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Sighing softly in the darkness surrounding him, Atem rubbed his face as he stared at the ceiling and tried one more time to get comfortable on the sofa. Marriage was hard, he knew that and yet, it always slapped him in the face whenever trouble brewed.
It also wasn’t as if Yami and him hadn’t fought before, because they had and they had both slept on the sofa before too. Seven years of marriage did that and especially so after being high school sweethearts too. They knew each other in and out, but that didn’t mean fights didn’t happen. They just always seemed to happen when he thought he had everything under control. When he thought nothing could go wrong and everything ran smoothly, the universe would throw something at them and it would hurt.
Or end up with either one of them downstairs and Atem sighed as he shifted upon his side, before burying his face into his pillow. He missed Yami… Missed sleeping beside him and his soft snores as he’d be asleep. He missed holding him against his body or being held back in return, but he knew that going to the bed right now would only chase his husband from him. It would only make things worse and yet, Atem couldn’t sleep.
He should, he was dead tired and although it would be a Saturday tomorrow, he had promised to do some work at home for the office. There were also chores that needed to be done and –
Holding his breath slightly, Atem laid as still as possible when he heard careful footsteps upon the staircase. Was it one of the twins? They were smart enough to know their parents were fighting, even though both Yami and him had tried to hide it. The girls were five years old and raised by gamer nerds. They knew bluff when they saw it.
No, these footsteps were too heavy for their little girls and Atem inhaled quickly to pretend he was asleep when he heard shuffling at the door. The handle was brought down ever so slowly and then feet carefully made their way inside while Yami’s form moved through the darkness. Atem tried to remember to breathe as silence reigned for a moment, but then his beloved sighed softly and seemed to cross his arms in front of his chest.
“Até? I know you’re not sleeping… You’re not snoring the way you do when you are”, Yami’s soft voice whispered in the dark and Atem sighed softly, though didn’t comment otherwise. “Come to bed?” was the soft question that made him frown, but he still didn’t move as his anger returned.
“I thought you were angry with me and therefore I wasn’t welcome tonight?” he asked bluntly, even though he wished he could just slap himself for that comment. He would absolutely rather sleep with his beloved no matter their argument than here on the sofa cold, uncomfortable and alone.
“I am angry, Até, but that doesn’t mean I cannot be a decent husband. You’re tired and you need a good night’s sleep which we both know you won’t get while sleeping on the sofa. The choice is yours though. If you want to stay down here, that’s fine by me, but you can also come to the bed if you want and I won’t be biting your head off”, Yami replied, before he sighed and turned away from the man he loved because he was still angry. He was still shaking his head at Atem’s stupidity as well as his own because he should have seen the signs earlier. He should have done something about it sooner and yet, he hadn’t and now they were both angry at each other without wanting to.
Yet, despite his anger he knew Atem needed a decent night of sleep. The girls would have their swimming classes tomorrow as well as their cousin’s birthday party and it simply wouldn’t be fair to deprive his lover from good rest. Especially not if Atem decided to work as well and Yami sighed as he walked back up the staircase after closing the door. He wasn’t sure if his husband would come and quite honestly, Atem wasn’t sure either.
Until he tried to get comfortable again and found he truly couldn’t. He was already tired, he didn’t need to be more so and thus he grabbed both his pillow and blanket after rising from the sofa to follow his beloved to their bedroom as silently as possible. If he’d wake either one of the twins it would be back to the sofa with him or he’d be sleeping in one of their beds while either one of them or both would be snuggled up to Yami instead.
It wouldn’t be the first time and it was definitely the reason as to why they had bought a bigger bed. The twins were worms when they were asleep and would often kick about due to their dreams, though at the moment, Atem almost craved it as he crawled into bed where Yami’s still form laid on the other side.
A sigh escaped them both as the stillness of the room seemed heavy upon their bodies, but neither man said something. It was still better than the sofa, however, and Atem snuggled his pillow with gratitude despite his unwillingness to speak. Instead he just listened to Yami’s breathing evening out slowly, but he couldn’t find sleep as easily as he had wished for; no matter the fact he was tired to his very bones.
There was much on his mind. Much work to do, much regret to feel and the argument kept circling in his head like a vulture waiting for their prey to die. Why was this so hard? Why was this bump in their marriage here? Right now? When he couldn’t deal with it because his plate was already full enough?
“I’m going to make some tea”, Yami’s sudden voice whispered through the dark and Atem almost jumped from the bed as he hadn’t expected it. Had he truly not heard the change in Yami’s breathing? Why couldn’t they just sleep?
“All right… What’s the time?” Atem asked softly as he tried to find his bearings and as he blinked awake, he could see Yami gazing at him in the semi-darkness of their room. His husband was afraid of the dark so some light still got through as they never closed the curtains completely and in its softness, he could see the teary streaks upon Yami’s pale cheeks.
“Six am. Finally”, Yami answered with a soft, wet whisper, though he didn’t move as Atem gazed at him. A crease in Atem’s brow told him his lover was close to breaking and Yami sighed as he wiped at his face to get the salt off, though it wouldn’t matter. He had done this. He had assumed without asking and that hurt just as much as Atem’s warm gaze did.
