counter, and he completely misses the head of red hair to his left until it's far too late. The rest is history…confusing, embarrassing history.
“Buck!” Taylor laughs a bit as she lays a hand on his bicep in an overly friendly gesture. “It's nice to see you.” She smiles and Buck can't help but remember why he'd been so drawn to her at the beginning. Bright eyes, large smile, long legs. She's the package deal except for the whole ‘will betray her boyfriend for a story’ thing, but everyone has their flaws he supposes.
“Hey Taylor,” he gives her an awkward side hug once he gets over his shock. “What have you been up to?” He wants to be polite, the good ex boyfriend who doesn't act like an ass. He just didn't realize that question would be extended back to him.
Taylor finishes telling him about the new station she's working for and her promotion before they even reach the counter. It's a busy Sunday morning, he should have just waited until tomorrow, but it's too late now. Now he's in line, nodding along to Taylor talk about this new, wonderful job that she only got because she fucked over Buck and his family. But, he's happy for her, he is.
“What's new with you?”
She's asking to be polite, he knows that. She isn't asking for details about his life or to hear about his new partner. But, well, he's a little too excited about the idea of bisexuality still and the fact that he's figured himself out. He's always known there was something about himself he hadn't unlocked, and now he knew what it was. Sue him for wanting to shout it from the rooftops even if that meant saying it out loud to Taylor Kelly.
“I just started dating my boyfriend,” he says as if his heart isn't threatening to beat out of his chest at the confession. “That's going good..really good.”
If she's uncomfortable or shocked by the revelation, Taylor doesn't show it. Instead she takes a second to pause before breaking out into what seems to be a genuine smile. “I knew you'd figure it out with Eddie eventually. I'm happy for you. I just figured it wasn't my place to ask about it, but it was a little obvious.”
Buck stops short as he's grabbing for his lunch meat. “I–what? E–eddie?” She just looks at him with raised eyebrows. “My boyfriend's name is Tommy,” he adds for clarity.
“Oh!” Now Taylor seems surprised. She smiles again, but it's tighter this time, more controlled. “Well regardless, I'm happy for you.”
She pats his arms and walks away, leaving Buck standing by the deli counter wondering what the hell just happened.
Buck lets the weird situation with Taylor fade from his mind. He doesn't mention it to Eddie. For some reason it feels…weird to joke about. So he decides that he'll keep it to himself. He doesn't tell Tommy either. Again, it feels…weird to do so. He's not sure why it feels that way but he isn't interested in dwelling on it. Besides, the situation was just a one time thing, a misunderstanding between him and Taylor.
She was around him during the–the thing he doesn't like to think about. He'd spent several weeks living on Eddie's couch to help him and take care of Chris during that time. So, it makes sense that maybe Taylor got confused over their relationship. They were a lot closer than average friends, but when someone's broken your ribs to help bring you back to life and you've tasted that other person's blood. Well… Buck can't help but think your friendship is going to be a little different than the average. He tries to ignore the fact that Taylor wasn't around for the lightning and that she's been observing his relationship with Eddie since pretty much the beginning. Nope, he doesn't let his mind go there.
So, he lets the conversation fade to the back of his mind. At least he does until he runs into Ali.
Much like with Taylor he's not expecting to ever see her again. She was nice and he enjoyed her company, but they lived two wildly different lives. He really thought it could have worked with her, but Ali couldn't handle the job and she couldn't realistically expect Buck to leave it.
He runs into her while out on a jog. He's been using the path by the apartment to help let off some steam and think about things lately. He's got his earbuds in and is taking a more leisurely pace when he spots her. She looks a lot different than the last time they saw each other. Her hair has grown and she stands taller. She's carrying a baby in her arms and that makes Buck do a double take. But it's definitely her.
“Ali?” He pulls an earbud out as he approaches. She turns with a confused look before it melts into a soft, excited smile.
“Buck!” She says as she taps the man she's next to on the shoulder. “This is Daryl, my fiance,” she nods between the two men. “Hun, this is Buck.”
