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Chapter Text

Utah sat quietly as the rest of the states entered the room for the meeting. He was listening to a podcast for the lead up to a big Mormon conference coming up. Wanting to be up to date on anything he could have missed with all his state work he has been doing recently. He has to be the best Mormon he can after all.

The last person to enter the room was Nevada. That had Utah looking up, I mean how could he not, Nevada just commanded that kind of attention after all. Nevada with his fluffy brown hair with feathers attached to it, to his perfect tanned skin and his long lashes and pretty dimples. Nevada was gorgeous. At least in Utah's opinion.

Nevada sits down after apologizing for being late. He looks up and meets Utah's eyes and just smiles kindly at him before turning and whispering something to California who rolls his eyes. Nevada just snickers before turning his attention to Gov.

Utah tries to pay attention, he really does but he can’t help but think about Nevada. It's an annoying cycle. His mind cycles between three things. His family, His religion, and Nevada.

Utah has known Nevada since the beginning when they were young personifications in the old west. Texas and California weren’t the only cowboy duo around. They used to be thick as thieves. He remembers the days by the camp fires. He remembered seeing the gold specs in Nevada's brown eyes light up in the light of the fire.

(flash back)

Nevada and Utah are sitting by the fire warming up.

“Won’t be long now, the winter will be upon us friend.” Utah said as he quietly looked up at the stars

“Nights like these will be a rarity soon enough, you're right.” Nevada said as he hummed in agreement

“I hear rumors of new settlers en route within the next two weeks?” Utah said as he added more wood into the fire. He then started to cook some fish Nevada caught earlier that day.

“Is that so?” Nevada said as he adjusted his hat. The wind was picking up a bit.

“Hopefully they make it before the first big drop in temperatures, some new blood would be good to find. Especially if they have anyone who can actually shoot a damn.” Utah said thoughtfully. He started to take the fish off the fire.

“Who knows these settlers are a dime a dozen and I don't really care about how well they shoot. As long as I have you watching my back.” Nevada said with a smile.

“Sure as hell will, someone has too, you didn't even know how to fire a rifle before I came along?” Utah said with a smirk.

Nevada rolls his eyes. “ I would have gotten around to it.” Utah raises his eyebrows. “However, that's why I just said as long as I got you, I don't need anyone else.”

Utah smiles as he goes over to sit next to Nevada handing him his dinner. “I wouldn't trust anybody else either, But don’t you worry your pretty little head I ain't going nowhere, you can count on that.”

( flashback over)

Except that ended up not being quite true. Utah swallows, he was sharper around the edges back then. A bit of a loose cannon, Nevada was actually more level headed then he was. It was years before the church came around and helped form him into the man he is today. He said so many things he didn’t end up meaning. Some days he wishes he could go back and keep his promise.

“Utah!” Gov saids as Idaho nudged him.

Utah snaps out of his memories and looks around to see everyone staring at him.

“Sorry about that Gov, I was lost in thought. Can you repeat what you said?” Utah asks quietly.

Massachusetts whispers gruffly to Virginia. “Probably about which bible verse to put up in his living room.” Virginia snorts quietly and smacks Mass’s Shoulder.

Nevada and Idaho glare in their general direction. Gov just looks tired while Florida keeps flinging pens at him.

“I just had a question about how this one law came about? The one about not using gunpowder for headaches” Gov asked after Florida ran out of pens.

Utah lets out an involuntary groan and Nevada starts giggling. “Well gosh darn I really don’t wanna talk about that, but you really should be asking Nevada.”

Nevada smirks and dramatically signs.
“Well, Back in the early 1840’s I convinced Utah here when he was drunk to try to inhale his gun powder to see if it could clear his head pain. Don’t ask me why I thought it would help, I was drunk too. But anyway in the early 1900’s I repeated this story in front of his governor and well you see the law?”

Utah groans as the rest of the states either laugh at him or loudly say they didn’t know he could get drunk? Florida actually pretends to faint at the realization.

“That was before I found my faith, it was a silly time is all.” Utah tries to explain as Nevada adopts a frown.

