Chapter Text
PAGE 0.
After a long journey, you have finally arrived at the Catacombs of War. The entrance is easy to find and you make your way inside. The chambers are dusty and cool as you step in - a nice change of pace from the hot sun outside. The passageway you find yourself in is tall and narrow, with grave niches built into the sides. You come upon a spot where the passageway splits off into multiple different ones. Your torch is casting shadows upon the walls as you decide where to go from here.
If you want to take the noisy path, turn to page 11.
PAGE 11.
You decide to take the noisier pathway. As you venture towards it, you hear the sounds of people yelling, water dripping from an undisclosed location and the sound of distant scuttling. Noise seems to bounce off these walls like trampolines. You decide to investigate something, but what?
If you want to investigate the scuttling, go to page 53.
PAGE 53.
You turn towards the distant scuttling. You find a pathway that branches off. There are roots that come up through the cracked tiles of the roof and floor. You step over them, making sure not to trip. As you get closer to the scuttling, you turn a corner and see a rickety rope bridge over a pit of beetles. They look hungry. Behind you, you think you see the roots begin to move but it may be a trick of the light.
If you want to drink a potion of flying you stuffed in your backpack, turn to page 26.
PAGE 26.
You successfully retrieve a bottle of swirling, blue liquid from your backpack and down it in one swig. You feel your body growing lighter, responding to your mind's wishes of floating above the pit of swarming beetles. You almost manage to cross the pit and land on the other side, when a stray root emerges from the ceiling and wraps itself around your wrist.
If you want to cling onto the root with all four limbs and hope not to die, turn to page 544.
PAGE 544.
Your wrist is pinned. You realise there is nothing you can do but cling onto the root and pray. All four limbs wrap around the root as you're hanging off it like a sloth. The root is wrapping more tendrils around your limbs, almost gently. "Easy now", you say. It's a root, there's no indication it possesses any kind of sentience. Still, you speak, mostly to calm yourself. The root wraps tendril around your eyes, blocking your view. You can feel that you're moving but you don't know where. Suddenly, the root withdraws from you, leaving you heaped in the middle of a large cavern, decorated with skulls and imagery of an ancient war. Lighting another torch from your bag reveals that the root has taken you back to the side of the bridge you came from and down, somehow. It seems the pit of beetles is in a room leading off of the cavern you are currently in.
To detach one of the skulls on the wall, go to page 238.
PAGE 238.
You turn to the skull nearest to you - it seems to have belonged to an animal of some kind, a deer maybe? You can't quite tell. What you can tell however, is that it would provide a very nice decoration in your home. You reach for it with both of your hands and try to detach it from the wall. It seems stuck, but before you're able to take a closer look at what holds it in place, you hear clanging of metal coming from a passageway behind you.
If you want to remove the skull from the wall and examine it closer, turn to page 70.
PAGE 70.
You pull and tug at the skull until it eventually breaks free, your torch clattering to the ground in the process. Examining it closer, you notice what was holding it in place. Roots snake up the walls in here, converging at a point in the ceiling. As you're looking up you don't notice the mass of roots and a strange black sludge sliding towards the skull, filling it until it forms a bipedal deer-like creature which stands much taller than you. It seems hostile.
PAGE 72.
That deer does not seem friendly. It's time to go. And hey, maybe you'll find out what that mysterious metal clanging was about. You turn in the direction the clang had come from and head swiftly into the passageway, not looking back. This passageway is very narrow, so you hope the deer cannot follow. As you hurry along, the smell of metal becomes stronger. The roots still run overhead but the decorations become more elaborate. The skulls wear helmets, now, the bones are engraved with strange runes. The path ends in a larger room that looks like a crypt. The roots have taken over the ceiling entirely, here, half-covering up chandeliers made of bones. In the very centre of the room lies a humanoid skull, twice as large as a human's and entirely plated with polished metal. Next to it, you see a broadsword laying on the ground.
To start stabbing shit with the shiny shiny broadsword, turn to page 798.
PAGE 798.
You casually stroll over to the broadsword and pick it up. It's kind of heavy but still perfectly balanced. With your big strong muscles, you start swinging the sword around at random, stabbing shit. You stab the walls, barely missing the roots. You stab the skull, which somehow only gets a small scratch. You try to stab the deer that's still following you but the sword phases through it. You continue stabbing things and the deer watches, confused by your antics, letting you do your thing. You stab the ground like you're a cool knight planting your sword after a battle. The ground begins to shake violently.
