Chapter Text
April sighed as she approached her house. Cady's been doing well recently with her new medication, so she had no real reason. But she had Matt. She tried to convince him it was too early- or that he was making a huge mistake but Aaron was so friendly.
“April! And this must be Matthew! A pleasure to finally meet you! Come in, why don't you join us for dinner?” Aaron offered, then turned back around to whatever abomination soup he was making (as April called it the entire walk over). Matt shot her a “I told you so” look as she walked in the house before him. She had a bad feeling about this. He had asked to come over because it was her birthday. but her birthday was never just her birthday. But the medicine was working.. right?
She panicked. “No dad Matthew cant stay! he has..” she fumbled with her next words. “Homework!” Aaron ignored her. “Surgery?!” That was only met with a confused face from Matthew. “Rabies!” Cady had come into the dining room at this point and gave April a hug.
Matthew also introduced himself to Cady and helped her set what was left of the table. somehow there were already 4 plates set without knowing there would be 4 people at dinner today. Strange, but he didn't think much of it.
Aaron and April set the actual meal down on the table so everyone could serve themselves- and Aaron made sure there was discussion. At the first hint of silence he would bring up some new story or ask another question about Matthew's life. Cady though had no part in the conversation. In fact, she looked like she was having her own in her head. Matthew caught wind of this but didn't want to be rude. April secretly wished he would so he could leave.
Once everyone had finished the meal Cady offered to put the leftover soup away, and Aaron thought this a good idea. It was something to keep her busy. He continued his conversation about Soccer with Matthew, April now wishing she had another clear drink in her cup besides water. She listened to them talk, maybe a little glad they got along. it was.. peaceful. But peaceful was never a good sign im this household
“It's someone's birthday,” Cady called from the kitchen, holding a cake with 16 lit candles and 2 gold “A” decorations (one on each side).
“Oh! April’s!” Matt smiled at her. Cady looked back at Matt with a confused smile. She knew who April was, of course. But it wasn't just April’s birthday. April and Aaron looked at eachother with the same look of “Fuck.” in their eyes. Aaron doesn't know if he even remembers standing but he's up so fast and at Cady's side. “Did.. Did I miss something?” Matthew whispered to April, who just sighed.
“She thinks it's my brother's birthday too.” April answered, and Cady's face fell as Aaron put the cake back down on the counter. She tried not to look at them.
“You have a twin brother?” Matt asked, now looking around for any traces of a sibling
“No. He died.” She answered coldly. Cady looked away from Aaron as April spoke those words. No. No today is her twin's 16th birthday. Matt readjusted in his seat. He didn't know how to respond to this. He just watched April roll her eyes as Aaron tried to explain to Cady once again.
August stood in the corner of the dining room, and Cady's eyes were laser focused on him. “It's.. the twins' birthday.” she repeated again. Aaron huffed and held Cady so close. so tight. He thought she was doing better. Her new medication was supposed to get rid of the delusions. He decided she was going back. Cady could hear him talking but all she could focus on was August. He looked upset… was he upset with her? No. No, they were just talking. He just told her she didn’t need the new medication. He said they weren’t working.
“He’s not here.. He’s not here. Love, I know you know” Aaron spoke softly, but his voice grew more stern so it snapped her out of whatever delusion she was stuck in. “Do you feel he’s still real? Love, it's just not so..” she tried to talk at this point but before she could her tears spilled over. Aaron hugged her tighter, his words growing a little harsher. Dr. Norbury said he had to be stern sometimes. “Why is it you still believe? Do you dream or do you grieve?” one of his hands moves to comb her hair out of her face before it gets too wet. “You’ve got to let him go.. He’s been dead sixteen years.” Cady's sobs grew in volume. In her head she knew this, but also.. he was right there. He was there. Why couldn't Aaron see him? She pushed away from him and walked to August, as if trying to prove he was here. “No my love, he’s not here.”
August took Cady into his arms comfortingly, Staring daggers into Aaron. He was always here to comfort Cady whenever she needed it. He found it almost.. offensive that Aaron would want to take that away from her. “mom..” He spoke, but Cady just pushed away again to sit down at the table.
“This is Fucked” April spoke, standing up from her seat. Matt repeated the action, his hand reaching for hers. she tugged it away.
“Language.” Aaron corrected but April just scoffed and ran upstairs shouting “Fuck this!” Matt followed her to the staircase but stepped before the first step. He thanked the Herons for dinner and said it was a pleasure to meet them before following April upstairs to comfort her.
