Chapter Text
After almost 13 years of memory swapping, Bakugo had learned a few things about his soulmate.
1) His soulmate was a boy and around his same age. 2) His soulmate had two moms. 3) His soulmate had black hair. 4) His soulmate was very sensitive, like annoyingly sensitive. Like– if Bakugo feels the urge to cry in one more memory, he might punch someone– kind of sensitive. 5) His soulmate was not the smiling redhead in his class that he had been crushing on for the past 3 months.
The first time Bakugo remembers seeing memories was when he was 3– around the same time his quirk developed. He was too young to retain a lot of what the memory entailed, but he could– to this day– remember how the memory felt. The cloud of fog that had enveloped his brain, the warmth of the sun on his skin, the flashes of bright colors that took over his vision, and the sounds of high-pitched voices laughing as they grew closer and closer to him. They all were clear and vivid senses in his head to this day, as if he had experienced them first hand.
But he hadn’t.
His hag of a mom always found a way to tease him about that memory, claiming that as soon as he came back to his own body and senses, he was wrapped in her arms, crying and huffing like some kind of weakling. Bakugo doesn’t remember that part of the story at all– as far as he’s willing to admit.
After that first memory, Bakugo’s parents explained the concept of soulmates. That his soulmate was the person the universe destined for him to be with. They were someone who was meant to be Bakugo’s most compatible person in every single way. His equal. They told him about the New Year's memories, and how everyone shares a memory with their soulmate at midnight on New Year's Day. They told him that his soulmate was out there, and they had likely just experienced one of his memories from the past year.
But what Bakugo gathered from that conversation was that he was going to be bothered by some extra’s memories for the rest of his life, and he was not too thrilled about it.
Katsuki Bakugo would become the strongest hero someday, and he was going to do it without the help of anyone , no matter how “destined” they were for him. At least, that’s what he thought until a red haired idiot made his way into his life.
Bakugo would never describe himself as a romantic. Never in a million years. But when he was around Kirishima, he felt… strange. He would feel his stomach start doing leaps and backflips and his throat would often dry up. He had gotten better at hiding these emotions, but they were very new to Bakugo, and a different symptom would pop up almost every week.
It started after the USJ incident. During class, Bakugo would often feel the urge to look over at Kirishima. Check on him. See how he was responding to the lectures. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t help but glance his way after that.
Then the Sports Festival happened. And Bakugo would be lying if he couldn’t admit– at least to himself– that he was impressed with Kirishima’s performance throughout the whole thing. Lucky for Bakugo, Kirishima started asking him to spar after that.
At the time, Bakugo thought he only agreed to it since Kirishima can handle his blasts. It made perfect sense from a strategy standpoint, and yet, he’d often spend his days on edge, waiting to start his sparring and workouts with Kirishima.
For a while, Bakugo just thought he was coming down with a prolonged cold.
He had never experienced all these different emotions and feelings before. And he didn’t like it. He’d curse all the symptoms frequently: the sweaty palms, the dry throat, the butterflies, the breathlessness. He’d curse all of them– that was– until he’d see Kirishima the next day, greeting Bakugo with a warm smile and an arm wrapped around his shoulder. That’s when he couldn’t focus on the annoying way this man made him feel. All he could focus on was the smile on his face and the bright light in his eyes, and making sure that this was the one relationship he didn’t fuck up somehow.
But all that changed after Kamino.
After that night– that excruciatingly long and painful night– Bakugo knew that what he was feeling wasn’t just a strong bond with his friend. He was in love with Kirishima.
Fuck.
Bakugo was in love with his best friend, who he knew could never possibly be his soulmate. The one person Bakugo actually gave a shit about more than himself was not the one person that the universe had “destined” him to be with, and it made Bakugo furious.
…
“Have you ever thought about soulmates?” Kirishima asked him once after a study session in his room. It was after summer break. After Kamino. The fall air was starting to set in, but it was still a fairly hot evening.
“No,” Bakugo lied, having thought about his soulmate quite a lot since meeting Kirishima. “He’s just another damn extra bothering me once a year.”
