Work Text:
« I wish to disappear. »
Yeonjun closed his eyes, a single tear running down his cheek, praying for his wish to be granted.
On this cool night of shooting stars, Yeonjun was leaning on the balcony’s railing, looking up at the starry sky. He didn’t even feel the goose bumps on his arm, he just felt empty, alone, and miserable. His heart was suffering, like every day, for months, for years.... He had already stopped counting.
If anyone looked at him, they’d probably think that he has a wonderful life and that he’s really happy. But deep down in him, he knew, in the darkness of his home, he’s just a sad and desperate person.
He can’t explain specifically why he feels like that, it was just too much for him. He felt so overwhelmed.
He had a good job –he works as a model for a growing company-, he had a great apartment, he had a lovely family, but he still felt so lonely. He didn’t really have a friend, didn’t have any boyfriends, no-one to go out with. Younger, he was the outgoing type, the type who went out a lot, who cuddled a lot, and now he found himself alone at home. Even when he was with his coworkers, he felt he was too much, useless, like he didn’t belong with anyone. They didn't need him to have a good time.
Years ago, he came to Seoul to find a job, leaving in his childhood village with all of his friends. At first, it was okay, he was so involved in his work, he wanted to do so great. He didn’t have much time to think about anything else.
But after few years, it was different.
He was different.
He was so starved of love and affection, he really missed touching people. One day, when it was really too much for him, he even took a little kitten, Nira, to fill his empty heart and to give it all the love he kept for him for years. And it worked.
It was an adorable, playful, cute ball of fur. Yeonjun loved him so much, he gave everything for it. Nira was his life's goal, spoiled like it was his own kid. But as if the whole world wished him nothing but misfortune, his little cat disappeared from his life, just like that, without warning.
One night after his work, he came back to find the police in front of his previous apartment, inspecting the flat that had obviously been broken into. It was devastating for the model, all his belongings have been ransacked, stolen and destroyed. Worst of all, his kitten was missing. I didn’t even know if Nira was dead, or if he had fled in fear. He cried and prayed all he could in the hope of seeing it again.
Yeonjun was forced to leave his home, so he just came around for weeks to try to find his kid, but he was a complete failure. He had to admit that Nira would never be in his life again, breaking his heart into a million pieces.
Now he was again alone, in an apartment that he had taken without much thought a few months earlier.
And his loneliness has only increased day by day. It was hurting him so much, this emptiness was beginning to create a hole in his soul, guiding him gently into a state of depression from which he did not know how to recover.
He was trying so hard to fight again, but with no one to talk to, it was so difficult. He chose not to talk about this with his parents, he didn’t want them to be stressed about it and he didn’t want them to be around him to just put more pressure on him.
Today was not different from this other.
He came back after a horrible and humiliating day at work. Even if he was good at his job, some people can’t stop judging and laughing about every little mistake. So he just took a long, hot shower to forget and prepared some food, just enough to force himself to eat a minimum.
After that, the fresh blonde -he did this color some days ago, under an impulse - laid down on his couch, put a bad drama in the background on tv and scrolled on his phone. He didn't particularly like it, but it helped to not think about anything, not about Nira, or the humiliation of the day, or anything else that might depress him even more.
It was a good escape. He scrolled from one video about recipes to another about his favorite music group or cute animals… Until one new video caught his attention. It was a video to warn of an upcoming shooting stars evening.
“Shooting stars?” he mumbled to himself.
His eyes widened when he saw the date.
Tonight. It was tonight.
He always found the sky fascinating, the immensity of the universe, the beauty of the stars and the moon that lit up the night.
He suddenly stood up, turned off the tv, and went directly to his balcony, ignoring the low temperature outside even though he was in a tank top.
He knew that in Seoul it was almost impossible to see anything, but he needed to try, needed to dream a little.
It was something he did a lot when he was little, laying on the fresh herb in the backyard of his childhood home to watch the stars, alone or with family or friends. He really missed this when he came to the city.
When he looked up at the sky, his heart squeezed a little. There wasn't a cloud on the horizon, but the pollution of the city overpowered the dark beauty of the sky. He promised himself that next time he'd go to a spot reserved for that purpose.
Looking in all directions, biting his lips with hope, he located a spot where some stars were shining. He crossed his fingers inwardly, praying that he would still manage to see something.
Half an hour went by, and not a single shooting star appeared, leaving the night's dismay to take over more and more.
The only noise was that of vehicles passing under his building, unfortunately allowing the young man's brain to wander off into its saddest thoughts.
A cool breeze caressed his neck, making him shiver and exacerbate his distress. It triggered a thought in his head, not a new one, but still hurtful.
Yeonjun wanted so much to have someone close to him, someone who could hold him gently, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, and give him so much love. His heart clenched. He was so desperate, he hoped he wouldn't feel so bad anymore, that he wouldn't be so tired of this daily battle.
Suddenly, a shooting star passed before his eyes, making him as happy as it was sad.
Like a tradition rooted in his soul, he knew he had to make a wish.
A wish he couldn't control, but which tore at his heartstrings as it was the only thing he could think of.
« I wish to disappear » he thought deep down.
A single tear rolled down his cheek.
“It’s beautiful, right ?”
The blondie gasped and turned to his right, a hand on his frightened heart.
