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*Knock knock*
Nya’s voice came, muffled through the wood. “It's open!”
Kai shouldered the door open and stepped through the threshold. His sister’s room was cool, with a breeze floating in through the open window. It smelled like a mix of water and nighttime, it smelled like familiarity.
“You called?” Kai said.
He had been worried when Nya asked him to come to her room. There were only so many reasons she would ask his help, like if she’d gotten cold feet and was debating canceling her date. Or worse, if Pixal had canceled on her. But all of Kai’s worries dissipated when Nya turned from where she stood before her desk, and dropped her brush dramatically, sending it clattering against the wood.
“Ugh, thank the First Master,” she groaned.
Wordlessly, she grabbed a handheld mirror from where it had been resting against the wall, and held it out to Kai. The message there was clear, a well-understood ritual from their childhood. Kai took the mirror and retrieved her brush. He then sat down on the floor against Nya’s bedframe and waved her over.
Nya followed easily, sitting cross legged in front of her brother. A practiced scene, something they’d done as kids. Any time Nya had any event, a party or a job fair, Kai would sit her down to do her hair. He had a few go-to styles, but he was at a point where he could semi-confidently do nearly any hairstyle she wanted. Not always well, but that didn't mean he couldn't do it.
With a backwards glance, Nya asked, “Do you still remember how?”
Kai smiled at her, passing the mirror forward for her to prop up on a stray book. He knew she wasn't asking to tease him. It had simply been a while since she’d needed her hair done.
So, with far more projected confidence than he needed, Kai told her to “Have some faith, kid.”
Nya sighed and shook her head, trying to hide her smile. She took a breath and sat up just a little straighter. Her cue for Kai to begin running the brush through her long, black, hair. It was just customary, since Kai hadn’t actually needed to brush her hair since she was… eight? Nine? And by then, she’d been pretending she couldn't do it herself for a while, just to get Kai to brush it for her. And Kai knew he would always be happy to look after her, however he could, so he indulged her.
He hummed, “what were you thinking?”
“Anything works.”
Kai clicked his tongue, “not just anything for a date , I hope” he prodded playfully.
After all, he knew she had something in mind, this was Nya , for crying out loud.
Nya shifted slightly before sheepishly admitting, “I was trying to braid it, but…” she gestured vaguely at the empty air before her.
Kai chuckled softly, “ok, I’ve got something better. Trust me.”
“Kai-“ she began to protest.
While she loved her brother, she wasn’t thrilled at the idea of a surprise hairdo for a very important date.
“If it looks bad I’ll help you take it out?” He offered.
“Fine.” Nya acquiesced, her tone filled with faux annoyance.
But her irritation was token, and they both knew it. So with her permission, Kai got to work sectioning off his sister's hair. He knew she’d love what he had in mind, but he also wanted it to be a surprise. Also, and totally unrelated, he didn't know how to describe what he was gonna do.
He started on one side, drawing up a strand and weaving it into the others before gathering more hair to create a neat French braid. As his hands worked under years of tried-and-true muscle memory, Kai offhandedly remarked;
“You’ve been growing your hair out again.”
“Yeah… mostly, I just forgot to get a haircut last time we were in town.”
“Ah…” Kai knew that the long hair drove her crazy, so he said “I like it long. It gives me more to work with.” Hoping that it would provide some upside to the length.
After a moment of quiet, Kai spoke up again.
“Why don’t you just let Cole cut it?”
The suggestion was just left of completely insane, that much was obvious by Kai’s stupid grin.
Nya cringed to herself, “I don’t trust him to not fuck it up,” she laughed.
Kai hummed, she wasn’t wrong. His boyfriend really only cut his own hair, Kai wasn’t sure he’d know what to do with anyone else’s. Plus, it’s not like Cole’s hair was ever… well, even . It was cute though.
“That’s fair, actually… I think I saw him use a level once-“ Kai chuckled, “Don’t tell him I told you that though!”
“My lips are sealed.”
Even though he couldn’t see her face, Kai knew she was grinning fondly, which made his own smile broaden in turn. Nice, quiet moments like this were few and far between. But that just made them all the more precious to them both.
In an attempt to keep the conversation alive, Kai then changed the topic.
“Are you excited?”
He asked this, even though he knew very well that Nya was practically over the moon. She’d been ranting about this date for the week since she and Pix had made the plans. Partly, Nya was thrilled because a second date meant interest on both sides. And gods, was she already head over heels in love.
(Kai would never repeat that to anyone, of course. Nya had told him that in confidence!)