“What about the new meds?” Aaron set the cake down on the table, blowing out the candles. Cady couldn't look at him.
“We have the happiest septic tank on the block..” She joked, scrambling to pick up all the plates and take them to the sink. Aaron rubbed his temples and slammed the other hand on the table in anger? maybe disappointment? he couldn't quite name the emotion.
“You.. Jesus, Cady, they were working!” He pleaded, but she just shook her head, her eyes darting to the corner August was in. He was shaking his head at her too.
“They weren't.. really” She answered, gently dropping the dishes into the sink with a clatter. Aaron Laughed at himself in disbelief. there's.. no way. no way she did that. no way she believed they were not working.
“Cady I know it's hard but-” He was cut off.
“You know? What do you know, Aaron?” Cady asked, turning to face him. “Do you Wake up in the morning and need help to lift your head? Do you read obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?” she asked, taking a deep breath after. “It's.. it's like living on a cliffside, but not knowing when you’ll dive. Do you know..” she paused, laying her head on the table again. Aaron tried to reach out for her but before he could touch her she lifted her head again “Do you know what it's like to die alive?!” She continued, standing and walking away from the table, over to the kitchen counter, her hands gripping the side so hard her knuckles turned white. “When a world that once had color fades to white, to gray, to black. When tomorrow terrifies you but you’ll die if you look back. You don't know.” She faced Aaron, staring deep into his eyes as she spoke. She eyed the cake, the two gold A’s.. “I know you don't know. You say that you’re hurting. It sure doesn't show. You don’t know.. it lays me so low. When you say ‘Let go’ and I say..” her tears spilled more, her voice starting to crack. “You don't know.”
Cady approached Aaron once more, sliding the cake in her direction, taking off the candles one by one and laying them neatly in a row as she spoke again “The sensation that you're screaming but you never make a sound.. Or the feeling that you’re falling but you never hit the ground. It just keeps on rushing at you day by day by day by day. You don't know.. You don't know what it's like to live that way” her voice grew more and more intense as she repeated herself, gritting her teeth and speaking through them. She finished with the candles and she dug her hand into the cake now, squishing the chunk in her hand as she grew angrier. “Like a refugee and fugitive.. forever on the run. If it gets me it will kill me. and I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’VE DONE!” She shouted the last part, throwing the cake at the wall and breaking down. She buried her face in her hands, the one covered in frosting getting it in her hair and face. She was wailing at this point into her hands.
Aaron sat for a minute just.. watching. He didn't know what else to do. He cleared his throat before speaking “Can you tell me? What it is you’re afraid of?” he stood now, standing behind cady but not yet touching her. “Can you tell me why I’m afraid it's me?” he asked, his hand reaching for her hair. “Can I touch you?” He pulled a strand back but she moved her hand to push his off. She felt overwhelmed with his touch. It was too warm- and the feeling of her hair was already overwhelming. He put his hand down and composed himself, walking away from her. “We’ve been fine for so long now. How can something go wrong that I can’t see?!” He mumbles to himself, knowing Cady probably wasn't listening. He looked at the picture frame they had up in the stairwell. A picture of the family. April was only about 10 and had a huge smile along with Aaron while Cady looked.. distracted was too tame of a term. He took the frame off the wall and caressed it before holding it up to face Cady. “‘Cause I'm holding on. And I won't let go.”
Cady looked up at him, her eyes adjusting to the light again before she could focus on the picture. She always hated that picture. He was missing. He was missing out of every portrait. Aaron was talking but she couldn't hear him. She could see his mouth moving but the world felt.. like she was under water. He came and sat back down again, across from her. He placed the frame in her hands. “I just thought you should know.” he spoke and then stood again. He didn’t face her. Like he knew he faced August in the corner. He wasn't talking to him, his words were still directed to Cady but.. she knew he was listening. “I am the one who knows you. I am the one who cares. I am the one who's always been there.” His words stung. It felt like he was almost challenging her brain for control. It was true. He was always there. But the thing he didn’t understand was.. so was August.
“I am the one who’s helped you. And if you think that I just don’t give a damn..” Aaron laughed at the idea of his previous statement. “Then you just don’t know who I am” Cady didn’t know how to respond. She did. That was her husband. She loved him. He's the father of her children. Children. She put the frame down again and watched Aaron pace. Her face overcome with fear and.. shock? Maybe? As she watched August follow him.