On his neighbour’s balcony, Yeonjun saw the most handsome man he had ever seen. It took his breath away. This man seemed taller than him -which was rather difficult given its own size- his dark hair was falling in front of his eyes, but not enough to miss the sparkling look in the man's eyes.
Yeonjun felt at home in his eye. It was so intense, so comforting.
And, god, he had dimples when he smiled.
He didn’t really have enough time to blush because the sparkling eyes instantly turned into panic when he saw Yeonjun. The latter realized the tear on his cheek and quickly wiped it away.
“Are you alright ?” asked the worried dark-haired man.
Yeonjun didn’t say a thing, he just opened his mouth and closed it. His mind was blank. One part of him froze at the beauty of the man in front of him, the other felt ashamed that the man had witnessed his despair. The intensity of the gaze in front of him made him shudder, something that did not go unnoticed by his neighbour.
“ Oh my god, you must be so cold right now ! Why did you have so few clothes on outside ?” The man’s voice was still worried, and a little panicked.
Yeonjun still didn’t move, for a moment, he forgot all his worries. He just focused on the incredible beauty in front of him. A beauty that it was probably impossible to resist. Even his voice captivated him.
Since he didn’t move, the handsome man looked around him, searching for something to cover the bare shoulders in front of him.
The model widened a little his eyes when the brunet took off his cardigan and handed it to him.
When the latter didn't see him move, he bit his lips, and leaned over the small divider that marked the boundary between his balcony and Yeonjun's, and then placed the jacket on the blonde’s shoulders.
“Hope this will make you feel a little better.” he murmured softly, then smiled, drawing out his dimples again. “And look at the sky again instead.” said the blushing brunet after realizing that Yeonjun didn’t stop to look at him.
This finally snapped him out of his trance, and he too began to blush. After whispering a ‘thank you’, he looked up at the sky, trying to ignore the fact that his heart was beating fast as well as the new heat on his shoulders.
They stayed like this for a moment, before his neighbor took the lead and tried again to start a conversation.
“Are you feeling better ?” he glanced a little at Yeonjun before going back to the sky.
Yeonjun tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, embarrassed. He resisted looking at his neighbor again, didn’t want to feel more like a fool.
“Yes… Sorry…” he tried so hard to not let his emotions overwhelm him.
“Sorry ?”
Yeonjun didn’t resist for too long and turned his head to the handsome man, meeting his gaze.
They both looked at each other for some seconds. His neighbor seemed genuinely surprised. Yeonjun unconsciously wiped the ghost of his tears away, which made the other realize.
“Oh, don’t apologize for this. We all have a bad day.” He smiled at him, comforting. “I’m Soobin, by the way.”
He offered him his hand, and Yeonjun took it. His skin was so soft that he found it hard not to hold on to it for longer.
“Yeonjun.” It was a simple answer, but Soobin seemed to be pleased. He smiled so big that his eyes disappeared into a crescent. It made things inside Yeonjun that he didn’t feel for years.
“I'm glad I can finally talk to you, Yeonjun-ssi” The brunet ran his hand through his hair, clearing his forehead for a moment. The model swallowed before looking at him questioningly.
“I mean… I saw you move in a few months ago. We bumped into each other a few times, but.... you didn't seem open to conversation?” his seemed embarrassed by telling this.
“Oh. Really? ” Yeonjun regretted not paying attention before. “I’m really sorry... Yeah, the last few months were quite… horrible.” he winced as he said this.
Soobin felt sorry for him.
“Then I hope you wished for a better future!” he said this with a funny intonation, trying to improve his neighbor’s mood.
The latter looked at the ground for a brief moment, not daring to say that he had wished for the complete opposite.
“Oh, another one !” Soobin urged him to look up quickly, giving Yeonjun just enough time to see another shooting star.
This time, Yeonjun allowed himself to make a new wish, as if his neighbour had succeeded in kindling a new flame within him. He stopped looking at the stars to observe even more Soobin.
“It’s getting late.” Soobin said. “Guess it’s time for me to go to sleep.”
The blonde still looked at him, a little sad to be parting from him so soon. Then he remembered that he still had his jacket over his shoulders. As he started to take it off, Soobin stopped him.
“Keep it. So you can still look at the stars tonight. And it suits you well…”
Both blushed at this comment, Soobin didn’t look at him, avoiding his gaze.
“So... Hm.” he cleared his throat. “Good night, Yeonjun-ssi...”
“Hyung.” Yeonjun didn’t know why he said this, why he was so sure to be older, but Soobin seemed to agree with this fact as he made a big smile, revealing again his cute dimples.
“Good night, hyung.” He said before disappearing in his own apart.
Yeonjun pulled the jacket a little tighter, snuggling into it. A little smile appeared on his face, something that didn’t happen outside his model’s face for a long time. He looked up at the sky again, Soobin's face taking precedence over all other thoughts.
He sincerely hoped that his last wish would come true.
“I really wish I could see him again.”
-----
It’s been two weeks. Two weeks without once meeting the man who had managed to make him smile. Every day, he took his time walking past his door, slowing, hoping that Soobin would get out and finally meet him again. But it was definitely a failure.
Since that night, Yeonjun felt a little better, it didn't solve any of his problems, far from it. It just made him think about them less. He now spent his evenings thinking about Soobin, about how his heart flinched when his neighbor took care of him or what he could do to see him again. Soobin’s smile drove him crazy. He even dreamed about his beautiful lips and dimples.
