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Tony usually wasn't above a little bit of scheming.
He tacked on the 'little bit' purely for legal reasons – thank you, Pepper – but yes, Tony Stark was a scheming son of a bitch. He liked to predict outcomes, and if there was any way at all that he could turn a situation in his favor, he was always willing to go the extra mile.
So when his number one goal became getting Steve Rogers into his bed, he knew he had this in the bag.
Despite what it sounded like, he wasn't looking for a quick roll in the hay. No, Tony had been falling for Steve slowly but surely over these past few years, never quite aware of it until he woke up one day and realized that he was headed straight for madly in love, do not pass go, do not collect $200. That was usually how it went. He could reconstruct the gradual shift in his emotions retroactively, but Tony didn't really take an active part in it until he was already in too deep.
And now, the person he'd unwittingly fallen in love with was Steve Rogers. A very good choice by his subconscious, if he said so himself.
Also highly unattainable, cloaked in confusing childhood trauma and not even confirmed to be interested in men, but hey. Tony had never done things the easy way.
Now, to get Steve to see Tony as a viable dance partner, he had to open the door for some deeper attachment. Make himself approachable and vulnerable and overwhelm Steve with what a fantastic choice he would be.
And there was no setting more intimate than sharing a bed. Tony had it all planned out:
Step 1: Get Steve into bed with him.
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Live happily ever after.
Sure, step two could still use some work, but Tony had no doubt that he'd be able to improvise in the moment. After all, who could resist the charm of Tony's undivided – preferably naked – attention? Not many.
And if Steve was one of them, well, Tony would be fucked anyway, so why not shoot his shot? It was a foolproof plan.
Which was probably why it went so terribly wrong in the end.
His first attempt was more lackluster than anything, so Tony could forgive himself for not accounting for all possible obstacles beforehand. He'd thought he had it down pat, a solo mission with Steve where he was responsible for getting them a room and could accidentally book a one-bedroom apartment.
He hadn't expected there to be a pull-out couch as well.
The next time, he was prepared and called ahead with the establishment to make sure there were no alternatives available. He thought he had it in the bag until he and Steve were stood at the hotel and Tony did his spiel of pretending to be surprised at their unfortunate sleeping arrangements, and Steve smiled and said –
“No worries. I'll just call Sam and crash at his place.”
Tony stared at him. “What?”
“Sam's mom has a cottage out here,” Steve said, already grabbing his bags and making for the door. “I know where he keeps the key. See you in the morning!”
“Right,” Tony said weakly as Steve waved goodbye and his plans went up in smoke. Again.
Next time, he'd have to plan his mission even more carefully.
His opportunity arose when he was sitting in the kitchen with Clint and Steve, having breakfast for once, and the early morning chatter turned from idle gossip to work, as it so often did.
“So I'm thinking we might need the whole team on this one,” Steve said as Tony stirred some more sugar into his coffee. He usually drank it black, but today he could use the extra boost. “If things turn south, Ironman and Thor are our best hope at extraction.”
“The flashiest too,” Clint drawled, and Tony gave him a lazy salute. “So we'll be squatting in Karlsburg for a couple of days?”
“To get a lay of the land, yes. Mostly you and Nat, but we'll be on stand-by.”
“Nice. Get me a souvenir.”
Steve laughed. “No sightseeing. We'll just lay low at a hotel until we're ready to move in.”
“Boring. Thank fuck I'm not doing that.” Clint took a bite of his toast. “I'm guessing SHIELD is organizing everything? Or are we winging it ourselves?”
Tony entirely blamed his lack of sleep for the brilliant plan that popped into his head right then.
“Pepper's booking our rooms,” he cut in, and both Steve and Clint turned to stare at him.
“Why?” Steve asked, and Tony scrambled for an excuse that actually made sense.
“SHIELD cut our budget. We're going to have to double up.” Not Tony's smoothest lie, but he was getting desperate at this point. Clint raised an eyebrow.
“You're the one funding us. Since when do we have a budget?”
“Ask Pepper.” Yeah, he was going to regret that. “We always had one, what are you talking about?”
“Right,” Clint said slowly as Steve reached for his glass of orange juice.
“Well, if we're sharing, I think it would make sense to –“
“Obviously Nat is with Clint, and Bruce with Thor, so that leaves the two of us,” Tony rattled off, and Steve blinked in surprise.
“Why would –“
“Clint and Nat are like siblings, they can totally share. And if Bruce hulks out, Thor has the best chance at stopping him.” Thanks for the assist, brain. Tony could always count on himself to come up with bullshit on the fly. “You don't mind, do you, Cap?”
