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You don’t know it, and that baffles Negan.
He knows you don’t know. He can see it in those little moments when you don’t think anyone is paying attention.
At this point, Negan is acutely attuned to all of your tells. He sees the emotional tug-of-war within you every morning when you study the new changes to your body. Usually Negan pays subtle attention whenever he sees you looking in the mirror, making a mental note of what body part to praise more during your next session under the sheets.
He sees the sparkle of humour in your eyes as you announce that you, yet again, for about the sixth time, need to go pee because the baby keeps kicking near your bladder.
Negan absolutely loves to see that pouty look of determination you have plastered across your face whenever he tries to help you complete a simple chore. Despite the slow waddling and frequent breaks you need, you’ve been hellbent on still helping out while pregnant.
Negan appreciates your refusal to shy away from the more "risky" household tasks, like climbing up on a step ladder to paint the higher parts of the wall in the baby’s nursery. Although he didn’t mind being the one to hold the ladder, it just meant he got to stare at your ass while silently praying you don't fall— a win-win situation, if you ask him.
And yet, you still don’t know. Or maybe you just don’t realise it.
He always picks up on that insecure tone of yours. It usually creeps out every now and again but it has been rearing it’s ugly head more often since the pregnancy. If it wasn’t so concerning, it would amaze Negan that you seriously don’t know how good of a mother you’ll be, or how amazing you’re taking on this pregnancy.
Negan sighs, stretching out on the couch as he reminisces. Only a couple of more months from now and he’ll be looking back on the days he didn’t have to burp a baby and stay up half the night cooing at them. As he contemplates the sleepless nights and endless cries ahead, Negan can't help but feel a surge of excitement. He's well aware that in those moments, when he's exhausted and cleaning up baby vomit at 4:30 am, he won't necessarily feel thrilled, but goddammit he just can’t wait to meet the little shit!
He snaps out of his thoughts as you emerge from the bedroom, huffing to yourself. “Looking for something, Momma?” Negan teases affectionately, a lazy grin on his face.
“I forgot shoes,” you announce more to yourself than to him.
“Hmm?” Negan hums, not exactly sure he heard you correctly.
“The shoes,” you reiterate “I never got shoes!”.
Negan struggles to suppress a laugh at how seriously you’re talking about shoes. He’s well acquainted with how up and down your emotions have been since getting pregnant and so he’s trying his best to be more mindful.
“Sweetness, what shoes?” he asks, keeping his tone soft “we got plenty of shoes just laying around the place”.
The second you leave out another sigh, Negan opens his arms to you, silently inviting you to join him. You waste no time in padding over, practically collapsing into his embrace. “I meant shoes for the baby,” you clarify with a frown “we managed to find clothes, socks, bibs but I forgot about shoes! We can’t have the baby going around without shoes on!”.
It takes a moment for Negan to register your words before he slowly replies “I don’t think newborns do much walking”.
Leaving out yet another exasperated sigh, you lift your legs up, lounging on the couch and using Negan as your pillow. “I know the baby won’t be running around the place straight away but...” you pause, silently scowling at yourself “they’re shoes! How the fuck could I forget shoes?! Like, everyone has shoes! So the baby needs shoes too!”.
Negan peers down at you, trying his best to take in your cranky expression. For a moment, he wonders if it's direct towards him for not thinking of shoes either but then you mumble “I can’t fuck up the basic shit like this…”.
And just like that, everything clicks into place for Negan.
Despite his shock at hearing it, there’s no denying the insecurity in your tone. Even though he knew you were nervous about the baby coming, he didn’t think you’d actually beat yourself up over the little things like shoes – how could you? With the amazing things your body is doing, who gives a fuck about shoes?! …Besides you, that is.
Nevertheless, the vulnerability in your voice catches him off guard. Shifting to hold you properly on the couch, Negan’s arms wrap around you, his hands going straight for your bump. You instinctively snuggle against him, your back against his chest as you rest your head by his shoulder and mindlessly trace patterns on his forearm.
“You ever just stop and think about it?” he asks, his voice oddly dreamy, a tone you don’t normally hear from him.
“About what?” you ask, growing warm in his embrace.
“Your body took the spunk I fucked into you and you’re making a goddamn baby out of it! I mean, right now, this very second you’re making a mini us out of nothing but your egg and my jizz!” he laughs in pure disbelief, feeling his heart melt at his own words as pride takes over.
You try not to wince at his colourful description of conception.
With a wide grin, Negan continues “Here you are, cuddling up on me as if you’re body ain’t growing through hell. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Darlin’. Carrying life that we’re after making… you’re a goddamn badass”.
“I’ll make sure to give myself some credit the next time I forget about getting shoes… or some other basic thing for the baby” you sulk, showing off that stubborn quality of yours he loves so much.