He was so cute and charming. Soobin wasn't obliged to look after him, or even talk to him. But he still did.
Yeonjun felt clearly stupid for not having been able to say a word, he really regretted this. He can’t stop thinking about how it could end if he just opened his mouth, who is usually a smooth talker.
He let his head fall to the kitchen table with a long sigh.
“I need to see him...” he whined, the sound muffled by the table.
He didn’t expect anything from this potential new meeting. Or at least, that's what he wanted himself to believe.
He became obsessed with seeing Soobin again. He needed it. When he raised his head, his hand running through his hair, an idea came to his mind.
Yeonjun still had his cardigan. His soft cardigan. It’ll be the perfect excuse to knock at his door and see him. He promised himself that this time, he’d say something.
With no time, he stood up and went in his closet to get his clothes.
When Soobin gave it to him, it was hard to stop putting it on. He felt quite ashamed, but this was so soft… and smelled so good. It did him good, he felt soothed, surrounded. He blushed at this though. Soobin’s smell was so sweet.
But once, one night, he had fantasised like he was wearing one of his boyfriend's clothes. It was the one thought too far. When he had realised this, he had wanted to slap himself, and he quickly put it in the washing machine.
So now he just smelled like washing powder. Quite disappointing for Yeonjun, but it was for the better.
Anyway, he had to give it back.
He stood in front of Soobin’s door, taking a long breath before knocking. He was so excited to see him again, he didn’t know what he’d say, or what he could tell him to see him again in the future, to be his friend… Or more. But he’ll improvise.
What he had not expected in his entire plan, was that another man would open the door. A very handsome man. Both Yeonjun and the man were surprised. He looked younger, his eyes shining, revealing his cheerful nature. His face was so well defined, with shiny red hair, a beauty that it was impossible to describe.
“Yes ?” asked the younger, as he put his shirt back on correctly.
“S-Soobin.” He started again. Where was his confidence when he needed it ? Who was this man ? Soobin’s friend ? Boyfriend ? He felt his heart accelerate at this thought. “Is Soobin there ?”
“Oh.” The man looked behind him. “Yes. He must be getting dressed.”
This sent a flash through Yeonjun's head. First he fantasised for a few moments about Soobin without a shirt, then he realised he'd seen the young man getting dressed too.
Oh, he’s probably his boyfriend… And I probably bothered them.
“And you are… ?” his gaze is striking but still beautiful. Yeonjun felt inferior to him. he couldn't compete against him.
Yeonjun heart squeezed a little, he looked down and put the clothes on Soobin boyfriend’s arms.
“Y-Yeonjun. Can you give it and thank him ? I’m sorry to have bothered you.” He never talked so fast.
And without let him time to answer, he started to go back to his home. He knew he had no right to be disappointed that Soobin got a lover, but still. He’ll see him another day, when he’ll be ready to only see him like a potential friend.
“Yeonjun ?” he asked when looking at the man go back. “Oh! You’re his hot neig-“
“Beomgyu ! Shut up. Hyung, wait !”
Even his voice was so good to Yeonjun’s ears. He closed his eyes a little, he couldn’t say no to him. He turned right in front of Soobin. He felt like he could die.
The dark-haired was still so handsome, but he was even sexier in the daylight, with his hair still wet after his probably shower. Yeonjun can’t control the blush on his face.
He slowly swallowed, drowning in his observation of the face and the proportion of Soobin’s body. How a man like that can even be on earth. Lost in his contemplation, he didn’t hear what the man said. He only realised when Soobin repeated his name a double time.
“S-Sorry. What did you say ?”
“Cute.” Soobin chuckled, his hand in front of his mouth.
Yeonjun felt his face on fire. He called him cute. He wondered how he could survive if he couldn’t stop blushing or get a single word right.
“I was just asking how are you ? Do you feel better ?” Soobin tilted his head, a little worried. He was way too cute for Yeonjun’s heart.
“I-I...” He stopped one second, took a long breath and kept going. “I feel… yeah maybe ?” he was not even sure how to answer this question.
He was a good liar in front of his coworker or family, but it was hard in front of him.
Soobin tilted his head on the other side, analysing his response, before smiling, revealing some bunny teeth, very too much cute.
Yeonjun caught the other man's insistent gaze on them. He felt obliged to apologize again.
“I’m sorry to had bothered you.” He was quite proud to have managed to say a sentence without stuttering. “You should go back with your boyfriend… to do… whatever you were doing….”
Okay, now he didn’t feel so proud to sound so miserable saying this.
Soobin widened his eyes.
“What ?”
“Yes, my lovely boyfriend, we have soooo much things to do.” in a teasing voice, Soobin’s boyfriend, Beomgyu if he heard right, approached and put his arm around Soobin's hips.
Soobin cringed and pushed back the red hair.
“Beomgyu, don’t !” Soobin hit his shoulder before turning to Yeonjun. “He’s not my… yerk… Boyfriend. God, no. Never. Not even in nightmare, please.”
“Woaw, that’s hurtful, Soobin. We got it. I’m not as sexy as him.” He said this while pointing at Yeonjun, making him blush. “But you don’t have to be so rude. Anyway, you're also not as sexy as Taehyun, so I wouldn't want you either.”
He stuck his tongue out at Soobin and winked at Yeonjun before returning to the flat, leaving the other two boys in the corridor.
“Gosh, I’m sorry. He’s too much.” Soobin sighted, his hand running on his face.