Steve frowned at Tony as Clint face-palmed behind his back. Whatever, Tony didn't care about Clint's opinion anyway. Eventually, Steve nodded. “Sure. That makes sense.”
“Splendid. I'll let Pepper know.” Tony turned on his heel, fleeing the scene before anyone could question his judgement. “J, can you tell Pep to make the reservations? And make sure her name's on the receipt somewhere. You know what to do.”
“Of course, Sir.”
Tony stepped into the elevator, more and more gleeful as he thought about options for Step 2, now that Step 1 of his plan was secured. Maybe he could take a shower and leave his clothes in the room? He'd have to bring a tiny towel for the occasion, just to guarantee that Steve got the best view. Or if Steve wasn't up for anything physical just yet, he could make JARVIS compile a list of conversation topics in advance. Cozying up in bed and talking into the early hours of the morning was bound to open Steve's eyes to what a catch Tony was, right?
No matter what, this was going to be amazing.
Tony dropped his bag as he stared in horror at the bed before him. Someone was definitely not getting a raise this week. Not that there'd been one in the cards, but still. No raise.
“I didn't know you still had bunk beds in the future,” Steve said, sounding far too happy about it for Tony's tastes.
“Neither did I,” Tony gritted out as he fished his phone out of his pants to send a strongly worded message to Pepper about her interpretation of his request for 'one bed'. “What a surprise.”
“Top or bottom?”
Tony's head whipped up. “What?”
“Which bunk do you want?” Steve asked guilelessly, and Tony put on his smarmiest grin, giving him a wink.
“I can do both. Whichever you want.”
Steve blinked before the implication seemed to sink in, turning his cheeks a furious shade of red. “Right. I'll just –“ Steve climbed the ladder to the top bunk so fast it seemed like he teleported up there and out of Tony's reach. So now Tony had made it weird. Fantastic.
He flopped down onto the bottom bunk with a sigh, right as his phone vibrated with a new message from Pepper.
If you want to perv at Steve, don't get me involved. Also, stop perving at Steve.
Tony rolled his eyes, spreading his arms and staring up at the top bunk like he could burn a hole through it and make Steve drop right into his lap. Then again, he would probably get crushed. What a way to go though.
Yeah, Tony needed a new plan here.
As it turned out, Tony wasn't the best at making plans.
Sure, he was great at seducing people when it came natural in the moment. But apparently he was useless when he was trying too hard. And Steve made him want to try very, very hard.
Getting Steve into bed clearly wasn't working, so he tried other methods next. Dressing up even on casual Fridays, leaving magazines with his accolades displayed lying around, taking care to be attentive at meetings, even – ugh – following Steve's orders in the field. Anything to show him that he was good enough for someone as amazing as Steve Rogers.
It didn't appear to be working whatsoever. Unless the increasing ridicule he was getting from the rest of the team counted as success.
It was honestly a relief when Tony got the notification that his next mission would be just him and Steve. A short break from the constant ribbing he was getting for his desperate attempts at seduction would be nice.
He regretted that sentiment very quickly, sometime between the explosion and the necessity to completely destroy his armor to keep it contained. Limping towards the nearest mom-and-pop joint to beg for a place to stay in the middle of the night wasn't his idea of fun on the worst of days.
None of the places they went to were open except for one, so Tony grabbed Steve's arm and dragged him into the dingy looking space to find a young woman standing behind the counter, obviously about to close up too.
“Wait!” he shouted, a bit too loudly judging by her surprised reaction. “Sorry. Sorry, we're just – we've been looking for a place to stay for the night, and all the other motels are already closed or completely booked.”
“Oh.” Her eyes softened with sympathy. “Yeah, there was a game on tonight, so a lot of people are staying in town. I'll see if we have anything available.” Her eyes slipped past Tony to where Steve was standing. “Two rooms, I assume?”
“If you've got them, thanks,” Tony said, too tired to even be disappointed anymore. “A twin would be fine too.”
“Gotcha.” She clicked on her computer for a while before she froze. “Ah.”
“Something wrong?” Steve asked, and she looked up at them.
“I'm sorry. We still have a room, but, uh –“ She looked between the two of them with a slightly awkward smile. “There's only one bed.”
“Oh.” Steve smiled ruefully. “That's alright then, I guess we'll –“
“– take it!” Tony slammed his hand down on the counter, making both Steve and the receptionist jump. “We'll take it! Thank you so much!”
Steve frowned. “Tony –“
“I'm tired, my feet hurt, I can't walk another step.” Tony fought to keep a straight face while he was doing a victory dance on the inside. Fucking finally! He could've jumped over the counter and kissed the receptionist, but considering his end goal here, that was probably counter-productive. “Please? It's just for one night.”
