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like many ayakashi you feel indifferent towards humans, yet you could not help but wish for the embrace of one.
you have a heart, as many of your kind do, but it does not possess the love, benevolence, and understanding humans are capable of. it intrigues you how pure and gentle their temperament could be, but also how it can surpass the dark and malevolent disposition demons are known for.
nevertheless, you seek the warmth of their bodies. they can't see you, but you always reach out your hand to them and try to hug them. wanting to connect, to break the barriers nature has set for spirits and humans because maybe they would be able to answer the questions that burden your heart or at least give you empathy, instead of brushing you off or sneering at you.
humans should be the ones praying to you for a miracle, yet once again today, you waited for your own miracle. who would endow it to you? that, you did not know, still you waited as the drops increased and the sound of rain slowly filled your small, lonely shrine.
you stepped out of your home, the gloom the weather brought becoming too much for you, so you floated up to the giant tree accompanying your fane. you sat beside the birds resting on its branches and watched with a quiet longing as the frail children of the sky snuggled because of the sudden chill. you smiled wistfully, when will you experience companionship like that?
you broke from your reverie when you began to hear quiet splashes of puddles from a distance. someone is going to seek shelter under your shade, someone different from who you're usually with and suddenly you're filled with relief. you'd take anyone's company as long as it's not theirs.
as they approached, a pair of laughter replaced the reverberating downpour, lightening the atmosphere a little.
「 master, there's a shrine here. 」
「 eh, don't mind it, we won't be here for long anyway. 」
a young boy and a strangely large beckoning cat sat on the foot of your shrine. though its face wasn't the most pleasant, its fur definitely is. such fluffiness would cheer you up in this weather, so you floated down to pat it, but the sharp gasp of its owner made you back away.
『 you can see me...? 』
「 yeah... i'm sorry for disturbing you. 」
『 not at all, i should be the one apologizing. i'm just used to humans not being able to see me... 』
you tried to offer him a smile and he returned it. his smile was kind, adorable even, yet you felt the insincerity of his gesture.
『 you don't have to smile at me like that, you know. it's only natural to be cautious around us ayakashi. 』
his eyes slightly widen and his expression became troubled.
「 i- it's just a habit. i don't really want to worry anyone, so i try my best to smile. 」
『 you don't have to bother doing things like that with me. i may not understand emotions well, but i do know that it hurts when you suppress it and pretend that everything is alright. 』
he looked at you, lips parted a little as if he's about to deny your claim, but he just accepted it. from behind your mask, you stared back, finding it beautiful how his eyes resembled the radiance of the sun. it shone, despite the tenebrosity brought by the cloudy rain, despite the pain that lingers around him. the silence that fell between you was interrupted by the purring of the white cat, who jumped from the boy's lap onto yours.
「 hey, master! come back here, i'm starting to feel really cold. 」
yet the cat continued to close his eyes and nap away, seemingly pleased by the comfort the cold brought.
『 i can warm you up. 』
words were offered before their meaning registered in your mind and once you realized, your arms were already stretched towards him, robes flowing along with the wind. only rainfall could be heard for a minute, awkwardness seeped in, and the moment lasted too long for your comfort, but then:
「 is it really okay? 」
his voice pulled you out of your worry. it sounded like a whisper, his eyes were averted from you shyly, but too eagerly, your hands reached out to his and ushered him into your arms. a faint blush spread across his cheeks, but it was too late for embarrassment now, so he slowly buried his face on your chest and clutched onto you as if you were a shield against the frigid temperature.
you didn't want to hurt him, but you couldn't help yourself from tightening your hold onto him because who knew that the miracle you've been waiting for would come today? the heat of his body steadily sunk into your own and you felt sleep take over your mind. you wanted to savor this moment because after the rain, it would be cold again. it would be mundane and achromatic and though eons would pass, it was unlikely you'll feel like this again, but at the same time, you couldn't resist the call of slumber. it had been far too long since you felt at peace enough to rest easily and dream like a child filled with hopeful imaginations.