“I’m sorry”, he whispered as he felt his own breaking point had long been reached and Yami sighed, before swallowing thickly to stop himself from crying again because he had some apologising to do. This wasn’t Atem’s fault… None of it was really.
“I’m sorry for going behind your back with my plans and for assuming they would make you happy. I’m sorry I tried to arrange things without asking for your input”, the pale man continued then, before he fell silent as Atem moved closer and gently took his hand in his to nuzzle his fingers softly.
“No, you don’t have to apologise. You were looking out for me and I didn’t confide in you how I have been feeling these last couple of weeks either. You had every right to assume something was wrong and – and I think you’re right. I just couldn’t see that. Couldn’t accept it. Still can’t, really…”, Atem whispered while crimson eyes gleamed at him and he sighed as he had caused much hurt. That he did accept, no matter how much it had hurt, but looking back upon the last couple of weeks… He hadn’t seen then what he tried to avoid accepting now.
“Do you really think I’m burned out? That we can get through this?” he asked softly and Yami smiled slightly as he scooted a little closer too. He had missed his lover’s warmth and the way they could talk after they had both calmed down. Yesterday had been horrible… maybe today could be better?
“Até, all I know is that the last couple of weeks I’ve seen you grow more tired than before. You’ve been taking up a lot of work and I know that this happened together with the change in management. They overlooked you and ever since then you’ve grown more agitated. I’ve seen you change from a loving man into a tired and grumpy one within the matter of weeks, but can we get through that? Yes, we can”, Yami replied confidently as he caressed his lover’s face and sighed.
“There is little we cannot overcome, but you quitting your job, taking your time with the girls and letting yourself rest up? That we most certainly can do and in the meantime, I’ll be working at Mai’s place”, Yami continued softly, before he watched Atem sigh and shake his head.
“You hate it to work outside of our family. You hate it to be stuck in a place that isn’t our home or the girls or the errands that you run every day. I cannot demand that you sacrifice yourself for me. Or your happiness”, Atem whispered and he was dead-serious. He couldn’t let his beloved wither away at a workplace that would eat at him. Yami worked hard, every day of his life to keep their family running. It was what they had mutually agreed upon and Atem wouldn’t take that from his husband.
He couldn’t.
“It would only be for six months and we’ll still be going on vacation together to see your family. Até, that’s a sacrifice I am more than willing to make and longer too if you don’t find a job that you like. I want the man back whom I fell in love with, whom I married and whom I wanted a family with. Please, Muffin… You’re killing yourself with this job and I don’t want to lose you to it”, Yami whispered with a wet voice again as he tried to make his lover see sense. Differently this time, considering their yelling match of yesterday hadn’t worked, but he also didn’t feel like it anymore.
He felt like pleading and begging for his beloved to understand while at the same time, he just wanted to say what was weighing his heart down and then Atem could do with it as he wished. “The girls deserve their mom too”, he tried, because they had been asking him about it. They had been asking him if Atem was sick and Yami could see his beloved crack with another thick swallow. He could see a wet glaze forming in Atem’s beautiful rose-red eyes and Yami sniffed softly with him as his lover nodded.
“They do”, Atem murmured, for even if he hadn’t birthed the twins, he was their mom and they deserved a happy youth. They deserved the kind of parent in their life he hadn’t been able to be lately and Atem sighed as he felt more tired the longer he thought about it.
“What if it takes longer though to find a job? What if I won’t find one at all?” Atem asked as he felt his mind changing, though he couldn’t just let go. He had been providing for the loves of his life since the beginning. Yami was capable, was a good man, but he shouldn’t have to be put in a place he didn’t want to be in. A place that might kill his spirit…
Which was an irony that slapped him across the head as hard as Yami’s smack had done him yesterday and Atem sighed as he let that settle in for a moment while warm hands squeezed his own. He didn’t need to sacrifice himself… That wouldn’t work out in the long run. They had promised to do this together when getting married, hadn’t they? So why couldn’t he?
“Then it will take longer. You are great at what you do and employers will be falling over their feet in order to have you working for them. You have a great resume and the good people at your office will back you up. Even I know they will, so you don’t need to be afraid. I know change is scary, but we need this change. You need this change, but only you can make it. I know I tried to force you yesterday and I’m sorry I did. That wasn’t my intention”, Yami admitted and he smiled when Atem pulled him a little closer. He moved willingly as he laid his forehead against his husband’s and sighed for he had missed this contact.
“I know and I’m sorry I yelled back at you. I’m sorry I got defensive and didn’t want for you to be right, but you are and I’m sorry for everything I said. I’m sorry for fighting with you over this”, Atem whispered, before he sighed in relief when Yami snuggled up to him and carefully kissed him. As if asking for permission and Atem gladly gave it because he was just grateful his beloved was still with him. He was grateful Yami wished to see this through with him and he smiled in their kiss, prior to giving his husband another one.