Kirishima gave him a nervous chuckle and rubbed the back of his head, “Right.” He looked down at his books, finding something to copy down before closing it.
Bakugo rolled his eyes at his friend’s heart hanging on his sleeve, “It looks like you have though?”
“Nooo! N- no… no, no.” Kirishima stammered out.
Bakugo quirked an eyebrow at him. “Well, lying is pretty unmanly, but if you really don’t want to talk about them, you don’t have to,” He said raising his hands in defense. Kirishima had plenty of tricks to get Bakugo to open up, but Bakugo was usually able to pull the “manliness” card out of his sleeve every once in a while when Kirishima was being particularly closed off, which wouldn’t happen often.
“Okay,” Kirishima pouted, “I mean, I’ve thought about it a little bit.”
Bakugo let out a sigh, trying his best to disguise the worry swirling around in his stomach. “Okay, shitty hair,” he said, lifting off Kirishima’s bed and making a seat on the floor at the coffee table across from Kirishima, bringing the two to eye level with each other. “Tell me about them,” Bakugo sighed, leaning into his hand propped up on the table.
Kirishima gave him a soft smile before looking down at his hands again. “He seems manly. And really brave,” He started. “I think… I think he’s really kind. And a lot more… sensitive than people think.”
Bakugo’s heart sank to the floor. He knew the chances were low, but there had been that flicker of hope in his brain that Kirishima would describe him . But, of course, it wasn’t him. How could he possibly make someone as special and perfect as Kirishima happy? How could he possibly be the most compatible person for Kirishima when he obviously deserved someone who would look at the world like he did.
“Tch.” Bakugo scoffed. “You got all that from, what, 12 memories?”
Kirishima locked eyes with Bakugo. “Something like that.”
A silence filled the air between them. It couldn’t have been longer than a minute, but it felt like Kirishima was staring at him for an eternity.
“Can you tell me… anything about your soulmate?” Kirishima asked maintaining the eye contact he had been holding.
Bakugo was the one to finally break it, averting his gaze to a crimson riot poster hanging up by Kirishima’s computer.
There were a lot of things that Kirishima and his soulmate had in common. They both had an admiration for Crimson Riot, they both had two moms, and they were both very emotionally driven people. These were all things Bakugo had already considered, but there was one thing Bakugo knew about his soulmate that just wasn’t Kirishima.
“He seems like a good person…” Bakugo started, “He reminds me of you in a lot of ways, but he’s got some of the worst confidence I’ve ever seen.”
Kirishima’s eyes widened, “R-really… How- how do you know?”
Bakugo bit his lip, “There have been a few memories of some pretty low points… I think last year he was even having some suicidal thoughts.” Bakugo suddenly felt bad for all his complaining. “I mean, having memories shoved down my throat is annoying, but… I hope he’s okay. Ya know?”
Bakugo felt Kirishima’s body brush up next to his. Bakugo was surprised to find the boy, who had previously been across from him, nuzzled next to him, grabbing his knee for comfort. “I bet he’s okay,” Kirishima smiled. “He’s really lucky to have someone like you worrying about him.”
When Bakugo made eye contact, he was surprised at how close Kirishima’s lips were to his. His breath left his body as he let his eyes, which were previously locked onto Kirishima’s eyes, wonder– just for a moment– onto the other boy's lips.
In that moment, he couldn’t stop himself from resisting the pull towards the man next to him. He allowed his gaze to shift from Kirishima’s eyes to his lips in rapid succession until his eyelids blocked his gaze almost completely. His heart raced and raced as he leaned closer and closer and-
BZZZ! BZZZ! BZZZ!
The two of them jumped at the sound of the phone ringing on the table. Bakugo’s face burned with heat as he watched Kirishima scramble away from him to check the phone call.
“Um…” Kirishima looked over at Bakugo, who was adjusting the collar of his shirt as he made his attempt to stand up and stretch from sitting on the floor. “It’s my mom. I’ve gotta take this,” Kirishima said apologetically.