Steve seemed to be warring with himself for a second before he gave a strained smile. “Sure. Let's do it.”
“Great.” Tony turned a blinding smile on the obviously confused receptionist. “We'll take the room.”
“Alright,” she said slowly, handing him the keys and jotting down their information. Tony literally had a spring in his step when he led the way to their room despite the pain radiating up his entire left side, barely resisting the urge to whistle under his breath. This was it. He was finally going to get his chance to enact the original plan.
Tony was practically bouncing on his feet as Steve unlocked the door, leading them inside the room where the bed was sitting smack dab in the middle –
It was a California King.
Tony stared at the bed with a fierce sense of betrayal. For a second, he was scared that he was actually going to cry.
“Oh, this isn't so bad,” Steve said cheerfully. “You could probably fit a family of five in there.”
“Yes. How fortunate,” Tony growled, and Steve gave him a confused look.
“Is something wrong?”
“Nope. Peachy keen.” Tony hobbled towards the bed, his joints creaking and neck stiff as a board. Now that he excitement was making way for disappointment and exhaustion, he was really feeling the pain. “You don't mind if I take the right side, do you?”
“No, no. I always used to –“ Steve stopped himself with a sheepish grin. “Well.”
“What?” Tony asked, and Steve rubbed his neck with one hand.
“Bucky and I used to share a bed when we were kids. I always took the left side.”
Great. So even the one-armed assassin had more game than Tony. Life wasn't fair.
“Business as usual, then,” Tony said, and Steve averted his eyes, clearing his throat.
“Yeah. I guess.” He pointed over his shoulder. “You mind if I grab a shower?”
“Course not. Dinner?”
“Sure. Just no –“
“Yeah, I know. I'll order something you like.”
“Thanks, Tony.” Steve smiled at him before he pulled the bathroom door shut, allowing Tony a brief moment to cover his face with both hands and quietly despair. Then he pulled himself together, sat down on the bed with a wince and grabbed his phone to see if there was delivery somewhere in this backwater town.
He'd just finished ordering four servings of Chow Mein and a veritable shit load of spring rolls when Steve came out of the bathroom and cast a critical look at him.
“Are you okay? You seem a little stiff.”
Tony wanted to laugh, but he had a feeling it would come out hysterical if he did.
“Just pulled some muscles. It's fine.”
Steve frowned. “If you sleep like that, it'll hurt a lot more tomorrow.”
Tony rolled his eyes. “Yes, I'm aware.”
“I can give you a massage, if you want.”
Tony froze, turning and wincing when the motion pulled at his stiff neck. “Come again?”
“You're in pain, and I know how to help.” Damn it. Tony could never resist that earnest look in Steve's eyes. “Nat says I'm pretty good at it.”
“Does she now?” Tony asked, narrowing his eyes. Apparently Barnes wasn't the only assassin who had more pull with Steve than Tony did. That was just fantastic.
“Please?” Tony's attention snapped back to Steve, a little caught off guard by the look on his face. It was gone in a second, but for a moment there Tony thought he'd seen – “I want to.”
Right. Tony cleared his throat. “Okay, fine.”
Steve smiled, lighting up the room like a beam of pure sunshine. Or maybe that was just Tony waxing poetic. “Great.” There was a moment of awkwardness before Steve gestured towards the bed. “Do you want to lie down?”
“Oh. Yeah, sure.” Tony started to scoot back, then paused, tugging at his shirt as he looked at Steve. “Do you mind if I take this off? Might be better.”
Steve's eyes widened a bit before he coughed and nodded. “Of course. Only if you want to.”
Instead of answering, Tony pulled the shirt over his head, tossing it off the side of the bed. He lay down on his stomach with some difficulty, grimacing as he supported his weight on his arms before lowering himself down. Damn, that fucking hurt. Just his luck that he was finally going to be in a bed with Steve and he couldn't even enjoy it because of his aching back.
The room was silent for long enough that Tony turned his head, not quite managing to look at Steve, who was still standing on the other side.
“You coming?”
There was a shuffling sound before Steve walked forward, making a detour towards his bag to grab a small bottle of what looked like lotion. Tony raised an eyebrow but didn't comment as Steve kneeled on the bed at his side, his knees brushing against Tony's hip.
“Let's see what we're working with,” Steve said, and Tony hid a grin in the pillows at what he privately called the Coach Rogers voice. Then Steve's hands came down on his back, huge and warm, digging right between his shoulder blades, and Tony's grin faded into an open-mouthed groan.
“Shit. Okay, that's good.”
“Yeah?” Steve pushed a little harder, making Tony melt like ice in the sun as he relaxed into the touch, focusing on the sheer relief on his aching muscles.