“Ah yea the firefighter.” He extends a hand and Buck takes it easily. His eyes are still glued to the baby in Ali's arms though.
“This is our daughter,” Ali says as she takes in Buck's expression. “She's just about 6 months old. We were really excited about it.” Buck can only nod. “Do you want to hold her?” She offers the baby out to Buck who takes her gently. She coos a bit and wraps her whole hand around his pointer finger. And Buck could die right here, right now, because it's the most adorable thing he's ever experienced.
Buck's always known he wanted kids, especially a little girl. He thinks, a little deliriously, that he knows he already has a kid, already has Christopher. But, holding a new baby, that really puts ideas in his head. “She's beautiful.”
“Thanks,” Ali smiles as she watches Buck cradle the little one in his arms. “She looks so small next to you.” They all laugh as Buck finally hands her back, feeling his heart shatter a bit in his chest as he does.
“You with anyone?” Ali finally asks. He knew it was coming. She's just shared so much about her life, it only makes sense she'd want to know something too.
“Oh yea,” Buck shrugs his shoulders. “My boyfriend and I really just started dating so nothing serious, but you know. Can't actually find serious unless you try.” He tries his hardest to fight the blush he can feel starting to creep up his cheeks. This part never gets any easier, Buck wonders if it ever will.
Ali just smiles. “You and Eddie were always really close, guess it shouldn't surprise me.”
“I'm not dating Eddie.”
Ali's face does something weird but only for a moment before it's replaced by that same tight smile Taylor had worn only a few weeks ago when he'd told her about Tommy. She recovers well though and in mere seconds Buck has to wonder if he's seeing things. “Well, regardless. I'm happy for you. We're both growing up,” she laughs and Buck laughs too.
He loiters around for another few moments, fidgeting with an ear bud before waving and starting to jog back in the direction he came from. What were the odds that two exes thought he was with Eddie when he admitted to liking guys? It just didn't make any sense.
Buck really should have skipped this call when he realized it was at a funeral home. He really should have skipped the call. Because as he's jumping out of the rig, Eddie hot on his heels headed for the jaws; he sees her.
The breakup wasn't that long ago and it wasn't messy. At least on Buck's side it wasn't. But, he knows that the excuse he gave her was weak. He told Eddie it was because she just wanted to talk about his death experience. That was a part of it, but Buck really just hadn't been feeling it anymore and he'd told her as much too.
So, no, Natalia wasn't exactly who he wanted to see on this scene, especially with the last two runs ins he's had with exes over the last few months.
He tries to dip behind Eddie who just gives him a weird look before pushing him back towards the scene. They stare at each other a moment and Eddie nods as his eyes find Natalia's over Buck's shoulder. “Rough deal,” he says with a smile and a chuckle as he hands him a saw. “Good luck,” and Buck's being shoved in his ex's direction. Eddie is a traitor and Buck hates him.
“Oh, hey Buck.”
“Hi Natalia,” he attempts a smile but it feels forced. Of all his exes this is the one he really didn't want to run into again. She was…she was good but Buck had a lot going on when they dated and he feels that he almost wasn't fair to her.
They stand there awkwardly for a moment before Natalia asks. “Are you–uh– you.” She takes a breath. “This is gonna sound so egotistical of me but… are you seeing anyone again?”
Buck can't help but laugh at that. He knows that he can move on fast when he wants to, knows that he did move on quickly. But, that wasn't really his choice. He wasn't looking at the time, really didn't expect that Tommy would burst into his life, kiss the daylights out of him, and lead to this big life changing revelation. He tries to cover the laugh with an unconvincing cough. “Yea,” he finally lets stutter out. “I uh– there's a guy.”
Natalia's nods and Buck has to wonder why he never realized he was into guys considering every woman he's dated in the last 5 years seems to be wildly unsurprised by it. Either that or they all have a really good poker face and then Buck needs to collect them all so they can go clean up in Vegas.