Bakugo made an attempt to hide his face from the red head staring at him as he made a swift motion for his backpack. “Gotcha. We can call it a night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Bakugo made his way towards the door until he heard Kirishima call out, “Bakugo! I-” He turned to see him stood up from his spot, frozen by Bakugo’s stare. “I- I’m lucky to have you helping me out, man! I’ll see you tomorrow!” Kirishima gave Bakugo a toothy grin and waved him out. Bakugo returned the smile with a smirk and a roll of his eyes before leaving the room for his own room next door.
He heard some of the mumbled sounds of Kirishima’s voice through their shared wall. He attempted to cover his ears with one of his pillows and go to sleep to distract him from the searing pain aching in his heart.
Kirishima wasn’t his soulmate and Bakugo wasn’t his. And no matter what Bakugo did, he couldn’t change that fact.
Throughout the next few weeks, Bakugo felt himself pushing Kirishima away. There were aspects of it that were easy. The timing ended up working out in his favor. Kirishima was busy with his internship– that he refused to tell Bakugo about– and Bakugo was busy with his remedial classes. Bakugo would often train alone now. He’d retire to his room earlier and earlier each day. And he’d spend his free time alone in his room claiming to be “busy.”
As much as his eyes would pull his gaze towards Kirishima, he wouldn’t allow himself to indulge. He wasn’t trying to be a jerk to the one person he loved, but he knew how this story was going to end, and it was better for him to get out now instead of break Kirishima’s heart later.
That didn’t mean that it all was easy. It was painful every time he saw the man. It was like a knife stuck in his chest twisting deeper and deeper, never allowing Bakugo to feel any sort of relief. He’d accidentally run into Kirishima leaving and coming back to dorms now and then. Every time he’d see the light in his eyes brighten up, and he’d give him a wide smile– despite Bakugo always dismissing him.
It was always a painful reminder that he didn’t deserve Kirishima, so much so that even the universe believed it to be true.
…
He remembered hearing one day that certain internship students weren’t allowed to discuss a big mission they had been trusted with. Deku, Round Face, Frog Girl, and Kirishima were all in that group. As much as he was trying to keep his distance, he had to admit that the whole situation made him… nervous.
Bakugo caught Kirishima one afternoon after classes walking back to the dorms, during his usual transition period from class to internship. Typically, Bakugo had attempted to train during those hours to avoid the similar route him and Kirishima take to their rooms, but he needed to know Kirishima was okay.
He had attempted earlier that day to get some kind of answers with no luck. However, in Kirishima’s defense, it wasn’t Bakugo’s smartest idea to yell up to him with the whole class watching, while Kirishima was in the middle of training on the climbing wall no less.
But now it was just them. No teachers or students or annoying extras. Just Kirishima and Bakugo.
“Hey Shitty Hair!” Bakugo called out.
Kirishima, mid-opening his own door, looked up at him in shock before morphing his face to a nervous smile. “H-hey man! What’s up?”
Bakugo nodded towards his room next door as he walked past Kirishima, prompting him to follow. He opened the door to let Kirishima in and closed it to allow themselves some privacy. He directed his stare down to the floor and crammed his hands into his pockets.
“You okay Bakugo? What’s up?” he heard Kirishima say in a hushed, almost whisper like, tone.
Bakugo braced himself. He wasn’t sure why. This was Kirishima. His best friend and the kindest person on the planet. Even if he made a complete asshole of himself, Kirishima would understand, right? Right? “I just-” He started saying, immediately feeling his face flush and gritting his teeth at his racing heart. “I know you aren’t allowed to talk about your internship or whatever. I know it’s none of my business, but I- fuck.” He stopped himself again, “If you need to talk about it, or anything… let me know…. I can keep a damn secret.”
Silenced passed between the two as Bakugo waited for some kind of response from the man in front of him.
“Thanks.” Bakugo heard a whisper from Kirishima, “Thanks for looking out for me.” Bakugo finally looked up to meet the red head's eyes. There he stood, smiling that same damn smile he gave everyone, “but I’m fine. Promise!” But Bakugo knew he wasn’t. Bakugo knew Kirishima’s real smile. He’d seen it thousands of times. It had been planted into his mind for months. It was often one of the first things he sees when he wakes up, and the last thing he thinks about before drifting to sleep. And this wasn’t it.
