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Sae didn't hesitate to choose Ryusei.
To some, that would seem naive. Shidou was an aggressive demon ready to attack anyone who annoyed him enough - which didn't require much effort. But Sae wasn't naive. He knew the risks of his decision and yet it didn't make him hesitate for a single second.
Sae was never afraid of Shidou, although he should have been. He had to pick the man up from a punishment room in Blue Lock where he had been tied up for who knows how long. That didn't intimidate him. He didn't feel nervous, afraid or on alert. His desire to awaken the soccer demon inside Shidou was greater than any other feeling. Common sense could take a back seat as long as he had Shidou going crazy for him
The problem was that he had no idea how crazy Shidou already was without Sae interfering in his life, crazy enough to flirt with Sae, of all people, in the middle of the match that would decide his future in soccer.
He had been courted by other people before, but none of them looked like this man. He was wild, rough and, above all, shameless. Although he was better than a average Japanese striker, it was audacious for someone like him to have the nerve to hit on Itoshi Sae.
And that interested him.
Because Shidou didn't crawl up behind him the moment he saw him. Damn, he even cursed at him like he was any midfielder. But that was before they played together. He wasn't hitting on Sae for his looks, as he was used to, but for his soccer.
That clearly wasn't a much better reason. But Sae would give him a chance, if the demon gave him what he wanted.
— Give me a hat trick and I'll think about it.
He didn't have such high expectations on Shidou, and he was wrong. The bicycle kick goal that Shidou scored almost single-handedly impressed not just him, but the whole stadium. Despite this, the hat trick wasn't scored and so Sae didn't have to give his number.
But he did.
Perhaps because the other man's words about the loss being Sae's own fault weren't really cruel, since they were the truth.
The months passed and after so long having to deal with the flood of messages Shidou sent him almost every day, Sae finally became afraid of Ryusei.
The demon's attraction to him was obvious, it always had been. Even so, Sae felt himself burning inside and out, dizziness consuming him when the other complimented him unscrupulously.
The demon flirted with him at almost every opportunity, but when he simply complimented him in a sweet way, as if he had no intention other than to let Sae know how good he was, Sae felt himself squirming inside.
He was afraid of the things he felt when he hang out with Ryusei, which became more and more common after he was convinced to go out with him once - which turned into two, three, four, until he lost count of how many times he had gone out with the other guy whenever he went to Japan.
Over time, the fear he felt expanded to new situations in his life: when he woke up to a good morning message, when he received a random photo of Ryusei's face, when he was coerced into answering one of his calls, when he had the misfortune of hearing his booming laugh.
Ryusei was a little shitty. The guy had beaten up his brother and provoked anyone who seemed to disagree with him. Even so, Sae longed to have him by his side. He wanted his demon to look at him, more and more until he couldn't see anything but him.
Ryusei was annoying. Anyone who talked to him for a while could come to this conclusion: he's not the kind of person to keep around. He's unpredictable, invasive and aggressive. Yet he found himself falling for him. Which was pathetic, to say the least.
Itoshi Sae had never fallen in love with anyone. He had barely been attracted to anyone in his entire life, focusing only on his professional career and improving his soccer even more, promising to surpass all those who believed he couldn't do it. He was distant, introverted, cold and unreachable.
Until he wasn't, because now he was in love with the most extravagant and scandalous person he had ever met.
— Hey, Sae-chan, can you hear me? - Ryusei was close to his face. Too close as he analyzed him with those big pink eyes. — If you want, I can take my shirt off so you can keep admiring me.
And there it was. Cheap flirtations accompanied by a smile so big it made Sae sick.
— Stop dreaming demon, you'll end up delirious.
Ryusei laughed out loud.
— Are you telling me that if I keep dreaming, I'll play with you again? Aww, Sae-chan, you know how to make a man happy.
Sae rolled his eyes, hugging his knees to his chest as he looked out onto the street. They were sitting on the grass of a small park, away from the busiest areas of the city. Shidou had gotten time off from Blue Lock for an afternoon, but their time was already coming to an end.
