Work Text:
Il Tavolo Blu
As they were waiting for their order in the Italian restaurant, Jane sighed. He had to admit it: he was, indeed, very tense – a feeling he was not used to. He slightly resented Abbott for this, for it was obviously a set-up. Did Lisbon have any clue about this? he thought. Jane tried to regulate his breathing, mentally going to his happy place, an isolated lake in Oregon, that he used to visit for a few weeks every year when he was a carny kid. He tried to focus on the trees, their piney scent, and the sniff of green leaves, their music chanting in his ears. Somehow, it wasn’t enough. The imaginary wind was muffled by his own heart beating and his palms were getting sweaty. Is she aware of the date-like atmosphere? She has to be.
“Excuse me, he said suddenly, I need to go to the bathroom”.
“Don’t get yourself in trouble, is all I ask” sighed Lisbon. She knew it was probably a lot to wish for and she looked resigned, although a smile gave away her amusement. “Not before the dessert anyway, the food seems amazing!” At least she could enjoy a good meal.
“No problemo. It’s Italian.” He teased again, beaming.
“Stop it!” She laughed.
Once in the restroom, a sense of déjà-vu hit Jane by surprise: all at once, he remembered isolating himself in the bathroom while on a “date”, almost seven years ago – that long, really? He touched his ring, remembering his diner with Kristina all too well. While he had enjoyed the evening with the so-called psychic, this kind of situation was too much for him back then. However, things had change, hadn’t they? He was not the same man, he was no longer bound by his need for revenge, yes, he was now a free man, and women he showed interest in were not threatened to be killed by Red John anymore. He had experienced it on the island with Kim, craving for company so much he hadn’t even realised that she was an undercover FBI agent. He exhaled deeply again – he was not the same man. And the woman sitting next to him was neither Kristina nor Kim. He tried to convey his happy place again. But all he could see now, was Lisbon. With Pike. His own heart racing and despair eating it inside out. Jane was now practicing one of his breathing techniques in last resort, which were not unalike meditation and extremely efficient. He was actually comfortable with Lisbon – the thought of losing her, however, was literally unbearable.
Abbot was right.
Lisbon watched Jane leave and started daydreaming. What a nice place! It was really unfortunate mobsters were coming here. The setting was very romantic and the waiter had thought Jane and her were a couple. It was not the first time, to be honest – except that they actually were a couple right now. Undercover. Sort of. She was not complaining anyway: this scenario had always been a (unhealthy) treat for her. Last time, they pretended to be a married couple to outsmart art thieves and she had had a lot of fun. But more than fun, she had to admit she liked how Jane was calling her “Teresa”, “darling”, and how he showed slight marks of affection towards her, his fake wife. For a moment, she was allowed to have something she had dared to dream of. Of course, returning to real life was always a difficult and hurtful thing to do and she was getting tired of living the dream in a lie. If she was being truthful, she had expected a change in their relationship – the letters he sent while on the island were quite open-hearted (well, for Jane, anyway, as he was a private person) and she had been really moved by his attention. She had known that Jane and her had a very special relationship, back when they were chasing Red John. A lot of things had been left unsaid; some were taken back. But Jane was a professional liar, and although she trusted him, she knew it was a gambit and that he could be playing her. She didn’t think he was, but this was in the realm of possibilities. The letters proved she was right to trust him. Yet, there was a status quo – or even worse, he seemed more distant than ever. What was the point of all this? Why did he make her come to Austin? She looked around her and saw couples laughing and holding hands. Well, she decided that she could live the dream for a few more hours. Her resolution was interrupted by her phone that vibrated on the table. Marcus was asking her about D.C. What the hell am I doing?
Jane sat back and observed Lisbon’s concerned expression, as she was looking at her phone.
“Pike?”
“Yes, hum. He asked me to move with him to D. C., you know.”
“What are you going to say?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“But something’s wrong.” His tone was affirmative but soft. “You look worried.”
“He’s being insistent, understandably. But…”
“Il pollo alla cacciatora e la trotta alla griglia” the waiter interrupted. They both thanked him and stared at their delicious plate.
“Gosh, I’m starving” realised Lisbon.
“Well, I noticed, as I could hear your stomach from the bathroom.”
“Hush!”
They started eating and kept on talking. Yes, it was easy not to be hungry when he was eating on crime scenes. Well, maybe it would be easier for her if she weren’t consistently refusing his food. And so they went, teasing and laughing, simply enjoying each other’s company, side by side, looking like those long-married couples who still have these sparks in their eyes.
“You know, the sauce is good but my chicken is a little dry. How’s your fish?”
“It’s delicious. You can try some if you want.”
“Oh, I’m not bold enough to steal a perfectly cooked fish from a starving Lisbon.” He smiled, but still took a bite with his fork. “Mmh, you’re right, it’s amazing.”
“It is, isn’t it?” she said while picking at his chicken.
Chicken cacciatore made Lisbon think of Rigsby, when he first arrived at the CBI. The young agent had tried to eat the Italian dish while wearing a very white shirt. Long story short, it didn’t go well. At all. She laughed remembering his awkwardness and told Jane a story he didn’t know and that she had completely forgotten about until now. They spent the rest of the meal talking about the old days, until dessert arrived.
“Did you know” said Lisbon teasingly “tiramisu was Italian for cheer me up?”
“I didn’t. And here I was bragging about my meraviglioso italiano, but you are the real show off.”
“How am I the show off? You’re the one who kept saying molto bene to the waiter!”
He laughed and looked at their shared panna cotta – unfortunately for Lisbon, the restaurant had run out of tiramisu.
“So, how else can I cheer you up?”
“You already did” she said sheepishly “I had a very nice lunch.”
“Me too.” They smiled at each other, but Lisbon’s smile faded into a concern expression.
“What should I do, Jane?” she asked, expectation growing in her eyes. She knew he just needed to say it, and she’d stay.
Jane remembered their heated conversation on the plane, months before. He had no right to tell her what to do, to keep her apart from what seemed to be a good man, a man she truly deserved – not a liar. His heart ached.
“You should do what makes you happy”, he said. “Nothing is more important to me than your happiness, Teresa.” He tried to put on a stoic face, but he knew his emotions were not well hidden. Lisbon also appeared to be on the verge of tears.
“What if I can’t have what would really make me happy?” she asked again, softly.
“I’ll bring you a tiramisu tomorrow, I promise.” Jane replied, failing to relieve the tension.
“It’s no joking matter…”
“I know” he said, more seriously and paused.
“I can’t put my life on hold forever, Jane. I… can’t leave without knowing… I need to know if…” she gathered her courage but before she could finish, Jane interrupted her.
“Please, don’t go to D.C.” His plea came out of his mouth before he could think about it. He sighed and a tear was falling on his cheek, as though all the tension was finally exploding. He took Lisbon’s hand and they stared into each other’s eyes.
“The thought of being apart from you again is unbearable. The idea of letting anyone close to me is terrifying for obvious reasons, but the truth, Teresa is, I can’t imagine waking up knowing that I won’t see you… the truth is, I love you.”
Lisbon too was crying now. She would stay.