Work Text:
This year the holidays were going to suck. Mom was stuck working at the hospital and me? I was stuck at the Wayne residence, which was not as awesome as you would think. Not when you have a tiny, baby assassin glaring at you continuously in a slightly, weird way. You know in all my years of vigilante asskickery and working with the baby bat-boy wonder, I have never noticed how cute Damian is. In an adorable baby brother kind of way obviously. I mean, really he might be all ‘Junior! I am the Knight’ but he is totes adorbs, what? It’s a legit LBD word, don’t judge me. But he is, he is totes adorbs and he’s as cute as a baby button; a slightly psychotic, assassin raised baby button but still cute. Precious even. And he’s scowling at me, whilst holding a rather sharp knife.
Did I mention he was raised by slightly psychotic assassins who want to take over the world? And then by Dad of the Year ‘I repress my feelings’ Bruce Wayne? Like I said, totes adorbs and also, kind of has issues. Which come on, he’s a Robin, and we have issues down pat.
“Okay, I’m going to bite.” I pop, looking at him oh-so-sweetly which cranks the scowl on his face up a notch. But seriously, who brings a knife to a party? Except maybe Cass but come on, that’s Cass. “What’s the knife for buddy?”
Yeah, ouch. Oh, not with the knife but the glaring. Damian is a totes adorbs, scary assassin raised baby bird who takes glaring to an art form. If there were schools of glaring, he’d be the tops. Damn it, now that song is going to be in my head. Yep, I’m monologuing and he’s still... glaring.
“Cassandra gave it to me,” Damian replied. And oh, wow hey did I call it or did I call it? The only person who brings knives to a holiday party is Cass! That’s good to know; also I should probably talk to her about inappropriate party gifts. Unless it’s a knife party, do they even have those? “For Christmas.”
“And you’re not happy about that? I mean, it looks like a nifty knife as far as knives go? Shiny,” I reply, shaking my head at him. Okay, so I’m not good with the heart-to-hearts with the baby bats but somehow I always get lumbered with them; Dick, Tim, Cass, that one time with Kate and now Damian. At least Damian, unlike Jason, is not going to cry on my new, awesomely purple, dress. Okay, Jason doesn’t really cry but sometimes it’s fun to spread that around especially when he goes all broody, angst face at the family parties. “And really... okay, I’m babbling.”
“And also, you’re internally monologuing Fatgirl. You get a look on your face,” Damian said. And oh boy, I did not know I have a face maybe that’s why Cass always smiles- okay, I’m doing it again. Focus Stephanie, focus on the shiny knife and Damian’s current existential angst or whatever is going on with him. “It is a... nifty knife. It’s perfectly balanced, easy to conceal, sharp. It’s perfect.”
“And?” I ask, not trying to be unnerved by the concealing part. Raised by assassins Steph, raised by assassins.
“I got her a waffle maker,” Damian answered and I’m sorry but I snorted. It wasn’t my finest of moments; champagne bubbles may have gone up my nose. I may have choked a little but really it was so cute and ridiculous because he had gotten her a waffle maker which was a pretty awesome gift to get for me but maybe not for Cass. I don’t know, I just normally get her clothes although this year was slightly different. You would be surprised how little she actually wears around her apartment, it’s kind of... yeah, let’s just say... that is a good expression of what Cassandra wears. Or doesn’t.
“Okay, so... waffle maker, that’s a good gift!” I reply and yeah, not the answer he wanted I can already tell from the look on- raised by creepy assassins Steph- Damian’s face.
“It’s not... perfect.” And oh... ohhhh... okay not about the waffle maker then. But actually about Cassandra, which was way too much information. Wow, did not realise I would be having that kind of a conversation with Damian. Maybe this was a job for Nightwing, where is... who was helping Alfie put up the tree ornaments- you had one job Dick, one! Field this kind of conversation from me! “Get your mind out of the gutter Stephanie, she’s my sister.”And oh, thank god for that and adoption papers. “And I prefer...tch, Colin anyway.”
Noooo, too much information! Dick, you son of a circus performer, help! Except he can’t hear my mental cries of anguish and Cass, who could probably read my body and understand my plight, is playing rock-paper-scissors with, what looks like, an increasingly frustrated Jason. Yep, knew that face well. Ha, and kudos to Cass for cheating. And I’ve finally almost scrubbed the Colian-Damlin-Ruse out of my head; again he’s like a doting, scary little brother who insults me.
“Right, okay. But it’s important that it’s perfect though... because she’s your sister. Which is so sweet,” I say finally, looking at him with a smile. At least, this was less of a mine field. That was a relief. “And you got her a waffle maker which in the world of Damian Wayne is no longer perfect. Listen; no matter what you got her she’s going to love it. She’s your big sister, she adores you in that way you can’t always tell because of the scary, assassin trained upbringing but she does adore you. Anything you get her would be perfect to her.”
“Hn,” Damian murmured, sounding oh so like his sweet sister and my bestie for life Cass. “I suppose what you say could make sen... No, you’re wrong fatgirl as always. I need to get her something else, something perfect.”
Ugh, stupid scary, assassin upbringing it always came down to that. And stupid Steph for always giving in to stupid, scary, totes adorbs bat babies.
“Fine, fine... you can give her my gift okay?” I finally say, because I know- I know, this is what it’s all been about. Come on, I may not be Cassandra Cain Queen of All Things Body Language but I can tell from his grin that this is what he wanted. Not the heart to heart, not needing advice from a mentor type figure in his life. No, Damian Wayne wanted me for my goods, my wrapped present kind goods not you know the booty type of goods. “And don’t think I don’t know what’s going on here.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Damian sniffed and look, he might be using me for my goods but the kid was good despite the entire scary, assassin upbringing. He was a good kid and to be honest, if it made him happy and it made Cass happy then this is one time I don’t mind the Batfamily Wayne using me.
“Here, take it. It’s- it’s something she’s wanted for a while. Okay?” And it- Christmas, the holiday, the oh... whatever you celebrate, it’s not about the present no matter what Damian thinks; it’s about the act of giving. It’s about sharing. It’s about family. And I don’t mind giving him mine, not one bit. Okay, a little bit but hey, I might be Batgirl but I’m human. “And Damian? Next time you try this, I will take you down. There will be no sympathy from me.”
“You wish Batgirl,” He replied. And okay, I might have smiled with a little bit of pride at that, he got my name right.
You know, it wasn’t just that, which made me smile that night. It was the look of Cassandra’s face when she opened the present, when she got her first ever book that she could read herself. It was Bruce urging her gently to read it to us, it was Barbara and Alfred laughing as Dick fell off the ladder hanging the star, it was Tim and Damian playing chess, it was Jason stealing a kiss from me beneath the mistletoe. It was... it was everything.
And guess who got a waffle maker from Damian for Christmas? Oh yeah, me! That’s who.
Maybe this wasn’t the worst holiday after all. Who am I kidding?
Best Holidays ever.