Yeonjun chuckled a little.
“That’s okay, he seems to be quite fun.”
“Oh don’t ever say that to him, he’ll never stop.”
“TOO LATE. I heard everything. And you’re right, hot neighbor, I’m so fucking funny, you have no idea.” Beomgyu yelled from the door, making Soobin sigh and Yeonjun laugh, and even making him blush a little.
“Beomgyu...” Soobin made a hoarse grumbling sound. Yeonjun shivered at this.
They didn’t say anything else, just looking at each other. Yeonjun could now confirm, just be next to Soobin made him feel a lot better. He didn’t know what trick he used for this, but he really liked that.
And knowing now that Beomgyu his not boyfriend, also made he felt better.
But he was pretty sure that he still bothered them, whatever their planning.
“So…” he started, not even sure if he really wanted to say the next. “maybe I-I’ll go back home, and let you guys do… what you were doing…” He tucked his hair behind his ear. “Maybe we can see each other another time… ?”
He was proud of him : no stuttering and he proposed something. But he was still a coward, he didn’t want to hear the answer, so he turned back. But Soobin grabbed his wrist.
“Wait. Are you… Are you busy ?”
Yeonjun shivered at the touch and looked again at Soobin. The latter was hoping something, it was clearly visible in his eyes.
When Yeonjun resumed his habit of not answering, Soobin followed up with a new question.
“If not, do you want to come with us ?”
“What ?” The blonde was sincerely surprised, look quickly at Soobin’s door before going back to him.
He was really not helping Soobin who struggled to invite him. The latter dropped his wrist.
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want. It’s okay. We're just going to watch a film with some friends who'll be arriving soon.”
“You... Really want me to come ?” he was confused.
Okay. He knew it was what he was wanting, but he couldn’t stop asking himself why Soobin wanted someone like him, a boy he saw crying while watching stars, a boy who couldn’t say a phrase without stuttering, a boy who…
“Yes.” His answer shut his thought. It was short, but clear. He fixed Yeonjun, really expecting a positive answer.
“Why ?” It was the only thing he could think of.
Soobin smiled, bewitching again the older. And without waiting for another answer, he took his hand and drove Yeonjun in his flat, ignoring Beomgyu's smirk as they entered.
Just like that, Soobin invited him to join his group of friends, like he knew exactly what he desired.
Just like that, Soobin started to heal Yeonjun.
---
After this night, Yeonjun was regularly invited to Soobin’s house. The first time Yeonjun was so reserved, he had impostor syndrome, he felt out of place. But little by little, whether it was Beomgyu with whom he was now forming an unbearable duo, Taehyun or Kai, their two sweet friends, or Soobin, he was freeing himself.
Soobin was obviously the best. He took care of Yeonjun with so much patience, gave him time to adjust with the others and even comforted him with some clothes. The younger quickly realised that Yeonjun loved wearing his sweatshirts, or anything that's warm and a little too big for him.
But there was still some time when he felt he was too much. He didn’t say anything to anyone. He didn't want to be a burden. In such cases, he would put on the same mask as with his colleagues, a false smile, a bit of silence, and go home with his dark thoughts.
He never saw that the others noticed this.
---
Yeonjun left the studio, slamming the door in frustration. After a long day at work, his contract was cancelled. In the end, they decided that Yeonjun was not enough handsome to represent the brand. It was so humiliating and embarrassing. He didn’t miss any of his coworkers’s glances, some were sorry, but the others were just satisfied. It was always the same when you worked in this sector, one man's misfortune made another man happy.
He clenched his fists, not allowing a single tear to fall down his cheeks, and headed for home. He was reassured to know that tonight he would see his friends. He needed them, their laughter, and above all, Soobin's arms.
The plan was for them to meet at Soobin's, and wait for him to order and eat together before watching a film. Just what Yeonjun needed.
He was earlier, since his was ditched at work, but he went straight to his friend's house, knowing that they were already there. He didn't bother knocking, knowing the code for the door -they'd exchanged it after a while- and entered the flat.
He heard the laughter of his friends, already warming his heart a little. But when he saw them, it was something entirely else. None of them noticed his presence.
There was another person there, another man, and Soobin was huddled against his chest. There was a lot of food on the table, they were all here, laughing at what the other man told. Soobin seemed so happy. They all seemed happy.
He felt his heart clench and tears well up. All his insecurities came flooding back. They were fine, they were going to eat, they didn't need him, he was too much, he didn’t belong here. Soobin seemed much happier with this man than with him.
Like they didn’t notice him, he took this chance to step back quietly, out of Soobin’s home, and ran to his own home.
The image of his friends, happy as ever, was engraved in his mind. The tears he was holding all day were now flooding his face. He didn’t think too much before dropping his bag in the entrance, going in his shower, still dressed, and turning on the shower. He slid to the shower floor, letting the hot water run over his body.
A part of him told him it was excessive, that he was thinking too far ahead, they have the right to be with other people and that didn't mean they didn't appreciate him. But the other part, was more powerful, more hurtful, he couldn’t reason it out. His day was already awful and this latest event didn't make him feel any better. He couldn’t take off the image of the others.
He tried so much to repeat to himself “They can have other friends, they can eat with someone other than him, Soobin can love someone else.”
Because obviously, it wasn’t just his friends having fun or eating without waiting for him, even he’ll probably be in the same state, but it was also seeing Soobin in the arms of another.
