Chapter Text
Late November - 1975
Remus Lupin sat on the windowsill of the boys dormitory in Gryffindor tower, gazing out over the grounds of Hogwarts. It was the early hours of the morning and the school was silent, most of its inhabitants long asleep. Remus often found himself awake at this time of night. Sleep didn’t come easily to the boy and it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for him to be up at wild hours, unable to get a full night's rest.
On nights like these, he liked to sit in front of the window and just observe. Truthfully, he didn’t mind it. There was something peaceful about being in the silence, staring out over the shadow-cast school grounds. He found it soothing, the feeling that for a moment, he was the only person in the world.
He glanced up at the moon, which in its waning phase shone brightly in the cloudless sky. It cast streaks of silver light over the castle, twinkling as it reflected off the surface of the back lake. It looked beautiful, Remus thought, and wondered briefly how something that was so alluring had the power to cause such harm.
Remus always had a love/hate relationship with the moon. Once upon a time, his mother would take him outside in the evening and they’d gaze at it together, hanging there like a dazzling ornament in the serene darkness. As a child he was transfixed by it, captivated by its gentle glow. However, that all changed just before he turned five. Ever since that fateful night he was attacked by Fenrir Greyback in his childhood bedroom, the moon stood for something different.
Now, it seemed to taunt him. Night after night, its light beared down upon him, reminding him of his affliction, of the evil that ran through his veins. Reminding him that no matter how much he tried to bury it away or fight against it, he would always be a monster.
Remus shuddered. Both at the thought and at the brisk breeze that blew in through the gap between the window and the stone wall of the tower. He pulled the blanket around his shoulders tighter. Then he closed his eyes for a moment, taking a few deep breaths and guiding himself back into reality.
Around him, he could hear the soft snores and sleepy breathing of his friends. James was in the bed to his right, laying on his side, facing away from Remus. James was just as restless in his sleep as he was when he was awake. He rolled around and twitched, now and then muttering something incoherent and flopping over onto his back.
Sirius, who was located on the other side of Remus’ bed, was a heavier sleeper. He’d lay flat on his stomach, often with one arm stuck under his pillow, long dark hair fanned around his face. Sirius was a snorer too. Not the loud obnoxious kind, just soft gentle snores that emanated around the room like white noise.
Peter slept in the bed on the far left of the room, although it was easy, in sleep, for Remus to forget he was even there at all. Peter slept like the dead, in complete silence, curled up into a small ball on the edge of his mattress.
After years of nights like this, Remus had had a lot of time to get to know his friends in their sleep. He’d even grown to find it a source of comfort, listening to their gentle breathing in the quiet of the dormitory, in the dead of night.
To Remus, that sound meant he was home.
He glanced over at the old alarm clock on his bedside table, it’s hands reading 3:15. Remus then stood, his blanket dragging on the floor as he made his way back into bed. He lay down on the lumpy mattress, shut his eyes tightly and listened to the sounds of the night, hoping that this time sleep would find him.
****
“Remus?”
…
“Oi, Rem!”
“Hm?” he looked up from his copy of the Daily Prophet, to see three pairs of expecting eyes boring into him over their breakfast.
“We’re trying to come up with our next prank and we’d like your input,” James muttered, smirking playfully. “I suggested bewitching all the Slytherin’s hair to turn red and gold before our next Quidditch match. That way it’d look like they’re all cheering for us.”
Sirius raised a brow, leaning towards his best friend who sat across from him at the Gryffindor table. “Nah, mate. Come on! That’s way too obvious.”
James scoffed and shoved a spoonful of eggs into his mouth. “Well what’d you have in mind then?”
“Why don’t we fill their common room with snakes? Bet that’d give them a right scare.”
James raised a brow at his friend. “And you said my idea was cliche?”
“What if we put pepper into their pumpkin juice again?” Peter piped up from his spot beside James.
The spectacled boy clapped his friend on the back affectionately. “I like the enthusiasm, Wormtail but we need to be thinking bigger. We want to outdo last year.”
Peter nodded thoughtfully. “You’re right.”
“What do you think, Moony,” Sirius asked. “Surely, you’ve got something cooked up in that brain of yours.”
Remus just sighed, turning back to his paper. “I think that we shouldn’t be having these conversations over breakfast, where everyone can hear,” he stated matter of factly.
A collective groan resounded from the group.
“Ugh, you’re no fun anymore Moony. All this prefect business has had a bad influence on you,” James teased.
Remus chuckled lightly in response. “I think if anything, it’s you lot that are the bad influence.”
“Nonsense,” Sirius exclaimed. “We’re a joy to be around!”
“Come on Moony!” James reached across the table to shove Remus lightly in the shoulder. “You know you love us,”
“Highly debatable,” Remus deadpanned, although he couldn’t help the affectionate lilt that tainted his words. “Now if you fools don’t mind, I’m trying to read.”