Bakugo let out a sigh instead of fighting the issue, he wanted to trust that Kirishima would come to him if it came to be too much, right? He wanted to trust Kirishima was at least safe and would be okay in the long run, right? He wanted to trust that Kirishima knew Bakugo didn’t extend this kind of offer to everyone, so surely he’d talk to him if he needed it, right?
Bakugo felt a familiar stab of pain sting his heart. Once again, he was reminded that he wasn’t enough for Kirishima. If he was, Kirishima wouldn’t be lying to him right now. If they were meant to be together, Kirishima wouldn’t be afraid to tell Bakugo that maybe it wasn’t all alright. If they were soulmates, this wouldn’t be happening.
“Tch. Whatever,” Bakugo sighed, making his way to let Kirishima out of his room, “I’ll see you later. I need to get ready for my remedial classes.”
After a moment of hesitation, Kirishima started off, “Yeah, man! I’ll see you later!” Before Bakugo could realize, Kirishima was coming in for a hug. They often gave each other little hugs before departing, so it wasn’t uncommon, but due to their lack of interactions as of late, it took Bakugo by surprise. Once Bakugo could catch up with his friend's actions, Kirishima had changed his movement to a high five. They flailed between going from high five to hug for an embarrassingly long time, before Kirishima simply punched Bakugo’s shoulder lightly and left with one more ‘Goodbye.’
Bakugo started getting ready to head out for his classes once again, attempting to push all the sadness, embarrassment, and disappointment he was feeling from that short interaction to the back of his mind.
“Oh my god! Is that Midoriya?” Bakugo heard Ashido yell at the TV while he was in the kitchen making dinner.
Bakugo rolled his eyes as everyone started to crowd the TV, blocking Bakugo’s sight from what was happening, but he didn’t mind. He figured Deku was getting interviewed or some heroic shit like that. Nothing he cared much to see.
That was, until he started hearing some of the nervous chattering coming from his classmates. Talk of some sort of fight happening on the street with multiple heroes surrounding them.
“Look! It’s Uraraka and Su!” Kaminari blurted. After a moment, Bakugo connected the dots about what might’ve been going on. He seemingly realized this at the same time as Yaoyarozu since she said exactly what he was thinking.
“It’s all the internship students!” She said, leaning forward towards the TV.
“They look pretty banged up,” Jirou said.
“I think I see Mirio and Hado! But I can’t tell,” Sero said.
Bakugo’s brain listened for a moment, hoping someone would have seen Kirishima by now, but nobody did. He put down the bowl he was distracting himself with and made his way to the common area to join everyone.
As much as he was attempting to remain calm and seem put together, he could feel his heart starting to race faster and faster. When he was able to push everyone out of the way to get a good view of the television, he saw the high angle of Deku fighting someone with some dumb mask on. The camera was attempting to get just the fight, but there were some people around the area that you could catch. It was pretty much just everyone the class had already mentioned plus Aizawa and some pros, but no Kirishima.
They all sat there, in silence, watching the fight continue. Everyone holding onto their breath, watching as Deku beat the shit out of this villain. The fight wasn’t long, couldn’t have lasted more than ten minutes, but the whole class could feel time moving so slowly throughout those few minutes. By the end, once it was clear Deku had won, everyone started to cheer and celebrate.
Even Bakugo found himself breathing a bit easier knowing Deku was okay. He was still nervous about Kirishima, but at least the damn nerd was alright after one hell of a fight.
A few of their classmates left the area to continue about their day. Yaoyarozu and Iida discussed a little celebration for the internship students when they get back, which everyone seemed to be in agreement with.
As some of the students disperse, Bakugo couldn’t bring himself to leave the TV, not without Kirishima. Was he okay? Was he there? What if something had happened?