Her eyes look at Buck for a moment before sliding over to Eddie at the other end of the scene. He's leaning down, pen light shining into the eyes of a young man. He's got that easy smile on his face that causes patients to melt like butter in a hot pan and Buck realizes that he's staring a bit. He can't help it, Eddie is objectively attractive and Buck notices stuff like that now. It's really not a crime to notice that his hot friend is hot. He's pretty sure Eddie would find it flattering. Although, this does mean that he's definitely giving Natalia the wrong idea.
“Oh!” He says suddenly as he realizes what she's implying. “No, no, no. My boyfriend's name is Tommy.” She levels him with a look that says she absolutely doesn't believe him. So he pulls out his phone and makes a show of finding a photo, ignoring the fact he has to scroll through 25 photos of him, Eddie, and Chris before finding one of him and his actual romantic partner. “This is Tommy, “ he says as he shoves the phone in her face.
“Oh, he's,” she pauses, obviously trying to find something to compliment. “He seems nice?” Buck doesn't think this can get anymore awkward. It does occur to him, a little belated, that him moving on fast with Eddie may have made more sense to her. They knew each other, they were close already. Him moving on with a wholly new person? That might look…well, suspicious.
“He and I met during that big cruise ship rescue?” It comes out as a question but he's really trying to make it seem like he's not a huge asshole. “He uh– he flew the helicopter we used for that, I wasn't exactly. I wasn't looking, it just kind of happened.”
“You don't do anything halfway do you?” It's said jokingly but he's pretty sure it's a dig at his impulsive nature.
“No,” he agrees as his eyes slide back to Eddie across the scene still engrossed in his assigned patients, “I don't.”
Buck feeling called out by his exes was one thing, getting called out by Eddie's ? That's a wildly different ball game. He does suppose that this time it actually makes sense. Afterall, most guys don't attend ‘meet the teacher nights’ for their best friend and their kid. But, well, his relationship with Eddie has never been conventional and Buck will do anything for Chris. Which is why as he stumbles in to meet the principal at Chris’s new highschool (God he feels old), he stops short when he realizes it's Ana Flores. LA is starting to feel a lot smaller than it did when he first moved.
“Buck!” Her eyes light up when she sees him and she embraces him easily. He'd always liked Ana. Of all Eddie's exes she was the one who seemed to understand their friendship the most. She never stood in the way and always made sure he had his time with Chris. It had been refreshing, and to this day he's a little sad Eddie hadn't managed to make it work. He understands, of course, but he's always thought she was the superior relationship.
“I didn't know you were the principal here?”
She just laughs. “I transferred over to this district at the end of last year. They have a much better sped program and that's really important for me. The last school I was with didn't encourage support or accomodations and I didn't want to work like that anymore.” She shrugs and continues. “Only so much you can accomplish with a district who doesn't care.”
“I get that!” Buck smiles what he feels like is his first genuine smile of the evening. Talking to Ana is easy, he enjoys her company. “Eddie and I have been trying to get the county to make the local playground more inclusive for years. Chris has outgrown it now but we're still trying. He's not the only disabled kid in the area, ya know?”
“I'm so glad that you're still a part of their lives.”
“I'm ya know…really sorry you aren't.”
Ana just shrugs. “He's happier with you. I was trying to shove myself into a space that didn't exist.”
Buck stops short at that. Did she? No. That's not what she meant, it couldn't be. She didn't even know about him and how could she think that Eddie…she was with Eddie. He's almost 100% sure she slept with Eddie, so she wouldn't…that's not what she meant.
His face must be doing something weird because she backtracks quickly. “Oh I didn't– I mean I thought– you know what? Nevermind. I always just thought you two were weirdly close. Thought maybe that's why he was so… the panic attacks? Guess I was off base with that one.”