“Ooo. Sorry Dad,” Sirius patronised, earning a chuckle from the other two boys before they were quickly snatched up in another discussion.
Remus sighed, rolling his eyes lightheartedly and turning back to his page. He liked to read the paper every morning. It was a sort of tradition of his. Remus felt a sense of comfort in being aware of what was going on in the world, and although his friends often poked fun at him for being an old man (playfully of course), Remus took pride in being well informed. It made him feel like he had a semblance of control.
In many ways, Remus Lupin was an old man in a teenager’s body. He was relatively level headed and mature for his age - qualities he’d been made to develop young on account of his unfortunate condition. He also enjoyed the simple things in life; like hardcover books and cups of tea and the sound of rain tapping on windows. In a friend group full of boisterous trouble makers, Remus was more reserved. He preferred the calm and quiet; places where he could hear himself think. He had the joint pain of an old man as well.
“Maybe I could seduce their head girl,” Sirius proposed, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Or head boy. I’m not fussed either way.”
James scoffed. “That’s not a prank Sirius. You’re just a slag.”
Remus chuckled at that one.
****
James and Sirius dashed down the hall towards the charms classroom later that day. Professor Binns had held them back after their previous lesson to give them a chiding for using a silencing charm on him so they could sleep through class. As funny as it was, they decided it may not have been worth it in the end, knowing that Professor Flitwick would have their heads on a platter if they were late again.
The door flew open as they bowled into the room, grimacing as they stopped the Professor mid lecture.
Flitwick just sighed tiredly upon their arrival, well versed in the uncouth habits of the pair.
“Care to finally join us, boys?” he chided, folding his arms.
“Sorry, Professor. It won’t happen again, I promise,” James panted. It was a lie. They knew it would.
The professor raised a brow. “Naturally,” he stated. “That’s five points from Gryffindor for being late, boys. Now find your seats before you find yourselves in detention.”
The boys nodded quickly, before strutting down the room toward their desk. They plonked themselves down beside Remus and Peter, Sirius sighing loudly as he leaned towards his best friend.
“Geez, that was close. Lucky he’s in a good mood today.”
But James was no longer paying attention. His gaze had been captured by something else, or rather someone. Lily Evans was seated across the way from them, one row in front. If he craned his neck, he could get a glimpse of the side of her face as she listened intently to Fliwick’s lecture.
Her hair was out today, falling in fiery waves down her back. Her lips were pursed slightly, something James noticed she often did in concentration, as she diligently took notes.
“Oi, Prongs. Close your mouth. You’re drooling all over the table.”
James cuffed Sirius on the back of the head causing the boy to hiss. “What was that for-”
“Shut it, Pads,” James muttered, a mischievous smirk climbing onto his face. He then ripped a page from his notebook, scribbling something on the paper before scrunching it up. With a flick of the wrist, he tossed the ball of paper across the room, hitting Lily square in the back of the head.
She whipped around, scowling at the boy and picking up the paper from the floor. James looked content with his efforts, smirking at her and leaning back in his chair.
Lily just looked at him smugly and threw the paper ball across the room without so much as even unfolding it. Then she turned back to her notes.
James scoffed. “Aw, come on Lils,” he muttered under his breath. He proceeded to pull another piece of paper from his book, following his previous steps and once more pegging it towards the girl. This time, she ignored it completely.
James ripped another page, prepared to repeat the process once more when Remus leaned over, giving him a stern look.
“Would you stop that-”
“Mr Lupin!” He looked up at Professor Flitwick who was gazing sharply to where the boys were seated. All three of them froze in place. “Do you have something to share with the class?”
Remus grimaced. “No, not at all Professor.”
“Well, since you boys insist on continually interrupting my lesson, I suppose the three of you will have time to make it up later in detention.” With that, he turned back to his lecture.
Remus sighed, glaring frustratedly at his friends. “Thanks for that.”
Sirius and James met each other's eyes mischievously and began to snicker. They struggled to contain their laughter as they were met with much shushing from their classmates.
****
By the time they left detention that evening, it was dark outside and Remus was pretty disgruntled. Flitwick had made them spend the last two hours scrubbing the underside of the desks in the Charms classroom. Remus was sure he’d be having nightmares about what was under there for weeks to come.
“Well, we’ve definitely missed dinner,” James mused good naturedly. “We might as well head straight back to the common room.”
“Do you think we ought to sneak down to the kitchens later for a midnight snack?” Sirius suggested, his stomach growling as if to punctuate the statement.
“Good idea, Pads. Are you up for it Moony?” James queried brightly, full of his usual pep.
