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“I’ll drive. Magpahinga ka muna, I’ll wake you up once we get home”
Aiah wanted to say something but her mouth stayed shut as she stared at Maloi’s back while the latter was making her way to the driver’s seat of Aiah’s car.
The sound of the car engine and the pouring rain outside was the only thing they could hear. No one dared to utter a word, not even when the traffic lights turned red.
They were engulfed by the silence, both their minds running different thoughts. One was thinking how to word out the things she wanted to say, and one was silently praying everything they went through together wouldn’t go down the drain.
Aiah couldn’t take a nap, she can’t even close her eyes. She can’t find the usual calm feeling she feels whenever Maloi takes the wheel to let her rest on the passenger's seat. She can’t close her eyes because the fear of not finding Maloi once she wakes up was there.
Aiah would steal a glance at her, while Maloi kept her eyes on the road.
Just keep your eyes on the road
Aiah thought.
She knows once she meets Maloi’s gaze, she’d probably burst into tears.
“Can we order seafood?” Maloi looked at Aiah with pleading eyes, the one thing Aiah couldn't resist.
“Mahal,” Aiah looked at her sadly “I just had my nails done, I can’t peel shrimps for you”
Maloi scooted over to look at Aiah’s nail. They’ve been friends since god knows when, of course Maloi knows that Aiah doesn’t like peeling shrimps when she just got her nails done.
“I can peel them for myself” Maloi replied smiling at her proudly
Aiah raised a brow “You take ten minutes peeling only one shrimp, Mahal”
“Mahal, ang OA naman sa ten minutes, hindi naman ganun katagal” Maloi defended, Aiah laughed.
“You’re gonna have to join me when I get my nails done next time for this” Aiah uttered, Maloi smiled at her before blowing out a kiss “I love you!”
Aiah shuts her eyes tight “Loi?” she called out to her, almost sounding like a whisper.
Maloi hummed in response.
“I love you” Aiah told her.
“I love you” Maloi uttered, Aiah turned to look at her. “I love you too,” She replied, pulling her close and engulfing the smaller girl in her arms.
“Natatakot ako…” Maloi whispered, her head resting on Aiah’s shoulder, hands wrapped around her waist. “Do you mind if I ask why?” Aiah questioned, her hands stroking Maloi’s hair softly giving her a sense of comfort.
“Paano kapag tumagal, may magbago…” Maloi blurted out in a quiet tone. Aiah planted a kiss on her forehead
“Mahal, change is constant in our life, but what I can promise you is that whatever change may come in our life, I’m always willing to make adjustments and compromise for the better, for what’s better for the both of us” Aiah assured.
“What if I end up hurting you in the long run?” Maloi asked, sounding scared with just the thought of making Aiah cry.
Just by thinking of becoming the reason for Aiah’s tears is already scaring her.
She can’t hurt someone as good as Aiah.
Aiah who never lets her walk on the side of the road. She knows how the loud horns of the cars startle Maloi.
Aiah who never lets her carry heavy stuff, because Maloi gets tired easily.
Aiah who holds her hand when the public bus is too crowded as the taller girl shields her from the possible stampedes.
Aiah who always carries an umbrella even though she herself hates carrying them around, but she does just so she can protect Maloi from the intense sunlight or from the unforeseen weather.
“I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you,” Maloi muttered. “I might become insufferable for you in the long run, but please…don’t leave me” Aiah pulled her in a kiss, her hands running through Maloi’s hair.
Aiah rests her head on the car window, her eyes glistening with tears.
She saw from her peripheral vision that Maloi took a quick glance at her.
She shut her eyes tight.
Tears started to flow down from her cheeks.
With her mom’s ring on the palm of her hand, she looked at Maloi lovingly “Marry me?” Aiah asked.
Maloi looked down at Aiah’s palm and then looked up to meet her gaze.
Aiah’s heart dropped when she saw the look on Maloi’s face. She saw hesitation, shock and fear in her eyes. Aiah knew her too well.
“I’m sorry…” Maloi carefully laid out those two words, but even so, Aiah's world was still shattered into pieces.
“I don’t see myself getting married, I don’t believe in marriages,” She paused. “I already told you that…right?”
“But…I thought I was changing your mind” Aiah said quietly, she avoided looking at Maloi. She didn’t want to see the look on her face because it breaks her heart even more.
Aiah’s taller than Maloi, but at that moment she felt so small, and suddenly she felt like she couldn’t reach her even though she’s standing right in front of her.
“I’ll never change my mind.” Maloi said sternly, sounding angry. Aiah flinched with the sudden change of tone. She had never heard Maloi talk to her that way.
How can she make quick adjustments from that?
Maloi knew Aiah so well that she knows what she was thinking, she knows Aiah is looking for reasons to justify Maloi’s actions.
And she can’t always let Aiah do that to herself.
Maloi shakes her head before Aiah could even response.
There was a minute of silence.
Aiah puts the ring back in her pocket.
She shouldn’t have asked.
And maybe, maybe it’s all her fault.
Aiah looked out the window and saw the familiar street lights lighting up the road. The 7/11 on the side of the road with a few people inside.
The car stopped in front of a small house, Maloi turned off the engine, “Are we alright?” Aiah asked.
She didn’t hear an answer, She didn’t need to hear an answer.
She knew what was bound to happen when their eyes met.
They’re finally back home.
But it doesn’t feel like one.
Because she knows the moment they step out of the car, they’re also stepping out of each other’s lives.
END.