Archive of Our Own ^beta

VOYAGER ROAD - The street appears beneath you like it was always there.

CONCEPTUALIZATION - It always has been, in a way. Your feet never left this road.

DOLORES DEI - You feel her eyes on you before she speaks.

PAIN THRESHOLD - I thought we were done with these dreams…

DOLORES DEI - “Hello, Harry.”

HALF LIGHT - That’s different. Wrong. She doesn’t start these conversations.

CONCEPTUALIZATION - She’s the one that pulls her wrist from your hand, and sways towards the aerodrome with the wind at her back.

VOLITION - She’s the one that leaves . 

1. “You’re doing it wrong."
2. “Hey.”
3. "I'm sorry."
4. Say nothing. She wants to speak.

YOU - “You’re doing it wrong.” You point at yourself, uselessly. “I’m the one that starts these. And you just stand there…”

DOLORES DEI - “Usually, yes. But different doesn’t always mean wrong .”

VOLITION - She’s being kind. Her voice is gentler than it ever is.

HALF LIGHT [Easy: Success] - Too gentle. You can hear the knife that her honeyed voice hides. She’s going to tear your heart out. Strike first.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - A cold morning. A warm body against your own. Long, almond-shaped nails preening through wiry chest hair. Legs tangled. A hot breath against your cheek. A whisper, meant only for you, hidden in the folds of the sheets. A voice sweetened, softened by afterglow.

INLAND EMPIRE - It was with this voice that she sent tin soldiers into the fire of war.

DOLORES DEI -  “Please, Harry, don’t go away. Not this time. Stay with me, just for a few minutes.”

LOGIC [Legendary: Failure] - What?

VOLITION [Hard: Failure] - What?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Heroic: Failure] - Allow me. She wants you, Harry. One last time. One passionate night of horrible, upsetting self-destruction.

HALF LIGHT - Open your mouth, Harry. The bullet will find its way home. You will hang outside for a week, rotting, your dick still hard.

RHETORIC [Hard: Success] - No… No, this doesn’t make sense. She’s never said… She’s never wanted… This doesn’t track with anything she’s said before. That can’t be what she means.

1. Say nothing. Stare. Try to understand.
2. [HALF LIGHT - Godly 16] Run. Before she can hurt you again.
3. [ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Formidable 13] Kiss her.
4. [VOLITION - Godly 16] Focus on her.

VOLITION [Godly: Success] - It takes everything within you, but you move your eyes to meet her. You can almost hear the scrape of stone as you incline your head in a nod.

DOLORES DEI - “It’s been seven years, Harry.” 

CONCEPTUALIZATION - A popular, incredibly poetic scientific theory posits that the human body replaces every single cell of itself every seven years.

ENCYCLOPEDIA - This is not true. Seven years is a number based on the average age of your cells. The skeleton is replaced approximately every ten years, whilst skin cells recreate themselves somewhere between every two and four weeks.

INLAND EMPIRE - Your body forgot the perfect crescent moon divots of her nails whilst you were still drinking yourself into oblivion after her departure.

YOU - “My body doesn’t remember you anymore.”

ENCYCLOPEDIA - The neurons in the cerebral cortex are unique, in that they don’t regenerate. Other parts of the brain regenerate, but only very slowly. That’s why dementia is so devastating. You don’t have dementia, though.

VOLITION - Your memory has come a long way since a year ago. You’re doing better.

YOU - “This does, though.” You tap the side of your head. Gently. You’re trying to be kinder to your body.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Your body thanks you for this.

DOLORES DEI - “That’s… Good, I think.” A flicker of a smile, just for a moment, before her expression sets into steel, “I wanted to ask you a few questions.”

RHETORIC - She’s got you on the back foot -- she’s the one directing this tree.

AUTHORITY - She’s in control, here.

YOU - “It’s a tree.”

DOLORES DEI - “Yes, Harry, it’s a tree.”

“So…”

EMPATHY - She’s not used to this, but she will persevere.

INLAND EMPIRE - The options spread out in front of her, like a flowing cloak. 

SUGGESTION - Like long, blonde hair.

DOLORES DEI - “What were we?”

PAIN THRESHOLD - Hold strong, brother.

VOLITION - This is a crossroads.

1. We were lovers.
2. We were husband and wife.
3. We were bad for each other.
4. We were everything.

YOU - “We were everything. The entire world revolved around us.”

CONCEPTUALIZATION - You built towers together. You moved mountains. You would have raised armies.

INLAND EMPIRE - Armies of tiny, pattering feet.

YOU - “Then we were nothing. We haven’t been nothing for as long as we’ve been everything. But it feels that way.”

PAIN THRESHOLD - It feels longer .

DOLORES DEI - The marble of her face remains still. No emotion is held within it. But, slowly, she tilts her head. The most miniscule of nods.

AUTHORITY - Approval.

DOLORES DEI - I think you know this one, too, now. Where did we live?

1. Why are you asking these things?
2. 11 Voyager Road.
3. [ENDURANCE - Formidable 13] Turn away.

YOU - “Why are you asking these things?” 

HALF LIGHT - She warned you. She told you she’d eat your mind.

