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Hitori arrives home, his hair smelling of singed ends, and his clothing covered in soot and debris. His hands were the most concerning, blistered raw and red, however he paid no mind to it.
He shrugs off his jacket but still retains his signature red scarf. Then he sits down on the floor without much of a word except the occasional cough.
He was home.
This was the place where he and Nageki once shared, the place where they soothed each other, and overcame the loss of their family. It was home. But not anymore.
He didn’t feel that same warmth he usually felt when he came home, even the weeks and year without Nageki was lonely but he felt some sort of attachment to the place at least.
Now the apartment seemed cold, and uninviting like he wasn’t welcome inside.
What happened earlier in the day wasn't real, he tried to convince himself. He told himself so firmly but with the feeling of dust in his throat, his inability to breathe unless it was in hacking coughs, was painfully real.
FORGET. I MUST FORGET.
But he would never be able to forget the sight of Nageki disappearing behind a closed door walking directly into the sea of flames behind him. The walls were echoing his cries as he banged on the locked door calling for Nageki to come out. There was only a window that could help him reach Nageki now.
“I can’t live anymore.”
“But why? Nageki! Nageki! Open this door, I’m bringing you home! It’s dangerous!”
“I have to burn. I have to…”
“No! Nageki listen to me, I’m so sorry, we’ll think of something else! We’ll find another way for you to get better.
“I can’t get better, this has to be the way it is… don’t apologize Hitori. I chose this of my own will.”
“! Nageki please!”
“… Listen Hitori… I want you to do two things for me.”
“What is it? I’ll do anything! Anything!”
“The first is…_______”
“!”
“… The second thing is _____”
Curse Isa Souma! He lied to him. He said Nageki would get better if he underwent this treatment. Instead Hitori wasn’t even left with a body to mourn. The only mementos he had with Nageki now remained in this two person apartment. What did they do to him? What caused Nageki to say that? He finally stood up and fumbled around the room for a moment, hands shaky as he furiously went to his drawers searching in a panicked manner before his hands found it.
Nageki’s last letter to him. In scrawled and equally shaky writing said,
“I’m fine. I’m fine Hitori.”
And that was the end of it.
What sort of miserable horror did Nageki face? Why did he say all those horrible things that he had to burn? He wouldn’t know, as he continued to question himself.
Hitori wished he would try to at least choke out a sob and show some form of grief.
However all Hitori felt was... nothing. He felt empty, perhaps it would be described as numbness but he wouldn’t call it that either.
He wanted to disappear on the spot.
There was nothing for him here.
Hitori wanted to die.
He felt disgusted, disgusting. This was his fault. Everything was his fault. If he hadn’t left Hatoful House that day… no one had to die. If he didn’t insist on Nageki leaving to get treatment… he wouldn’t be gone. Hitori’s parents had died early on. He probably caused something like that too. Every one of his family members was all gone.
He made everyone disappear. He only hurt people with his presence. A worthless existence walking the earth.
But Hitori couldn’t die no matter how he wanted to purge out his insides. Nageki entrusted him with something. An important wish. Amidst the chaos, the only thing Hitori could focus on was the flames licking at his heels and the locked room so he wasn’t even sure what Nageki had said. He’ll mull it over though, bang his head into a wall if he needed to, he HAS to remember. He HAS to.
He doesn’t eat dinner. He doesn’t even take his medication. Instead Hitori goes to bed and has a peculiar dream that night. It’s a reoccurring dream that has happened before but something is new this time. He feels it in the air.
He is in a dark room. It’s hard to see, but he can recognize the familiar atmosphere. It’s a room in Hatoful House. It’s wrong though, the darkness twists and warps and he knows he’s not alone.
The dreams whisper to him, small hands grabbing at his legs and his arms. They’re cursing at him, crying for him, and screaming for help. He’s trying to walk forward, but he’s being tied down so firmly.
One by one some of the hands release him but only a sense of dread fills Hitori. Only loud shrieking cries are heard now, the unmistakable voices of children.
Hitori recognizes some of them, but he doesn't want to look back at Pyonpyon's face of horror or Kanta helplessly trying to flee from an unseeable threat on his crutches. Momo is screaming as she collapses to the floor lying in a bloody mess.
He did not want to see anymore, wrenching his eyes shut trying to block out any sounds of the wails for Hitori to rescue them like the heroes of the books Hitori read to them. He did not want to see the tragedy that happened at Hatoful House a second time. The kids in Hatoful House, they were his children. The children he failed to protect, as a guardian. He failed them, just as he failed Nageki now.
