Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Snow and ice in spring, a sight that sounds as weird as it looks. But for me, it was something that should have been expected given how far up north I am. You would think that this would be a nice day to kick back and relax, away from the dangers of slipping and cracking an important bone. For the most part, that is correct. However, that also meant that there was plenty of time for my family to consider it a clean-up day of sorts.

Once those chores were wrapped up, I found myself just browsing around YouTube aimlessly. Not really looking for anything, since my usual favorite stars on the platform don’t exactly have a consistent upload schedule. Eventually, I found myself stumbling across a series of videos for a very popular mod of the indie rhythm game, Friday Night Funkin. Titled Mario's Madness, it featured the wide and vast history of fan made Marios that leaned towards the creepy, gritty, cynical, and even the cringy.

Listening to the soundtrack of the mod reminded me of how creative and clever the creators of these things can truly be. It got me thinking about some of my own ideas, and how none of them really took off. Whether it was because I couldn’t pay the good artists to lend their hands, or that no one seemed to care about my ideas in the first place. It honestly made me disappointed and a little annoyed, though most of it was towards me thinking that I had a chance to shine bright enough to stand out. Quite literally, it’s like a game of lottery where there is an infinite number of players.

As my mind trailed off on how my ideas never really got realized, my laptop suddenly went static. ‘Ah crud, this again?’ I thought to myself as I moved my hand to click the power button. After shutting it down and waiting for a while, I turned the laptop back on, hoping that was enough to fix it. However, I noticed the startup was tweaked in some ways. For example, the logo my laptop uses at the startup is a red shield with a curling, white dragon on it. But this time, the dragon looked more skeletal and a little zombie-like, with the shield being broken and blood splattered all over it.

Once that part was done, it would usually pull me up to a background that the data on my device would think I’d like; a galaxy shot, a view of an ocean with a landmark, something along those lines. But as you might guess, this round was completely different. The screen saver showed what could only be described as a dystopian take on the Mushroom Kingdom, fire was on either side of Peach’s castle, with more blood splattered all over the walls, ground, and even the screen. The three popups that usually display factoids or recommended searches were also creepily altered. They all had cryptic messages such as, “Looking for something?”, “Careful what you wish for.”, and other ominous messages.

I was bewildered at this sudden change of pacing. Was this some kind of elaborate trick someone conjured to get back at me for something I said or did? I didn’t have much time to ponder on these sudden anomalies, as the next second, the screen went glitchy again. Before I could even reach for the power button, a gloved, bloody hand suddenly reached out from the screen and grabbed my face and started to pull me into it.

My efforts to resist the arm’s force proved meaningless, as I found my whole body entering the monochrome abyss that was my laptop screen.

Chapter Text

My mind was still throbbing and swirling when I came to. I found myself lying on my stomach on what felt like a stony path. All around me, there were blocks of bricks arranged in a variety of patterns. Some of which were yellow, smooth, and had a blocky question mark emblazoned upon them. It looked like something straight out of my old Super Mario games. However, the patches of blood splattered about, and the crimson hue of the surrounding sky, made it evident that this wasn't what many would consider "normal." Bringing myself to my feet, I held my head as I did my best to ascertain my surroundings. My main hope in doing this was to make sure my grasp on the current predicament was strong and sure.

A little way away, I noticed a figure standing perfectly still. While I couldn't put my finger on why, there was a tingling sensation in the back of my mind telling me that he was probably waiting for me. Slowly, I walked towards the figure's position. As my head hurt less, I was able to tell some of their features. They had on a set of blue overalls, a pair of white gloves with blood on the fingertips, and a red hat that looked like a fusion of a Gatsby hat and a newsboy one. But then I noticed what they had in their right hand: a cleaving knife. I shivered and gulped quietly at the sight. Were they planning to kill me?

I was about five feet away from them when, finally, they spoke up. "Hmm? You looking for someone?" I scratched my head. My mind was still not fully centered after that fall, but I could still tell that the man's voice sounded familiar but also off.

"I... no one specifically, sir." I mumbled, rubbing my head. The figure turned his head over his shoulder, giving me a glance. There was a red glint in his eye, like the eye of a monster in a dark, creepy cave.

The man then let out a low chuckle. "Seems you don't-a recognize me." He said, amused. "It's-a me..." Suddenly, the man turned the rest of his body to face me, raising his knife over his head and barring a set of yellowed, sharp teeth. As he did this, he gave out his name in a distorted, creepy yell, "MARIO!!!"