“I mean, you weren't completely wrong?” He's not sure why he says it, maybe he just doesn't want her to feel awkward or embarrassed, but he does feel his cheeks heat because he definitely just insinuated something and he didn't…he didn't hate the idea. “I mean,” he corrects himself before she can get any other ideas. “My boyfriend, Tommy, we uh– we met a couple months ago and turns out,” he shrugs.
Ana takes a breath before going over to her desk and passing him a class schedule. “Make sure Edmundo gets this so he can decide if we need to update anything for Christopher.” She essentially shuts down the personal conversation and Buck's so glad for her professionalism and kindness. “I'm sure I'll be seeing you around, Buck. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”
Buck just gives a smile as he backs out the door, eyes scanning the documents she's just handed him. “You too, Ana.”
He hands Eddie the folder later that night after his shift and watches as his face falls when they both realize that Chris isn't going to be home in time for the first day of school. It's the first one Eddie will ever miss, it's the first Buck won't make breakfast for him since the time they met.
His stomach flip flops as he holds Eddie close while he cries and ruminates on what Ana told him earlier that day.
“This isn't working.”
Tommy stares at him across the table as he slides his hand from beneath Buck's. “Okay,” he says simply. He doesn't question it, doesn't ask why. He just…waits for Buck to continue.
“You're a great guy, Tommy. And I– I want you to know how thankful I am to you for– for everything. It's not everyday someone is willing to walk with you through this.” He watches as a small smile twitches as the edge of Tommy's lips. He's obviously over explaining himself but he feels like the other man deserves to know. Buck owes him a real, tangible explanation. “I just don't think that you're right for me.”
“I know.” Tommy cuts him off before he can even attempt to continue. Now it's Buck's turn to sit there and he knows he must look a little stunned because Tommy just shakes his head. “Nothing makes you feel quite like the other woman than realizing your boyfriend is in love with his best friend and doesn't know yet. But,” he gives a full smile now. “I'm assuming you maybe figured that out?”
Buck blinks a few times before he can answer. If his exes made him feel stupid, Tommy made him feel like an open book. How did everyone know it was Eddie? Somehow it was only him who didn't know. Did Eddie know? Buck shakes his head at himself internally. There's no way Eddie knew if Buck himself didn't. He's not even sure how everyone else seems to have already known.
“I–” he stops for a moment. Has he actually figured it out? Just a few hours ago he was still sitting on the edge, not really sure. Now? Looking at Tommy who's raising his eyebrow at him over a beer, Buck examines the very real truth. He has feelings for Eddie, he may very well be in love with Eddie. It's just been…there…sitting dormant for years because Buck was too stupid to see it clearly but, when Tommy cleared the fog, helped him realize who he was. Well, now how can he lie to himself anymore? Because it's always been Eddie, and it's always going to be.
“Yea,” he finally answers with a nod. “It's Eddie.”
Tommy just rolls his eyes with a laugh. “You're definitely picking up the tab tonight.”
Buck agrees without a fight.
When Buck pulls the jeep into the driveway he has a momentary freak out. The house is dark, the curtains in the living room pulled tight. He knows that it's late, but 11pm isn't crazy for them. He's used to Eddie being up at this time, puttering around, and getting things ready for the next day. He assumes maybe the routine has faltered a bit with Chris being back in El Paso. Buck can't imagine the deep empty feeling that Eddie's been experiencing. Buck misses Chris so much it physically hurts, he can only imagine that for Eddie it's like he's missing a limb.
As he's walking up to the door, key in hand, it occurs to him that maybe he should slow down. Maybe wait until tomorrow when he hasn't had 4 beers and cried on his ex boyfriend's shoulder about being gone on his straight best friend. But, any decision to turn and run flees his head when he gets to the door and Eddie's already standing there. He's backlit by the warm light of the lamp that sits to the side of the door. He's got messy hair and heavy eyes like he was asleep but so attuned to Buck that he knew the Jeep had pulled up. It makes Buck's heartbeat a little bit faster now that he knows.
“What are you doing here?”
The tone isn't sharp but curious and Buck shrugs. “Do I need an excuse to be here?”