He knew that they weren’t a thing. He couldn’t be jealous.
Yeonjun still felt hurt.
He didn’t have so much time to look at the other man. But he was clear that he was taller, with wider shoulders, more manly than he was, allowing Soobin to be in his arms, protected like he deserved. It was definitely not something that Yeonjun could give him.
He didn't know how long he'd been in the shower, but when it got too cold, he got out. He took off his clothes, dropping them on the floor, and went to his room. He was so out of it that he paid no attention to the sounds his phone was making.
He just put on a pair of boxer shorts and a hoodie before snuggling down under his sheets.
After so much crying, tiredness overcame him and he fell asleep.
---
He woke up when he heard someone knocking at his door. He didn’t know what time it was, but it was still night as there was no light through the window. He was exhausted, crying took all his strength, and anyway, he didn’t want to see anyone. So he didn’t move, pretending not to be at home, hoping whoever it was would leave.
A long silence followed.
Yeonjun sighed, delighted to have escaped this interaction.
But now that he was awake, his thoughts quickly returned to those negative emotions. He didn't even try to reason with himself anymore, and let his tears storm back down his cheeks.
He vaguely heard his phone ring, but his heavy breathing and whimpering were louder than anything else. All he could hear was himself.
He was so surprised to see light coming from his open door.
“Hyung…”
When he recognized Soobin’s voice, his tears doubled in volume. Why was Soobin there when he was at his worst? He couldn’t see him.
Yeonjun hid under his blankets. He didn't see him arrive, but felt a new weight on his mattress, next to him.
“What happened ?” Soobin laid his hand on him and caressed his shoulder over the sheet.
“L-Leave…” He sobbed through his tears. He didn’t want Soobin to see him like that.
“I would not let you in this state.”
Yeonjun curled up. Soobin shouldn't be here, he should be with the others.
When Yeonjun didn't reply for a long time, Soobin sighed. The older man thought he was going to leave and abandon him, as he had asked (and not as he really wanted), but he felt Soobin get up and lie on the bed behind his back. He lay down on top of the covers, as if he didn't want to disturb him, but he took him in his arms, his chest against Yeonjun's back.
It stopped his breathing and his crying instantly.
“I’m here. Take your time.” whispered Soobin close to his head.
They stayed like that for a long time. Yeonjun felt so safe and guilty in the same time.
“Why ?” asked Yeonjun finally.
“Hm ? I can’t hear you when you are under this blanket.” It sounded like an awful lie.
He took a few more seconds before sticking his head out and turning to face Soobin. He didn’t look directly at him, feeling ashamed.
Soobin wiped away the traces of his tears and left his hand on his cheek.
“It’s me who should ask “why” you know.” Soobin laughed gently. “Why are you crying alone in your bed ? Why didn’t you join us ? Why didn’t you call me if you felt so bad ?”
Yeonjun thought he heard a little hurt in his voice. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his hand on his cheek, avoiding answering questions.
“I’m here for you, you know…”
Yeonjun grabbed Soobin’s shirt, trying not to cry again.
“I don't want to disturb...” finally said the older. “you were with your friends and...”
“Our. It’s our friend hyung.” Interrupted the younger.
“Not everyone.” he murmured softly, not sure he wanted to talk about it. Soobin had to bend his ear to hear him.
“What are you talking about ?” Soobin grabbed his chin and lifted his head so that his eyes were level with his. “Loot at me.” It was an order, and Yeonjun had no choice but to obey.
“Beomgyu loves you. Even if he made a lot of jokes to piss you off, it’s just because he loves you. Taehyun loves to talk with you, he was the first to ask me to tell you to come and stay with us more often. And Kai… He admires you, so much. You can’t imagine how much he talks about you. And I know you love them too, I saw how you look at them. So don’t you dare to say they're not all your friends.”
His words were strong, powerful and full of conviction that this made Yeonjun shiver. He bit his lips and pushed back the sheet to snuggle in his arms. Soobin hugged him tightly.
He was more talking about the newcomer, but that made him forget all about him. And he realised how much he needed to hear that. He was so unsure about everything, he still doubted they loved him too. But hearing that, made him so happy.
“Now that we've set the record straight, can you tell me what happened?” Soobin caressed his hair gently, let Yeonjun take his time.
He grabbed again his shirt, he tried to press himself even closer to him, if that were possible. He took a long breath and started to tell his day. He told about how much he put in his work, and how he was humiliated and belittled in front of everyone. He talked about the way people looked at him and how he felt incompetent at his job. And how ugly he felt after those comments.
He could feel Soobin tensing up to the comments, murmuring soft words when his emotions began to rise, and pulling his face back to face him when he talked about his ugly face.
“You’re definitely not ugly, Yeonjun.” He dropped all formality, and Yeonjun didn’t care at all. “You’re the most beautiful man I saw, okay ? They’re the stupid ones to tell you this. I’m pretty sure everyone would buy anything if your face is on the ad. Don’t ever think of you as someone ugly. Am I clear ?”
He frowned, waiting for the older man to confirm. Yeonjun blushed at his words and nodded. Not totally convinced that this was true, but a little convinced that Soobin really meant it.
“Good. Now continue.” Soobin put his forehead on Yeonjun’s.