He took a deep breath to keep himself calm, frustrated at his friends for getting him into this situation. He was about to chide them for roping him into their trouble (he was a prefect now after all), when he met James’ eyes.
The quidditch player was smiling at him lopsidedly, his round glasses crooked on the end of his nose and hair a bushy mess, looking like a golden retriever who was ready to play. Just like that, he felt his frustration melt away. James just seemed to have that effect on him.
The taller boy sighed. “That sounds good, Prongs.”
“Great! We’ll make sure to get you some chocolate biscuits. That’ll set you right.”
Remus saw the olive branch for what it was and shook his head fondly, trailing behind his friends as they headed for Gryffindor tower.
As they went, Remus couldn’t help but ponder how James had the ability to seemingly take everything in his stride. He could meander through even the most infuriating situation with a joke and a playful smirk.
Remus had always viewed James as an anomaly, unlike anyone he’d ever met before. To most he seemed like a cocky bastard, full of mischief and bravado. And in many ways, he was. But to the people that really knew him, James Potter was the sun.
He was warm and bright and radiant. So full of love that Remus couldn’t fathom how it could all fit inside of him. To know him was to love him and life was made instantly more wonderful for anyone lucky enough to bask in his light.
The three boys entered the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room, chattering lightheartedly amongst themselves. It was rather busy at this time of night, most students having retired there after dinner. They were strewn out around the place studying for exams and playing wizards chess, giving the room a lively buzz.
In the far left corner, the boys spotted Lily Evans, huddled around a table with Mary Macdonald and Marlene Mckinnon. They were conversing in low voices, abandoned textbooks splayed out across the table in front of them. Lily laughed at something Mary said, brushing a ginger curl behind her ear and dimples popping out as she smiled broadly. Remus could practically see James’ eyes turn heart shaped like something from a cartoon. A smirk painted its way onto his face and he ran a hand through his thick mop of curls.
The poor boy had been lovesick from the first moment he saw her, sat beside each other at the Gryffindor table during the sorting ceremony in their first year. Ever since then, he’d been on an unending mission to win her favour; the only hindrance being that she couldn’t stand him. James just couldn’t seem to help making a fool of himself whenever she was around, which really didn’t help matters. But if there was one thing Remus knew about James Potter, it was that he was stubborn and refused to give up no matter how many insults were hurled his way.
Remus had gotten to know Lily quite well in recent years, he’d even go so far as to say they’d become friends. And in all honesty, he thought they’d make a rather good match if she ever decided to give him a chance. Not that he’d say it to her.
However, he often wondered if James would maybe have more success in his pursuit if he was just himself, rather than all the ridiculous showmanship he’d undertaken up until now. Alas, it didn’t seem like he planned on stopping any time soon.
“I’m going in. Wish me luck.” James announced to his friends before strutting towards the table.
Sirius leaned in towards Remus. “This should be good,” he whispered as the boys observed the inevitable trainwreck.
“Hello, Ladies,” he quipped as he approached them, resting a hand casually on the back of Mary’s chair. He then directed his attention towards the red-haired girl who was already looking particularly impatient. “Lily, my dear. You look as ravishing as ever.”
“Go to hell, Potter,” she spat.
Marlene leaned forwards, clasping her hands on the desk in front of her and raised a brow at him. “So, tell me, James. What could possibly bring you over to talk to us on this fine evening?”
James sent her a sly grin. He and Marlene had known each other a long time and she was well aware of his unending ploy to win Lily over.
“Well, I came over to ask Lily here to Hogsmede this weekend. Just you and me, Lils. What d'ya say?”
Lily leaned on a hand as she looked up at him with a scowl. “I’d rather die.”
“Very well then, see you girls later,” James replied, still chipper as ever, and turned to walk back to his friends.
“Bye James!” Mary called after him, causing Lily to send her friend a sharp look.
“Well, I'd say that went well,” Sirius teased, clapping him on the back. James huffed.
“Yeah! She didn’t hex you, at least,” Remus chimed in.
“She likes me deep down,” James declared. “She just doesn’t know it yet.”
“That’s the spirit,” Sirius remarked, a hint of sarcasm coating his words. He then stalked off towards the dormitory, sending Mary a wink that left her blushing as he went. Sirius and James weren’t far behind.
Upon arrival they found Peter sitting on his bed, wading through pages of Remus’ transfiguration notes with a look of frustration on his face.
“Not having much luck with your studying, Wormtail?”
Peter looked up at James and shrugged dejectedly. “It’d help if I could actually read Remus’ handwriting.”
It was a sincere statement but made Sirius and James laugh either way. Remus rolled his eyes.
“Here, let me get changed and I’ll see if I can’t help you out.”
“Thanks Moony,” Peter replied. “Oh! I almost forgot!”