He relived this dream every night the same afternoon he lost them, but he used to have Nageki comfort him as they both slowly tried to move toward the future. Nageki would wake him up when he realized Hitori’s nightly horrors, and try to console him. Again Hitori’s mind wandered back to the fact Nageki wasn’t here now so he would have to deal with this alone.
So Hitori runs and he runs.
The voices seem to die out as he continues looking for a way out, anything. But the corridor kept stretching and stretching…
Then there was Nageki standing at the very end. Hitori yelps as the whole area bursts into flame and steps back wincing as he feels waves of heat wash over him. Nageki’s face is shrouded in darkness, despite the fact that fire was surrounding and lighting the entire room. He’s hissing at him. Hissing at Hitori.
"This is your fault, you let me die Hitori."
Hitori’s voice is quivering, like he's about to cry. "I'm sorry."
"You should be, I wanted to come home."
"I know...I know...I'm so sorry Nageki!" he whispers.
“Why… Why didn’t you come to get me?” Nageki accuses him in such a harsh tone that he flinches. Nageki would be mad of course he would, hearing his words now felt like a knife being stuck into him.
Some part of his mind questioned this.
‘Would Nageki really be so cruel?’ Was he even thinking rationally anymore? This was a dream, he knew but Hitori wanted to grasp at any fragment or slivers of hope that Nageki was still there. Nageki was there in that facility. He had to believe.
So he went along and believed.
“I-I thought you were getting better they lied! I’m sorry I know I can’t trust them!”
“It’s too late for that now.”
There’s a brief moment of silence before Nageki, tilting their head speaks to him again.
“Do you remember what I asked for Hitori?”
“I-I…y-you wanted...”
“That’s right. I wanted you to get revenge, on Isa Souma.” Nageki’s voice is soft and coaxing, almost as if he was trying to lull Hitori into a deep sleep. It was so convincing, Hitori believed it.
“Nageki…I-I’ll take revenge on Isa Souma. I’ll do it.” He says desperately pleading now.
The shadow nods. “Take revenge on all those who caused me pain… and I asked for a second thing…” Nageki’s shadow purrs.
“You want me to save you and bring you back home.” He replies uncertainly.
“Yes, but even then I won’t forgive you.” Nageki’s shadow nears him and points at his chest, the area where his heart should be located. “I’ll be here reminding you. Always. I won’t let you live without suffering for what you did to me.”
“I know.” Hitori mumbles. “I-I deserve it.”
Nageki’s shadow makes a disturbing smile, he still can’t see his face however close they are and he doubts he’ll ever get to see it again but that green hair matches his memory of Nageki. “You’ll live with that sin forever. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll be waiting. Find me Hitori.” And Nageki turns his back on him and walks away from him.
He wants to call out for him to come back but the dream is already dissipating, turning into white.
He wakes up.
The next day comes and goes. Hitori doesn’t do much but walk to the nearest convenience store to treat his burns. He calls in sick for work and asks if he may be excused for a week lying through clenched teeth about a sick relative overseas. What a liar. He had no family left. Why else was he in an orphanage? But nobody needed to know that. No one knew about Uzune Hitori the orphan. They allow him of course, he was such an excellent teacher despite his dozing off in classes. They offer their condolences to his relative and he tries to play it off with a gentle voice. Then he hangs up and sits on his couch.
He eats some instant noodles, dozes off watching the news, and attempts to check over the prepatory school work before he realizes he cannot. He even falls asleep in his bath at one point, but wakes up before the bath overflows. He makes himself a microwavable dinner, not up to cooking. It’s early, but Hitori is tired, regardless of doing no work so he heads to his bed before he falls asleep in an uncanny area again.
He has another dream.
It’s the second night he sees the same Nageki, with difficulty to see his face in the darkness but he speaks in the same tone. It calls for him. “Hitori Hitori… I wanted to see you again today too.”
And Hitori wants to smile but he’s frozen in fear. “Nageki.” He just says.
“You remember what I asked for?” Nageki hums as they walked towards him grasping onto his shoulders with bony hands.
“I remembered. Every last bit.”
“Say it to me.”
“You want me to take revenge on Isa Souma, and I’ll come to bring you home.”
The shadow laughs. In his mind, it’s eerie not like the gentle titters Hitori can remember ever coming from Nageki but maybe he was wrong. Maybe this was what Nageki always sounded like.
