Work Text:
In a random skibidi timeline in the ADA...
It was a typical normal day at work, Atsushi and the others handling out paperwork and taking out errands to finish while Dazai was sleeping in his own chair.
After Atsushi finished his errands, he spotted Dazai was still asleep after a long hour, he was wondering what was happening in that brain of his.
Atsushi then woke Dazai up as Dazai screamed..
"OH MY SKIBIDI SLICERS~! "
Atsushi was left dumb-founded when Dazai randomly said that out loud.. "Dazai-san, are you ok? " The white hair boy asked, "Yeah im fine, it was just a bad dream that i met this thing called " skibidi toilet", it's a thing where i randomly met this toilet head guy when i was pissing in the male's bathroom" The brunette replied.
"Well that's.. werid! " Atsushi replied. "I hope that thing called " skibidi toilet " wouldn't be real! " Dazai sighed as he looks outside the window "Yeah.. even if skibidi toilet is real, Chuuya can save me heh.. " The brunette smirked.
Suddenly, the brunette tall bandaged guy had a suddenly stomachache and let out a LARGE fart in the ADA, everyone can smell Dazai's smelly fart that even Odasaku revived.
Dazai then sighed in embarassment, "Atsushi.. i
need to shit so badly... "The brunette whined
Atsushi agreed and pushed Dazai towards the
male's bathroom
"Don't forget to bring the air-refreshener spray!
" Kunikida exclaimed as Atsushi sighed."Dazai-
san.. you should really. get your shit checked.. it
smelis all over the place..even Chuuya does not
want to live with you because of your smelly
poop.." Dazai cried "Well Chuuya sucks~! Im
going to shit in the same o' bathroom stall~!"
Atsushi knew something bad was going to happen so he quietly exit the male's bathroom and pulls out his phone to text his boyfriend-Akutagawa
While Dazai was about to pull his pants down,he then heard a familiar song that sounds like its coming out of the toilet.It sounded as if the lyrics were "brrr skibidi dop dop dop yes yes... " on loop..
That's when Dazai knew, he fucked up.
A random guy's head suddenly appeared! It was singing skibidi toilet on loop! Dazai screamed loudly in the bathroom stall as the others gathered around the bathroom stall.
"DAZAI! OPEN UP! " As the others were prepared, they took out their air-refreshener sprays and headed towards the stall that Dazai would normally shit in.
Dazai then opened the bathroom stall and cried, "Guys.. there's a toilet head in my shithole! " Dazai whined. The others were so glad that he didn't shit yet or else it's going to be a really tragic and bad thing..
" You fucking scared us Dazai! " Atsushi sighed.
"There's no toilet head Osamu Dazai." Kunikida exclaimed,Dazai gulped when they couldn't see the head in the bathroom stall at the moment. As the others left, he was left alone with skibidi toilet.
"Hey.. you're not going to hurt me right haha.. " Dazai chuckled in fear before skibidi toilet stretches his head to lean into Dazai's lips, kissing him. Dazai's eyes widened when skibidi toilet kissed him, it was surprisingly better than how Chuuya kisses him.
Dazai then went to the bathroom sinks and wash out the skibidi saliva and rushed to the public bathroom stalls to shit.
While he made that poor bathroom stall stink so bad,skibidi toilet appeared again! It then chased after Dazai as Dazai tries to run away from them!
"Oh my skibidi! " As Dazai cried running away from skibidi toilet, he then turned around a little bit and saw that there were many more versions of skibidi toilet chasing after him! Dazai screamed in shocked,running and running... until he grew too exhausted and had to surrender himself.
"Oh my skibidi.." As Dazai tries to use his ability to remove all the skibidi toilets, it didn't work so he pulled up his phone and call Chuuya to come pick him up.
"Dazai for whatever stupud reason you called me here again i will- oh." As Chuuya can surprisingly see the many versions of skibidi toilet about to line-up to lick Dazai."CHUUUYAAAA~! PLEASE SAVE ME, THESE SKIBIDI TOILET HEADS ARE SO MAD 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂~! " Dazai cried and got relieved as Chuuya can see them.Chuuya then decided to ignore his shenanigans and just went back to work, leaving Dazai stuck with the skibidi toilet heads.
Dazai then ended up getting licked by them and Dazai surprisingly enjoys them..It was at this moment,Dazai cheated on Chuuya with skibidi toilet.
Dazai then went back to his apartment tired and about to go to the toilet,skibidi toilet was there waiting for him all this time.
"Skibidi toilet.. i knew you were my true love all this time.. I'm breaking up with Chuuya for you 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 skibidi toilet kun~! " Dazai cried in joy.
Skibidi toilet then blushes,then ofc, Dazai and Skibidi toilet makeout😨
After that event,Dazai broke up with Chuuya (even tho he doesn't give a fuck because Dazai's shit is still very bad),the shin soukoku gang was too stunned to even speak after knowing that Dazai cheated on Chuuya with a hallucination of his so-called "Skibidi toilet"
Dazai and skibidi toilet then got married in the same bathroom stall where they first met there.
Before they were about to kiss each other, as Dazai closes his eyes,he was left with a bright light from the sun,he's back in his apartment while the clock was ringing, tears was in his eyes as he remembered skibidi toilet.Dazai then rushed to the bathroom,skibidi toilet was not found."No.. he's real.. no.. skibidi toilet.. my fiánce.. "
"Your real fiánce is me stupid fuck." As Chuuya woke up angrily." Some rando used their ability to cause you to hallucinate so Atsushi called Akutagawa to inform me about your situation about you hallucinating about this... skibidi toilet.." Chuuya sighed while he pushes Dazai aside and brushes his teeth "And Osamu,what you did in that dream of yours. I know everything that happened." Chuuya then punches Dazai onto the floor. "OUCH~! Im sorry Chuuyaaa,i don't know why did i even do that~ Maybe a certain someone called Fran forced me to cheat on you!" Dazai whined while he hugged Chuuya from the behind even tho he has a big bright red slap mark on his left cheek.
"Whatever you piece of shit,i'll forgive you for once but wait- who the fuck is Fran- yk what forget about it.. " As he gets ready and heads to work already. Before he went to work, he kissed Dazai's very bright red left cheek a kiss.
Dazai then chuckled and left too to go to work back in the ADA. "You're lucky i like gingers like you Chuuya.. "
And yk what happens next? The whole ADA knew what happened and they could never see Dazai the same ever again..