“Yeah,” he breathed, and Steve hummed as he moved up to Tony's shoulders, massaging them in a soothing pattern, stretching the muscles until they stopped protesting the movement. When he got to Tony's neck, Tony had to bite down on a groan of pain that Steve shushed, gently massaging the sides until the tension gave and allowed Tony to sink even deeper, feeling like a puddle on the bed.
“That's so much better,” he sighed. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” Steve's voice had gone a shade deeper, like he was feeling just as relaxed as Tony was. Tony closed his eyes, sinking into the cushions with every stroke of Steve's clever hands as they slowly but surely made their way down his back, getting the knots out of his muscles.
It was only when Steve reached his lower back that the pain returned, and Tony arched away from the press of Steve's fingers with a grunt. “Ugh. Fuck.”
“I got you,” Steve said, somewhat hushed, as he started pressing more carefully, working out the muscles with a patience that Tony could only envy. Tony couldn't help the noises he was making, his hands clutched in the sheets as he writhed and gasped under Steve's touch, moaning whenever Steve found an especially tender spot. It seemed to take forever, but eventually the pain faded enough for Tony to relax again, panting hard as he buried his face in the cushions, enjoying the warm strokes of Steve's hands down his spine.
“Fuck,” he sighed. “You've got magic hands.”
Steve chuckled. It sounded weirdly strained. “Thanks.”
“I should thank you.” Tony tried to twist around – pain-free now, and what a rush that was – to look at Steve – and Steve let go of him like his hands had been burned, sitting back on his heels. “Hey, what –“
Tony paused. Steve's face was flushed and getting redder by the second. He was sitting awkwardly, like all the tension he'd massaged out of Tony had been transferred right into his own body.
And most tellingly of all, he was sliding off the bed and kneeling down on the floor under the guise of picking up Tony's shirt and handing it to him. Obstructing Tony's view of – well, of something pretty obvious if Tony wasn't mistaking this for something it wasn't.
“All better?” Steve asked as if he didn't already know it, holding out the shirt with a strained smile. Tony didn't avert his eyes from Steve's face, a slow smirk spreading on his lips.
“Why don't you stand up first?”
Steve's eyes shuttered. Yeah, he knew that Tony knew now. “I'd rather not,” he said politely, and Tony snorted, sitting up and reaching out to grab Steve's arm when Steve started moving away.
“Hey, I'm not laughing at you. It's just – I've been trying for weeks, so it's nice that I'm finally getting a reaction out of you.”
Steve blinked. “What?”
“That is if it was me, and not just a warm body and some pretty noises. Which is fine if it was,” Tony said as Steve flushed an even darker red. “But I'd rather know now, because the suspense is kind of killing me, so if you –“
“Yes, it was you,” Steve burst out, looking mortified but determined at the same time. “Been you for a while now, actually.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Well. Tony couldn't let his kind of opportunity go, so he pushed himself up and – got held at arm's length by Steve's strong hands.
“Sorry. I know what it seems like,” Steve said quickly as Tony frowned. “But I don't want – I want to take my time with you. Go to dinner. Talk. That kind of stuff. I know these days it's more normal to go straight to... other things, which I do want, I don't want it to seem like I'm not attracted to you, because I am, but –“
“Steve, breathe,” Tony cut him off, and Steve's mouth snapped shut with an audible click, his eyes wide and cheeks burning. It was so adorable that Tony wanted to kiss him stupid, but that could wait. “I'd love all of that. Anything you want.”
Steve let out a heavy breath, the storm in his eyes calming into pure relief as he smiled. “Alright. Great.”
“But just so you know – you have nothing to be embarrassed about.” Tony grinned. “The feeling's mutual.”
Steve's eyes darted down to Tony's crotch – involuntarily, if the way he instantly looked away was any indication. “Uh. You're not –“
“No. But...” Tony grabbed Steve's hand and brought it to his chest so Steve could feel how frantically his heart was beating. Steve's fingers twitched under his as he met Tony's eyes, realization dawning on his face.
“Oh.”
“I really want this.” You, he didn't say, but Steve seemed to hear it anyway, his smile turning absolutely radiant.
“This Friday at eight? We could go to Carlucci's, if that works for you?”
Tony was sure the look on his face was completely ridiculous, but he couldn't find it in himself to care as Steve linked their fingers, holding on while Tony gathered himself. The ring of the doorbell startled both of them, jerking them apart as Tony automatically got to his feet.
“That's probably the food.” He looked down at Steve and cocked his head with a smile. “It's not Carlucci's, but we can do dinner right now? Talk a bit, maybe watch a movie?”
Steve grinned, and Tony's heart stuttered in his chest when Steve squeezed his hand. “Sounds perfect to me.”