“You remembered.”
“Of course I did. I promised. I won’t break my promise.”
Nageki’s quiet again before suddenly their hands are wrapped around his neck. “I want you to always remember what you did to me or else you wouldn’t have to.”
Hitori sputters and gasps as Nageki holds him like that.
“N…a…ge….ki…” Hitori chokes out but this Nageki’s grip is tight, and strong. He shouldn’t be though, Nageki was always frail.
“I will tear your heart apart, put it together, then I will do it again.”
“Y-… y-…yes…”
The shadow waits momentarily until Hitori’s almost purple and blue in the face then Nageki releases him and smiles. “Hitori Hitori.” They shake their head. “I’ll be by your side all the time.”
“I… k…know.”
“You understand.” Nageki says almost cheerfully. “Well it’s time, to wake up. I’ll remind you again tomorrow.”
And Hitori wakes up.
The third day Hitori goes down to the convenience store again, having run out of instant noodles and buys even more microwavable dinners. He doubts he’ll be in the mood for cooking in a long while. As he reaches the register to pay a photo stands out of his wallet. He pulls it out and his heart stops, his breath hitching in his throat. Nageki.
A picture of Nageki, and himself standing in the apartment together.
Nageki’s eyes are so bright and earnest seemingly content. Hitori resists the urge to breakdown and cry in the store. He couldn’t see those eyes in the dark of night, and he won’t. Not until he brings him back. Not until he saves him.
Hitori goes back to the apartment. Hitori treats the burns on his arms with ointment again. They seemed to be healing, but they were still covered in blisters. The passing three days without Nageki was agony. It’s always been kind of lonely and sad without him around but this was a different feeling. Hitori wished he would do something but he couldn’t. He disregards to take his medicine again. He showers, and falls asleep in it, waking up once again before the water of the tub fills up. Then he heads to bed awaiting Nageki’s presence.
Today Nageki is quiet sitting in the room of fire and as soon as Hitori’s presence is recognized he points at him accusingly again.
“It was YOU who killed me. YOU killed me. YOU killed me.” Nageki repeats.
“….I did. ” Hitori says almost blankly and he kneels on the floor, close to Nageki.
“Hitori you abandoned me. I didn’t want to go.”
“…yes.”
“If you didn’t make me go I wouldn’t have died.”
“…It’s my fault.”
Nageki’s shadow glances at him and wraps their arms around him, hugging him. Hands wrapped in his hair as they hold his head up.
“Bring me home. Come save me…Come for me.” It whispers closely to his ears.
Hitori cries for the first time in three days.
Hitori reciprocates the action holding Nageki close, his voice raspy through the sounds of his crying as he sobs on the shadow’s shoulder. “I’ll come find you. I’ll save you, Nageki. Nageki. Nageki. Nageki. Nageki.”
That morning Hitori wakes up, he rips part of the photo in half. He didn’t deserve a place next to Nageki. Keeping just the form of Nageki in his wallet he throws away the other half. He burns it.
Hitori spends the day doing nothing of use again. He kills time watching it go, and watching the news again. He doesn’t touch the books on the shelf in their shared room. Those are Nageki’s. He would hate him if he touched them. He sits around, falls asleep in uncommon places of the house. He eats precooked meals and looks forward to seeing Nageki again that night.
“Hitori~” Nageki speaks and Hitori without any form of doubt approaches instead. “Nageki, you’ve come to see me again.”
The shadowed Nageki is surprised but smiles. “Yes, I did.”
“Where are you…? I never knew exactly what they were doing to you…” Hitori’s voice is lost.
“They tortured me.” Nageki replies darkly. “They did horrible things to me, and you let it happen.”
He wants to apologize but no amount of apologies can make up for it. “If you want me to live with this pain, I will.”
“That’s exactly what I want. Continue blaming yourself because you are the one at fault. You didn’t protect me.”
“I didn’t.”
“Make all those who made my pain their song SUFFER. All of them should die. If they live I will continue to suffer.”
“Anything for you to make up for what I did. Nothing will amount to it but I’ll do it.”
It seems satisfied. “The facility will be closed now, when it opens again, find me. Save me.”
Hitori jolts awake.
He turns his head to his clock to look for the time but instead he sees a figure lying in the bed next to him. It’s dark and has a form just like Nageki. It’s transparent though, not very solid.