Nya scoffed, “yes, obviously.”
“Obviously.” Kai parroted.
After only a brief silence, Kai spoke up again. He was clearly trying to start shit, and he would succeed if it killed him.
“Hey do you remember your first date?” He poked slyly.
Nya groaned dramatically, she knew exactly what he was talking about.
“How could I possibly forget… I was literally scarred. Scarred, Kai !”
With a warm chuckle, Kai lied, “it wasn’t that bad!”
“You know that’s not true!”
Kai couldn’t do anything but laugh at that. He did know it wasn’t true. That date had been an absolute disaster, and one that he loved to remind Nya of at any given chance. Just to mess with her. What kind of older brother would he be otherwise?
It was quite the ordeal… back when she was, like, eleven? Insanely young for a first date, Kai thought, but it was alright. Nya had felt too bad saying no, so he figured he may as well be supportive.
The little boy had told Nya not to worry, that he’d handle everything. So they’d gotten her all dolled up, in one of the very few dresses she owned and braided her hair. Only for Nya to find out- as they entered the theater, mind you- that his plan was to try and sneak into an R rated movie. Of course, they were kicked out before they even bought the tickets. Because they looked barely ten for fucks sake.
So they switched plans and went to a small diner instead. It was horribly awkward, but not the end of the world. Even if they were overdressed.
To make the night worse (or better, according to Kai) the kid hadn’t brought his wallet, because he never planned on buying tickets in the first place, so Nya had to cover dinner with what little Kai had been able to give her. Then, at the end of the night, the little boy tried to kiss Nya outside the diner. Luckily for Nya, a sudden downpour of rain came to her rescue and stopped him.
She and Kai had chalked it up to some freak coincidence at the time, but now knowing that the rain was more than probably Nya’s doing, she wanted to roll over and die every time Kai brought it up.
Actually, that’s probably (definitely) why he kept bringing it up.
Nya had originally said yes to the date, reluctantly, sure, but he was sweet, from what Nya knew, so there was no point in breaking his heart before giving him a chance. Though, after that date, she abandoned that particular philosophy.
Either way, this date would be better. For one, Nya actually wanted to go out with Pix.
Kai had done the same thing that night, sitting on the living room floor, he brushed and styled her hair and helped her pick an outfit when Nya overthought it. It’d been so sweet, and even now, Nya was filled with warmth when she thought back to that moment, grateful for his guidance.
Guidance that seemed out of place, now that she was old enough to know that her brother had never had a bad first date, but he’d also never had anyone to help him get ready for one. No one to fuss over his messy hair, or crooked tie, or the lipstick on his teeth- well, maybe not that one. But her point still stood; Kai had always been her caretaker, but no one had ever taken care of him. Not like they should have, at least.
To Nya, that was the one worldly injustice she could never really wrap her head around.
For Kai, it was just a fact of life.
At the same time, he also knew that Nya didn’t need to know about everything he’d done for her. Like the way he sat up in that lonely house, long after Nya had left, and let his mind wander. And then he got sad.
Not for himself, though. Kai never got sad for himself. Angry, sure. But not sad.
That night, he mourned for Nya’s childhood. Or, rather, the childhood she should have had.
Kai was never meant to take care of her, braid her hair and pack her lunches and sign her permission slips. That was the type of stuff their mom was supposed to do. Their mom was supposed to neatly fix the twisted strap of Nya’s dress and smile fondly as she vetoed heels in favor of tennis shoes. Kai was supposed to stand by the door and threaten the little boy that “if you hurt her I’ll…” whatever.
But no. Instead, Kai was there, doing all of those things. And he would always be here, doing her hair with clumsy, fire scorched and forge-mangled fingers. Helping her choose an outfit even though he knew fuck all about fashion. Their mom would know about fashion. She could do all of this better than Kai, but she wasn’t here.
And someone had to help, so Kai would discard his own needs for his little sister, who he loved more than life.
Because he definitely loved her.
And he’d never admit that. Nor would he ever admit the scorching resentment that sometimes threatened to bubble to the surface. He’d continue muffling that particularly insidious anger, because he knew- rationally , he knew- that he wasn’t mad at Nya. He was mad at his parents, for leaving, and at the world, for being cruel.
Besides, it wasn’t her fault he didn’t get a childhood, that was the burden of their parents. But even so, Kai couldn’t help but wish things had been different. But they weren’t, he was here, and he always would be. Even if he wasn’t nearly good enough, even if he couldn’t give her the life she deserved, even if he made more than his fair share of mistakes.