.
.
.
.
.
the singing of birds reached your ears and stirred you from your sleep. your face rested on something soft, and you nuzzled against it before looking up to see your surroundings. the sun was almost finished setting and the land has moistened, and of course, it was time to say goodbye.
『 did you rest well? 』
「 yes... thank you for letting us stay. 」
the cat woke up too and let out a big yawn before getting off your lap. you stood up afterwards, then helped the boy get back on his feet.
『 it's getting late. i should show you two the way out of the forest. 』
「 it's okay, we've already bothered you enough. 」
『 i insist. 』
you tenderly said as you grabbed his hand to squeeze it twice for assurance, then you pointed to the bushes that surrounded you, it hid the many pairs of glowing eyes from different predators and once he saw them, he squeezed your hand back. maybe it was him giving you permission because it's impossible for him to be scared of such creatures when his feline companion regards those fellows lowly and you begin to wonder why did you even bother? to prolong your time together even though you had already accepted that it was meant to be fleeting? you lightly shake your head to silence your thoughts. you are still with him, you can think about all of that when his silhouette vanishes from your sight.
you then put up a barrier that shone like the moonlight and its luminescence banished the monsters away and oh, how you wished the light also made the darkness trailing your heart go away. everything went by in a blur, you only returned to the present when you were inches away from the young human.
『 what happened...? are we here already? 』
「 we're near, but you almost got hit by a car... 」
you laughed a bit, making his confused face turn into one of worry.
『 silly, i can't be hurt by something like that. 』
「 that doesn't mean you shouldn't be careful though. 」
his hands fell from your shoulder to hold yours. it was full of life, calloused, but soothing. it made you feel complete, so why did you have to part with it? why did fate give you an encounter like this if it wouldn't last?
a few minutes seemed to have passed by and the two of you stopped walking, it must mean that he's home already. you slowly retracted your hand from his and held it with your other hand, it didn't hurt, but the action left you empty.
『 this is where we'll part ways then, have a nice evening. 』
the words felt like a mumble in your ears and you didn't even look at him. when you finally had the courage to look up... he was still in front of you? it was there that tears filled the corner of your eyes. why won't he go away? why won't he make it easy for him to fade away from your memories?
you felt him place a hand on your shoulder again and he started saying something, but you couldn't hear it. all you could hear was your heart, every single drumming pulse asked why is the world so unfair to beings like you? you thought you were going to spiral and reach the point of no return and exorcists would have to deal with you, but his voice ultimately reached you.
「 i-i'm here! you're not alone anymore, what's wrong...? 」
there goes his voice, you've really grown to like it. it was the most benign and serene sound you've ever heard, even as he panics. you met his gaze once more, its glimmer put the moon high above to shame.
『 you... haven't told me your name yet... 』
you sniffled, not ready to tell him everything, but your response did hold a bit of truth in them. you couldn't find the right moment earlier to ask for it and if he really would be here for you from now on, then the two of you will have plenty of time to know each other better.
「 ah, right. it's natsume, but you can call me takashi if you'd like. 」
you could feel yourself beginning to cry again because you know humans only allow others to call them by their given name once they have proved themselves worthy of the other's trust. you have a friend now, is that really true? you lowered your head a little before facing him again with a close eyed smile. this time, your mask didn't cover half of your face and you completely crossed the barrier that separated humans from ayakashi. though you desperately wanted to connect with someone, there was still that bit of distrust in your heart. you felt sheepish for feeling that he was no different from the rest, even though the beat of his heart already told you the truth. when he embraced you under that cloudburst, his heart was calm, his breathing even, and he fell asleep as if he was in the company of someone he knew.
this has to be the first time in a long while you've smiled so widely. spring truly is beautiful, you hoped fall would be the same despite its colors lacking vibrance, and you hoped that a winter where apricity could be found would arrive at last.