Work Text:
Guess who started classes????
MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Do you know what that means? Lack of sleep and being balls deep into studying, not to mention I’ll be graduating this semester.
YAY FOR NO MORE COLLEGE!!!!
For now *gross sobbing*
Anyways, we got a few more weeks till the Deadpool movie comes out and I am so fucking excited!! And we got 3-4 more months till Civil War *starts crying again* ugh, my wallet is going to be suffering from a lot of good movies coming out.
Summary: they say that you should always cherish the people you love, before time runs out
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used
Warning: character death, attempted suicide and depression
ENJOY!!
Prompt 17: The Last Watch
They say that you should always cherish the people you love, before time runs out. It hurts when they leave you all alone in the world. You wake up and they’re there right beside you alive and the next moment they’re gone, dead, and lifeless in your arms. Your whole entire world turns upside down the moment they leave you. Once whole and now just an empty shell of the person you used to be. It always hurts to admit that they’re gone as you so desperately try deny it. You deny the fact that they’re never coming back. That you won’t see the face of your loved one ever again. You ignore the pain in your heart and the suffering that comes with the loss of a loved one. You’re in denial refusing to accept that they’re gone. You keep praying for them to come back. For a greater being to take you instead.
No matter how you look at it
They’re gone
And there’s nothing you can do about it
The voices continue to whisper in your ear
She’s gone
She’s dead
It’s too late
She’s never coming back
Steve instantly threw the table, all the contents on the wooden surface spilling all over the floor. He fell onto his knees, a painful cry of anguish escaping his throat as his body shook in pain. The soldier didn’t want to believe that Natasha was gone. Memories of her bleeding body so vibrant in his brain, her beautiful green eyes dulling as the light in her eyes began to fade. He could recall how he fought off everyone that tried to take her dead body away from his arms. The jabbing of a needle against his neck as he blacked out and saw Natasha’s body being taken from him. He could recall the nights how he screamed out, cried out for her as her figure faded into the dark. Waking up all alone in the bed they shared, how her side now felt so painfully cold without her warm presence. It was all too painful for Steve, losing so much in his lifetime. His heart just couldn’t take the pain anymore and now wished that he could drink away his sorrows.
Steve hated getting the pity look from everyone he walked passed by in the new Avengers headquarters. Every time he looked at a painting or sketch of her, it pained him even more. Despite seeing a therapist and seeking Sam’s help, it still didn’t help soothe his pain. Everyone else kept telling him that if he admitted that Natasha died, that he would start to heal, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to accept that his wife was gone, that she died just trying to save him. It wasn’t fair, the moment he found a home it was ripped away from him. He would spend his days in the gym, destroying every single punching bag there was, sometimes the rookie agents would find a pile of destroyed training bots in the room. Steve was never the same again, that he was a completely different man. The amount of loss he suffered finally piled on to the point where he just couldn’t take it anymore, that he couldn’t conceal his pain.
“Are you fucking nuts,” Tony shouted at him as Thor was pulling him out of an old HYDRA cyro chamber, “the hell is wrong with you?!”
“I’m fine,” the super soldier spat out and ripped his arm away from Thor’s grasp.
“Steve you aren’t fine, you were trying to freeze yourself to death,” Sam noticed the high settings on the chamber, “you were planning to kill yourself.”
“Fuck Cap,” this time Clint spoke up, “what would Nat say if she saw you like this?”
“She’s gone Stevie,” Bucky placed a comforting hand on his best friend’s shoulder, “you have to accept it.”
“Fuck you guys,” Steve snapped, “she’s not gone.” With worried eyes, they all watched him stagger off.
After his suicidal attempts, they began to treat him for depression, Steve knew he would have to take more pills than a normal person thanks to the serum. No matter how many pills he’d take it still did nothing to him. Each morning was the same routine, take his meds, go out for a run, hit the gym, shower, eat, and take another set of meds, run, shower, dinner and then sleep. But with sleep came the nightmares and he found himself popping more pills. People would whisper about how Steve was starting to become an addict and these rumors began to worry his friends. Intervention was no help as Steve fought them off and just sprinted off somewhere. His drawings didn’t help at all, the memories of Natasha being brought onto a piece of paper couldn’t compare to the real Natasha. He cried every night, how much he missed her, how badly he wanted her back, he cried about wishing that he could turn back time and change everything.
Steve knew that he was killing himself on the inside, he wanted the pain to go away so desperately. He would bury himself with work, accepting one mission after another, not bothering if he got injured a lot or that he would nearly die. Each time he healed he would take on another mission. It got to the point that even Fury had to intervene.
“What do you mean you’re benching me?” Steve was extremely pissed off.