“Nageki…”
The shadow grins, holds Hitori’s head and kisses the top of his forehead gently. “Yes, I’m here. Look at me, and only hear me.”
It’s almost as if he can see Nageki physically again, curling up with him and with a heavy heart, he is enticed to sleep again.
Days pass all the way into three weeks, Hitori gets better. Or at least he thinks he’s getting better. At least he is able to eat more properly. He starts to cook again, something he hasn’t done since Nageki’s died. His hands have healed up nicely, they're no longer burned. He’s learned to smile again (not sincerely) but it works. He starts going back to work his teachings are a little off, not as enthusiastic as he usually is when he teaches the Pythagorean theorem. He continues wearing the red scarf the real Nageki had sown for him. He seems normal to anybody that didn’t know him that well. His narcolepsy is worse though and he continues falling asleep in unplanned places. He wakes up in the hospital one day apparently having collapsed on the street. The hospital scolds him on his neglect of taking his medication. They hand him some medicine to help him stay awake during the day and discharge him. Hitori throws the bottle away as soon as he leaves into a trashcan nearby.
Nageki seems to get more real, and now has a corporeal form. It’s more solid than ever. He has black wings. He’s always by Hitori’s side. He whispers sweet words and lies of honey venom to him about living with him together again. Sometime he’s vicious though, he attacks Hitori like he’s stabbing him with knives and is relentless into blaming him. Hitori doesn’t mind. He isn’t lonely anymore. Nageki is with him and Nageki will always be with him. If Nageki wanted him to suffer he’ll allow it.
Anything for Nageki. Anything.
The other half of the picture in Hitori’s wallet is taken out again. This time he takes a permanent black marker and scribbles over it, vandalizing it. This is how he remembers Nageki now. Nageki wouldn’t look at him with those sunset warm eyes ever. They’ll be full of resentment and hatred when he rescues him. He wouldn’t want to be reminded of a loving Nageki before he does because he’ll never look at him like that again. Nageki’s face is now dark. He looks at his handiwork and slips it back into his wallet.
Sometimes Hitori has second thoughts. Nothing seems right, he must seem delusional. He’s settling on something that doesn’t even act like Nageki would. Nageki is always polite and kind although reserved. Nageki wouldn’t want him to suffer. The shadow says otherwise though and Hitori loses those thoughts of rationality.
“How dare you. How dare you try to make me seem like I’m a figment of your imagination. I am very real, and I’ve been here for you all this time haven’t I?” the shadow coos.
“Yes Nageki.”
Hitori crosses the street this one time, has a fleeting thought of ending everything right there and he pauses in the middle of crossing.
“You don’t deserve an easy escape, you deserve to SUFFER. Remember what you PROMISED me.” The shadow curls around him, malice dripping from their voice and shoves him forward to continue moving.
Hitori goes to work at the prepatory school. He falls asleep in class, but he is able to get through most of the lesson even without his medication.
It’s raining that night. Hitori has an umbrella and leaves the school to go home. Nageki is speaking to him. Smiling as he walks alongside him in the rain. Talking about how wonderfully cold and painful it was. Hitori tries to smile, but in truth in the back of his mind he is unsettled by it.
He’s almost home before he notices shivering behind a metal pole. There’s bright yellow hair to match a yellow scarf. He recognizes them, roughly about a year ago.
A depressed college student named Nanaki Kazuaki. He was always crying, very sensitive and easily upset. He failed so many exams and courses. He recalled Nanaki’s wishes to die but being a coward afraid to carry it out. It reminded him of a worthless existence, just like himself. However badly he thought of Nanaki he also pities him. He kindly calls out to him.
“Nanaki-kun?”
“…?” Nanaki shivers, he’s been crying again. His eyes are red.
“As I thought it really is you. You probably don’t remember me but I work at Yamasemi Prep school. I lecture mathematics there. My name is Uzune Hitori.”
“Ah…”
“Is something wrong? You haven’t come to class in so long. If anything’s bothering you I can help you out. Don’t hesitate. If you stay out in the rain you’ll catch a cold.” Hitori presses the umbrella handle into Nanaki’s hand.
“Wait…! You’ll get wet…?” Nanaki says sniffling, quite confused at Hitori’s behavior.
“It’s fine. I’m almost home anyways. Oh, if you want I can always teach personal lessons. Think about it.” Hitori gives a forced smile. Nanaki seems convinced by his amateur acting and they smile back at him.
“You have our prep number. Give a call if you want.”