Turn to page 49 if they floor should open up, sending you deeper.
If you want to find solace in the strong arms of the deer, turn to page 220.
PAGE 220.
Startled, you jump into the arms of the deer. You admire their strength for just a moment before the deer presses its snout to your mouth, filling it with the black sludge you had seen earlier. Your mind fizzes out as the deer bites your head clean off your body.
YOU DIED.
Back to page 798 (previous choice).
PAGE 49.
You start falling deeper and deeper into the caverns, the deer watching silently as you fall into the earth. Eventually you hit the ground hard. Taking your time, you slowly stand up and find yourself atop a pile of dirt in a large pitch black possibly ballroom, the only light haloing you from the room way way above. Checking your pockets, you have no torch or light source.
If you want to explore the ballroom semi-blindly, turn to page 66.
PAGE 66.
You walk blindly into the dark ballroom around you, trip over a root, hit your head and die. Better luck next time.
YOU DIED.
Back to page 49 (previous choice).
PAGE 56.
You collapse onto the ground, sobbing as you remember the deer. If this is a ballroom, you don't have a chance to dance with it here. You wish you could've had more time. Deer is love, deer is life. You throw your head back and scream out a mating call with all your heart, reaching out to the deer with your soul. There is a deafening silence as the call echoes. Nothing happens. You sigh and stand, beginning to map out the darkness. A noise sounds off to your left, like a soft clattering.
Turn to page 69, paragraph 2 if you wanna dance with the deer.
If you want to try to climb back up to the deer using the roots, turn to page 91.
PAGE 69, paragraph 2.
The deer jumps down, landing with a soft clatter. It reaches out one of its extremely goopy hands? hooves? whatever they are as you two slowly dance. You pull yourself closer to the deer, black gloop now clinging to where you lay your face on its midsection. Just then you hear a metal clanking. IT'S MYSTERY METAL OBJECT FROM BEFORE! AND HE'S COME TO STEAL YOUR DEER PARTNER AWAY FROM YOU!! You watch as the deer wanders over to the mystery metal object and together, hand in hand, walks away into the darkness. 3 months later, you get an invitation. An invitation to Mr. Root Deer and Mrs. Mystery Metal Object's wedding. You die of heartbreak right then and there, never finding out about their happy marriage, their 3 goopy metal root deer children and their beautiful retirement together.
YOU DIED.
Back to page 56 (previous choice).
PAGE 91.
In the dim halo of light from above you make your way over to a place where the roots hang down particularly low. You reach out a hand, grabbing the first root tentatively. You get more confident with each root you climb and soon, you're on the ceiling, hanging upside down off the roots. A familiar position. The roots start writhing but you keep climbing. You need to get back up to the deer. Finally, you manage to crawl back up into the room, roots wrapped around your ankles slowly withdrawing. You lay on the ground exhausted and look up. The deer is pointing the broadsword down at you.
If you want to propose to the deer, turn to page 1.
PAGE 1.
The deer snorts amusedly at you as you come to your knees and profess your love for it. You don't fight as it quickly charges towards you, pinning you to a nearby wall. You smile as you rest your head on its strong forearm, its other arm reading the sword. Its final solemn words to you as the sword slowly penetrates your abdomen are: "Maybe in another lifetime.”
YOU DIED.
Back to page 91 (previous choice).
PAGE 69, paragraph 3.
You lower your head and submit yourself to the will of the deer. If it wants to kill you, so be it. You feel the point of a sword press just under your chin and lift it up. You lock eyes with the deer. You are entranced by enthralling, swirling patterns. The deer hands you the sword. "You forgot this", it says, “you looked good, swinging it around."
You blink, grabbing the sword with shaky hands. You stare at it for a long moment. There's an engraving. 'Let the days of war come to an end.' You smile and drop the sword. It's the least of your worries at the moment.
You throw your arms around the deer and it embraces you in turn. You've been waiting for each other your whole lives. Things take a steamy turn as the roots grab you and press you against the wall, but there is a fade to black for the sake of this chapter’s tags. It fades back in. You and the deer have been married for 30 years. You have children and grandchildren. You thank your lucky stars that you decided to go into those catacombs. You live a long happy life, and you and the deer are buried in the same grave, still holding one another.