The smaller boy turned to his bedside where three plates sat, loaded with roast beef, potatoes, green beans and smothered with a generous helping of gravy.
“Wormtail, you are an absolute life saver!” Sirius exclaimed, immediately picking one up and shovelling a generous helping into his mouth. He moaned in delight as the flavours hit his tongue. “I’m absolutely starving.”
Wormtail smiled, looking pleased with himself. “It’s no trouble. I smuggled it out of the hall when I realised you three wouldn’t make it to dinner.”
“Thanks Pete. This is great,” Remus muttered, knees cracking as he took his plate and sat down on his bed.
It was just like Peter to do these kinds of things. He may not have been the most outgoing or intellectually gifted of the group but he was definitely the most thoughtful. He was always looking out for them, remembering the little things they mentioned day to day and willing to lend a helping hand anytime someone needed it. He and Remus got along well in particular. They were both more quiet and introverted than Sirius and James and less prone to attracting trouble (only by a small margin). Peter was someone Remus felt comfortable around. Someone he could just sit with and read his book or play a game of chess with, a game that Peter was impressively good at for that matter.
Peter was soft and gentle and sincere, yet always full of surprises. Every now and then, he’d do something so remarkable and entirely unexpected that the other boys wouldn’t know what to do with themselves. Remus wasn’t sure they’d ever be able to fully unwrap him but he was a dear friend all the same.
The boys finished up their meals and gave a recount of the events of their afternoons before getting ready for bed. Remus then spent the rest of the evening helping Peter with his homework, while James and Sirius mapped out a game plan for their upcoming quidditch match. Eventually James, the early bird of the group, decided it was getting late and took himself off to bed. Peter had practically fallen asleep with his head in his notebook, when Remus decided that they’d studied enough for one night.
That just left himself and Sirius.
Remus was sitting up against his pillows, a book in hand but finding himself too distracted to absorb much of its contents. Every now and then, his eyes flitted from the pages over to his friend, as if controlled by some outside force. He cleared his throat, attempting to reread the same page for the fourth time.
Staring up at the canopy above him, Sirius took a long drag of his cigarette before blowing several rings of smoke, one after the other, into the air. He lay on his back with an arm resting underneath his head. His long lashes brushed against his cheeks as he blinked sleepily, grey eyes tracing patterns in the fabric.
Sirius was an unusually beautiful creature, Remus observed. There was something delicate about him, like a porcelain doll. Remus couldn’t quite put a finger on what it was. Whether it was his hair that fell so perfectly in his eyes, the dimple in his chin or that effortlessly charming Sirius Black smile. He just had the sort of face that made people’s gazes linger when they walked by. A sort of alluring quality that drew people to him like moths to a flame. Himself included.
“Hey, Moony?”
Remus was snapped from his thoughts and was quick to redirect his gaze to his book when Sirius’s hushed voice drifted across the space between their beds.
“What was that muggle band you were playing when we were up here the other day? Y’know, the one with the song about the guy killing his Mum?”
Remus raised a brow. “Do you mean Bohemian Rhapsody?”
“Yeah that’s the one.”
He let out a low chuckle. “The band’s called Queen, Sirius. But I worry you may have severely misheard the lyrics of that song.”
Sirius waved a hand dismissively. “Well whatever the song’s about, it was good. Muggle music is so much better than the shit that you get from wizard bands.”
Remus hummed in agreement. “You’re definitely right about that.”
Sirius rolled onto his side to look at his friend, resting his head on his hand, cigarette still perched between two fingers. “You know, if they’re ever playing a show ‘round here we should find a way to sneak out and see them.”
He had a devilish twinkle in his eyes that, in the dim light of the dormitory, Remus couldn’t help but admire. True to his name, Sirius Black really was like a star. Bright and alluring and standing out against its dark surroundings. Sirius had the power to light up a room with so much as just a smile. He was effortlessly charming and adventurous and not afraid to speak his mind. In fact, it seemed there wasn’t much he was afraid of. He had a strong rebellious streak that ran through his veins, something that he’d developed through years of resentment towards his prejudiced, pureblood family. He was bold and daring and passionate in a way that Remus deeply admired.
“That’s not too bad an idea,” Remus uttered with a gentle smile.
“Well then,” Sirius shrugged. “You’ll have to teach me more of their songs.”
“Will you tossers shut it! It’s late, some of us are trying to sleep!” James reprimanded from across the room.
“Oh well, looks like the warden’s caught us up past bedtime,” Sirius teased. “Sorry Prongs, we’ll be quiet now.”
Both boys snuggled down into their beds and Remus flicked off the lamp that sat on the table between them. They both lay there for a moment before a final whisper was spoken through the quiet of the room, muffled with half his face buried in his pillow.
“‘Night Moony.”
“Goodnight Sirius.”