“Wait, guys…” Raccoon eyes said towards some of the students leaving, as well as grabbing Bakugo’s attention. “We don’t know if Kirishima’s okay yet. We need to keep watching.” She looked over at Bakugo as the class made their way back to the seats, embarrassed in their hurry to move on from the fight. She placed a hand on Bakugo’s shoulder, making him realized he had been shaking ever so slightly. “I’m worried too, but he’ll be okay,” she whispered.
Bakugo nodded back at her, feeling– surprisingly– more relaxed.
They watched the news coverage for a bit longer, waiting for some sort of update on injuries and casualties. The news footage jumped from showing the cleanup and aftermath to showing the newswoman getting testimonies from heroes and civilians. And they finally saw the man they were waiting for. The television showed Kirishima being pushed on a gurney to an ambulance; Fatgum– who Bakugo could only recognize by the logo on his chest– walking next to him, saying something indistinguishable.
Bakugo’s heart stopped.
Kirishima looked… beat up. His hair messy, down, and laid across his face, and it looked like some of his hero costume had been torn up in whatever fight he was a part of. His eyes were half lidded, and Bakugo couldn’t tell if he was even conscious while they were pushing him into the ambulance.
“K- Kirishima?” Bakugo said softly, not attempting to hide the shake he felt as the word left his lips.
“He- He’s okay. He’s gotta be okay! Right?” Ashido said behind him.
“What the hell happened in there?” Kaminari followed her sentiment.
“I- I’m going to try to get a hold of Ochaco. Maybe she can give us an update!” Ashido said once again, getting off the couch, making her way back to her room.
“I can try to call Su too!” Jirou said following Ashido.
Kaminari and Sero started getting up as well. “Maybe someone in class three can contact Hado or Amajiki,” Sero said.
“They aren’t going to answer,” Todoroki said, seemingly freezing them all in their tracks. Everyone turned to look at him as he continued– except Bakugo, who’s eyes were still glued to the screen. “Everyone over there is probably heading to the hospital to get some form of recovery care. Even Midoriya looked beaten up after that fight. They need some time to decompress. It’d be disrespectful to expect answers now, so soon after the fight.”
Iida nodded his head, “I agree. I will contact Mr. Aizawa for any update, but I’d recommend waiting at least until morning before asking for updates from our classmates. Please only send warm wishes until I hear back from Mr. Aizawa.”
Everyone seemed to silently agree with the two, knowing they were right, but still feeling anxious about everything.
It was early in the evening, so nobody felt like heading to bed yet; a majority of the class stayed in the common area, trying to console each other and bring everyone’s minds to other things. Kaminari and Sero pulled out some board games and cards for people to play, a few folks brought out books to read or knitting supply, Jirou even brought out her guitar to play some songs for people who asked. Everyone was doing their best to have a nice time.
But Bakugo was still staring at the news, waiting for updates about… anything. The rest of the class didn’t mind, since they were all hoping for the same thing, but they all could see he was worried about Kirishima– and though he would never admit it, he was definitely worried about Deku and the others as well.
An hour or two passed before Iida brought the class some kind of announcement. “Attention class, I have received an update from Mr. Aizawa,” The whole class gathered around him enough to be able to hear what he had to say. Games and books had been set down, and he had everyone’s undivided attention. “He said that everyone in Class 1-A is safe and will make a swift recovery. They will hopefully be home by tomorrow night.”
Everyone let out a breath of air, before more questions had time to settle in.
“What about the other students who were there?” Sato said.
“He only commented on the students in our class, unfortunately,” Iida said with a solemn look across his face. “But if he sends any more updates, I will be sure to inform everyone. I think for now, it is time for us all to head to bed and attempt to get some sleep. We still have some time before curfew, so if you’d like to continue your activities feel free, but it’s been a long night for everyone. Please be mindful.”
The class dispersed, some going back to the games they were playing, some heading up to their dorm rooms.
Bakugo made his way to his room. Even though a few people tried to call out to him, he shrugged them off saying he was tired. He didn’t want to spend any more time with the damn extras then he already had.
He reached his room, passing Kirishima’s on his way. Once he passed the barrier of his own space and closed his door. He felt his heart squeeze. Leaning against the door, he held his face, attempting to blink the incoming tears away, but it was no use. He needed to cry it out. Even just for a minute.
