Chapter Text
Two minutes and 18 seconds.
Clark looked up from his work. “That’s all it took?” he said.
Bruce nodded.
“I mean. They can’t be real people, right?”
Bruce shook his head.
“So they ran some AI on us as soon as it was online…”
Bruce nodded.
The picture was nothing. Superman was leaning toward Batman, looking at some metal shard lodged in a brick wall. They were close. But they fought alien monstrosities together for fletcher’s sake: they had their hands all over each other all the time. But: from another angle, and the picture was blurry, but if you still zoomed in a bit, you could get something. And that something was Superman’s back overlapping Batman’s front, both heads tilted just right for their mouths to apparently align.
Nothing. “Just saying, Perry would can that picture to hell and back,” Clark had said when he’d seen it. “That’s a settlement shot. We publish it, they sue, we settle.”
Bruce had clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. Indeed, the internet and Perry White were two very different creatures.
Clark had gone home. In the cave, Bruce had peered more scrutinously at the computer. He acquired over fifty copies of the file, but the original eluded him. It came out on The Verge at 10:11 and 15 seconds. Two minutes and 18 seconds later, a gif surfaced. A pisspoor job of one, but Batman’s hands were on Superman’s back, and their heads moved this way and that to signify kissing.
With their short refractory period and varied enthusiastic partners, gifs have one of the quickest and most efficient reproduction rate in the media kingdom.
And so here Clark was, looking at three screens worth of Batman and Superman getting it on in various ways, positions and states of undress.
He looked at a minimized tab in the fourth screen. “What’s that?”
Bruce drank from his tea.
“There’s more of it?”
Bruce put his tea cup down. “That’s the porn.”
Clark looked at the tab and back to Bruce.
“You want to-…?”
Clark took a cup from the tray. “No. I’m good,” he said.
“Lois showed them to you already, right?”
Clark nodded.
“And Cat?”
“Yep.”
“They’re on the Daily Planet group chat.”
“Yep.”
Bruce’s hands went over his face.