Chapter Text
Jack sat on his bed, gripping his hands tightly. He sensed something wrong with them, the way they kept trembling as he held medical equipment. The problem was that it wasn't only for medical equipment, but when he held everything. He turned his head to face the bunch of broken glass in a corner, a reminder of how his hands were getting weaker and the tremors were getting stronger. He knew these tremors would never go away, he'd seen that I'm a lot of people. But that also meant his life as a surgeon was over. He buried his face into his trembling hands, praying for it to stop, hoping his hands would go back to normal…
Minutes later, Hetty knocked on the door and entered his room. “Doctor Dawkins, there's a surgery you need to do now. Belle’s waiting for you downstairs. ”
He stood up and put on his coat, his trembling hands slowly finding their way into the sleeves of his coat. He picked up his bag of medical equipment and headed down.
Belle joined him on his way down as they headed to the main room. The patient was lying unconscious on the table, with Belle having sedated him. “Heart surgery today. Let’s get to work.” With that she handed the scalpel to Jack. “You make the first incision.”
He picked it up. He couldn't let Belle know his hands were trembling. He didn't want to worry her. His hands started trembling again. Clenching them into fists, he tried to focus on the incision. He sliced into flesh, but a sudden wave of pain in his hands caused him to wince. He couldn't go on. It wouldn't only harm him. It would kill the patient.
“Sorry… Belle could you finish this up? I’m feeling unwell…” With that, he handed the scalpel to Belle, and left the room wincing while grabbing his trembling hands.
Belle noticed the way he kept clasping and grabbing his hands, the way he winced whenever he did it. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. The tremor, the way he occasionally grimaced when he thought no one was looking, the way he backed out of the latest surgery — it all added up to something, but what?
That night, she headed to his room. She needed to know. She knocked on the door and Jack, opened it, wincing. “Jack, we need to talk.”
He looked at her, his expression guarded. “About what?”
“You’re not telling me everything, are you?” she asked softly, her eyes searching his. “I’ve seen how your hands shake sometimes, how you wince when you think I’m not looking. What’s going on?”
Jack’s face paled slightly, and he avoided her gaze. “Belle, it’s nothing. I’m just still recovering.”
“No, it’s more than that,” Belle insisted, her heart sinking as she realized the truth. “You’ve been hiding something from me, haven’t you?”
Jack let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t want you to worry,” he admitted quietly. “It started before… before the duel. It’s why I’ve been so careful. I didn’t think it was serious, but after everything… I knew you’d notice.”
Belle’s heart raced. “What is it, Jack? What’s wrong?”
He finally met her gaze, his expression pained.
“I’ve had these tremors for a while now. Sometimes it’s worse, sometimes it’s barely there. But recently, it’s been getting worse. I didn’t want you to know.”
“Why not?” Belle’s voice was filled with both worry and hurt.
“Because,” he hesitated, pulling his hands away from hers, “I didn’t want you to see me like this. I’m a surgeon, Belle. I’m supposed to have steady hands. If I can’t operate… what good am I?”
Belle knelt in front of him, her eyes searching his, soft and full of love. “You’re still Jack Dawkins. Tremors or not, you’re still the man I love. This doesn’t change who you are.”
“But it changes everything for me,” Jack replied, his voice breaking. “I can’t operate like this, Belle. I’m useless. ”
She shook her head firmly, placing a hand on his cheek. “No, you’re not. We’ll figure this out, Jack. Just like you figured out how to save me. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Jack closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. For the first time since the tremors had started, he allowed himself to let go of the fear, the shame. Belle was here, and she wasn’t leaving.
But still he couldn't get over it. His chest tightened, his throat constricted, and before he could stop it, a sob escaped his lips. Jack quickly turned his head, ashamed of the tears he couldn’t hold back. He had always been the strong one, the one who fixed things, who saved lives. But now, with the tremors robbing him of his ability to operate, he felt powerless.
Belle didn’t say a word, sensing how raw his emotions were. Instead, she pulled him into her arms, holding him close as he broke down. Jack buried his face in her shoulder, his body trembling—not from the condition, but from the release of everything he had been holding in.
“I’m so scared, Belle,” he whispered between sobs, his voice cracking. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t operate anymore. I don’t know who I am without that.”
Belle stroked his hair gently, her voice soft and soothing. “You don’t have to figure it out right now, Jack. We’ll get through this, I promise. You’re not alone.”
“I feel like I’m losing everything,” Jack choked out, his tears soaking into her dress. “I’ve always been able to help people, to be useful. But now… I gave up my life of crime just to be here and then…”
“You’re still useful. You’re still the Jack who saved my life, who loves me.” She pulled back slightly, cupping his face and wiping away his tears with her thumbs. “You are so much more than just a surgeon.”
Jack looked into her eyes, his vision blurry with tears. The vulnerability he had tried to hide was laid bare, and he wasn’t sure if he could ever be the same again. But Belle’s steady gaze, the love and belief in her eyes, gave him hope. His voice wavered as he spoke. “What if I can never fix this?”
“Then we’ll find another way,” she replied firmly. “We’ll fight this together, Jack. No matter what happens, I’m with you.”
And Belle held him, her arms wrapped tightly around him, letting him cry until there were no tears left. When the sobs finally subsided, Jack pulled back slightly, his breath still shaky, his eyes red and swollen. Belle gently brushed his blonde, messy hair out of his face, her hand resting on his cheek. With Belle by his side, he knew he had a chance, no matter how small.