The latter tried to continue, ignoring how the Soobin’s breath caressed his face. He told a little more about his work, and went on when he entered the building. He hesitated to say that he had entered the apartment, and Soobin must have sensed this. He tucked a lock of Yeonjun's hair back behind his ear, encouraging him with his eyes.
But this was touching on his greatest insecurities.
“There's something else, isn't there? If you don’t want to talk about it, I’m not gonna force you. But don’t forget that I’m not going to judge you. I’m here for you, and I’ll always be.” Soobin was really trying to reassure him.
“I went into your house...” he finally blurted out.
“Really ? Why you didn’t stay ?” Soobin frowned again.
“You...” it was really hard to talk for him. “I felt out of my place. You were already eating, and having a good time with the other and… the… your…” he swallowed “with your boyfriend.... ?”
Soobin pulled Yeonjun back with his arms, his hands on his shoulders and widened his eyes in shock.
“What ? My- What ? Oh my god Jun, what were you thinking ?” he looked disgusted. It was Yeonjun's turn to frown, not even paying attention to the nickname.
Then Soobin laughed. Yeonjun didn’t know if he should be offended about that or not.
“It was my brother !”
Yeonjun opened his mouth in a ‘o’ before hiding his face in his hand.
Today was really humiliating.
Soobin didn’t stop laughing and put Yeonjun back in his arm.
“You’re really cute hyung.”
“Shut up…” he whimpered and gently slapped his chest.
“But I’m more concerned about the fact you felt out of your place. Tell me it’s the first time you felt like this with us… Please…”
Yeonjun instantly stopped moving. He couldn’t say it was the first time. He couldn’t lie to him.
When the silence lasted too long, Soobin froze.
“Oh no… Why ? When ? What did we do to let you feel like that ?” he was really worried and felt guilty.
Yeonjun started again to cry, the tear wetting the younger’s shirt.
“It’s not you !” His voice wasn't serene, but he didn't want him to feel responsible. “It’s me, only me… I…”
He started panicking. He didn’t want to Soobin to know, didn’t want to hurt him. His breathing will quicken and so will his heart rate.
“It’s okay hyung, breathe slowly. Everything is okay.”
“I-It’s not !” he tried his best to calm himself, but it was worse, his tears were flooding all his face, but Soobin was there, like he promised, and he whispered sweet nothings in his ear, caressing his hair slowly.
It took some time, but Yeonjun calmed down.
“Feeling better ?” asked the taller.
He nodded a little, before wiping his last tears.
“Sorry…”
“Don’t be. Never apologize to me.” Soobin gently kissed his forehead. “Is it why you are often sad ? You never told me why you were crying the night we met…” He was cautious, but he wanted to know a little more about what was going on in his head.
“You… I… Is it really okay if I say everything… ?” Yeonjun was more asking for himself, he didn’t want to burden his friend more.
“Whatever you’ll say, I’ll still keep you in my arm. And I’ll try my best to make you feel better.” he gently rubbed his nose against his, then stepped back to better plunge his gaze into his.
And that was the trigger for Yeonjun.
He said everything that came to his mind. He talked about his feelings, starting from when he came to Seoul. He told him how lonely he felt, how useless or out of place. How things gradually got worse. He told him how overwhelming he felt, and even how he wished to disappear that night. This made Soobin tense up, and he kissed his forehead again before listening attentively once more.
They talked for a long time, the sun was beginning to rise, but none of them cared.
Soobin was really attentive, in reality, he didn’t talk too much, it was mostly Yeonjun. But still, like he told him, he was here for him and he didn't let him leave his arms.
Once Soobin felt the older tell all that came to him, he caressed his hair again and gently kissed all his face.
“I’m so sorry you feel like that…” he whispered next to his ear before kissed again his cheek. “I'll help you. I'm going to do everything I can to make you realise what an incredible person you are. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to not think so badly of yourself. And I'm going to be with you on this journey, the boys will be there too, we'll all be there for you. But you're also going to need the help of other competent people. Okay ? I won't let you down.”
Yeonjun saw the determination in his eyes.
“I’ll show you that you deserve to be loved, Yeonjun.”
He gasped a little. His heart began to race, he was afraid that the younger might hear him. He hid himself in his neck, kindly greeted by a little laugh and a hug from Soobin.
They stayed like this for a long time, Yeonjun repeated to himself everything he'd said to him before, comforting himself in his words and arms, and forcing himself to believe in those words. After a long moment, sleep slowly returned. Soobin covered them with sheets, putting his hand back in his hair, caressing his slowly before they both fell asleep in this position.
---
Yeonjun felt better. Months had passed since their conversation, and Soobin kept his promises. He never let him down, he took time to follow in his path to recovery.
First, by talking to the other boys, so they'd be there for him too. It was difficult, he hesitated, but they were understanding and gave him lots of comforting hugs. From then on, they kept getting closer to him, being there for him, and forcing him to talk regularly.
Yeonjun couldn't have wished for better friends. Even when his old demons returned, they set him straight under Soobin's watchful eye.
Then, Soobin decided to introduce him to his brother. A magnificent man, very sure of himself, but above all extroverted, something very different from Soobin. His brother loved to tease them, and it was very easy to make them blush when he hinted at any relationship or desire between us.
This always resulted in Soobin kicking him out.
And finally, Soobin put him in touch with a psychologist. This was probably the hardest part for Yeonjun, but he had to admit that it helped him too. And Soobin was always there to pick him up, exhausted and a little sad after his sessions. Although he was gradually getting better and feeling less sad after his sessions, he still loved the comfort he offered him. He abused it a little, but the younger knew it and said nothing, abusing it too.