His back slid down against the door to allow himself to sit and continue his quiet sobbing. The only thing reeling in his head were thoughts of Kirishima.
He was okay. He was okay. He was going to be okay. Thank fucking god he was going to be okay! What if that had been the last time. What if he had never seen him again after that day. What if something had happened. Why didn’t Kirishima tell him? Why didn’t he tell Bakugo how dangerous this was? Damn him!
In that moment, Bakugo became very grateful of the fact that there were two empty rooms beside him, because quickly his crying shifted to uncontrollable sobs, where Bakugo felt as if he couldn’t breathe and was inhaling far too much oxygen all at once.
Bakugo couldn’t remember falling asleep, but when he awoke, he was by the door, curled into a ball.
It was still dark, and Bakugo could just barely make out the 3:23 AM from his alarm clock. He got himself off the floor, and curled himself back up into his bed, hoping he wouldn’t feel too much like shit in the morning.
“WELCOME HOME!” the class shouted towards the 4 students they had been watching on TV the night before.
“Aw guys! You did this for us? That is so sweet!” Round face said, wiping her eyes a bit.
“Of course we did! We were really worried about you guys!” Soy sauce said as the rest of the class was exchanging hugs with the four and sharing the same sentiments that they were all happy they were okay.
“Yeah!” Pikachu started before pointing over to Bakugo, who was sitting a good distance away from everyone else, comfortably on the couch as he pretended to ignore the party right in front of him. “Even Bakugo was freaking out!” The idiot laughed
Bakugo just kept his gaze forward, attempting to contain his reaction.
Until the red head of the hour made his way to his line of sight, “Bakugo? You were worried?”
Upon seeing the man he’d sobbed over the night before, he felt his heart clench and twist. He didn’t know how he felt; he didn’t know how he was supposed to feel, and honestly, he was still embarrassed from his breakdown from the previous night. All he knew right then was that it was time for him to leave. He rolled his eyes and gave everyone a quiet grunt as he heaved himself off the couch and to his room.
“Hey, we’re glad you’re okay,” Bakugo heard Raccoon Eyes say behind him. Bakugo rolled his eyes one more time and walked faster towards the first flight of stairs before he could hear Kirishima’s response.
…
Once Bakugo made it to his room, he decided to watch some dumb videos on his phone to keep his mind off the party happening downstairs. Luckily, it worked, and he was able to ignore the depressing thoughts trying to take over. Before he knew it, 2 hours had passed. The sounds of students making their ways back up to the dorms had started and Bakugo was kicking himself for not falling asleep before that.
Tap, Tap, Tap Bakugo heard come from the door. He left it alone for a minute, hoping whoever was trying to bother him would get a hint.
“Bakugo?” He heard the rough familiar voice of the red head behind the door. “Hey, man, Are you awake? I- I just wanna talk?”
Feeling his heart start to soften, Bakugo grit his teeth, steadied himself, and left his bed to answer Kirishima. Once he opened the door, he immediately met the soft red gaze of the man in front of him. His throat went dry, and he felt the wall that he had attempted to build up suddenly start to crumble– as if Kirishima’s quiet pout alone was a wrecking ball to Bakugo.
Bakugo was awakened from his trance at the sound of Kirishima clearing his throat– a break in the long silence Bakugo hadn’t noticed he started. “Can I come in?” He asked.
Giving him a nod towards the room, Bakugo led Kirishima inside, closing the door behind him, and quietly trying to steady his breathing before facing the man once more. Allowing his gaze to land on the floor, he crossed his arms and leaned on one leg to attempt to steady himself before making eye contact with Kirishima once again.
There was a long stretch of silence; Bakugo taking every single one of those seconds to pull himself together and continue to keep that wall up that he was desperately trying to glue back together.
“Bakugo?” Kirishima quietly broke the silence, shoulders and arms stiffly glued to his body and hands fidgeting with the seams of his pants as he spoke, “Are you okay?”