The laughter dies down as Gov moves onto the next state. Utah signs and sits back as he observes Nevada’s frown before he turns away from him. It seems he can’t help himself from upsetting him.

It reminds him of when they started Drifting apart. It was the late 1840’s and Brigham's Youngs group made their way to Utah. He remembers being introduced to Joseph Smith's teachings. He tried denying them as nothing more than nonsense. But as time went by the more convincing they could be. They kept pointing out how alone he always looked.

He remembered feeling jealous of Nevada hanging out with California while he was in the area. He would come back to their campsite and just hear whispering coming from Nevada’s tent. Sometimes California would pop out and then he would turn and whisper something just for Nevada to pull him back into the tent. He can still remember the sound of California's laughter. He always felt like he was missing something. It started to make him feel a little lonely.

After that he just kept going over to the “Groups” settlement as they went on and on about their teachings, about finding a sense of belonging. Something he desperately wanted as he felt Nevada was drifting from him slowly. He often wondered if he would replace him with California, it just seemed as if he was keeping secrets from him.

He remembered finally accepting their teachings in the mid 1850’s. Nevada and himself barely saw each other as different things were pulling them away from each other. He remembered the sad look on Nevadas face when he left Campsite for good. At the time he thought he was doing what was best for both of them. They would both be free to pursue other ventures outside of each other. He thought that's what Nevada wanted, or at least that's what he told himself.

He thought back to when Nevada finally became a state and how he missed his ceremony to go to church. He thought back to the argument they had afterwards. He remembered Nevada yelling how little he must have meant to Utah if a regular church day was more important than his best friend.

The worst happened when he went to tell Nevada about his engagement.

(Flash Back)

It was a few years after Nevada became a state and two years after the civil war ended. Nevada came by Utah’s homestead to check in. When he came in he saw Utah writing a few letters.

“Utah, I’m here? Can I ask why you called for me?” Nevada inquires as he takes a seat next to Utah’s desk.

Utah looked up and smiled. “I just wanted you to be the first person I told, I’m getting married.”

Nevada looked at him in shock before he tensed . “Married? to whom I didn’t know you were courting anyone?”

“Her name is Ilithiya, she is the daughter of the personification of the Rocky Mountains. From the few conversations we have had I think she’ll make a lovely bride, Can’t you just be happy for me Vada.” Utah said as if he was trying to convince himself of that fact.

Nevada sputters. “Few conversations? Is this some kind of arrangement? Is someone forcing you into this? Who?” Nevada looks at Utah frantically as he asks all these questions.

Utah looks away with his arms crossed. “Brigham's introduced us, he thinks she would make me a great bride and a beautiful mother for my future children. She is a perfect Mormon woman.”

“Is that all you care about, finding the perfect Mormon women? What about marrying for love Utah, that's what you always used to say you wanted? What about that pact you made about wanting
to adventure and see the world? …What about me?” Nevada yells before he saids the last part quietly

Utah stands up in frustration. “What about you? What do you have anything to do with this? I have to get married so I can properly follow my faith Nevada. What did you think we were going to live together forever in front of a campfire? That we would just adventure to who knows where doing who knows what with no plan? We are grown personifications. You need to start acting like it. Also no offense but it's not like you’ve been around much to begin with anyway, that's why i hadn’t said anything to you yet. So I don’t know when we could have planned such an ‘Adventure’ anyway, considering I never even see you anymore” Utah immediately adopted a look of regret in his face after he finished yelling. Utah opened his mouth to say something but couldn't find the word to apologize.

Nevada looks at him in shock, mouth open. He has never known Utah to yell much. Especially to him. He used to snark but never yell. His shock quickly turned into anger.

“I’m never around because you never let me be around Utah. Every time I send a letter it's a 50/50 chance you respond? Anytime I try to pop in you have to go to church. Any conversation is shut down after a few moments before you run off.
It’s like I stopped mattering to you Utah, not the other way around.” Nevada yelled as Utah just stared. Nevada then averts his eyes from Utah.

Utah runs a hand through his long black hair and takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to be yelling at you anymore, but I don't know what you want from me Nevada?”