PAIN THRESHOLD - Your heart is aching . Her perfect nails have dug into your chest.

-1 Health

RHETORIC - Now who’s not letting go?

YOU - “It hurts.”

DOLORES DEI - “I’m not doing this to hurt you, Harry. Please, keep going. We’re nearly done.”

EMPATHY - She doesn’t want to hurt you.

RHETORIC - Intention and action don’t always align. You know that well enough.

DOLORES DEI - “So… Where did we live?”

1. [ENDURANCE - Heroic 15] Withstand it.

          -1 Armies of tiny, pattering feet

          -1 It hurts .

          +1 You know the answer.

          +1 She’s in control. Let her guide you.

          +1 She doesn’t want to hurt you.

    2. Run. Keep running. Never stop.

ENDURANCE [Heroic: Success] - You welcome the memories into your brain. They wash over you, but you can withstand this.

VOLITION - You’ve dealt with worse.

PERCEPTION (SMELL) - Burnt coffee on a tricky stove. Tutti Frutti chewing gum. Cigarettes on the fire escape.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Your fists flex, and then release. 

HALF LIGHT [Hard: Success] - It’s okay. You’ll be okay.

YOU - “Voyager Road. We’re here now.” You turn from her. The flickering light of the video rental strains your eyes. It’s getting slower. The light will burn out soon.

DRAMA - Sire, I would usually encourage you to ruminate on the address. To tell her of your hours dedicated to remembering it, to share with her the memories you still hold of Voyager Road. But… It seems like she just wanted the facts.

LOGIC [Medium: Failure] Maybe she forgot?

DOLORES DEI - “Thank you. There’s just one more left.”

YOU - “In the list?”

DOLORES DEI - Several expressions wage a war across her features.

REACTION SPEED [Hard: Succes] - Joy, relief, anger, fear. In equal parts.

DRAMA [Hard: Success] - She is debating lying to you. She will not, sire.

EMPATHY - She knows that lies will do nothing here.

DOLORES DEI - “Yes, in the list. And then I have… Just one more thing after that. But the question, first.”

INLAND EMPIRE - Top to bottom. She’s doing it just like you do.

AUTHORITY - She’s not as good as you. You aren’t nearly as can-opened.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - She hasn’t had the same training, but she’s been on the receiving end of this technique enough to detect better than a number of your colleagues.

DOLORES DEI - “Harry… What is my name?”

LOGIC [Easy: Success] - She hasn’t forgotten. Ignore what I said earlier. This is a test .

VOLITION - Ah, you’ve caught up. Yes, she’s testing you, Harry. You know the answer.

1. Dora Ingerlund.
2. Innocence Dolores Dei, the figurehead of Dolorianism.
3. The Snow Welkin.
4. I don't know. I'm sorry. (Lie)
5. Remain silent.

YOU - “You’re Dora. Dora Ingerlund, I think?”

YOU - “You’ve probably changed that last part…”

DORA INGERLUND - “It’s… Close enough.”

A smile forms on her face. Not like the ones before, split between anxiety and pity. A true smile. Small, but unmistakably present .

“Thank you, Harry.”

EMPATHY [Hard: Failure] - It’s unclear why she’s thanking you. Just go along with it.

YOU - “You’re welcome?”

REACTION SPEED - But there was something else, wasn’t there? 

YOU - “What was the last thing?”

DORA INGERLUND - Her smile falters.

EMPATHY - She steels herself. The smile was nice, but she had a reason for this all.

No sense in waiting any longer.

DORA INGERLUND - “I want to ask you for something.”

1. What is it? (Proceed)
2. Anything. I’m sorry it took me so long to offer it. (Proceed)

YOU - “That depends… What is it? If it’s money…” You pull out the pockets of your trousers. Empty. “I’ve renounced capital.”

RHETORIC - You said the same thing to Kim last night. He knows you just lost your wallet. She does, too.

DORA INGERLUND - It’s not money , Harry. It’s… A memory. One of yours.

RHETORIC - To give a memory…

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Easy: Success] - Is to forget.

YOU - I don’t want to forget. Forgetting’s scary .

HALF LIGHT [Hard: Failure] - If you forget this… What else might you lose?

-1 Morale

VOLITION [Hard: Failure] - We can’t do it again. We won’t be able to get you through that another time.

-1 Morale

EMPATHY - Your friends will try to help, but it won’t be enough.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] - Lieutenant Detective Kim Kitsuragi will stand by you, until it hurts too much. The partner he cares for will be lost, and he will feel an obligation to search for him. He will not find him, but he will offer his own memories to fill your pale-starched mind. He will pour from a half-full cup, and you will both be worn down to nothing by the experience. He cannot lose another person he cares for as much as he does you. He will leave before he can accept your loss completely.

Lieutenant Jean Vicquemare will be there, too. His help is not what you need, but he’ll reform you in the shape of a semi respectable RCM officer. You will be laced with his resent, and your hatred for yourself will taint every interaction you have with the world.

-2 Morale

INLAND EMPIRE - If you forget everything again, you will fall into an interminable darkness.

SHIVERS - If you forget again, the city will fall.

