Work Text:
Author: Unknown (Mizuki, this is you, is it not? Your handwriting has proven to be convoluted when you’re hastened, on special occasions where you’re pressured enough to abandon your normally presentable penmanship, but if I happen to observe long enough, the resemblance pools behind my eyelids like melted ice)
Editor: Asahina Mafuyu (With the assistance of Shinonome Ena and Yoisaki Kanade, the rest of Mizuki and I’s circle. For convenience, we’ll be using our aliases while uncovering the mysteries of this journal; Enanan and K respectively. I’m Yuki)
Monday, October 6
I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want to be forced into an endless cycle of trying to establish my own name in the middle of all these streets that seem to intertwine only for the sake of despising me. What’s even waiting for me when I go out there, or if I’ll even manage to survive until then? God, (There were definitely words here, but it’s all scribbled over. It’s been crossed out so vehemently I can’t decipher what the writer meant to say. K) can’t I just stay like this forever?
But then, if I don’t change, I’ll be a lot more miserable than I am now, right? I don’t want to learn about how to function in society. If I’m still alive by the time I’m going to find a job and live by myself and everything else that comes with the whole ordeal, I’ll find a way to live where no one has to tell me what to do. I want to be (Another missing word. Does anyone have any clues? There’s literally just a blank, untouched space standing here in the middle of all of this. Enanan) (Judging from the sentence structure, my guess is ‘free,’ but it could be anything. I wouldn’t be surprised. Yuki) and not have to worry about what others think of me. Is another act of defiance going to affect this performance I’ve already put up?
Sorry. I know it’s me who started talking, but it’s also me who has to end our one–sided conversation here, because the latest episode of my favourite anime airs in ten minutes. Isn’t Miramagi awesome? Some people would call it a (It’s scribbled over. I can still see the formations of a word beneath it; it looks suspiciously like ‘stupid,’ but I wouldn’t really know. I didn’t write this. Yuki) (Well spotted regardless, Yuki. K) reason, you know, but I’ve gone down too deep into its vortex to crawl my way back up again… Thanks for listening to me even if you can’t say anything. I’ll come back soon, okay?
(Oh. So that’s why they were in such a rush? Yuki)
(Well, I mean... if it was actually Mizuki behind this, they never returned. But it does sound like something they would have done. Next time we see them, let’s just subtly tell them they’ve found a home in us; we don’t even have to say it out loud. I can’t imagine how they must have felt when they were all alone. Enanan)
(I agree with Enanan. K)
A habitual Tuesday on the eve of August oversees two misfits roaming the aisles of a convenience store in search for something that would suffice for a momentary celebration — a commemoration of a mutant’s birth, an anniversary for a life. A piece of onigiri is carelessly discarded into the basket carried by the older of the two, and while the younger one’s gaze lingers on the shelves brimful with confectionery, Mafuyu glances at Mizuki and says, “Happy birthday.”
Mizuki’s eighteen, now, in their final year of mandatory schooling with questionnaires about their future already completed in dark, ebony ink. In place of what would be deemed more reliable careers, the kanji for editor and designer grin in the face of scrutiny. It’s not as if they’re particularly bothered about their teachers’ concerns; they’ve never been one to adjust themselves to the pace of what others wanted for them, acting on their own accord and doing whatever they pleased. Mizuki discovers that they do not fear the possibility of their grasp on their own life being loosened. It is the prospect of growing, of losing, that terrifies them most.
(This is something they’ll never be more certain about: Akiyama Mizuki will not miss Kamiyama High. There is nothing for them to reminisce about, because the weeks where they actually attended were extremely miniscule in number, and they had longed to break away from the atmosphere of scrutiny that always seemed to follow them around, paired with ostracization. Even so, Mizuki does not have the heart to deny that they had spent the best years of their life within those scathing, scornful halls.
First year, laughing with An in the summer with their former classroom’s windows open, their happiness echoing into the breeze; second year with Touya, peering over his shoulder while he offered his subdued commentary on the novel he’d been reading; third year, teasing Akito relentlessly whenever he’d end up doing something they deemed exceptionally hilarious, and learning about Nene through the lenses of someone who shared a friendship with a certain director.
The ribbon Mizuki had drawn onto their desk on their final day will fade someday, as will their memories, and perhaps it would be a shame that nobody would uncover the identity of the person who had made such an imprint on that unfortunate piece of wood, who had mustered the courage to leave a sign of their existence. Words that sting like daggers will never leave — but neither will the happiness they had managed to acquire over those three years. Kamiyama means little to them. It’s the people in those corridors that do.)