“…O…kay… thank you Uzune-kun.”
And Hitori leaves with the shadow in toll sneering at Nanaki.
“How pathetic. Rather just like you.”
Surprisingly Hitori gets a call from Nanaki in the week. He wants to learn. He wants help.
It’s arranged that Hitori comes over to Nanaki’s apartment each week at least three times to teach him or rather just talk to him. Soon it becomes a frequent occurrence that Hitori starts instead coming over 5 days a week.
Hitori gets to learn more about Nanaki outside of his classes. More like through personal classes when Hitori comes over to his apartment. He tries to seem sympathetic with Nanaki on his ideas of being a useless existence on this earth. He agrees how miserable it was. At first Hitori was only trying to seem like a decent ideal person, but realized he genuinely became attached to the crybaby Nanaki. Nanaki was always upset though and Hitori could not ease his suffering on the only other idea that he felt the same. That was his only consolation. But Nanaki mentions one day with Uzune around he feels better because they share the same feelings. Maybe if Uzune came with Nanaki then he wouldn’t be scared to die.
Hitori realizes the fate of Nanaki is in his hands now too. Hitori is his idol, his most important person. The way he looks at Hitori is like looking at the sunshine.
But all Hitori can do is destroy. All he does is end up making everyone around him hurt. It terrifies him. It frightens him to his core that Nanaki loves him so much. Nanaki is so dependent on him. So dependent. So if Hitori ever decided to die he’ll go with him.
Nageki still comes to talk to him. Every night. He doesn’t tell Nanaki about it. It likes to smile and mock Nanaki when Hitori comes home. One night it seems particularly agitated and frustrated with him.
“He has to die. Uzune Hitori must die if you want to get back to that facility. Isa Souma will know who you are if you continue looking like that.” The shadow snarls. “You have to kill that other bird.”
He wants to argue against the shadow this time.
“I-I can’t…”
Nageki scoffs. “Don’t tell me you care for him now? You hate him. You hate him. Let me remind you, who you promised you’d listen to. Only listen to me.”
“I hate him.” Hitori repeats. It felt foreign on his tongue. He did not hate him but Nageki knew best. He hated Nanaki if he said so.
Hitori is silent again before it barks at him.
“You promised. You would leave me behind again to die? And burn over a hundred times Hitori?...” It’s voice is full of contempt.
“No! I-I wouldn’t...”
“Then come for me, you haven’t forgotten. I told you I’d make you remember your sin forever. I am your most important person. You failed me. I hate you.”
“Nageki… I’m…”
“Save me and do whatever it takes to get back to the facility. Uzune Hitori has to die. Take Nanaki Kazuaki’s identity. He trusts you, it would be easy. Do it.” It’s voice is dangerously low.
“I promised… so Uzune Hitori will die soon. Whatever you wish for Nageki.”
“Take his identity. Strip it away. Nanaki Kazuaki never had anything to his name anyways. No one would miss him. Go into the facility. Find Isa Souma. Find him and make him suffer. Bring me home.” Nageki commands.
“…yes.”
Nageki kisses him on the forehead again. "I'll always be here for you. That quail will not be. I'm always here Hitori."
Nageki was still waiting at the facility. He still needed to be saved.
He repeats this to himself until the fact is engraved into his mind. This was his goal. He would carry it out.
He’s decided. Uzune Hitori was to die. Nageki said so.
He was patient. Uzune Hitori was patient. He waited and waited. He would get his opportunity. He would save Nageki. He promised he promised. He could not break that promise. Even if he betrays the trust of someone who cared for him so much. Things wouldn't have ended well anyways. It never does for people that love Hitori and those he loves.
He tries his best to distance himself from Nanaki telling himself it was the best not to get even more attached. This makes Nanaki fall into a gloomy state even when Hitori comes to see him. He seems to get worse and mentions dying a lot more. Still Hitori refuses and tries to console him. His heart twists and turns as he realizes his terrible actions but he can't go back now. He'll wait and wait.
One day Nanaki is crying again when he comes to his apartment. He looks absolutely miserable and Hitori loves and hates it. He wants to back out, his whole body screaming that it was wrong but if Nanaki was like this it’ll make it so much easier on him. The shadow coils around him and simpers. It whispers it's saccharine words and Hitori relents. He gives up and he stops fighting
“I want to die.”
and Hitori smiles genuinely for the first time in a year.
“How about we leave this world together soon?”
And Uzune Hitori died that day.