Nevada swallows and wipes his eyes before looking back at Utah. “I don’t know what I thought.. I think I know what I might've wanted but I don’t know anymore, Hell I don’t really know you anymore do I? So much for you never leaving me behind.” Nevada just goes to leave and shakes off Utah's hand as he tries to grab it.

“I’ll be seeing you Utah, congratulations I hope you are happy with your decision. I just need to get out of here.” Nevada whispers as he leaves and shuts the door behind him.

Utah just stares at the door. He looks down at his invitations and silently starts to tear up. He wants to go after Nevada but he knows he can’t. It goes against everything he is trying to build for himself. Nevada was the first time to pull away how dare turn it around on him as if he started it. He couldn't of.

Utah just wipes off his tears as he goes back to what he was doing. His heart however feels a bit emptier as if it's lost something. He has a feeling it may never truly feel the same again.

( flash back over)

Utah didn’t see Nevada much after that for a long time. He got married to Ilithiya and they settled down, or tried to. His head was in the mindset of trying to create a family but his heart wasn't in it.

When he became a state it was a big day for him. He remembered how excited he had been. At the ceremony was the first time he had seen Nevada in ages. Didn’t get to talk to him however. It was like he blinked and he was gone. He had been on his way too before Woodruff came over.

Wilford Woodruff had been the current leader of the Mormon church. He had come over to congratulate Utah. Then he made sure to stress the importance of pushing Mormon ideals and how Utah had to always be the perfect model for Mormons. Reminding Utah of how lonely he truly had been without the church and how he would hate for Utah to lose any of the community he has made over any slip ups. He smiled and went to leave but not before mentioning how loney Utah’s homestead must be without any children.

There was a sudden loud bang of a chair falling. “What the hell did you just say you little shit” Massachusetts yells

Utah was once again snapped of his train of thought. Massachusetts had decided he was going to fight Ohio as he chased him around the room. Virginia was face palming at his husband. While Louisiana and Florida were shouting fight.

“Is this really the time?” Gov groans in defeat. There is a pile of pens and pencils sitting around him that Florida must've thrown.

Normally Utah would try to stop the fighting as it was childish in his opinion. Today however he really didn't feel up to it. His heart was feeling too heavy. Idaho was looking at him worried.

“You good there buddy?” Idaho whispered, lifting a hand to feel Utah’s forehead.

“I’m fine, pretty sure I just ate something unpleasant.” Utah said as Nevada looked at him with his eyebrow raised as he too noticed he was off. Idaho just nodded and sat back quietly.

Utah decided he was down with all the tomfoolery and stood up. “I’m going to head for the restroom, text me if the meeting gets out?” Utah looks at Idaho hopeful

Idaho nodded his head. Utah quickly made his way out of the room. He felt a pair of eyes watching him as he left. He didn’t want to think about it now. Utah just wanted to go to the restroom to collect himself and clear his thoughts.

Utah lets himself into his office bathroom and looks at himself in the mirror. His black hair chopped short and his blue eyes looked a bit dull, but nothing out of the ordinary. He looked at the scar above his chin and remembered with a shutter how he got it.

He had been having an argument with Woodruff about how it wasn't Ilithiya or his fault that they didn’t have children yet. They tried it just wasn’t happening. The man had then just slapped him and his ring sliced him up. The man just looked at Utah and called him a disappointment to his whole religion. Told him he was too soft on his wife and that he needed to be more commanding. He called him weak and called him a freak because the Govenor mentioned how he kept staring at Nevada at a gala. He remembered apologizing and swearing that Nevada had meant nothing to him, he couldn't love a man after all it was against god's will. Woodruff just nodded at him after all that and told him to get cleaned up and go.

After that day he kept pushing back any thought he had about Nevada. He couldn't think about him without his heart doing flip flops. He couldn't reminisce about their past. He had to focus on his wife, he had to be the best Mormon he could be. That had to be why she wasn't conceiving he just didn’t have enough faith. She assured him as soon as he got home, It would happen one day and that they just had to be patient.