He shakes his head affectionately, straining forward to try and see your face. “Hon, you’ve got a lot going on right now, and you’re dealing with a lot of new, stressful stuff,” Negan tries to put your mind at ease “It’s totally reasonable that you’d forget some things. And so what if the baby doesn’t have shoes straight away, it ain’t like they’re going anywhere. It’s not gonna make you a bad mother, you gotta stop thinking that way”.
You chew on your bottom lip for a moment before you slowly begin to open up ”But if I can't even get the little things right, like the shoes, then I’m bound to mess up the bigger things too! And I can’t do that, especially when the baby arrives".
As you speak, you feel yourself that familiar sense of insecurity flare up. You tilt your head up and your eyes look up to meet his gaze, searching for reassurance.
Negan exhales, a content smile tugging at the corner of his lips despite your worrisome expression. After all, how can he not smile while he has you in his arms, pregnant with his baby? His own happy little family, despite everything he has done in life. Now all he wishes for is for you to see just how damn perfect you are, how perfect you have made his life.
“Darlin’, you’re gonna get stressed and forget things, and fuck up every once in a while. That’s how parenting is. Nobody is a perfect parent. We’re both gonna have our moments and that’s a-ok” he explains, bringing one hand away from your bump to gently cup your face, subtly making sure you keep looking at him “you know why I’m so relaxed about it all?”.
“Because you’re not the one carrying the baby? Or dealing with morning sickness? Or because you won’t have to push out a literal child in a few months?”.
He gives you a quick deadpan look, managing to keep it playful before he reverts back to sincerity “I’m relaxed because I know that even when I’m dealing with a baby that’ll be drooling all over me or screeching in my face in the middle of the night, I know you’ll be right next to me, and that’s all I need”.
His gaze remains fixed on you, drinking in your features intently as he holds your face. For a second, Negan gets lost in thought and silently wishes the baby will have your nose.
“You make me proud, you know that, right?” he strokes his thumb across your cheek “so, so goddamn proud”.
You can't help but smile bashfully in response, feeling a bit self-conscious. In a sweet attempt to hide your expression, you pull your face away from Negan’s hand and nestle yourself closer to him, concealing your face. Accepting compliments has never been your strong suit.
“C’mon, don’t go hiding on me now,” he chuckles, gently searching for your face “I wanna hear you say it, to make sure you know”.
Defiantly turning to your side, you use both the couch and Negan’s own arm as a shield to keep your face hidden. He grins, amused by your attempt at avoiding his words. He pokes your side, his voice a mix of teasing and affection.
"You know you make me proud, right?" he repeats with a hint of playfulness in his tone, as if trying to coax you into admitting it “riiiiiiiiiiiiiight?”
Negan doesn't show any mercy, transitioning from playful pokes to relentless tickling. Your body trembles as laughter escapes your lips, struggling to shield vulnerable ticklish spots while simultaneously attempting to fend off his hands. Your head perks up again, a light blush on your cheeks; whether it’s from the sudden tickle attack or Negan’s praise is anyone’s guess.
Between bouts of laughter, you manage to get out a word, struggling to speak through the giggles "R-right!".
Negan beams, happy you agree. Before you can think, he takes advantage of your unguarded face to plant a quick, chaste kiss on your lips - as if the tickling didn’t leave you breathless already.
Negan's voice becomes a sultry purr as he whispers "How about I show you just how proud I am of you? Actions do speak louder than words and all that shit...". His warm breath caresses your skin as he speaks, his intentions alone sending a shiver down your spine.
A pleased hum escapes your lips, already liking the sound of this. “Works for me,” you agree, biting back a smile as you stand.
Before your pregnancy and even in the early stages, you didn't mind ‘doing it’ anywhere, but now that you've reached the second trimester, the comfort of the bed has become more appealing. Negan has never been particular about where y’all get freaky either way, although he does like how you can both comfortably cuddle afterwards if you do it on the bed.
As soon as Negan stands, he gently checks to make sure you're steady on your feet. When you both begin walking towards the bedroom, you suddenly change direction.
Negan's expression morphs into confusion as you abruptly pivot and walk towards the bathroom. Looking back over your shoulder, you try not to swoon at the endearingly baffled expression on his face. “Just give me a second, with you tickling me and the baby bouncing on my bladder, I need to pee again” you shrug, waddling off to the bathroom.
As the sound of the bathroom door closing reaches his ears, Negan can't help but chuckle affectionately. In the meantime, he strolls into the bedroom and plops himself down on the bed, making himself comfortable as he waits for your return. His gaze fixates on the ceiling above as a smile plays on his lips once more, a warm feeling of anticipation stirring within him.
Sometimes, Negan finds himself wondering if all the hardships and disappointments he's endured in life were necessary because they were all part of some cosmic plan that led him to you. Or at least that’s what he tells himself so all that pain feels like it was worth it because it brought him to you.
Negan isn’t exactly sure how he did it or what he did to deserve all of this luck, but goddamn he struck gold having you in his life.
And he knows that for certain.