Work Text:
Everyone expected Germany to be a boy. Her government, her people. Even her older sister.
And yet against all expectations, Monika Beilschmidt was a girl.
When Julchen had met Monika, it felt wrong to say she was taken aback, but there was no better way for her to describe it. Her advisors had spoken to her beforehand, telling her that she had a new younger sibling, and she'd be required to take care of them for the time being. They had said that this one was different.
At the time she merely scoffed. She was no stranger to siblings. They would come to her, stay with her, and fall within a year. The truth was cruel, but nothing could be done about it. All she could do was stay with them until that happened, swearing that they’d be great despite never being able to meet their eyes.
But Monika—Germany—was different. She looked at her with a deep and knowing look that no one her physical age should be seen with. Hardly looking over the age of ten, with long pale blonde hair and a plain dress. Her most interesting trait was her sharp icy blue eyes. If anything she reminded Julchen of herself.
And yet regardless of their similar faces and long hair, when Julchen greeted her sister with excitement she responded with cold politeness, closing herself off from any possible connection.
Julchen was used to rowdy brothers who looked at her with admiration. She was used to sisters who smiled at her, desperate to learn anything they could.
But being completely brushed off? That was new.
And when it came down to it, Julchen thought that it was pretty freaking irritating.
This kid looked like she knew so much. When she talked it was quiet and uninviting, as if wanting any other presence to sink away completely. She only interacted with her sister when she absolutely needed to, refusing any attempts to get to know her.
It got to the point where eventually Julchen stopped trying to connect. So what if the kid seemed different? They all did at one point or another. She had no real obligation to care. She would do her duty as she always did; stay with her while she was around, but when she fell there was no going back.
At least that’s what she told herself.
They had been living together for around two months when Julchen came home on the day of the incident. She had spent the day at the bar, talking to human strangers she was sure wouldn’t even remember her once the day passed.
The only reason she had even come home was because of Monika. Before Julchen left for the day, she watched her sister leave the house alone for the first time in weeks.
”What’re you heading out for?” She had questioned, intrigued as to why the normally isolated kid felt like getting out for once.
In reply, Monika shook her head, a small frown on her face.
“I want to go to the market. It’s been a while since I’ve seen my country.” She said it so matter of factly that it gave no room for argument, leaving Julchen to watch as she quietly closed the door, slipping away into the peaceful morning.
But that had been hours ago. Julchen had hoped that her sister had gotten something interesting; maybe even made a friend. The kid never talked to anyone. Not even her own sister. She could do well with getting out of her shell for once.
Instead, all the Prussian was met with was a quiet disappointment. Nothing on the counter and no one else around. She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose while trying not to be too annoyed. The hell is the point of going out to market if you’re not gonna at least get something…
She was about to sit down, wanting to clear her head when she heard a small noise. Her head jolted up, confused. The sound was so small as if it were desperately trying not to be heard, but when put against the silence of the rest of the house it rang out in a clear contrast.
Julchen listened in, trying to understand what she was hearing when her heart sank at the realization.
The sound she heard was crying.
It wasn’t a loud sound, but rather quiet sniffs and choked sobs. It was unbelievable, but the crying could only be from one other person. Her sister.
“Monika…?”
Julchen crept towards her sister’s closed door, the sound growing louder and her anxiety growing further with each step. This wasn’t normal. Her sister never acted like this before. The thoughts strangled her mind, threatening to suffocate her for good. What had happened to cause this…?
When she came face to face with the door, Julchen paused, taking a deep breath before knocking.
“Monika, are you alright in there?”
The crying abruptly stopped, followed by a small gasp. But Monika didn’t respond, making Julchen’s mind only race further. She thought that her sister was cold and unfeeling. She thought that she didn’t care. Hearing such vulnerable sounds from such a young nation…
She needed to know what happened.
Carefully she turned the doorknob, surprised that it was unlocked. Taking another deep breath, she opened it, her eyes growing wide at the sight before her.
Monika was sitting on the floor, her eyes red and puffy as tears stained her cheeks. She sat in the fetal position, and though Julchen couldn’t see everything she could tell that the dress she had been wearing was torn. Monika looked up at her, her once cold eyes showing an emotion clear as day. Fear.