YOU - “I don’t want to forget…”

DORA INGERLUND - “No, no, Harry… Don’t think of this as forgetting. Think of it like a gift. You like giving me things, don’t you? Give me that memory. Just one. I’ll take care of it. Your last gift to me.”

Her hand is out in front of her, like she expects you to put the memory into her palm.

     1. [VOLITION - Godly 16] Give her the memory. Nothing more, nothing less.

          -1 The brain doesn’t regenerate.

          -5 Don’t want to forget.

          +5 But you have reasons to remember.

          +1 Your body has forgotten her.

          +1 She deserves this.

          +1 Your friends need you to stay here.

          +1 The city needs you to stay here.

          This is a Red Check.

          It cannot be retried.

     2. Cling on.

VOLITION [Godly: Success] - You dig into the very core of yourself. The memory surfaces like a bee’s stinger, pulled out with sterile tweezers.

INTERFACING - 001 - 41 - 44 - 47…

YOU - The number…

INTERFACING - Or was it… 001-44-41-47…?

YOU - I don’t…

INTERFACING - 17-36-171…

YOU - That’s not right.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Impossible: Failure] - Isn’t it?

INTERFACING - 415-67-451…

YOU - I understand.

INTERFACING - 451 -- the numbers spool out of you, already muddled and unclear.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - There is no static. There is no call into the night.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - There is just her. She is smiling, turning away from you.

DORA INGERLUND - “I kept us talking quite long… I must go now, Harry. It’s time for my flight.”

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - Her hands have raised veins. There is a prominent callous on the middle finger of her left hand. Her smile reveals crow’s feet at the corners of her eyes. She is beautiful in the way that only someone real can be.

PAIN THRESHOLD [Easy: Success] - It doesn’t hurt. God , it doesn’t hurt to look at her.

YOU - “I suppose this is it, then. The end of the pain?”

DORA INGERLUND - “Who am I to tell you that?” She’s walking towards the station at a steady clip, but her voice remains next to you, “It’s the end of the phone calls, at least. Goodbye, Harry.”

STREET CAR NUMBER 42 - It appears out of the pale that stains your mind, pulling in front of her. 

INLAND EMPIRE - A world away, a baby cries out. The flinch reaction of a loving mother pulls a tired woman back to waking.  Before even thinking, she reaches out with a searching hand, weaving it between the bars of a cradle next to the bed. As she strokes her child’s hair, she remembers her dream. Something in the air tells her it will be the last time she goes to that street in her mind.

STREET CAR NUMBER 42 - It leaves, taking the world around you with it.

SHIVERS - Wind rattles the walls of the city, seeking you. When it finds you, it slips in through your half-closed window, which opens with a slam. 

CONCEPTUALIZATION - Like surfacing from a deep lake, you gasp for air. 

HAND-EYE COORDINATION [Medium: Failure] - In the confusion of waking, you flail out for the water you’ve learned to keep by your bedside. It falls, and the glass rolls away.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - In the next room, Kim Kitsuragi (who slept on your sofa when you realised that you had been playing Suzerainty until the early hours) has heard you. He sets down his morning coffee (in a SPEEDFREAKS FM mug you bought especially for him) and stands. His boots take him across the newly carpeted floor in three quick steps.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - He knocks respectfully at your door, two sharp knuckle taps.

AUTHORITY - An alert of entry, not a request.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Everything okay, Harry?”

INTERFACING [Impossible: Failure] - 415… 42? 77?

KIM KITSURAGI - Without waiting for your response, he strides across your bedroom and closes the window firmly.

SHIVERS - The wind softens, acquiescing to his authority. You are needed by the city, but the city has been told to wait, and so it will.

INTERFACING [Impossible: Failure] - Your fingers cannot summon the correct configuration.

LOGIC [Hard: Success]- Even if they did, you would not know it.

YOU - “I forgot her number.”

KIM KITSURAGI - His eyebrow raises. He focuses on a stain on your blinds.

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - He knows who “her” is. He’s trying to gauge how that makes you feel.

YOU - “She asked me for the memory… And I gave it to her.”

REACTION SPEED [Hard: Success] - His eyes flicker to your most frequent places to squirrel away your emergency stash .

KIM KITSURAGI - And then he looks at you. There’s a hesitant smile at the corner of his mouth.

YOU - “All.. All in here.” You tap the side of your head. Gently. “I didn’t actually call her. Can’t now.”

KIM KITSURAGI - He takes a step towards the bed. You’ve exposed him to a lot of strangeness in the year since you met, but he’s still working out how he fits around it. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS - But … He thinks, I know where I fit here.

KIM KITSURAGI - His hand rests on your shoulder.

KIM KITSURAGI - “That’s significant progress, detective.” 

AUTHORITY - Glowing praise.

+1 Morale

KIM KITSURAGI - “I have coffee on. Are you ready for the day?”

SUGGESTION - His hand is still on your bare shoulder. He doesn’t have gloves on yet. He’s warm.

+1 Morale

VOLITION - Your memories are still with you. Those that serve you well, and inform your actions. Your mind has space in it for a million million more things. Go out into the world and fill it with everything you can.

YOU - “I’m ready.”