It still took them years before they had any kids after that. His friendship with Nevada however had gotten a bit better. He hadn’t liked how they had left things and his wife told him he should reach out. So It starts tentatively with simple hellos, which turn into letters, which in turn lead to them getting together once or twice a month. Ilithiya actually adored Nevada and loved having him over. He was a good sport and let her use him as a mannequin. Nevada being around actually had the effect of relaxing both Utah and his wife. It somehow felt easier being with Ilithiya now that Nevada was back in his corner. In fact she finally fell pregnant a year or so after they reconnected.

(Flash back)

Utah couldn't help but smile as he held his son in his arms. Little Isaiah was perfect. He looked just like his mother. He already had blonde curls.

“Utah, sweetheart Nevada is here.” Ilithiya said as she quietly walked into the room.

“Ilithiya, Angel you shouldn't be out of bed yet? I could have answered the door.” Utah said as he ushered her into a chair next to the crib.

“I just had a baby, I'm not broken, I can open a door. Besides I know you hate keeping Nevada waiting.” She said hands on her hips with a knowing smile that Utah could never figure out.

Utah just rolled his eyes at his wife and handed her their son. He quickly rushed out into the living room. Nevada was standing there smiling at an old portrait he had of a campfire. He walked right over and gave Nevada a big hug.

“I have a son, Vada, a beautiful heathy baby boy.” Utah said as nevada hugs him back.

“I’m so happy for you, you have been waiting for so long. What's his name?” Nevada asked as Utah let go and just smiled at him.

Utah smiled as he led Nevada back towards the nursery. “ Isaiah Aidan, lIlithiya picked his middle name, she said it was fitting.”

“Beautiful name, Are you sure it's ok i'm here. He was born only a week ago?” Nevada asks nervously as Utah leads him into the nursery.

“Nevada, honey Utah isnt letting anyone else meet the baby before you. Honestly if I wasn't the one that gave birth to him, I don't know if he would've let me meet him before you, trust me it's perfectly fine you're here. I’m happy to see you as well.” Ilithiya said as she stands up and gives Utah their child before hugging Nevada.

“Oh is that so?” Nevada says as he raises an eyebrow at Utah after hugging Ilithiya as she giggles.

“Now Angel don’t exaggerate, I just wanted Nevada to meet his godson before anyone else.” Utah said as he walked over to Nevada with his son.

Nevada’s eyes widened.” Me? You want me to be Isaiah's godfather, I don't know what to say. Are you sure?”

Utah smiles warmly and places his hand on Nevada's shoulder as Ilithiya holds Isaiah. “I would trust anybody else, remember? Now do you want to hold your godson or not?”

Nevada just smiles up with his eyes a little misty. He nods and takes his godson from Ilithiya. He cradles him and Isaiah grabs his pinky finger. “Hi there little man, I'm your godfather, and I promise I'm always gonna be here for you.” Utah smiles as Nevada meets his eyes. His heart feels more complete than it has in a long time watching Nevada holding his son. He almost misses what Nevada said next

“Someone’s gotta teach you how to gamble after all.” Nevada saids with a smirk as Ilithiya laughs at Utah's indigent look as he yells at Nevada.

(flash back over)

Utah smiles at the memory. It really did warm his heart watching Nevada with son, it just felt right. Nevada was actually the godfather to most of his children. His twins Kayleigh and Kaleb’s godfather was Idaho because of a weird situation where he was the one that delivered them. Otherwise it was always Nevada.

There he goes, everything always comes back to Nevada. He adores his wife, he really does. She has been a real rock at times and he appreciates her company. He would be lying to himself though if he said she meant more to him then Nevada. He takes a deep breath at that thought.

He really shouldn't be thinking like that. Not because his feelings for Nevada feel wrong, no its because they feel so natural and right. They shouldn’t feel right, because that would mean that potentially the church could be wrong, because nothing that feels that right should ever be wrong. If the church is wrong though, that means he could be wrong. It would mean that he left and gave his everything to a church that in reality was an escape from a situation he invented in his head. A situation that the church fed like paper to a fire. If the church was wrong it would be he left Nevada behind for nothing. It would mean he let his heart ache and break over the years for nothing. It would mean he hurt and broke Nevada for nothing… it would mean he changed his entire life direction for nothing.