They beam, because this is Mafuyu, who has exchanged his compliant demeanour for a personality that still retains his vigilance even after accepting their advice and escaping, yet has changed all the same. It’s evidently an effect of the circumstances that have shaped him into who he has become, the shadows of the home he had been raised in, but he has become audacious in a way where he will willingly leave Kanade’s house at midnight and frolic with Mizuki around a neighbourhood they barely know. “Thank you,” Mizuki responds jovially, and means it. They haven’t truly been able to mask anything from someone who has taken up a place in their soul due to their shared reality of being too similar, but today, they have nothing to hide.
Mafuyu presents their basket — it would have been completely devoid, save for his salmon rice ball and Mizuki’s strawberry Pocky — to the cashier, eyes crinkling in a smile towards the pair once Mafuyu’s credit card manages to complete the transaction. “Have a good day,” she says, as if on autopilot. “Please visit our store again.”
It’s three in the morning and they’ve occupied the swings of a playground, sand covering every inch of that compact space. When all the children feigning to be adults are asleep, the adolescents who would offer every fibre of their soul to become children again will rise. More so if their childhood had been robbed from them solely because they refused to adhere to the expectations of what every single one of their peers wanted them to be; more so if they’d spent half their life resembling a spectre, nimble in their methods to prevent their soul from being injured beyond the damage it has already sustained. How sorrowful it is, wishing to reclaim something that hasn’t belonged to them since it was stolen from them by the hands of villains while they grew to be perceived as one themselves. September is inching close on them.
“Want some?” Mizuki inquires, tilting their packet of Pocky closer to Mafuyu, and he takes one away from the silver packaging. Since they had offered him the choice to be embraced by death’s duvet, back when Kanade was attempting to build a bridge connected to him out of desperation and her own arrogance and Ena was buried in her envy, like a fire that would not extinguish — one that hadn’t completely diminished, even now, but Mizuki can see the signs of a truce, an olive branch extended by the artist they’d grown to trust since that hollow oath on the rooftop — their bond had functioned on this equilibrium of give and take. They’ll be spotted in their haven again, whenever either of them walk away with something from the other.
Him and them, they’re not exactly labelled. Some seek comfort in the name plastered onto them and the person they’d chosen to spend their life with, eternal or not, and they linger upon that warmth. But in the case of two misfits who life had despised for all the similar yet different reasons, unspoken words speak louder than spoken ones: Tell me if it gets overwhelming is a key to their hideout and I care about you bleeds into the question Do you want to talk about what you’ve been up to in medical school, or do you want to leave it for another time?
Someday they will die, but one of their roseate ribbons will still find itself weaved around a rabbit while snow falls on them. An unending cycle, never to be broken, though Mizuki’s happy with him, like this. He’s not simple, but he’s not complex enough to confuse them either. Mizuki thinks it’s the effect of a fateful encounter that had rescued Mafuyu from the edge, that had granted them someone who truly understood.
“Hey, Mafuyu,” Mizuki starts, and they relish in the refreshing feeling the abrupt declaration offers them, like it’s something that had lodged itself in the back of their throat and had never managed to escape, like it’s always been there without a voice given to those thoughts. “If you’d allow me, I’d like to keep you here with me forever — even if we don’t know what the word actually means.”
In this lifetime, they’ll be buried together.
In the next, they’ll fight to live.
Kanade @yoisakik
To Mizuki, I’m grateful for all the moments we spent together over the years, and I’m hoping for many more to come. I appreciate your boundless energy, as well as everything you’ve done for me. Happy birthday.