Eddie rolls his eyes. “No, but I thought you had a date.”
“Oh–yea, I did.” There's a pause, like Eddie is still waiting for him to elaborate. Now that he knows , he realizes how hopeless he is to ignore that soft questioning gaze. Eddie did always know how to get to the heart of the issue in a way no one else could. “We uh– we kinda– we broke up. Well, I broke up with him, I'm not really.” He tries his best to convey the feelings without being rude to Tommy. He took it like a champ, seemed to know that their relationship was on borrowed time, but still, he didn't want to seem heartless. “I'm not upset about it,” is what he finally settles on.
“Oh.”
They stand for a moment just staring at each other and Buck realizes that he must be making this weird. Because they've never been like this. They've had struggles, issues in their friendship. But, they've never been awkward, never not bounced back quickly. But, again, Buck knows now. Now, he's second guessing every move he makes, every word he says. It's torture.
“You coming in?” Eddie opens the door wider and Buck steps over the threshold. Nothing is all that different, but Buck hasn't been in the Diaz home since he realized his own feelings and it feels different. It feels more like home than it ever has before and Buck never wants to leave again. He wants to crawl into the very foundation and stay as long as Eddie will let him. He sounds insane even to his own brain, but now that he knows, he can't stop all the thoughts and feelings from bubbling up.
“Eddie,” he catches the edge of the other man's T-shirt before he can turn away, before Buck can lose his nerve. “I'm not upset about the breakup.”
Eddie laughs, a little discomfort evident in his voice. “You said that.”
“I– he said he knew it was coming, that we weren't really meant to last. He said he felt like the ‘other woman.’”
Eddie stares at him. “Oh.”
“Yea.” He rubs a hand over the back of his neck. “He said that it's really easy to feel like that when your partner is in love with—” he cuts himself off and slams his mouth shut. Shit, that was not what he meant to say. But Eddie's eyes are soft, the light is warm, and he feels like he's absolutely melting under the tension and the feelings he's been suppressing for so long.
Eddie takes a step closer to him, hand gripping his bicep hard enough it might bruise. “When your partner is what, Buck?”
And he knows , he knows and Eddie knows. In that moment Buck can see it in the dark toffee colored eyes staring at him like they can see into his very soul. Buck's always been an open book to Eddie, and now is no exception. Eddie cocks his head to the side and waits. He's giving Buck an out, the ability to say something different, the chance to not take the moment and run away with it. But, he knows and Eddie knows , and he's not sure he can back out now.
“When your partner is–when they– when they're in love…with their best friend.” Buck dips his head, hot blush creeping up his neck, surely coloring his entire face a deep shade of red. He can't meet Eddie's eyes, can't stand the possibility that when he looks back at those eyes that they won't reflect the same feelings back. He doesn't get a choice though as fingers tilt his chin up, forcing him to face what he just said, what he just admitted.
“It's really difficult to keep a relationship going and find a person to fill that second parent spot for your kid when that spot has already been filled, when you already have a relationship.”
Buck gulps, feeling like he can't get enough air. “Eddie?”
He's cut off by a kiss, gentle but aching against his lips. His mind is soup, his thoughts spinning like a damn cursor that can't find an internet connection. When they pull apart, Eddie smiles at him, slow and syrupy like he's truly happy. Buck doesn't know if he's ever seen this type of happiness on Eddie before. Maybe once, when he took him to see Christopher after the earthquake. He didn't think Eddie could ever look happier, but somehow, the look on Eddie's face right now is rivaling that moment. He realizes, standing there, that's the moment he fell in love and they've been living like a couple ever since, just not admitting to it.
“Hey,” Buck grabs Eddie by the shoulders before he can try to back away. “I'm really, stupidly in love with you.”
Eddie just smiles wider, sighing softly. “I might just be really, stupidly in love with you too.”
And Buck can't help but throw a little bit of thanks up to all those he's loved before, because they led him here. And Eddie? Well, Eddie is his forever.