“Utah? are ok?” Nevada said as he reaches his hand onto Utah's shoulder breaking him out of his self destructive trance.

Utah looked up at Nevada then at himself in the mirror. He was crying, how did he not realize. He noticed his face was red and blotchy as well. He quickly wipes off his tears and turned back to Nevada.

“I’m fine, just thinking about how big the kids have gotten is all, Isaiah's birthday is coming up.” Utah says, trying to play off his tears.

Nevada looked at him suspiciously before he smiled. “They really are aren't they? I can't believe you have 9 now. Time really does fly. I remember us being at that campfire like it was Yesterday.”

Utah’s smile tightens, as that thought it what started this mess in the first place today. “ Yeah I remember, good times.”

“They were, but really are you sure you're ok, you know you can tell me anything?” Nevada saids quietly as he grabs a tissue to wipe away the rest of Utah’s tears.

Utah touched at Nevada gentleness, shakes his head. He can’t bring himself to ever ask for more. No matter how much his heart screams at him. He’s fine.

“I know, but really I’m fine.” Utah says as he goes to wash his hands.

Nevada studies him before he sighs lightly and just shakes his head. “Alright I’ll let you be this time, I’m gonna head out I gotta meet Kentucky at 9. The meeting is over by the way Idaho told me to tell you.”

Utah’s heart pings at that before he pushes it down. “Thank you, you're gonna be at Isaiah's birthday party on Saturday right?”

Nevada barks a laugh. “Of course, I got to spoil my godkids. Besides, someone's gotta teach them the correct way to play Uno.” Nevada smirks like he is trying to get a rise out of Utah.

Utah snorts. “You mean I can always count on you to teach my children how to cheat.” Utah then raises his eyebrow at Nevada

Nevada just smiles and opens the door to leave. “Utah, you can always count on me for everything.” He then walks out the door like he didn't just make Utah's heart sing.

Utah just stares at the door. He thinks maybe everything that happened has happened for a reason. He can’t think about his regrets. Besides, it's not like he lost Nevada. He’s still here and is his best friend, and well that's fine. Everything is fine. Its fine.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t fine. 

Utah just stared in shock at his wife. She was looking at him with a bittersweet smile, her eyes tearing up. 

“Divorce? D-Did I do something? Why?” Utah started rambling as he went to take a step forward. Ilithiya put a hand on his chest to stop him. 

She then stepped forward and gently touched his cheek.  “My darling Utah, you haven't done a thing wrong. You are the perfect husband and father. 

Utah touched her hand on his cheek tentatively. “Then why.”

She shook her head. “Honey, you know why. We can’t do this anymore.”

“Can’t do what anymore?” Utah asked gently as he wiped a few of her tears. 

“Playing house. I love our children and I don't regret a single one, I don't even regret our marriage because you're my best friend, but I do regret how much it hurt you.” Ilithiya whispered the last part quietly.

Utah frowned. “Hurt me? Ilithiya, you've never hurt me. You're my angel sent from God himself, you've always been so understanding and hopeful with everything.”

“But I’m not him and I never will be.” Ilithiya said sadly. “I’ve made peace with it, besides I adore Nevada.” 

Utah’s jaw dropped and he averted his eyes. “I have no idea what you’re referring to.” 

Ilithiya grabbed Utah’s jaw gently and made him face her. “I don’t blame you nor am I angry. You can’t help who you fall in love with.” She said that last part with a sigh. “I too, have someone. Someone who I can’t ignore anymore. Like how you shouldn't, we've been denying ourselves happiness for the sake of church I no longer can identify with. It’s not fair Utah.” 

Ilithiya then broke down crying. Utah immediately scooped her in his arms and settled them down on the couch. He held her until she calmed a bit. “Who?” 

Ilithiya looked at him with red eyes. “Appala.” 

Utah nodded, it made sense after all. Whenever Appala, the personification of the Appalachian mountains was brought up she would change the subject. Utah always thought it was funny, because he thought Appala was a sweet girl so it confused him why Ilithiya would get so closed off about her. 

Utah tilted Ilithiya's chin up. “If it would make you happy, I’ll sign the papers.” 

Ilithiya just hugged him. “I want you to be happy too.” 

