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Crocodile is used to endless deserts and the vastness of the sea, so being cramped inside a submarine is slightly uncomfortable, and by that he means he'll probably slit open the throat of the next heart pirate who asks whether or not he's alright, because how dare they not believe the 64 times he lied and said he was okay?
At least when he was monitoring Portgas D. Ace he could hide from their prying, but the brat had to wake up and ruin his only escape, it's been an eternity, also known as a week, and he can't take being submerged a second longer, as much as he loves the sea, being inside of it will always feel uncomfortable.
"You look like you're gonna murder someone." Jinbei says handing him a cup of coffee.
"Wanna be the victim?" His tone toy with the edge between a threat and a joke, but Jinbei laughs it off.
"But seriously, you should rest a bit."
"Can't, this tin can sucks."
"This tin can has kept us safe from the marines."
"Didn't say it was useless, I said it sucked, it's cramped, warm, surrounded by water, I can't smoke, and I have to deal with Trafalgar Law's underlings trying to offer me nicotine patches."
"They're trying to help."
"Well, they are doing a shit job at it."
"Funny you didn't complain about the noise as well, I mean Luffy and Ace have been doing nothing, but wrecking havoc, Trafalgar had to redo their bandages like ten times."
"Nah, that's amusing, at least someone is having fun in this death machine."
"You're weirdly fond of them."
"Your point?" He says with a look that dared him to ask more questions.
"Nothing, nothing." He backtracks because he is a smart man.
"Good choice." He says sipping the coffee Jinbei brought him, it tastes cheap, the coffee from Arabasta was a hundred times more flavorful, but it's still better than in Impel Down where he had no coffee at all.
"Trafalgar said we might emerge today still."
"Thank fuck." He sighs unable to contain the relief that washes through him.
Little did Crocodile know that emerging to surface would bring in another headache in the shape of Boa Hancock.
There were many things wrong with that crazy woman, but the way that she talked about Luffy was certainly the one that pissed him off the most, the boy seemed to be completely unaware of her advances, but the fact that she was making advances on him at all pissed him off.
But he had to pretend that those were none of his business, because the crazy lady was offering them help, so he had to bite his tongue.
Out of the warship she brought also came Ivankov, Inazuma, Daz and Benthan, who all escaped together with some other prisoners from level 5.5, but only Iva joined them on the deck of the submarine where the next steps were being discussed.
Against Crocodile's will, Luffy would be brought back with Trafalgar Law's crew to Amazon Lily, and he couldn't find enough of an excuse to join them, so he'd stay and part together with Ivankov as soon as the Perfume Yuda reached their current location, the only thing left to discuss was the fate of Portgas D. Ace.
"C'mooooooooooonn, you should come with me, Amazon Lily is cool, they have good food." Luffy tries to convince his brother for what must be the tenth time.
"I'm not sure I wanna go to an island full of men hating women Luffy."
"Don't say that, they're my friends!"
"Didn't they try to kill you?"
"Oh, I guess, but then they stopped." He shrugs and witnessing that conversation was going to give Crocodile a migraine.
"Still a no."
"You're no fun!" The boy pouts and Ace fondly readjusts his straw hat with a chuckle.
"You could come on the warship." Crocodile offers, and Ivankov doesn't oppose to it.
"He still needs medical care." Trafalgar Law opposes.
"I have medical training." Iva says and that is one of the biggest understatements Crocodile ever heard.
"On the same level as me?" the doctor questions.
"Better." Crocodile says without missing a beat, making confused glares turn to him, but Iva interjects before he can deny them an explanation.
"You flatter me, Croco-boy, I don't think I'm necessarily on the same level as Law-boy when it comes to surgeries, but I've handled way worse aftercares than Ace-boy's, isn't that right?" They ask him and Crocodile can't lie about that, not when Ivankov is the sole reason why he's still alive after his fight with Whitebeard all those years ago.
"Being under Ivankov's care will do wonders for Ace's recover." Crocodile guarantees shortly.
"He's living proof, I was able to fix him up after he challenged an emperor, the little burns on Ace-boy's back won't be nothing compared to that!" They say giving way too much info away, but Crocodile reluctantly nods.
"It's settled then, I'll go with Ivankov." Ace says turning down even more protests from Luffy and Law.
In the days that followed before the Perfume Yuda, it seemed like Hancock and Crocodile competed for who watched Luffy more intensely, and while the boy seemed quite unaware of their attention, the two of them were certainly aware of each other.