Fury let out a sigh, “Look Captain, you need some time off, you have injures that aren’t even fully healed.”
“I don’t care, just send me out on a mission.”
The director shook his head, “No can do soldier. I’m putting you on the side until you get yourself straighten.”
Steve let out a sound of frustration and stormed out of Fury’s office.
The super soldier was getting ready for his morning run when he received a text from Tony. Getting fully changed he headed towards the debriefing room and saw all his teammates and noticed Fury and Hill standing next to some monitors.
“What’s going on,” he asked after settling in.
Hill spoke up first, “Our satellites detected a small HYDRA base out in Bergen, Norway,” she zoomed in on the image, “they’re doing some sort of experimenting over there.”
“What kind,” Tony curiously asked.
“Some sort of time traveling,” Fury answered as he pulled up another window, showing them a few failed attempts of a time machine, “each time they used more power to start their machine, our satellites began to pick it up.”
“Do we know why,” Clint asked as he twirled an arrow.
“My guess is to bring Red Skull into this century,” Steve answered and everyone looked at him, “it’s only logical, what better way to bring a dynasty back up then to have it rise again with its original leader.”
Fury nodded, “Cap’s right, all of you must do whatever it takes and shut it down, understood?”
“Yes sir,” the Avengers answered and began to suit up.
Once they all left the room, Hill walked up to Fury, “Sir, are you sure it’s okay for Captain Rogers to be on this mission?”
“Anything HYDRA related comes up, Steve would want to know about it.”
Once they arrived in Bergen, they began to storm into the HYDRA base. They all noticed how Steve was making it his mission to beat the shit out of each and every HYDRA thug. Still it didn’t steer him away from the mission as he went on ahead by himself, finding the research room he continued on his beat down, until there was on scientist left.
“P-please have mercy,” he went on his knees and begged.
“Why should I,” Steve let out a snarl, “you were planning on bringing the Red Skull into this century. If anything, you don’t deserve mercy.”
The moment Steve raised his shield to kill the guy, a voice whispered into his head.
This isn’t you Steve, you are a shield not a killer
His whole body shook, the scientist whimpered as he heard the vibranium shield fall onto the floor. Steve fell onto his knees and sobbed into his hands, he finally realized the consequences of his actions. That he was becoming a killer instead of a hero that he was becoming into someone that wasn’t him.
You don’t take lives Steve, you save them
“Natasha,” he cried out.
The scientist shuffled around, “Please, ta-take this,” he held his hand out and Steve looked up. The blond noticed a small pocket watch in the scientist’s hand. “I was creating watches that could go back into time. All of them failed, but this one,” he gently stroke the cover of the watch, “this one was a success.”
“Why are you giving this to me?”
The scientist smiled, “My name is Lucas, and I was taken from my family when they were looking for people to help create a time machine. HYDRA found out my research on quantum physics, they were very curious about my research and my work. So when I did not cooperate with them, they began to kill everyone I loved.” A small frown was etched onto the brown haired man’s face. “I would pretend on making them a time machine a big one, but in secrecy I would create a small pocket watch that would allow the user to travel through time.” Lucas placed a gentle hand on Steve’s arm. “I know what it’s like to lose someone you love with all your being. A device like this should not be used to bring evil back, but to help someone who has lost a piece of themselves.”
“I don’t understand, why give this to me?”
“Well one thing is that you have spared my life despite the fact you were ready to kill me,” the two men let out a soft laugh, “but I am dying from cancer. While I do not have a second chance of being with my loved one, you do.” The moment Lucas placed the pocket watch into Steve’s hands, several HYDRA agents stormed into the room. Before Steve could recall his shield, Lucas pushed him aside as bullets began to rain down on them.
With his shield in his hand and placing the pocket watch into one of his pouches, Steve threw his shield at each HYDRA agent and fought those who didn’t go down. He heard Tony’s voice on the comms as he was getting ready to blow the place up, once Steve got outside and rejoined the others, the entire building went down in flames and the Avengers headed back home. The moment Steve headed into his suite and changed into more comfortable clothes, he took out the small pocket watch that Lucas had given him.
He opened the watch and noticed an inscription on the back of the cover.
Time is like love, they are both fragile and cannot be measured
Steve then noticed the small settings on the watch face. A small screen to take him to whatever day in time he wanted. He could go back to the 40s and prevent Bucky’s death and from crashing the Valkyrie. Looking towards the drawer by the bed, a frame was on top of the drawer. It was a picture of him and Natasha celebrating their wedding, how in love they both looked in that photo. It was then Steve knew what he had to do and then began to dial the necessary dates.
END
I was a sobbing mess in this one.