---
It took months, but today he really felt better. He didn’t feel too much, useless or ugly. It was a relief for the group.
They loved it when they discovered Yeonjun's real laugh, his liberated laugh, completely devoid of gloom. Even if that laugh was mocking Beomgyu and Soobin who were bickering. They'd rather he laughed at them than anything else, so they'd continued their battle, all the while smiling broadly at each other.
Even though Soobin and Yeonjun practically lived together now, their relationship has not evolved. They enjoyed their presence of each other, and can’t be separated. Yeonjun just felt in love more and more, day after day.
It made him a little worried, but he couldn't talk to the principal concerned, so he decided one day, while the two of them were at a café, to discuss it with Beomgyu. The younger smirked.
“Oh, what a surprise !” was what all he said, with a mocking tone.
This had made him blush and grumble, he regretted it at the time. But in the end, his friend was a great help and a good listener Beomgyu finally reassured him, but made a point of teasing regularly when Yeonjun got closer to his lover.
---
“Soobin ?” he said, surprised when he saw him in front of him after his work. It was really late, and it was unexpected. Yeonjun frowned, asking himself if he forgot a date –friendly date- with him.
The face he made, made Soobin laugh.
“Did I forget something ?” he tilted his head to the left.
The younger lifted himself out of his car he was leaning against -which was way too sexy for Yeonjun’s mind- and went up to him.
“Nothing, hyung. It’s a surprise.”
He took Yeonjun in his arm, a habit they had acquired day after day.
“A surprise ? In what honor ?” he slid his hands up his neck to hug him tighter and enjoy his fragrance.
“Did I need a special occasion to pick up you ?”
Yeonjun shivered as he felt his hands caress his lower back. He let a sigh of satisfaction pass his lips, there was nothing better than being in his arms.
Soobin noted that their cuddle lasted longer than usual.
“Tough day ?”
“Hm. But I already feel better now you are there.”
“Good.” He kissed his head. “Ready to go ?”
He took one minute to answer, he just wanted to stay longer in his arm.
“Now, I’m ready.” He made a big smile while looking at Soobin. He put his finger in the younger’s dimple when he smiled back. “Do you know how much I love your dimple ?”
Soobin laughed, embarrassed, and pulled away from him.
“Get in the car instead of talking nonsense.” he left him to climb in on this side.
“It's not nonsense! That's your charm.” he climbed in too.
The younger shook his head with a small cute smile before starting off and hitting the road.
They didn’t talk more, just enjoying being together. It took some time for Yeonjun to realize that was not the way back to their houses.
“Where are we going ?” he looked at Soobin who just smiled and said nothing.
“Oh so you play the mysterious guy ? Do you try to kidnap me ? Do you want to get rid of me already? And what about your promise ?”
They both laugh, but he still said nothing. Yeonjun crossed his arm, frustrated, and looked by the windows, giving up the idea of finding out more. It was already night, but like always, he couldn’t really see the star. But it was still nice. It was a long trip, probably took an hour before Soobin ended up parking.
“Where are we ?”
“Can you just stop asking questions and trust me ?” Yeonjun squinted, suspicious, but still followed Soobin when he got out of the car. He looked at him when he took a bag in the trunk then he took his hand to let him led him a step further.
“Okay, here seems perfect.”
They were at the very top of a mountain, on the edge of a cliff. They could barely see the city in the distance.
The view was magnificent, the sky was clear, he could even see the stars. His eyes widened at the beauty of the spectacle before him.
“Woaw... It’s…” he didn’t have the worlds.
“You like ?” Soobin seemed uncertain.
“Are you joking ? I love it Soobin !”
He sighed, relieved, then took a large blanket out of his bag and laid it on the floor. He sat down under the older’s questioning gaze.
“Are you still not going to tell me what we're doing here?”
Soobin smirked, then took some snacks out of his bag and held out his hand to Yeonjun.
“Don’t you want to sit with me?”
The blond pretended to sulk and grabbed his hand to sit beside him.
“It's a shooting star night,” he finally says.
“Really ?”
Soobin nodded and started playing with Yeonjun’s fingers.
“It's been a year since we last looked at them. And at this time we could barely see something. I was hoping that tonight you could see one again.”
Yeonjun saw how hard Soobin was trying to not look at him.
“Are you shy now ? With me ?” he asked teasingly.
“Hyung !”
Yeonjun loved when he blushed. He quickly kissed his cheek.
“Thanks Soobinie. I’m glad you brought me here.”
“I hope you are ready to make another wish.” He whispered this, but it didn't escape Yeonjun's notice. He squeezed his hand even tighter, remembering his own confession of wanting to disappear at that moment. He gently nudged Soobin to lie down, and followed him to rest his head on his shoulder, his eyes now riveted on the sky.
“I promise you. It’ll definitely not be the same as before. I really want to stay here now, with you. And the others.”
He felt more than he saw Soobin relax.
The sky was as beautiful as it has ever been for Yeonjun. Maybe that's because he's happier today than he's ever been. He could hear Soobin's delicate breath, smell his comforting scent, and feel his fingers slipping into his hair delicately, as he did regularly.
It took a long time before anything started, Yeonjun will not complain, he was glad to be in his arm. The longer he stays there, the better he'll feel.