But what really caught Julchen’s eye caused her to let out a gasp, her face contorting in confusion.
In Monika’s hand was a pair of golden scissors, being squeezed so tight that the girl’s knuckles were white. Surrounding her on the floor were her pale locks of hair, looking more like wheat than hair at the moment. Her hair was messy; she had clearly cut it off in a panic. The once long and carefully taken care of hair was now a poorly-cut bob, hanging at the length of her shoulders.
Julchen slowly stepped forward, kneeling in front of her broken-down sister, careful not to frighten her. Monika looked up at her with round eyes, seeming so fragile. At that moment, she wasn’t the unique nation that so many people had described.
She was just a little girl. And for once in her life she seemed so small.
“Can you tell me what happened?” The Prussian softly asked, giving her a reassuring smile. Regardless of her own thoughts, she desperately wanted to help her. Seeing her sister like this broke her heart as well as the image of her that she had built up in her mind.
Monika’s voice wavered, sounding defeated and hoarse, but to Julchen’s surprise she still managed to respond.
“I went to the market like I said I would,” she started, before biting her lip. She looked so unsure. So sad. Julchen nodded encouragingly, prompting her to continue. Monika blinked, rubbing her eyes before continuing.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get anything. I would have, but I was stopped. There was a group of human boys, and they looked at me with such a mean look,” she stuttered out as if it were taking physical effort to recount the tale, “They asked if I was really Germany. When I said yes, they laughed at me. They said that I couldn’t be Germany because I’m a girl. Nations were powerful. And I can’t be powerful like that because I’m just a weak girl.”
A seething rage coursed through Julchen’s body, nearly enough to make her start screaming. The way Monika had said that, just accepting what those vile boys had said made her sick. But more than anything it made her sad. How could she just believe them like that?
But she stayed silent, having enough decency to understand that Monika needed to talk. She didn’t want to scare her sister away when she was finally opening up.
“One of the boys grabbed my hair. He had called it girly. He tugged at it, and I screamed. This seemed to frighten them and they ran away. Maybe they didn’t want to get caught. It doesn't matter,” she paused, looking up at her big sister with desperation in her eyes. Her voice quivered, seeming so terribly hopeless. “Schwester, am I weak? Why was I born this way? How am I supposed to be strong when I’m just a weak girl? It’s not fair.”
Before she could even realize what she was doing, Julchen leaned forward and hugged her sister tightly. She pressed her head against her shoulder, blinking away any emotions that tried to pool in her eyes.
“You’re right. It’s not fair. It’s not fair, and it sucks that you had to go through that. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t protect you.”
Julchen was used to having siblings who struggled. She watched as they tried in vain to fight and become powerful, only to lose everything. She watched as they hid their fears, not understanding the reality of their world. Delusions of grandeur that only led to an early grave, their existence merely becoming footnotes in someone else’s history book.
She wasn’t used to this. She wasn’t used to them knowing what it was really like to be a nation. The realization hit her like a truck. Why Monika had been so closed off. Why she had looked at her with wisdom beyond her years. Why she had isolated herself from everyone and never picked fights.
It was because she knew.
She fucking knew.
Julchen wasn’t used to them knowing.
Numbly, she felt her sister lean into her touch, burying her face into her shoulder. If it were any other day then the Prussian would be happy that Monika was seeking her comfort and protection. Today it just caused her to be saddened by the circumstances.
They sat there, leaning into each other, both searching for the other's comfort. Eternity seemed to pass before Julchen spoke up, her voice shaky and guilt-ridden.
“When I was your age, I said the exact same thing. I was told the exact same thing as those boys told you a thousand times over. I would never be anything. I was weak. I wasn’t even Prussia. I was just an order who wanted to spread my beliefs. I was just a kid.”
“I was told that I would never be strong enough to even stay a nation. Something really was wrong with me from the start, they figured. I was similar to you. They called me weak. I was never seen as powerful. Whenever I entered a village the people would whisper and glare. But I refused to believe them. So I trained. I trained until my hands bled, and I was crying from the pain. And you know what? It didn’t matter that I was stronger and bigger than anyone else. Because people still thought that I was fucking weak.”
Julchen pulled away from the hug, tightly holding onto her sister’s shoulders as Monika looked up at her with a mix of shock and horror.