“Been better,” Bakugo said, feeling his eyes desiring to avert from the eye contact he was maintaining with Kirishima.
“Ar-,” Kirishima allowed himself a long, steadying breath, “Are you mad at me?” He asked.
Bakugo felt a zap of pain enter his heart. Breathing in to say something, he felt his throat run dry and his mouth starting to tremble. He quickly closed his mouth and readjusted his body to allow it to breathe and release some of the air it had been holding the minute Kirishima walked into the room. After gripping the collar of his own shirt tight enough to rip it, he felt the sting of water in his eyes and damn– he was not going to let himself cry right now.
Keeping his head down and pointed away from Kirishima, he bit out a quick, “I don’t know.” It came out much louder and much rougher than he had intended, even surprising himself.
Bakugo saw Kirishima’s body shift– drawing further and further into itself. As he watched the man’s face contort from a soft stare to an unmistakable frown, he felt another crack in his wall. And another. And another. “Okay,” Kirishima stuttered out, moving his arm in front of his face– obscuring Bakugo’s view of his reaction– and wiping away his eyes with a shaking breath.
Shit, was he crying?
He didn’t want to make Kirishima feel like this, but his heart and mind were competing inside his body, leaving Bakugo to truly not understand the emotions he was left with.
How was he supposed to understand what he was feeling. He was disappointed that Kirishima didn’t tell him what was going on. He was mad he didn’t understand the true danger his friend was being put in. He was beyond grateful that the idiot was safe and in one piece. And for the last 24 hours, the only thing Bakugo was yearning for was to be wrapped once again in his best friend's arms. How could he possibly understand all of those emotions combined when he was still coping with the mere fact the Kirishima was safe and alive and okay.
“S-sorry man. I should get out of your hair,” Kirishima said, frantically trying to make his way out of the room.
No. shit no no no fuck no no no no no shit no. no!
“Kirishima, wait!” Bakugo yelled back before he even realized his mouth had moved.
He stood frozen at his words, keeping his eyes glued to the spot Kirishima just left; hoping and praying Kirishima had stopped for him. All he could think about was not letting him out of his grasp again. Not allowing the beautiful red idiot to slip and fall once again because who knew when he was going to get back up.
Once he heard some quiet shuffling happening behind him, he drew in a deep breath and continued, “No. Listen. I don’t know how I feel right now. I just know that I’ve been worried about you. Like really worried.” Bakugo finally turned to face Kirishima, still averting his gaze– this time focusing on a pencil that had found its way onto his floor. “And the one time I tried to reach out, you pushed me away.” Bakugo felt a sudden break in his voice and his dry throat was quickly becoming more and more of a problem, but he marched on. “I mean, I guess I’m not the best guy to spill your guts to, but I thought we were okay. I thought you trusted me the same way I trust you. And…. gah,” Bakugo ran his fingers through his hair, “I don’t even know if this is making sense.”
He slowly looked up to finally meet Kirishima’s eyes as he let his own arms fall by his side, with a heavy sigh. He noticed the glossy finish over Kirishima’s eyes and for the first time in a while, he was given the same warm smile Bakugo fell in love with. Before he had time to respond, Kirishima had yanked him into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around Bakugo’s waist and resting his head atop his shoulder.
Bakugo’s face grew hot at the sudden touch, unsure where his arms should go at first. Eventually, he eased into the hold and allowed himself to rest one arm around Kirishima’s shoulder and back, as the other began stroking his hair, bringing it close to Bakugo’s face.
They just stood like that, silent and still, giving Bakugo the time to sink deeper and closer into the warm embrace Kirishima was giving him. Before he knew it, he felt himself dampening Kirishima’s hair; breathing in the freshly used shampoo and feeling his face contort trying and failing to keep the tears in. In the quiet air, the only sound they could hear was the matching tempo of their hearts. “I’m so sorry.” Bakugo heard a whisper from Kirishima, “I’m so sorry I made you feel like I didn’t trust you. I just-” Kirishima’s voice hitched, “I just doubt myself sometimes about this stuff. It had nothing to do with you…” Bakugo felt Kirishima’s posture shift, allowing his embrace to envelope Bakugo more– also shifting Bakugo, so that his misty eyes were now pressed against Kirishima’s shoulder, “I’ll talk to you next time. Promise!” He started stroking the hair on Bakugo’s neck.