And Kai knew each and every one of his mistakes by heart.
That night had been one of them, and Kai was reminded of it every time one of them joked about it. While they laughed, Kai couldn’t help but think about how Nya had come home that night, drenched, and tried to put on a brave face.
“It’s okay, really!” She had said, in her faux bright child’s tone, “I didn’t wanna go anyways.”
But Kai knew her too well, she’d been his only company (his whole world) since they were kids, barely three and seven.
He saw the way her smile didn’t reach her eyes, and the way her shoulders drooped. She was upset, obviously, and after Kai had gotten the story from her, he knew what he had to do…
Kai had hugged her tight, despite the rainwater, and told her to go shower and change into PJs. They were gonna have a movie night.
Nya’s hopeful “really?!” Had made every decision Kai’d made up to that point worth it.
In the interim, Kai busied himself making popcorn. That was one of the luxuries of the Jiang-Smith household, since popcorn kernels lasted ages, and Kai had his fire so they didn’t waste electricity. They didn’t have a lot, but they did have their little traditions that Kai would make sure to go all out on, every single time.
Kai had seasoned the popcorn with salt, and a little sugar, just the way Nya liked it. He didn’t particularly enjoy the sweetness, but his sister didn’t have to know that. At some point, Kai remembered, his stomach reminded him that he hadn’t yet eaten. At the time, he had just hoped Nya wouldn’t notice.
Once the popcorn was done and set in the living room, Kai began looking for a movie to watch. It was tricky to find something that was good for an eleven year old, since most of their CDs were from when their parents were still around. Meaning, children’s films. The other end of the spectrum was a bunch of tapes, and a few CDs, from before they were born. Needless to say, nothing from the past ten years.
Kai picked out a few good-enough options, and settled to give Nya the final say.
That night, she’d fallen asleep on his shoulder while some D-list horror story played on their old tv.
The edges of that memory always made Kai smile. Much like peace, good childhood memories were scarce, but that just made this one all the more special.
After that, Nya hadn’t tried to make any more conversation, so Kai figured she was just distracted. He kept on deftly twisting strands of hair together, working his way back to meet the other braid he’d already tied off, when Nya finally spoke.
“Why did you do it?”
Briefly, Kai wondered if he was dead or dreaming and being tortured in some hallmark haunted house. Seriously, who asks that question in real life?
“Hm? Do what?”
“Stay.” She clarified, “why did you stay and raise me when our parents disappeared?”
Kai’s hands faltered, he had no clue where to even start with that, so he avoided it.
“What kind of question is that?”
He tried to keep his tone light, but Nyas soft embarrassment drowned his mind in sorrowful confusion.
“You could have been happy, but instead you stayed to raise me. Alone.”
Kai laughed softly, sadly, “I couldn’t have been any happier than when I was with you, pearl. I couldn’t have just walked away-“
“Oh.” Nya responded flatly, in a tone that conveyed that she had wholly misunderstood Kai’s point.
“I never wanted to walk away, or anything!” Kai quickly amended. “I- it’s like, every time I looked at you, all I could see was my little sister who had no one to protect her. Not like I could, at least. So I knew that I had to do just that, protect you. As best I could, I mean. I never- it’s not like I did it selflessly, but I also didn’t want anything more than to make sure you were safe and happy. I did it because I love you.”
When his sister didn’t respond, Kai kept on talking.
“When they disappeared, you were all I had. And even before- well, dad wasn’t around much, and mom was distracted when she was. So you were already my whole world, and even then I know I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again. I can’t imagine not having you in my life, and I know that if I had another shot, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it all again… I chose to stay, not because I had to, but because I love you too much not to.”
Kai trailed off, he’d stopped braiding for a moment to just twirl a few strands of Nya’s soft, ink black hair between his fingers.
“Do you ever regret it?” Nya asked, almost like she was scared of the answer. Kai understood why, but he hated that she even worried about this. If Kai had his way, Nya wouldn’t ever need to question anyone’s love for her.
“No.” He answered firmly, “not ever. I only really regret not doing enough for you… even now, I know this isn’t how you thought life would go. Hell, who could have predicted any of this? And as much as I wish I’d been able to give you, like, a normal childhood, a normal life, I couldn’t. That’s the only thing I regret, but I mean…” Kai paused to chuckle, “clearly you managed, because despite me , you’re like- the coolest, most badass, smartest, and most beautiful little sister I could’ve asked for!”
“ Kai-“ Nya whined through her laughter, it was no secret that she looked practically just like their mother, especially with the long hair. But she still blushed, embarrassed, whenever it was mentioned.