Utah hugged her back and sighed. “I don’t think the kind of happiness you want for me is available anymore. Besides, as long as you're still my best friend and I have the kids that's all I need.” 

Ilithiya sat back and looked at him with her arms crossed. “You don’t know for sure, because I know, as sure as rain, that you haven't talked to him about it before. Besides, I can't take that title as your best friend as long as he still has it.” 

Utah shook his head. “It wouldn't be responsible right now, we have the kids to think about with all this.” 

Ilithiya raised an eyebrow unimpressed. “Our kids adore Nevada, besides they're smart I don't think they're gonna be surprised. I sure as heck ain’t waiting. As soon as I kick you out the door right now I'm going to call her over, the kids are either with friends or Montana.” 

“You’re kicking me out the door?” Utah asked, amused. The kids not being here made sense because he thought it was odd, he couldn't hear them.

“You bet your butt I am. Please just go talk to him.” Ilithiya asked as she pulled Utah off the couch and started pushing him toward the door. 

He snorted, before turning around with a serious face. “We’re gonna be ok?” 

“Always.” Ilithiya said with a teary smile and she gave him a quick hug. 

Utah smiled before he popped out of the house. He looked around and realized he was at his and Vada’s old camping spot. 

Suddenly fear set in. He wasn’t wrong when he told Ilithiya that he was sure that his and Vada’s time had passed. Heck right now he was probably cuddling with Tuck in a truck somewhere. Which was good because Nevada deserved somebody like that.

Utah messed everything up. Why on earth did Ilithiya think that Vada would even want him now. He hurt him for centuries. He purposely ignored what was going on between them, he gave everything to a church because of jealousy and worst of all he lied to him and himself. He couldn't admit how much he loved Nevada until it was too late.

Collapsing on the ground, Utah started sobbing. He doesn't deserve a chance even if he was given one. 

“Hey, that can’t be true.” A voice came from above him.

Looking up Utah saw Nevada looking down at him with concern. “How d-did you know I was here?” 

Nevada snorted, before he held out his phone. “Life360 dumbass, also Ilithiya texted and said to check in on you? Now why don’t you tell me why you're sobbing in the middle of a desert at 10pm.” He then gently sat himself next to Utah on the ground. 

“Language.” Utah said halfheartedly. 

Nevada laughed before he laid a hand on Utah’s shoulder. “Seriously, what's going on Utah?” 

“Ilithiya asked for a divorce.” Utah said quietly. 

Nevada froze before his jaw dropped in shock. “What the F-Heck.” 

Utah let out a small smile at Nevada's attempt at correcting his language. “She said she was in love with someone else, that it wasn’t fair anymore.” 

Nevada’s face immediately soured. “How dare she? Not fair to her? What about you and the kids? You love her and now she is running to someone else. At least now I know why she was so vague.” 

Utah quickly put a hand over Nevada's mouth. “Vada, it’s ok. She’s right it wasn’t fair to either of us. I’m not mad at her.” 

“You should be, you love her.” Nevada said bitterly. 

“Not the way she deserved.” Utah blurted out.  

Nevada's eyes widened at that. “What do you mean?” 

“I love her, but I wasn't in love with her, she deserves somebody who is.” Utah said simply. He averted his eyes and started playing with the sand.

Eyes softening Nevada squeezed Utah’s shoulder. “I guess, that makes sense. Why are you in the middle of the desert then? You seem like you've made peace with this already.” 

Utah kept his eyes averted. “I don't know. I really wasn't thinking when I teleported away.”

“Utah.” Nevada whispered looking around as if he finally realized where they were. “Why are you here of all places?” 

Looking down at his feet Utah sighed. “I needed you. Didn’t want to bug ya, so I just came here instead because it reminds me of you.” 

“You know you can always come to me, Utah, what is this all about?” Nevada said as he tried to get Utah to look at him. 

Refusing to look at him, Utah responded. “When she told me it wasn't fair to us, she didn't just mean herself, she meant me too. She knew I had been in love with someone else for centuries. She wants me to be happy, I just know it's impossible though that's why I was in the state I was in when you found me.” 

