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it’s hard to find a partner that truly gets you, but brandon was lucky when he found dylan. after many months of angst and pining and denial, it finally came time that they just admit their feelings. a long conversation was held between the two. at some point, they came to conclusion that they want to be together. so badly. yearning to grasp what could be really beautiful, yearning to just taste what it could be like. dylan takes brandon’s hand,
and presses it to his lips.
just a little taste. but the hunger, the craving, needs to be fed more. but they can’t. they want to feel more, more than anything. ‘but what will happen?’ they ask brandon. brandon meets their eyes. ‘we can figure it out. together.’
moving slowly, being sure they both savor this moment, they bring their faces close to one another. their foreheads touch, hearts are racing and both their hands shake as they grasp one another. their lips get so close. one mouth opens slightly, whispering, ‘are you sure you want to do this?’ he quickly gets stopped by the other bringing him in. his stomach twisted in knots starts to unravel. his lips are barely touching theirs. it takes a few seconds to process that This is happening. they pull each other closer.
it’s soft, like when the snow first starts to fall, and all you can think is how beautiful it is. not thinking about how impactful that little fall will be, when it entraps you and wonder if you’ll want it gone. because you don’t. you don’t want it to end.
but at some point you need to breathe.
brandon detaches himself from the other boy, chest rising up and down. dylan’s eyes stay focused on brandon’s lips. they’ve reddened just the smallest bit. the only sounds are the soft breaths between the two. but comfortable silence is so overrated.
‘one of us should probably say something’
‘don’t speak. just kiss me again.’
and so they kiss again. and again. and again. until it’s a comfortable feeling, until they can recognize each crevice, until brandon’s dad walks in.
they pull away from each other so fast they’re seeing stars.
‘dad, it’s not what-‘
‘i think it’s time that dylan goes back home.. and doesn’t come back.’
meeting each others eyes, they manage to speak a million words to one another.
dylan never returns. he gets to see him at school, or at the diner, but it’s not the same.
‘so what do i gotta do to square things with your old man?’ dylan asks. they’re in the all-familiar diner.
brandon thinks for a moment. his father can barely look him in the eye ever since he caught him and dylan. even during the conversation between the two where it was less of a conversation, but more of just being yelled at. he more so blacked out, only thing he can remember is the utter disappointment and anger in his fathers voice. ‘look dylan,’ he starts
‘you know i love you, man, but if there was something you could say that would patch things up between you and my dad i’d tell you’
dylan thinks for a moment ‘but i didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong.’
‘i know. because i’ve already fallen helplessly in love with you, nothing he says or does can make me stay away from you.’
‘say that again,’ they whisper, needing to be sure they heard him correctly. he presses his lips to dylan’s and its that now familiar feeling. the feeling that maybe everything will be okay.
until it wasn’t.
days, weeks, even months, continue to pass. their love continues to stay a secret.
without his father knowing, brandon sneaks away for a night at dylan’s.
they haven’t seen one another for a couple days.
‘bran!’ dylan seems startled at brandon’s appearance, his figure only being visible from the glowing moon, and the dim lights of the doorway. ‘i needed to see you. can i stay here for a night or two?’
dylan stays quiet for a moment. ‘i’m not sure if tonight is a good night…’
brandon pleads with his eyes, and dylan can’t resist.
leading to his room, not grasping for the boys hand, he continues to stay silent until they reach the bedroom. dylan lets out a sigh of relief when he closes the door. brandon notices, ‘what’s going on, my love?’
‘my parents found out about us. someone my old man works with saw us at the pit…kissing. i mean- they kinda figured i wasn’t straight but i wanted to tell them on my own terms. when i was ready. but now they know and i just can’t help but feel weird about it. what if they weren’t cool with it?’ brandon processes for a moment.
‘why didn’t you tell me?’ he asks them. dylan looks away, they don’t get it either.