"How dare you watch him so much?" Hancock says for the hundredth time when she catches Crocodile watching Luffy fishing from afar.
"Mind your business, Snake Princess." He warns.
"My future husband is my business, Sir Crocodile." She says and he can't help but snort at her delusion.
"He's not marrying you, you're not good enough for him."
"EXCUSE ME?!" She screeches clearly agitated.
"You heard me, you cradle snatcher, he's barely a man."
"He's twice the man you'll ever be!"
"Which makes him WAY TOO GOOD for you!" He argues.
"And who else would be better for him than me? Who else would lovingly accept that he's the son of the devil?"
"Oh you take that back!"
"Take what back? It's true, you heard as clearly as I did, he's the son of the revolutionary Dragon, the worst criminal in the world!"
"Wash your mouth to talk about Dragon, you know nothing of him!"
"I know enough, he's the devil on earth! How could my perfect Luffy have come from a man so vile?"
And that does it, because unlike Crocodile, Dragon is not vile, so hearing Hancock insult him like this makes Crocodile punch her straight in the jaw.
"Oh you didn't!" She says kicking him in the shin with Haki.
"Yes I did!" He says trying to slash her with his hook.
"HOW DARE YOU?!" She tries to turn him into stone by touching him, but as soon as his skin solidifies it turns back to sand and reforms as flesh.
"Your cheap tricks don't work on me!"
"YOU BASTARD!" She says pulling his hair like a toddler, so Crocodile does the mature thing and pulls on her hair as well.
"Why are you two fighting?" Ace is the one who finds them right on time before one of them ends with a bald spot.
"I don't know, this crazy brute attacked me!" She says with her fake charm.
"I'm the crazy one?" He retorts.
"Okay, enough!" Ace shouts. "I don't care who started it, I'm ending it."
"How dare you? You might be Luffy's brother, but you're still just a man!"
"Yeah, stay out of this, child!"
"If you two don't quit it, I'll tell Luffy, and he'll be very disappointed on you both."
"As if I care for what Straw hat thinks of me," Crocodile scoffs, pretending the threat didn't work.
"I'm sure my Luffy will understand, this man was trying to come between our love."
"Your love?" Ace deadpans with a face that tells Crocodile that he is just as tired of Hancock's bullshit as he is.
"Yeah, he says I'm not good enough for him."
"And since when do you care for the opinion of men?" He says still trying to mediate the situation.
"You're right, for a man you're quite insightful, I shouldn't stomp that low as to care for a man thinks of me!" She says before turning to Crocodile. "Your vile words have no effect on me, you bastard!"
"Whatever, just get out my sight." He scowls, and surprisingly she obliges.
"She is cuckoo." Ace snorts as soon as she's out of hearing range.
"I'd say completely insane." Crocodile agrees.
"I saw the argument, you punched first, why?"
"Doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does, you just punched her out of nowhere.”
“She annoys me greatly.” He shrugs.
“I understand, something about her doesn’t sit right with me either, but you should know better than to pick petty fights.”
“It was a moment of weakness, it won’t repeat itself.” he says feeling like a child getting scolded.
That same night the Perfume Yuda arrived on their location, and they'd separate in the morning.
Crocodile couldn't help but watch Luffy as the Perfume Yuda filled both the Polar Tang and the Warship with fresh supplies, he'd soon separate from the boy again, and he was quite against that thought.
"I'll keep an eye on him." Jinbei says.
"I don't care." Crocodile lies, but it's clear he didn't buy it, because he shoots Crocodile a smile.
He watches up close when the boys are about to say goodbye.
"You sure you don't wanna come with me?" Luffy tries one more time.
"Sure sure, there's nothing for me in Amazon Lily." He says and his brother pouts.
"Fine." He whines, and Ace wraps him in a very tight hug.
"Be careful, okay?" He says holding his little brother close.
"Relax, you're not my mom." He snorts, and Crocodile can't help but find it a bit ironic.
"I know, but I'm your older brother, I will always worry for you."
"I know, I know." He says finally breaking the hug and walking up the Perfume Yuda.
"Hey Straw Hat." Crocodile shouts on reflex.
"Yeah?" Luffy says turning his head 360°.
"We'll meet again in the New World, so don't die before that."
"I won't!" He beams and finally boards the ship taking away a piece of Crocodile’s stone heart with him.