Nevada felt his heart beating rapidly through his chest, he started feeling a little lightheaded. “Why is it impossible?”

“Because he found someone who would treat him like he deserves, I can't compete with that, not after all the hurt I caused him. I just want him to be happy.” Utah admitted, still keeping his eyes on his shoes.  He felt his eyes tearing up again.

Nevada couldn’t take it anymore and roughly grabbed Utah's chin to make him look him in the eye. “That sounds like bullshit to me. You know better than to make assumptions without asking.” 

Utah stared into Nevada’s golden eyes, they were filled with tears too. “Are you not happy Nevada? I know you’ve been seeing Kentucky. He would be so good for you, better than me.” 

Nevada then collapsed in tears on Utah's shoulder at his subtle admission. “You’re an idiot, the world's biggest idiot, an idiot, so big that I don't even have a comparison.” He then squeezed Utah tightly as if he was afraid Utah was gonna leave.

Utah felt confused but melted into the hug nevertheless.

Nevada then pulled back, rubbing his eyes. “Kentucky and I are just friends, you idiot. Don’t you get it, It’s always been you Utah, I love you. Been in love with you since the beginning.”

Utah starred in shock, before he smiled shyly. He took one of Nevada’s hands in his. “Vada.. I love you so much, I’m sorry for being an idiot, for ignoring you, pretending like I didn't know my own feelings, for everything.” He then started to hyperventilate a bit as he realized the weight of the entire situation.

Nevada then brought him back into a tight hug. “It’s ok sweetie, just calm down. I’m not mad at you. We were all stupid back then.” 

Utah started to calm down before he teared up again. “I don’t deserve you, or any of this. I hurt you so much, I was more than just an idiot. I was a self-aware idiot. I joined a religion instead of just talking to you. I made you the godfather to all my children with another woman. How do you not hate me?” 

“Because I love you. I messed up too,  I never talked to you either. I slept around and did every single drug under the sun. I hurt so many people….No one is perfect Utah. I don't care about all the mistakes you've made, honestly it seems like you've punished yourself enough for that.” Nevada said as he rubbed Utah’s arm. He then laid his head on Utah's shoulder. “I just want you to let me love you.”

Utah put his head in his hands to cover up his flush. “I want that.” 

“Then stop denying yourself and let me kiss you.” Nevada whispered playfully. He then grabbed Utah's hands away from his face as he leaned in closer.

Utah looked at Nevada as he leaned in closer. He felt nervous before he decided to be brave and connect their lips before Nevada did. Nevada gasped in surprise before smiling into the kiss. Utah thought it felt like coming home. The way Nevada kissed him slowly, and sweetly. He pulled him closer before moaning when Vada bit his lip softly. He then tangled his hands into Vada’s hair as he felt him explore his mouth passionately. He didn’t know kissing was supposed to feel like this. Vada then pulled back slowly leaving his forehead pressed against Utah's. 

“Fuck..” Utah mumbled before going even redder at his use of language.

“Language.” Nevada giggles softly. He played with the hairs at the nape of Utah’s neck.

Utah looked at Nevada, as if he hung the stars. He was so beautiful, even with his now tangled hair and puffed lips. Utah snickered as he wiped some of the drawer that was on the corner of his mouth. “You're so beautiful, I’m sorry it took me so long.” 

Vada smirked. “You’ll make it up to me. My first demand is you calling dibs on the first child free weekend.” 

Utah barked out a laugh. He then pulled Vada into his lap to make them more comfortable. “Awe, I thought you loved my kids.” 

Vada fluttered his eyelashes at him. “Oh you know, I adore them, but I have plans for you now. Plan that no children should be around for.” 

“Sweet mercy, you’re gonna cause me a lot of trouble now aren’t ya.” Utah said, his face flushing. 

Vada laid his head in Utah’s chest. “You know it. Now that I have you, I'm never letting you go.” 

Utah’s smile turned shy. “You promise?” 

Vada smiled and laced their hands together, placing them between their chests. “Promise, how are you feeling now?” 

Utah looked down at Vada’s shimmering eyes that shone with adoration. “I’m fine, actually I'm better than fine. I feel free.”