‘i couldn’t.’ he looks back up, sadness piercing through his eyes. ‘i just… this isn’t all i thought it would be. i just want us to be able to be with each other without it hurting people around us and feeling the extra pressure. it’s not fair that we can’t even truly be a couple without judgement. we can’t go to your house anymore, we get caught at the pit, we can’t even hold hands at school because our friends don’t know. i don’t want these four walls to be our only safe place. why are My parents the ones okay with us? your place used to be an escape, i mean, you know better than anyone how much i hate it here.’ brandon takes in every word dylan is saying. he Knows if he doesn’t say or do the right thing, this will end badly. ‘i hear you, man, and i get it. it sucks. it sucks So bad. i don’t get it either. but we are in this together, you can’t shut yourself out from me. i’m here to listen to you. to be there for you. to love you. okay?” he brings himself closer to dylan
wrapping his arms around the all familiar shape, his head resting between their shoulder and neck. breathing in the scent of a musky cologne that has since become a comfort
and dylan’s arms take in brandon, planting a kiss on the back of his neck.
they stay like that for a while.
the world keeps spinning but they stay there.
their weekend is filled with lots of kisses, tears, cuddles, late night talking, reading, guitar playing, dancing, more kissing, sharing the same bed, and an experience that could only be described as getting to know each other inside and out.
but as the world keeps spinning, monday morning they get hit with reality.
they go to school.
classes dread on.
people talk.
information is spewed out.
they find each other in the hallway, grinning like two little kids. nobody exists but them.
‘i’ve been thinking about you all day’ the shorter boy says, and puts his arm around the other boy. ‘thank you, y’know, for this last weekend’
dylan mimics brandon’s physical touch
they smile at him. ‘anytime!’
and pulls him into a kiss.
it didn’t mean to happen. they were seen. and that’s when it started to get worse, just as it was becoming something so beautiful. how could someone hate something that was this special? this sacred?
the sneer comments, the words that spewed out of people, it was bad.
it didn’t take long for both sets of parents to find out about the bullying.
brandon hasn’t looked in his fathers direction in almost 5 months. his sister knew Something happened, but never pressured him to tell her. he knows that she knew by now. his mother was the one who got the call. the confrontation was unavoidable.
his family clambered into his room, including his father.
he gets questioned by his mom, ‘why didn’t you tell us? you know you can tell us Anything’ ‘how long has this been going on?’ ‘are you okay?’
his sister sits down next to him, giving him a supportive hug.
he struggles to answer his mother’s questions. he tries. ‘the bullying started before the school found out.’ he makes quick eye contact with his father, then continues to stare at the wall. ‘we didn’t mean for it to happen, something about it just felt right…’ he looks to his father, ‘but then Someone told him to leave and not come back. Someone yelled at me saying i’m a disappointment. Someone told me i’m no longer his son. Someone called me something that i’m not comfortable repeating right now.’
tears start stinging his eyes. the silence rings in the air.
his father leaves the room. his mother sits down on the bed, squeezing her son into a hug. he cries into her for a while. his body starts to feel heavy and tells his mom that she can go. ‘are you sure?’ she asks. he nods, ‘yeah, i think i’m gonna sleep for a bit.’
‘okay, honey. rest well, i’m gonna have a talk with your father.’
the next morning, brandon wakes incredibly early. he needs to talk to him. picking up his phone he dials the number that his fingers have recognized the pattern of. ‘dylan..’ his morning voice husks into a plan.
the two boys meet each other at the mountain miles away.
‘how have you been?’ dylan asks after giving him a warm hug. brandon exhales, ‘i confronted my dad last night. i thought it would be freeing for my mom and sister to know how he’s been treating me these past few months, but i honestly feel even more of a burden. my mom stayed in my room for hours till i pretty much cried myself to sleep.’
‘i shouldn’t have done that…’ dylan responds.
‘done what?’
‘kiss you. at school. at the pit. in your room. ever.’
dylan links his pinkie into brandon’s
‘i think i love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone else.’
brandon chuckles at this. ‘i love you too. this has been an adventure i never thought i would get to experience. i need you to know that we are in this together. okay?’
he fully holds onto their hand.
‘i should’ve seen it coming, i shouldn’t have let my guard down.’
‘dylan,’ brandon says, ‘there is nothing wrong with us being together. we both know that. i need you to know this, okay?’
dylan leans forward, ‘please. please don’t leave.’
‘where is this coming from?’
they stare out into the view. they’re up so high on this mountain.
he kisses him. not like any other kiss.
he kisses him back.
just a few steps forward could be the end of it all.
‘dylan… i know you better than anyone. we’re both struggling here, you can talk to me. i don’t at all regret anything that has happened these past few months. it’s really, really, hard and that is why we have each other. i won’t leave you. okay? nothing can make me do that. you’re such a beautiful person, god, you’re so beautiful. inside and out.’
he holds dylan close to him.
they’ve gotten closer to the edge.
dylan looks into brandon’s eyes
‘i’m sorry.’
‘don’t be.’
and in just a few moments, they embark on a new adventure.