Aaron stopped his pacing to turn about and face Cady again. “Could you leave me?” He asked, and August moved to sit on the table now, facing Aaron.
“Hey dad, it's me..” August's voice was soft, and he reached out and tapped Aarons shoulder trying to get his attention.
“Could you watch me go under?” Aaron asked Cady but she couldn't focus on his words. She could only focus on August trying to talk to him.
“Why can't you see?!” August was starting to get frustrated. He was upsetting Cady. He knew he was and he didn't care. Was this his idea of being there for her?
“Could you watch as I drown and wonder why?!” Aaron grew more frustrated as well. Cady's eyes were just.. off of him. Was she even listening? In his eyes Cady was just disassociating but in reality she was watching this argument happen before her eyes and it was.. so much. Too much.
“Are you bleeding?” Aaron asked Cady, August talking over him in quick succession “Are you waiting, are you wishing, are you wanting all that she can't give?” This continued again.
“Are you bruised, are you bleeding?” Aaron pleaded. “Are you hurting, are you healing, are you hoping for a life to live?!” Cady noticed how Aaron grew almost more desperate and August grew.. Angrier as the questions went on. She hated when August was upset. He was always so mean when he was upset.
“Does it help you to know Well so am I” They spoke in unison at the last part, which caused Cady to have the chills. It was almost like they were arguing.. over her? Aaron looked her dead in the eye once again. “Tell me what to do..” He pleaded. She felt August behind her, putting his cold hands on her shoulder. He was trying everything to get Aaron to look at him. “Tell me who to be.. So I can see what you see” Aaron took Cady's hands in his own, and she couldn't do anything but look into his eyes.
“I am the one who’ll hold you, I am the one who’ll stay.” Aaron said, squeezing Cady's hands. He looked into her eyes as he did but they looked.. glossed over. She couldn’t focus because August was behind her, wrapping himself around Cady and repeating the words “I am..” in her ear as if challenging Aaron’s words “I won't walk away” Cady sucked in a sharp breath. Why were they doing this to her? she felt suffocated between the two. In August's arms.
“I am the one who’ll heal you. And now you tell me that I won't give a damn” Aaron let go of Cady's hands, and August moved away from Cady to behind Aaron, now speaking into his ear, staring at Cady “You don't give a damn..” Cady couldn't catch her breath, wheezing and gasping as more tears spilled. Her chest moved rapidly with every “breath”. “But I know you know who I am” Aaron and August finished, before Aaron left to grab a bucket of water and a sponge to clean up the cake now splattered on the wall as Cady choked on her breath and tears in the chair, curled up with her knees to her chest.
Aaron and August both decided it would be best to stay quiet until She was at least calm enough to speak. “‘Cause I’m holding on..” Aaron repeated, catching Cady’s attention once more.
“You say you hurt like me..” She mumbled, not moving from her vertical fetal position on the chair.
“And I won’t let go” He squeezed the sponge between his fingers, listening to the water drip back into the bucket.
“You say that you know..” Cady mumbled some more, now covering her ears as well. everything was too loud.
“Yeah, I thought you should know..” Aaron came over to Cady, a rag in his hands to clean the frosting off her Forehead and hair.
“YOU DON'T KNOW” she yelled again, shocking Aaron and causing him to jump back.
“I am the one who knows you. I am the one who cares. I am the one who’s always been there.” Aaron was repeating himself, so August followed suit and tried to say it louder than him. Cady covered her ears and kept repeating her previous statements in a soft mumble “You don't know. I know you don't know. You say that you’re hurting I know it ain't so” She couldn’t tell if she was trying to convince him or herself anymore.
“I am the one who needs you” Aaron moved to Cady and wrapped his arms around her. She pushed him off and stood from the chair asking “Why don't you just go?” softly and quickly walking to the other side of the table- to August. He took her in his arms once again comfortingly. He spoke in unison again with Aaron, his voice much softer and much more reassuring than Aaron was, even though his words were just as harsh. But August was speaking to Aaron, not her. So they didn't hurt. “And if you think that I just don't give a damn..” Cady closed her eyes, hoping this would all go away when she opened them.
“You just don’t know who I am.” Aaron spat out, the words burning Cady. He turned to go upstairs after this, officially tired of this argument.
“You just don't know who I am..” August repeated, locking eyes with Aaron as he spoke before kissing Cady on the head comfortingly. Again, he was left to pick up Aaron’s mess. And he wasn't even thanked. He never understood why Aaron wanted him gone so much. He helped Cady..
He helped Cady, right..?