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Bright green eyes -filled with sorrow, remorse, and confusion- stared out the window to observe the gleaming city below. He knew it should be familiar and in a way it was, but it was a distant familiarity. It was like looking upon a place he’d read about or dreamed about. To his mind, the city was foreign, frightening. To his heart, it was a source of pain and guilt; the origins of which he could not properly recall.
He heard the huge form approaching behind him, felt the familiar presence, well before he heard the man speak. “Loki? What troubles you?”
Thor: his brother; his savior; his only source of comfort.
…And the man responsible for the heart wrenching turmoil he currently suffered.
“Why did you bring me here?” Loki had the distant feeling that he should hate the fact that his guilt and pain were audible in his voice. That Loki was gone, however, and the boy in his place was hurt and scared and in need of answers.
He ignored Thor’s pained sigh. “I wasn’t missed; I wasn’t loved; I wasn’t wanted. Our own father despises the very sight of me. The people fear and loathe me…and I don’t even remember why!”
He ignored any attempt to interrupt or comfort just as he ignored the tears running down his cheeks and the shudders wracking his thin body. “I know I did terrible things in my past life, but that’s a life I no longer recall! Why must I be haunted by this guilt? Why do I have such terrible nightmares? Why am I being punished?”
The large arms he had been avoiding finally caught him. Loki‘s last defenses crumbled as he was pulled against his brother‘s solid warmth. He managed to choke out one more question between his sobs. “Why did you bring me back?”
Thor held his little brother tightly and stroked his dark hair. “I brought you back because I cannot imagine myself without you. Our father is an unloving, unforgiving, old bastard; do not heed him. It is not you the people fear and loathe. You are just a convenient target for their fear and anger.
“You did terrible things, yes, but you also suffered terrible things. And you did good as well; better than any of us could have asked, in the end. You should not be haunted so… Or punished. I am sorry for your suffering.”
Thor kissed the crown of his brother’s head. “But I am not sorry for bringing you back. We will find our way together, as we were always meant to, brother. That, I can promise you. I can only hope that will be enough to make you see my actions for what they were.”
“And what where they...?” Loki sniffled and wiped his face on his brother’s tunic. “Was it need that compelled you? Selfishness...? Desperation...? Love...? Mourning...?”
Thor gently tiled Loki’s face up and smiled down at him. “It was each of those, Loki. I mourned you, missed you, needed you; and so I bid your return because I love you and I want you by my side.”
Loki’s tears slowed. His eyes were still pained and aggrieved, but the confusion ebbed away. “What if- What if I become what I was then? What if that is all I am capable of being?”
“It isn’t. Trust me, brother, I know you.” Thor wiped his brother’s tears and wished that it was as easy to wipe away the pain that caused them. “You were pushed onto that path by many hands and then scorned for not having the strength to do anything but continue down it. It will not be so this time. I will make sure of it.”
Loki reached up to grasp Thor‘s hands with his own smaller ones. The strong, warm hands seemed to offer the emotional foothold he desperately needed. “How?”
“By doing what I should have done from the beginning.” Thor shifted his hands so that he could hold Loki’s. “By protecting you from those hands that would push you toward that end and offering my own whenever you need something to hold onto.”
Loki looked into Thor‘s eyes intently. “You promise?”
Thor held his gaze and smiled kindly. “Yes. Always.”
Green eyes continued to pierce blue with their stare. “And would you promise something else as well?”
Thor‘s smile and his gaze held strong. “If it will put your tormented mind at ease, little brother, anything.”
“Then promise me- If I do start down that path again; if you see me becoming the terror that I ounce was… Promise you will stop me before I can cause such harm again…in whatever way that you must.” Loki squeezed Thor’s hands and tears began to fill his eyes anew. He had seen the refusal in Thor’s eyes before the man could voice it.
“Promise me, Thor! I can hardly bear what I have to live with now…the nightmares, the nothingness… I could not bear to become that again. Please, brother…” Loki clung to his brother’s hands for all he was worth as he pleaded with his voice, his eyes, and his soul.
Thor gasped softly as he stared into his brother’s eyes and saw more feeling than he could comprehend. “I had almost forgotten…how I could see everything in them, once.”
He swallowed the pain and the sheer hope that leaped into him at that moment and held Loki’s hands as firmly as he was his eyes. “I promise, Loki. I will not allow you to turn to madness again as you did before. I will do anything and everything in my power to prevent it.
“But know this, brother: if you fall again then I shall fall with you.”
Loki released Thor‘s hands and flung himself against the larger form. His skinny arms wrapped around his brother as far as they could go. His words were whispered, but strong. “Thank you, Thor.”
Thor simply held his brother. He would not take back his decision to bring Loki back and seek him out for anything. However, he also felt the sure pull of guilt at the knowledge that he had never thought about how those actions would affect Loki.
Clear blue eyes -filled with sorrow, remorse, and hope- stared out the window to observe the gleaming city below. Once again, his selfishness had caused his little brother pain. He could only trust that he would make up for it this time.