“Oh, there is one ! Did you see it, hyung ? Did you make a wish ?”
He heard the excitement in his voice, which made him laugh softly, then he nodded his head.
The only thing he could wish for now was to stay close to him for as long as possible.
“Good. What was it ?”
Yeonjun turned his head towards him and raised an eyebrow.
“If I tell you, it won't come true.”
Soobin opened his mouth, then closed it, sulking. Yeonjun loved when he saw him like that. He loves it when he is strong, protective and look after him. But he also likes to see his younger side come out. He was really so cute.
“But sometimes, if you don't say it, it can't happen…”
They ended up looking at each other. They remained silent for a while, staring. Soobin's gaze was so powerful, so many emotions passed before his eyes, confusing Yeonjun, he couldn't work out what he was thinking. Finally, he saw the younger’s gaze land on his lips before returning to his eyes, making him blush violently.
“Are you talking about your wish…?” he whispered, he didn’t want to break whatever was happening between them.
Soobin nodded, he turned completely towards Yeonjun, without taking his eyes off him, and put his hand on his cheek, caressing it gently.
“Are you happy now, hyung ?” he spoke so softly, his face so close to his. Yeonjun couldn't say anything, unable to tear himself away from his bewitching gaze. He simply nodded.
“With me ?”
Yeonjun simply gripped his shirt and nodded again. He could feel a kind of excitement growing inside him. He didn't know where this conversation was going, but he wanted to immerse himself in it.
Soobin shone brightly in the moonlight, but his gaze became more timid, more hesitant. He bit his lips.
“I… I feel quite selfish with my wish. I would like to say I wish for you, for our friends or for my family to be healthy and happy, but it was not the case.”
Yeonjun made a great effort to speak, it was his turn to reassure Soobin. Even if his voice trembled with expectation.
“It’s okay, Soobin. You're an incredible person, you're generous, you give so much to others. You have the right to think of yourself sometimes, you must think of yourself.”
Soobin didn’t say anything.
“You can tell me everything too, you know.” Added Yeonjun.
Soobin closed his eyes one second, trying to find the force to talk, and then opened them again, full of determination.
“I wished I could kiss you and finally be your boyfriend.”
“Oh.” was all Yeonjun could say, blushing.
“Since the first day on the balcony, I love you. It was like.... love at first sight, you know ? And I got to know you better, day after day. I saw you in your bad or good days. And there hasn't been a single time when I've regretted falling in love with you. You’re so wonderful, so beautiful, and so perfect for me. I can’t imagine myself without you. I want to love you, to protect you, and to make you happy. I’m pretty sure you are aware of my feeling, and maybe you don’t want it. And it’s okay, I underst-“
“Oh don’t be silly, Soobin!” interrupted the blond “Shut up and kiss me.”
Soobin looked at him, surprised, but didn't hesitate any longer. He laid Yeonjun down completely and got on top of him. He watched him first, his eyes filled with love, before leaning in to kiss him gently.
Yeonjun's heart began to beat so fast, his lips were so soft, he felt so many things just by touching them. And it was even better when the kiss intensified.
All his senses were alert, feeling the slightest touch of him. He could feel everything Soobin had just said to him, all the love, kindness and gentleness he had for him.
He let his hands slip around his neck to deepen the moment even more.
Soobin's hands were all over his body, before finally having one gently gripping his hair and the other on his waist.
It was so incredible. Yeonjun had never been kissed like that, he never felt so love.
They ended up separating only because they needed to breathe.
When Yeonjun opened his eyes again, he saw Soobin standing over him, his lips reddened by the kiss, his pupils dilated, his hair falling in front of him, all magnified by the starlit sky at his back.
His heart missed a beat and he probably blushed violently.
He couldn't survive such beauty.
Soobin gently kissed his lips before making a big smile, revealing his perfect dimples.
“I’m so in love with you Soobin.”
He couldn't stop himself from saying it. He was pleased to see him blushing back.
“You can’t say this when you look at me like that. It’s unfair.”
Yeonjun laughed at this statement and kissed his dimple.
“And you also can’t look at me like that when you are so hot on top of me.” Teased Yeonjun, knowing how much Soobin gets shy when he compliments him.
“Shut up, hyung…” he whimpered before lying back down beside him, hiding his face with a hand.
Yeonjun took the opportunity to snuggle up to him.
They stayed like this a couple of minutes before the older broke the silence, mocking.
“Did you really ruin your wish to reveal it a minute later?”
“Do you really think it's wasted?” Soobin asked, almost outraged.
Yeonjun laughed a little.
“Okay, hyung, I understand. I’ll make another wish where I don't want to be with you any more then.”
He stuck out his tongue at him before looking up at the sky.
“You just said it. So now, it can't happen. You're stuck with me for life.” He said it while turning his head to kiss his lips. He was quite addicted to it now, he’ll probably never be able to stop –which obviously Soobin will not complain about.-
“Oh no. Too bad.” He said with a false air of disappointment, as if he hadn't said it on purpose.
Yeonjun laughed again, he was so happy. He can’t dream about a better life.
It hasn't been an easy path, he's suffered a lot and he'll probably continue to have slumps, but he knows he's well surrounded. He knows he won't have to face life alone. And for that, he couldn't be happier.
So when he saw another shooting star in front of him, he had nothing else to wish for.
He had everything he needed.