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“LJ! Wake up!”
I looked at the door. She’s been knocking for a minute now. I looked at my phone to see the time.
It’s already 7 AM.
Hindi pa ako natutulog.
“I’m awake!” I tried my best to shout to let her know that I really am awake.
Nanatili akong nakahiga at tinignan ang mga stars sa ceiling ko. I remember putting it with Avianna.
We were at the shop near her condo and saw these designs. She bought it because we both love the stars.
My thought process stopped when I saw Kuya going in my room. Napaupo ako at tinignan siya.
“Are you crying?”
I held my cheek and felt a tear.
After a month of keeping myself busy, Kuya immediately hugged me as I broke down.
After a month of her leaving us, I am now crying my heart out.
———————————————
It’s been a month since Avianna left the world. As her parents grieve, as the twins misses their Ate, as Dane misses the love of his life, there’s another person who longs for her more than anyone.
It’s her best friend, LJ.
Lejana and Avianna met when they were in high school. They became best friends and sisters at the same time.
The day before Avi died, the two of them even met. Avianna gave LJ her favorite things. And LJ was so convinced with her reasons on why is she doing that.
She didn’t saw it coming. Because she thought she was getting better. She thought she’ll go to her again once she was feeling under the weather.
The night before Avi died, LJ was writing her speech for graduation. Even though she still has one month to do that.
Avi and LJ were like two frogs in a pod, to the point that Art and Theo sometimes can’t understand them. But they just let them be in their own world, ano ba namang laban nila sa mag-bestfriend na laging magkakampi kahit isa sa kanila minsan mali?
Avi is LJ’s person. She’s literally all she needs when things go wrong. And same with Avi. That’s why when Dane can’t do anything about the situation his lover is in, he calls LJ because she knows her the best.
Three hours before Avianna died, LJ was pacing around her room suddenly feeling not okay. She immediately thought of her best friend but decided not to call her because she thinks she’s already asleep.
An hour before she died, LJ fell asleep.
She just woke up due to her mom waking her up vigorously. She saw her face mixed with worry, sadness, and fear.
“What happened?”
Narinig niya ang ibang yapak ng mga tao papasok sa kanyang kwarto. She saw her cousin, Dane, standing in front of her room, eyes were blood shot.
“No.” She whispered.
Agad niyang kinuha ang cellphone niya at pilit tinatawagan si Avi. The phones keeps saying the number is out of reach.
“Punyeta, sumagot ka Avianna!”
She put on her shoes and got her car keys. Hindi niya pinakinggan ang mga tao sa paligid niya at deretsong sumakay sa sasakyan.
“Fuck.”
She looked at the outside of the residence of Avianna’s family.
May mga pulis. Ambulansya. And she saw the twins crying.
“Ate!” Adelle ran to her.
And that’s when she realized her best friend was gone.
She’s already gone.
A week passed and she saw how everyone was grieving about her death. How everyone was saying that they hoped they saw the clues. Or how kind of a kid Avianna was. Or how they misses her everyday.
Everyone showed their grievances. Their longings. Their yearning of how they could’ve saved her.
Dane didn’t attend the funeral.
But LJ did. She served all of the guests. She attended to the twins. She comforted Avi’s parents. She made sure that Dane is also functioning well.
She made sure everyone was grieving properly.
Until the month have passed.
And here she is, crying to Dane how badly she misses her best friend.
It’s a month long process of mourning properly. A process where she waits everyone to be okay at least. A delayed grief in which she was hit by a train of reality when she tried really hard to suppress it.
She made it look seamlessly easy to look okay after losing someone who’s important in her life.
But they don’t know, that every night, she tries to bargain with the Higher up to reverse what happened and she’ll make sure to get that phone and call her at 4 AM.
Tomorrow is their supposed graduation day.
LJ has a latin honor. Avianna has one too.
“You’ll attend your graduation tomorrow, okay? Avianna would love you to be there.” Dane said.
She just nodded at him and looked at the picture beside her bed.
“Adelle… gave this to me. She wrote you a letter.”
He left the letter on her bed. All she can do is to stare the white paper that has handwriting of Avi.