I gave a small "Yike!" and jumped back in surprise, and not surprisingly, I didn't land on my feet. By reflex, I moved my free arm defensively in front of my face, though that wouldn’t have done a lot for me in hindsight. Seeing me like this, this “Mario” couldn’t help but let out a smaller laugh.

“... Almost.” He added. Seeing someone who was iconic, well-loved, and played a major role in my childhood being in front of me was one thing, but it’s another can of worms when said icon apparently is a murder-happy psychopath. I could feel my mouth muscles reeling into a cringe as my body was shaking from a mix of nerves and fear. Another round of laughter left “Mario's” tongue, almost as if my display of fear was something out of a comedy skit.

“Aw... you seem a bit-a scared...” Mario went on tauntingly. “Well don’t be. I’m-a not-a gonna kill you... yet.” The pause after that last word all but confirmed my suspicions. My death in this reality was practically guaranteed at this point. Though it seemed he didn’t mind or notice the gears turning in my head, because he kept talking, “I want to have some fun with a fan before I decide how to end your life.” In an internal panic, I looked around to see if there was some sort of way to stall for time. Then, I noticed the nearby question block, and a lightbulb went off in my head. A small, half-confident, half-nervous smirk crept across my face.

"Take your time.” I muttered quietly. “I know how these games run.” As fast as I could, I made a mad dash for the question block and jumped up to empty the contents. Out popped a fire flower—just the power up I was hoping for. I was about to take the flower, but then I noticed “Mario’s” expression. He looked incredibly bored; it was as though he had seen others do the exact same thing I was doing. I shrugged it off and grabbed the flower, hoping to get the pyrokinesis needed to hopefully even the playing field. Unfortunately, all I was met with was the crunch of a dead flower and the sound of some sort of buzzer. I looked down at the lifeless flower I was holding, then at my clothes, then back to "Mario." He then let out an amused sigh.

“Oh, don’t think any power-ups will help you. They’re useless here.” He stated it matter-of-factly. “This...is MY world.” I couldn’t help but facepalm when I realized how stupid I must have looked to him. I jumped down from the bricks and faced him in the eye, trying my best not to let myself waver. “But I will admit, you’ve-a shown yourself-a to be braver than-a most, and your determination is-a something else.” “Mario” said with a hint of genuine intrigue. But then his voice went bitter as he continued, “Unlike the girl that paid for what that traitor of a man she called a father did to me...all those years ago.” My mind went racing even faster at that comment. Who was he referring to? But then it hit me.

“You mean Daddy Dearest?” I asked, slowly approaching. “I remember hearing through a grapevine that he and a man known as ‘M’ collaborated to essentially create a monopoly with the gaming industry. Dearest then used the funds from his time there to build his name in music, while ‘M’ was never heard from again.” I paused after basically thinking aloud. To make sure my train of thought wasn’t unfounded, I gave “Mario” a look that said, ‘You’re that ‘M’, aren’t you?’

In a bitter, resentful tone, he gave an intriguing response. “Hmph... the story of-a my-a life.” Even though he was wanting to end my life, I couldn’t help but feel a teeny bit sorry for him. No one deserves to be put through that sort of thing, especially the backstabbing part. I took a deep breath and clenched my fists together to keep my mind focused on the situation at hand. Then I recalled the phrasing of what M had said, “the girl that ‘paid’.”

“So why continue?” I asked. “You already got his daughter and her love interest killed and their souls under your thumb. Why drag more into these twisted games of yours?” I probably should have watched my words or my tone, because M started giving a grin that looked like a mix of ‘Is he seriously asking this?’ and ‘I hate that he has a point.’ His grip on the cleaver was tightening so much, it was starting to shake. Next thing I knew, M gave a snicker that slowly grew into a hysterical level of laughter.

“Where’s the fun in not?!” He screamed; his tone went serious. I didn’t even hear an accent that time, as I could feel his anger growing. Right then, just out of earshot, I heard something akin to an explosion. I immediately turned to see where that sound came from, but in a split second, the sound of pinging metal rang in front of me. I looked just in time to see M’s knife fall out of his hand. A gruff voice then called out to my right.

“Back the fuck up you sick bastard!” it called. Turning towards the source, I was surprised to see it coming from a kid in a green shirt, ginger hair slicked into three curves, and holding a smoking gun. Great, as if a twisted platforming icon wasn’t enough, there was now an ill-tempered marksman with questionable intentions. M turned to see him, and gave an amused smirk to both of us.