Ena 🎨 @shinoarts
Happy birthday, Mizuki. You love teasing me and you do it even though you know I get annoyed, don’t you? Well, I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but your jokes do brighten up the mood. Don’t make me regret being nice to you today, okay? That being said, because it’s your birthday, I’ll treat you to something nice. Have fun! Remember, I’m always here for you
an 🎧 @vividoldtale
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIZUKI !!!! you are so loved by all of your friends you better not forget it bc i will remind you 😤😤😤😤 have a great day & thanks for being awesome by the way i forced akito to say happy bday to you because you deserve it 😻😻
akito @burnmysoul
happy birthday akiyama. when you’re next to an you’re an absolute nightmare she also made me say happy birthday to you but she said it in her post so you already know that. ena’s a lot of work (more than you are) but thanks for not leaving her alone, i’ll let you talk my ear off today bc it’s your birthday and we’re friends
Aoyagi Touya @nocturneinterlude
Happy birthday, Akiyama. I’m very grateful for your cheerful presence. You are a great friend to have, and I look forward to spending more time with you in the future. 😊
Airi @momoiai
Happy birthday, Mizuki-chan! I’m glad Ena has a reliable friend like you by her side and I’m even more thankful I’ve gotten to know you more and more, your energetic personality always lifts the mood of everyone else around you 🫶
Hinomori Shizuku @moridroplets
Mizuki-chan, happy birthday! I love your fashion sense, it’s truly incredible! Thanks for always supporting us in More More Jump, all four of us are wishing you a lovely day ahead 💕
nene @pomelonene
happy birthday, akiyama. keep being yourself, okay? try not to think too much about how others perceive you. they can’t stop you from being what you want to be anyway, so don’t worry
Rui 🎈 @kamishiroo
Happy birthday, Mizuki! Thank you for sticking by my side since middle school. I’m truly glad to see how much you’ve grown since then. I’m finding that I have less to say to you this year, for some reason; not because we’ve grown apart, but because my appreciation for you hasn’t really diminished all this time, and everything I want to tell you has already been said. I think we function on that kind of friendship where we can get words across without really speaking them aloud, if that makes sense? Putting that aside, I hope you have a lot of fun today 😁
Shiho @hnmrshiho
Happy birthday, Mizuki-san. Enjoy yourself today.
saki 🎹 @noseeknofind
mizuki-chan, happy birthday! we should definitely go out for lunch again sometime 🫶
Akiyama Yuuki @akymyuk
Wow, my little sibling has definitely grown a lot while I’ve been abroad in Paris. Mizuki, I’m looking through your profile, and all I’m seeing are birthday wishes from your friends — it makes me so delighted, knowing you’ve got people who take care of you now! Really, how is this the eighteenth time I’m saying this already? Happy birthday!
mizuki ! @akymzk
thank you all for the birthday wishes <3
Everything around them is blue.
Like a picturesque painting dyed in the pigments of watercolour, Mizuki watches as Younger Mizuki’s gaze fixates on the scenery from beyond the window. Neither of them know where the train’s destination is, receiving the impression that they’d both have to wait until its inevitable halt, but it’s the least of Mizuki’s concerns. Meeting Younger Mizuki like this grants them a surge of nostalgia; Mizuki can still spot the traces of their sister’s handiwork, even after these years. A matching ribbon with Yuuki, their clothes purchased from an outing with her. “Hi, me from the future — can I ask you something?” Younger Mizuki’s attention projects onto the grown version of themselves, and they smile.
“Of course! Ask away, me from the past.”
Younger Mizuki evidently hesitates, but the sentence still forms nonetheless. “Do our classmates still call us weird?” It weasels its way out as if it’s something that has remained dormant for the past decade or so, a thought that Mizuki had dispelled since an oath had been made to promise them an artistic someone would be waiting, after they no longer avoided the rain.
“Sometimes,” they admit. “Though I’ve been hearing it less and less recently, and I’ve got friends now! Quite a lot of them, actually. It’s not like they all know about our identity, I’m working on it and I’m just scared they won’t accept me even though they seem like they would. I don’t want to be rejected, you know? But I found a friend who’s a stage director, who I met on the rooftop in middle school, and another one who’s a street singer. They don’t mind.” Despite its bittersweet connotations, Mizuki’s not against this; looking back at the ghost of the person they used to be and seeing how far they’d come offers them a familiar warmth, even if it means having to confront themselves and tell Younger Mizuki everything they’d concealed for so long.
“But everyone avoided us in elementary school,” Younger Mizuki exclaims in disbelief. “They said — they told us we’d always be outcasted. That no one would ever want to be friends with us, that we should never bother everybody else or we’d face their wrath.”
“Listen up, lil’ me,” Mizuki begins. “Don’t be too surprised, but I’m making music with a few others. Like, we’ve got popularity and all that stuff, and it’s not like a side project I’ll touch once and never pick up again. I’m their animator.” Younger Mizuki stares at them, their expression a mixture of shock and elation, and Mizuki laughs. “Look over here! See the carnations blooming on the sidewalk? Wait, no, our train’s moving so quickly you won’t be able to properly see, but they’re still there! That’s our composer if she was a flower. Her name’s Kanade. Well, how do I put it? She’s been through a lot of loss but she never gives up, and I really admire her — it’s like she grabbed my wrist and healed me back to life when I was on the verge of dying.”