“I never want for you to go down that path. Fighting for the approval of people who’ll just refuse to give it? It’s just a cycle of fucking disappointment. And it takes going through hell to get out of it. You’re right. It’s not fair. It’s stupid and it sucks and the fact that I even have to be telling you this right now is insane! But I do. Because if I don’t tell you this, then you’re gonna end up just like me. And I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if that happened.”
Monika stayed quiet, her elder sister’s words sinking in. She seemed so conflicted.
“So what do I do…?” She whispered, her lower lip trembling as she spoke.
“You learn to not care about them,” Julchen snorted, the bitterness clear. But she forced herself to keep her cool for her little sister’s sake. “If you learn anything from me, it should be to not take shit from people who don’t know any better. It’s messed up, but either you learn to live with it and succeed anyway or drive yourself mad trying to wrap your head around it.”
Monika sniffed, astounded by her sister’s words. She tilted her head, her frown deepening as she asked her next question.
“Did you succeed?”
The question caught Julchen off-guard. She coughed before quickly regaining her composure, genuinely considering it. *Has she succeeded?*
In her time, she had thousands of victories under her belt. She was one of the most powerful nations in the world! But she could never escape the judgmental glares. She couldn’t escape the fact that they’ll never be satisfied. No matter how many battles she won.
“I’ve succeeded in the areas that matter to me,” she chose to answer honestly, giving a lofty smile. “I’ve won wars. I’ve seen so much of the world. And I’ve never faltered for a moment. But being able to follow my ambitions and be who I want to be, even while so many people disapprove, has been my greatest victory of all. And if I can teach you how to manage that, and grow up being who you want to be? I think that’ll top the list.”
“You’d really do that for me?” Monika’s eyes widened in disbelief, seemingly so shocked that she dropped the scissors that she had been holding.
“Of course! You’re my little sister!” Julchen gave a genuine laugh this time, ruffling her sister’s already messy hair. “I’d be a fool not to. Kid, you have a lot to learn, but those boys were wrong. You’re already one of the strongest nations I know, no matter what anyone says! Maybe someday they’ll see that too. Because I’m sure that in time, you’ll be even stronger than the awesome me!”
“You think so?” Monika giggled a bit, batting the Prussian’s hand away from her hair. Her expression looked lighter, and Julchen thought that her heart could burst at the sight.
“I know so!” she grinned, releasing her grip on Monika’s shoulders as she stood up, dusting the bits of hair that collected on her off. “You’re gonna go far, kid. No matter if anyone else knows that or not.”
“Thank you, schwester..” the young nation murmured, standing up as well with a look of genuine hope on her face. It was the first time that Julchen had seen her look so soft; internally, she hoped she’d stay that way.
“Don’t mention it!” Julchen laughed, patting Monika’s shoulder playfully. “Now, enough with that sappy stuff. You’ll learn it all in time. But first, we need to do something with that mop of yours.”
Monika nodded seriously, carefully feeling her bob with her fingers. Her lips pursed, and Julchen quickly picked up how dissatisfied she was with it at her current length. She grinned a bit, an idea forming in her head.
“You know, back when I was your age, I was a strong fighter,” she said, a bit of pride in her voice. “The Teutonic Knights were a force to be reckoned with! In those days, I would always cut my hair especially short. It hardly even hung off my head, you know?”
“Okay..” Monika said hesitantly, not quite catching onto what her sister was implying.
“What if I gave you the same look? That way it’ll still look sharp while staying out of your face! I had that hairstyle when I felt like I was on top of the world—maybe it could help you feel the same, huh?”
The young nation considered these words, the gears in her mind working so loud that Julchen could practically hear them. But she quickly snapped her gaze up, a wide smile plastered on her face.
“I think I’d like that,” she said softly, and that was enough for Julchen to go over the moon.
“I had a feeling you’d like that idea!” she laughed again, gently steering Monika away from her room. They’d clean up the mess in there later; for now, all she could focus on was the sheer amount of joy on her sister’s face. “Now, let’s see if I can even remember how to do it right! It’s been quite a long time, kid!”
But of course, she did remember.
And the look of appreciation that Monika gave her when she was finished made it completely worth it.