“Though, nowhere near as good looking as me!” Kai joked with a flourish, making Nya laugh harder.
He’d be lying if he said Nya’s laughter wasn’t his favorite sound in the whole world. For the simple reason that laughter meant she was happy, and that's all Kai ever wanted.
As he finished the second braid, he asked in feigned nonchalance, “How long have you been waiting to ask that?”
“…a while.” Nya admitted hesitantly.
Kai frowned, “why?”
Nya went quiet, thinking it over, before responding. “When our parents came back, they weren’t… what I imagined. They’re probably just, I dunno, out of practice? But that made me wonder if it really was that easy to leave us behind, you know? And then, I started thinking about why you didn’t do the same…”
Kai took a breath. He’d thought the same- about their parents. But he’d kept his mouth shut because so long as Nya got her parents back, wasn’t that enough?
Well, evidently not.
When he finally decided to speak, Kai only offered, “I don’t know why they found it so easy to leave,” he shook his head, “but I could never do that. I just- I have to keep you safe. You’re my little sister, and my whole world”
“Aww Kai, you big softie-“ she teased.
Nya then tried to turn, “quit squirming!” He lightly scolded. Nya took a deep exaggerated breath and held it to stop from laughing, she held perfectly still as Kai tied the two braids together with the black elastic that he kept on his wrist. Just in case she ever needed it.
“Okay, you're set!” He announced, placing his hands on her shoulders.
Nya released the dramatic breath, “Thanks!”
“Unless…” he pulled her back by the shoulders, so he could lean over and look at them both in the mirror, “you want curls?” Kai smiled, totally not in a conniving way. Not at all.
Nya looked confused in the propped up mirror. “I don't own a curling iron.”
“Oh, you misunderstand. I am a curling iron!” Kai held up his hands and sent embers shimmering across his fingers.
Nya yelped and batted his hands away from her hair, “absolutely not!
Kai laughed and backed off, “fine!”
He’d given up easily, he couldn’t really push too much anyways. He didn’t have the will for it.
Nya grinned back at him, increasingly aware of how lucky she was to have Kai as her big brother. He was probably a better parent than their real parents would have been.
Ugh, no, he was definitely a better parent.
“Wanna help choose my outfit?” Nya asked, already standing.
Kai leaned back against her bed frame, “Hell yeah! What did you have in mind?”
Nya pulled two outfits out of her closet, each folded across just one hanger. Clearly, she'd planned them out long in advance, and as she held them up for Kai to see, he understood her indecisiveness.
The vibes were very different, one was a sleeveless, pale blue dress with black leggings folded across the hanger. The other was a pair of ripped black jeans, and a sleeveless white turtleneck.
What is up with this kid and sleeves? Kai wondered. He chose to avoid saying something that might get him punched. Which was anything.
Her signature leather jacket was sitting on her bed, so Kai assumed she’d be wearing that either way.
Kai cocked his head from where he sat, “I thought you hated dresses?”
Nya just shrugged, “They’re fun, sometimes. I hated wearing them all the time when I didn't want to. They're also impractical as fuck, but I’m not planning on kicking anyone's ass tonight.”
“Ah, okay. Have you checked the weather report?”
Nya huffed a laugh and shook her head, “of course I did, but that's not important ”
“Yes it is!” Kai protested, “you don't want to freeze! And what if it rains?!”
“It's not gonna rain, chill out Mom ” Nya groaned dramatically, missing the way Kai beamed at her, “Now come on we're running out of time!”
“Okay, okay. Which outfit do you like better?”
Nya hummed, “I like ‘em both, but maybe this one?” She held up the outfit in her left hand, the jeans and turtleneck.
Kai nodded along, “I do too, also you definitely wore the dress on your last date.”
Nya blinked and held the hanger in front of her face, studying it like it had a “last worn on:” label.
“Did I?”
“Yeah,” he stood to put a hand on her shoulder, “but you'll look wonderful no matter what. And I’m sure you're both gonna have a great time, because Pix adores you. Alright? I'll leave you to get dressed, but lemme know if you want your makeup done.”
Nya grinned, “Thanks, Kai.”
“Always” and as he turned to leave, Nya spoke up.
“I mean it, though. Thank you, for everything, you're the best.”
He smiled and gave her a faux salute, “I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Have fun tonight!”
After the door was shut, Kai heaved a sigh. He knew he’d never really get rid of the deep set guilt that had long since settled in his chest, but at least he could confidently say that Nya didn't blame him the way he blamed himself.