“Oh, I-a almost forgot about-a you, Pico.” M muttered, sounding like he originally did. “Sorry for-a dragging you into this-a mess. But you-a know what they-a say about WITNESSES.” He gave a twisted grin at that last word. M then opened his left hand to retrieve his cleaver, which now had a fresh bullet hole in one corner, and it flew right back into his palm.

“Cut the crap, asshole.” Pico barked, straightening his shooting arm out. “I know what you did to THEM! None of them deserved that, not even Boyfriend.” He gave out a low snarl as he finished. On the other hand, I could tell that gears were spinning in M’s mind. His face then lit up, and creepily narrowed into a sinister smile that could scare the Grinch.

At the snap of a finger, a skeletal turtle with bat-like wings swooped by and dropped two blood-covered microphones, one at Pico’s feet and the other at mine. Pico winced at the sight, putting his free hand over his mouth. I just eyed mine carefully, trying to see what M was thinking here. “I’m-a sure you may-a recognize these.” He mused. “These-a were the weapons of the boy who defeated lots of creatures, some like myself: Monsters, Demons, Angels, Freaks…”

Pico gave him a look that said, ‘With you being the biggest freak here.’

M paid no mind to Pico’s look as he continued. “So, how’s-about this? Three songs, just three. Beat me, and I’ll-a let you two go. Lose… and you’ll-a perish by MY hand!” He raised his knife as he finished his proposal. I glanced at Pico, who seemed about ready to rip about three new-ones into M. Then I remembered what happened when Boyfriend accepted: he agreed, but bailed at the second, thus breaking the deal. When that clicked in my head, I found myself with semi-renewed confidence as I scooped up the microphone.

I took a deep breath and uttered my response: “It’s a deal. Let’s-a do this.” Pico gave me a shocked look, he must’ve thought that I was just as stupid as Boyfriend. M probably thought the same, as he smiled wider and gave a low chuckle.

“Very well.”, he said. “Let’s-a-go!”

Pico, however, was fuming. “YOU DUMBASS!”

Chapter Text

Every fiber of my being wanted me to bail. I mean, did I really think it was a good idea to trust someone who is essentially a mass murderer to uphold his end of a deadly bargain? Well, I didn’t have enough time to ponder that question. I could hear the twangs and strums of what I could assume was the first song…

It's-A-Me

(0:14) M gave me a sadistic smirk. “Ready?” He asked, oozing sarcasm.

(2:07) Pico and I winced a bit, hearing M laughing in pure, twisted glee; even more so as his laughter became more distorted and haunting. 

(3:07) As the song carried on, and as it became more evident that this is my first time at a singing contest of any kind, I was starting to get pretty warm, even by normal standards. Looking to my right when Pico nudged me, I noticed that the landscape was starting to catch fire. The flames were reaching so high up, they nearly towered over the nearby castle. However, I couldn’t let it distract me for too long, the song still wasn’t over yet.

As much fun as I had singing that tune, it took quite a bit of energy out of me. I internally cursed at myself for not snagging my water bottle before being pulled in. Pico looked pretty stunned, likely because I managed to complete the song with relative ease, just like Boyfriend before me. I was honestly pretty shocked myself. Was his spirit giving me the strength needed to pull out the win needed to save our lives?

M’s creepy chuckle interrupted my thoughts. “Oh, this is-a the most-a-fun I’ve-a had in a while.” he said, almost giddy. Then he gave us a curious/cocky glance. “How’s-about we take things UP A NOTCH?” Pico and I shot each other a nervous glance, terrified, but slightly curious on what that implies. Not that we had much time to ask, because in the next second, M grabbed us both by the collars of our shirts and hurled us upwards. I was expecting a long descent downwards, but when I opened my eyes, Pico and I were on a levitating platform. Aside from the impressively high flames, we were surrounded by a variety of grass-topped pillars with more blocks on top of a few of them. In the distance was undeniably Peach’s castle, though all I could see was its silhouette.

M effortlessly jumped onto another floating platform right in front of us, standing up straight as he began snapping his fingers. I took a deep breath to steady myself. “Alright, Jump Man, rev up Round 2!” I shouted. I could tell Pico was getting more and more irritated towards me with how much I was getting into this. “Pico,” I reassured. “Trust me, I have an idea. But it doesn’t involve bailing.”

Before I could explain, M already kicked off the next song...

Starman Slaughter

(0:16) M’s eyes shone even brighter than before. “Here we go!” he sang, taunting me.