“It’s all right. You had a right to fight over this. It’s your life and your work. I just – had to butt in”, Yami whispered as he snuggled up closer and slowly propped himself up so he could lean himself over his lover’s chest when Atem turned to lie upon his back. Anything to be closer to the man he had missed while his anger dissipated. They had both been wrong… so terribly, terribly wrong, but they could fix this. They always had.
“That’s why we’re married, right? To butt in?” Atem asked softly to seek validation for his thoughts and to alleviate the tension he still felt. It was worth it as happiness filled him when he received laughter when Yami chuckled and Atem couldn’t be happier when warm hands touched upon his cheeks to caress him to which he sighed in bliss as another kiss was given to his lips.
“Is that so? Then I agree wholeheartedly”, Yami purred with a newfound smile upon his lips. It almost seemed like ages since he had and it felt good to do so again. It felt good to feel Atem pull him closer and to feel arms around him again as his lover rubbed his back and cupped his face to beg for another soft kiss.
One he was given tenderly and Atem loved the touch as it soothed his very soul, though the worry was still there. The worry that he was messing up, that he shouldn’t let all burdens fall to Yami’s shoulders and the disappointment in himself for everything. For needing to quit a job, for yelling at his lover and not being there for the girls like they had deserved too. Not only that, but –
“I will need time to organise all of this and I will need to work four more weeks after I put in my resignation too. I hope you haven’t promised Mai you would come in first thing Monday morning?” Atem asked, though more relief filled him as Yami shook his head.
“No, I didn’t. I merely talked with Mai and we did put up a contract and we talked about pay, but I don’t have to sign it until you have everything sorted out. She knew that and we agreed upon that very specific part. Then you can rest up and find a new job at your own pace. You can take the girls to school until their summer vacation starts and I won’t be working every day either. It’ll be a little bit tighter in our budget, but I want to spend days with you too. Can we?” Yami asked softly and Atem sighed as he tightened his hold upon his beloved.
He had everything planned out already, hadn’t he? Careful plans he hadn’t been able to appreciate yesterday, but now? He could only admire his beloved for them while Yami leaned closer with a teasing smirk upon his lips.
“I wish to help you get better”, Yami purred with a whisper to his ears and Atem chuckled in the kiss he shared with Yami, prior to humming softly.
“I would love that”, he murmured as their lips kept brushing against each other and both men murmured soft sweet nothings to each other as they enjoyed their presence again. “I just need a bit of time. I promise I won’t make it long and I promise I won’t go back to the man I have been the last few weeks. Tell me when I do?” he asked as he had barely noticed the change in himself until Yami had told him yesterday and Atem smiled as Yami nodded with that warm glow in his crimson eyes.
“I promise I will and I also promise I’ll be a little more gentle next time I do”, Yami vowed, because he still felt guilty for everything that had happened yesterday. He shouldn’t have lost control of himself like that and make Atem suffer even more than the other already did.
“Just a little… I might not listen if you get too soft on me”, Atem teased and Yami chuckled at that, before leaning down for another kiss. Another touch he had craved since yesterday and softly, he licked his tongue against warm lips to have more of what he was given. To have more of his husband all to himself again and Atem hummed softly as he happily gave it. He happily tightened his embrace around his beloved to pull him closer, until soft giggling at the door made them chuckle softly.
“We have an audience”, Atem whispered as Yami pulled away just a little and he loved the sound of his lover chuckling softly.
“So it seems”, Yami murmured, before he slowly tilted his head and gazed at the door where two nearly identical faces gazed back at him with bright reddish eyes and happy grins. Streaks of blond coloured black hair too in a way that showed their heritage and Atem loved the sight as he stretched his free hand out to his little girls.
“Are you two awake already?” he asked them to which they giggled again, before jumping into a sprint to try and get on the bed first. Yami groaned with laughter as he caught the one twin with a delightful amount of freckles on her face and then he kissed her while the other sat herself down upon Atem’s stomach.
“Did daddy say sorry to you?” was the serious question asked of him as Atem steadied his little girl while the other stared at him.
“Did mommy say sorry too?” she asked from within Yami’s arms and both men smiled as they gaze at each other for a small moment, before embracing both girls between them as Atem helped his daughter from his body and rolled over on his side once more.
“We did, Cupcakes”, Yami whispered as he stroked his daughter’s dual coloured hair and he loved the feel of it while two pairs of reddish eyes gazed at him. “Sometimes mommy and daddy don’t agree with each other and we are sorry we didn’t yesterday. We are sorry we got angry at each other and we apologised. Just like we teach you to do as well, hm?” he asked and smiled at the serious nods of agreement he received in return.
“Doesn’t mean we don’t love each other anymore, because I love your daddy very much”, Atem whispered as he scooted closer and the girls laughed as they were squished between the two adults. They kicked their feet as they were tickled and both men laughed as it soothed their soul. There was work to do, as was always the case in a marriage, but they had each other again and that’s what mattered most.
They had each other as the girls babbled and giggled while cuddling them in the early morning at the same time they shared little kisses still. Just a soft touch and a warm reminder that they were there for the other. That they would get through this and that they were forgiven.
That they were loved and in this marriage together. Atem smiled at that, because it made it feel as if his plate seemed less full and the road less bumpy.
For now.