With the shift, Bakugo felt his final wall crumble to the ground, and he didn’t want to rebuild it, he just wanted Kirishima to keep holding him as he began to sob in his arms. “I was really scared. I- I- I’m just so glad you’re okay!” Bakugo said, pulling the man closer.
They stayed like that for what felt like hours; Bakugo crying into Kirishima’s arms, shaking and wailing until he finally felt like he had nothing left to let out. Kirishima just kept holding him, allowing him all the time in the world to get everything out. Bakugo was sure Kirishima was crying quite a bit as well, but Bakugo seemed to drown his cries out with his own. Once they had both calmed down, they both could feel the weight of the room lift as they stayed in their hug. “How do you feel?” Kirishima asked.
“Better,” Bakugo whispered.
Kirishima broke their hug and pulled away from Bakugo, hands still planted on his waist. Bakugo allowed his friend to adjust as he moved back, sliding his arm on Kirishima’s shoulders and allowing them to rest there. Making eye contact now with Bakugo, Kirishima gave him a soft smile, “You’re my best friend. You know that, right!”
Bakugo attempted to mask the heat creeping up his neck with a half smirk and eye roll at the idiot's comment. “Yeah, I know. I guess, in some definitions, you might be considered mine too.”
Kirishima beamed.
“Oy!” Bakugo grabbed Kirishima’s face in front of him and started messing with his round cheeks accenting his smile. “But if you’re gonna be an idiot hero who puts his life on the line again any time soon, you better fucking tell me next time, best friend .” Bakugo drew out that last part, making it sound more like a threat than an act of concern.
All Kirishima could do was laugh though, moving his face out of Bakugo’s grasp. “What? You worried about me or something?” He gave Bakugo a cheeky smile, pulling him in a little closer.
“Tch,” Bakugo gave an obnoxious eyeroll, “Or something.” Finally noticing how incredibly close they were and the placement of, not only Kirishima’s hands, but his own as well, Bakugo pushed the man off him and quickly shoved his hands into his pockets, refusing to give Kirishima any more eye contact, “Shut up! I just need to make sure my punching bag stays around, Dumbass!”
Kirishima responded with a hardy laugh, obviously enjoying his teasing a little too much. “Woah, is it really that late?” he said, checking the alarm clock over Bakugo’s shoulder before turning his gaze back to Bakugo. “Sorry, man. I- I really should get going. But I’ll see you tomorrow, and maybe we can hang!”
“Sounds good, dumbass. Now can you please let me sleep?” Bakugo scoffed.
“Alright, alright man!” Kirishima said, backing up towards Bakugo’s door. “Don’t worry. I am out of here.” He waved a quick goodbye and left the room completely.
Bakugo let out a breath of air he hadn’t realized he had been holding on to. He laid down on his bed, staring at the ceiling and replaying the slew of things that had just happened. In hindsight, Kirishima hadn’t been over longer than an hour, but it felt like maybe 5 to Bakugo. He glanced over to the wall he shared with Kirishima, and couldn’t help but think about his warm embrace, the softness of hair, his beating heart pounding against Bakugo’s chest, how close his stupid face got to Bakugo’s.
That one memory seemed to continue to repeat in Bakugo’s head– for some reason.
Bakugo brought his hand to his face in exasperation.
In the last 30 ish hours, he had quickly become acutely aware of the mortality of the most important person in his life, and suddenly all the soulmate bullshit he was telling himself seemed stupid. Maybe he wasn’t his soulmate, but he was his friend. Kirishima was still the only person who seemed to give a damn about his feelings. This whole avoiding ‘Kirishima thing’ had become so meaningless and trivial to Bakugo.
He was not going to let Kirishima out of his grasp.
Bakugo can’t be with Kirishima, but he could at least be his best friend, and that would be enough for Bakugo.
It had to be.