“Kanade-san sounds very nice,” Younger Mizuki echoes.
“Yeah, she is! You can’t separate Kanade from the word ‘nice,” Mizuki says. “She’s one of my closest friends, after all. Kanade sits still and lets me put a bunch of accessories on her without complaining too much, too. Isn’t that fun? And her hair’s, like, really long even though she basically lives off cup noodles. Me and Enanan take her out for lunch or to the mall sometimes — huh, who’s Enanan-san? Don’t worry, that’s not her actual name, it’s Ena! She’s our artist and she’s so funny, I swear.”
“Remember when you saw a hedgehog in that pet shop Onee-chan took us to? That’s Ena if she was an animal. She turns blank canvases into the most stunning pieces I’ve ever seen in my life, and told me she’d learn how to be patient until I could tell her about our identity without running away, however long it would take. That’s Ena for you! She charges into stuff head–on without thinking much, but she’s really determined. Ena lets me tease her too, even though she gets really flustered. I mean, I didn’t understand her when she said she’d wait, but we’ve got a bit of distance from her and what I’ve been keeping to myself all this time that I’m alright with, that I’m trying to close little by little.”
“Older me, where did the decision to tell her come from?” Younger Mizuki questions. “It’s not that I don’t think Enanan-san — sorry, I didn’t mean to — Ena-san’s a kind person. She sounds really great!” they hurriedly chime in. “But I thought we belonged to the sort of people who’d keep their stuff a secret no matter what,” and the childlike mirth vanishes. “Because we didn’t want anyone to find out, and they’d all hate us if they did.”
“Ena wouldn’t mind if you called her Enanan-san,” Mizuki tells Younger Mizuki fondly. “When I got older I sort of understood I’d always be hated, so I’m doing whatever I want and dressing however I like. Onee-san mails us ribbons and dresses from Paris! But I didn’t come to that choice myself — there’s Mafuyu, he’s our lyricist and we’re really alike, I suppose. If you read his lyrics and met him you’d think he was terrifying, but he’s not, I promise! He’s got a pretty complicated situation going on at home, so I taught him to run and now he’s living with Kanade. His mom wants him back, but she’s the one who started this fiasco with her own kid and crushed all his dreams, so he took control of every single string she wrapped around him and cut them off himself. Cool, right?”
“Yeah,” Younger Mizuki says, stunned. “But if you have someone who’s so similar to you — isn’t that scary? I’d be terrified. I’d feel as if they could just look at me and see everything I don’t have the courage to say, then they’d recite it all to me, and no amount of running would get me away from them.” Younger Mizuki peers at Current Mizuki. “Me from the future, are you scared of Mafuyu-san?”
Here is the truth about growing up: in the midst of people who aim at your throat with the intention to hurt you and destroy your roseate ribbons, some manage to stay long enough, paying no attention to the rumours that suffocate you. They gaze at you with a sense of welcoming warmth that blossoms into companionship, and even though you haven’t revealed everything about yourself to them, they don’t mind — the concrete floor no longer causes you to flinch when you step on it, for you have found your own footing. You’ll start thinking that maybe, just maybe, there is a place for you in this world, and as soon as that thought leaves, your friends intervene, and they’ll tell you, You’ll be okay.
“No, me from the past,” they grin. “He’s stuck with me.”
Mafuyu @ashnmfy
I don’t think I need to tell you how cherished you are, by everyone around you and beyond. I’m not going to admit to your face how much I value you either, hence why I’m saying this over a post, because even if you happen to forget everything else I believe you will still know this. You’re very intelligent, and you’ve always been. So, I'll say it again: happy birthday. Thank you for offering me a choice to escape when I needed it. Thank you for being the first person to show me a world beyond the chasm I had confined myself to.
Kanade @yoisakik
Replying to @ashnmfy
Mafuyu, this is very articulate and well-written. I’m sure Mizuki will be overjoyed when they see this post.
Ena 🎨 @shinoarts
Replying to @ashnmfy
Wow, I didn’t know you had it in you to say this
mizuki ! @akymzk
Replying to @ashnmfy
MAFUYU 🥹🥹🥹