The flirtation went unanswered, but Ryusei wasn't hurt. He knew how to deal with Sae very well, and that was another thing that scared him. No one should know how to deal with Sae, and that was clear when even the only friend he ever had, his brother, saw him as some kind of freak. Sae definitely didn't blame him for that, but he blamed the man next to him for what he was going through.
— Why do you insist on spending time with me?
The question took Ryusei by surprise, but his expression didn't last long when he snorted before answering.
— Because it's you.
That answer didn't make any sense to Sae. Because it was him? He understood who was interested in him for his looks, he understood who was interested in him for his soccer, but Shidou stayed even after all his rudeness, even after Sae left him outside one of the times Ryusei had insisted on visit him by surprise, even after knowing his conflict with Rin, even after taking him on so many dates and never managing to kiss him.
He clenched his fists, feeling his nails bruise his palms.
— Why?
Shidou analyzed him calmly, his eyeliner giving the impression that his eyes were more closed than they really were.
— You gave me a chance, Sae. You awakened me to soccer and, with that, you awakened my whole life. Soccer was always all I had, it was all I was, and you forced into it a place where I could shine brighter than ever. You're absurdly more interesting than anyone I've ever had the chance to meet.
— You don't get anything out of texting me, bringing me on these dates or running after me. I'm not interested in you and I think you're really annoying.
There you go. He had spoken. He throw all the cards for Shidou to abandon him, just as everyone always did.
After a while in silence, Shidou surprisingly smiled. And he was beautiful when he smiled.
Sae's eyes became teary with that, turning back to the streetlights.
— You only played with the U-20 because they let you take me along, you gave me your number even though I didn't score that hat trick, you read all the exaggerated messages I send you, you let me take you out even though you hate Japan and I know you talked to Loki about giving me time off to see you. — Sae ignored the tightness in his chest when he listen that Ryusei knew this last piece of information. He would never trust Loki again. — Besides... you gave me your trust. You were never afraid of me, even if you had every reason to be.
Sae felt his throat close up, clenching his fists tighter. Ryusei was an idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot.
— Hey, Sae-chan, what's wrong?
He became aware of the warm tears running down his cold cheeks, clenching his teeth without daring to face the other.
He could tell that Ryusei was approaching, even though he seemed unsure of what to do.
— What am I to you?
Ryusei stopped, static. Sae finally raised his watery eyes to him. The exchange of glances lasted for what seemed like an eternity.
— You're everything I want.
— No, I'm not.
He buried his face between his knees, hoping to wake up in his bed and realize that he was curled up between his blankets, and not in some random park showing all his vulnerability and insecurity to the last person he should fall in love with.
— You're so much better than you think you are, Sae.
Now, that pissed him off. He lifted his gaze quickly, hoping the other wouldn't notice the melancholy behind his anger.
— And what do you know about me, demon? You're just my brother’s teammate who insists on running after me. You don't know me, because if you did, you'd have left me.
Before continuing her speech, Sae felt a big and unexpectedly warm hand hold his face, a thumb wiping away the tears on his right side.
— You talk so much shit sometimes… — Ryusei muttered, his eyes attentive to Sae's tears, wiping them away with the sleeves of his jacket. — I think I'm grown enough to know what I want, Sae-chan. And I'm not the type that give up on what's within my reach.
He was so, so much worse for Ryusei than he thought, that he just threw himself into the other man's arms while his tears kept coming. He made every effort not to shake or sob, but it didn't seem to be working. Sae was panicking for the stupidest reason of all. It was so pathetic that it would have left Rin jealous. He felt a hand in his hair, a caress so comforting that it made his head hang down.
— I'm in love with you — he whispered into Ryusei's neck.
— I know — the other said, his voice a little more than a whisper.
— You deserve someone better.
— I don't want anyone else. You're the only one for me.
— I'm going to hurt you.
— It's okay. I know you don't mean to do it.
— I'm a mess.
Ryusei pushes them apart, just enough to look into Sae's eyes with an arched eyebrow.
— The first time we played together I screamed that I was going to blow my load, you couldn't be worse than me even if you tried really hard.
Sae just enjoyed the sensation of having the other man's breath on his face, warm hands still holding him while all that terrifying feeling burned his chest.
— Kiss me.
And the smile he got before Ryusei leaned in could never let him feel anything close to fear.