‘To my LJ.’
She held the paper as tears starts to flow once again. Hinayaan siya ng pamilya niyang magkaroon ng oras sa sarili but Dane decided to stay with her by the door.
As he was scared that she might do something.
It’s not that he doesn’t trust her, but he doesn’t trust how some grievances turns into crisis. It can make someone go through a panic attack which has high chances of harming themselves.
She opened the letter. It wasn’t that long. But LJ doesn’t have the energy to start reading as she can see how many tears from Avianna stained the paper.
Humalo din sa luha niya.
But she still tried her best to read the last letter she’ll ever received from her best friend.
LJ, my beloved best friend,
Thank you for being with me for almost a decade now. I can still vividly remember how you look feisty to people around you. Akala mo kung sinong mayabang! But as I got to know you, I realized how soft-hearted you were. You are the kind of person who’s always selfless just to make others happy. Kaya nga kita pinapagalitan lagi diba? Kasi ang tanga mo lalo na sa mga taong walang ginawa kung hindi abusuhin ka.
Lejana, now that I’m seeing you strong and knows how to be selfish for yourself, I think I can finally go on now. Knowing that I’ll leave you smarter with your life and your loved ones. I hope you know how proud I am as you conquer the world that we once talked about. And I know that you’ll get all of your desires because you deserve that.
I’m sorry if I didn’t get to keep our promise that we’ll celebrate our friendship every decade. Don’t worry, my love. I’ll always be up in the sky celebrating your life with you. And if things get rough, just look up and I’ll make the skies prettier as it always has been.
Your beloved,
Avianna
————————————
“Congratulations, LJ!”
Samu’t-saring papuri ang natanggap ko magmula sa mga kaklase, kaibigan, at mga prof ko na suportado sa akin.
I also saw my family in the crowd, along with Avianna’s.
They waved at me. Ang kambal ay sinasabihan akong ngumiti habang hawak ang camera na dala ni Dane. I smiled at the camera.
I am sure Avianna will refuse taking a photo. Tumawa ako sa sarili ko dahil alam ko rin na pipilitin ko siya.
As the president of the school announces that we are now graduates, I waited for the cue to stand up as the speaker will call my name for my speech.
Nang matawag ako, ramdam ko ang buong venue ay pumapalakpak. I bowed at all of them as I get to the podium.
“Good afternoon, everyone!”
I looked at the faces in front of me. A habit of mine to make myself confidence in public speaking.
I mainly talked about how college life was hard. How the journey of it wasn’t easy as no path was easy to begin with. I mentioned all of the people in our college who made it bearable as we go along with multiple tasks, duties, lectures, and quizzes. I also thanked my groupmates who were cooperative for two years as we completed our thesis and case studies.
“Lastly…” I looked at my family and Avianna’s family, and smiled.
“I want to dedicate this speech to my best friend, Avianna.”
Kung kanina ay lahat nagpipigil ng iyak, some were already crying as they also reminisce about her. “Almost everyone in this room knows how good of a person she was. How she excels in everything that we do.”
I swallowed the bile that was forming in my throat and looked up. “She should be graduating today and she was supposed to give speech in this podium, too.”
I breathe deeply as I see many people were already crying. “I never got the chance to do a eulogy for my best friend. And I’m sorry if my speech is turning out to be like that. But I hope we can collectively say congratulations to her as she finished the program that drained us all. She did it. She made it. And she deserves to be celebrated.”
“Again, congratulations to all of us graduates! Celebrate yourself as you deserve it! Thank you!”
Bumaba ako sa stage at nagsimulang pumila sa pinakadulo dahil bigayan na ng diploma.
Mabilis lamang ang seremonyas hanggang sa umakyat ako para makuha ang diploma ko.
But after I got mine, pumila ulit ako, hawak ang frame ni Avianna.
The moment I got her diploma, all I heard was a loud clapping from the audience. They were all standing.
The moment I saw that, I raised the picture of Avianna and her diploma.
Tears starts to form as I feel overwhelmed from the love that they have for my best friend.
Avianna, I hope you’re seeing this. Congratulations to us, my love.
I hope you’ve got your peace now.