(1:02) Out of nowhere, the skeletal turtle from before swooped in by M’s side with a trumpet in his hands. While playing it rather skillfully, Pico and I shared a glance as if to say, “What the actual…?”

(1:29) “Well-a played John.” M commented. “But-a now it’s-a my turn.”

(2:02) Suddenly, the platforms under our feet started to shake. Then I noticed, to M’s left, a blood-covered, green dinosaur with sharpened scales and teeth stomped on a large, blue block on one of the grassy platforms. In bold, white letters, it read “POW”. The resulting tremor nearly caused me and Pico to lose balance, but M wasn’t as lucky on his end. I could hear his scream being cut off by a splash of what I could only assume was lava.

From up above, I saw a lady in a pink dress float gently onto the platform M fell from. She had long, blonde hair and a sharp smile like the green dinosaur. She gave me a condescending look at Pico and I’s collective shock. “Go on,” she said in a voice that was sweet like honey, but bitter like coffee. “Keep singing.” I gave a nervous gulp. This sudden change of opponents threw my game through a loop, but I knew that screwing up now would spell doom no matter what. So, hesitantly, I carried on with the tune.

(3:04) In a flash, I heard the sound of a slashing sword, then I saw the woman’s upper half fall downward into the pit with blood coming out of her abdomen. The lower half of her body laid limp on the platform, and slowly blinked out of existence. The dinosaur turned to face her demise, but just a moment after looking, a familiar cleaver landed square on its nose. At first it was in shock, but then, just like with that woman, its body went limp, and fell down.

(3:08) “What in the…?” I sang, trying to keep on beat. Almost as if to answer my question, M had jumped back onto the platform, looking angrier than ever. There wasn’t a part of his body that wasn’t horribly disfigured or melted away after that lava plummet, he was even missing a whole arm. But that didn’t stop him from carrying on with the song. I was taken quite aback by M’s new appearance, but I couldn’t let that sway me any further.

Chapter Text

I stared directly at M’s distorted figure, with him staring right back in complete silence as his body slowly regenerated. All that could be heard was the bubbling of lava, the crackling of the surrounding flames, the movement of reforming muscles and clothes, and the oddly calm breeze blowing past us all. For a brief moment, I glanced back at Pico, who looked anxious on wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. His foot was tapping fairly quickly and his trigger finger was starting to tighten. In a split second, I saw Pico attempt to make a run for it, but I caught him by the arm before he could take the fall. “No.” I said, sternly. “There still is one more song. And I intend to hold up my end of this deal.” Pico was more aggravated than ever after I said that, but M’s slow clapping quickly interrupted before he could retort.

“Well done.” M said. “Very well done.” The glimmer in M’s eyes was beginning to fade as he continued to talk. “I must-a say, I am impressed. Most-a would just scurry away and-a try to find the exit.”

“What can I say?” I replied cautiously. “Integrity and perseverance are some of my stronger traits.” M glanced at me with intrigue.

“I can see that. But tell me, why do you persist?” M asked. After a small pause, his train of thought kept moving along. “No matter. All good things come to an end.” His body had fully regenerated, but he was still quivering, almost as if something within him was eager to claw its way out to unleash some havoc.

“But he kept his end of the deal, asshole!” Pico yelled.

“Not yet, there is still one more song.” M reminded him. “Besides, you might as well have fallen right into my hands; thinking your path was clear, with goalpost in sight. But…no.” M’s figure was starting to elongate, with some of his features contorting. He turned to face Pico. “Tell me: do you know what any of the creatures you may have met have in common?”

 Pico gave him a confused look of anger. “What?” he growled.

“They’re all in MY game.” was M’s answer. “They all…belong…TO ME!” At this point, M was about up to my eye level, and I’m a solid six feet. Where the letter “M” used to be on his hat, it was now replaced by a set of creepy, shiny eyes that oozed maliciousness. But he still kept talking as he kept growing. “You have yet to see my fullest potential in this world.” His accent was becoming less and less prominent as his face distorted into a large grin with blank eyes. “Under my machinations, the only departures you will take go to an afterlife within an eternal prison.” An extra pair of arms started to protrude from his shoulders, and he pointed his new, bloodied hands towards us. “The both of you are now my newest inmates, and we’re going to have SO MUCH FUN!!!” M’s new form was now twice my height, with sets of veins curling and connecting in various, unnatural ways. Black tendrils were beginning to sprout from his back and head as he gave us one last instruction. “Prepare yourselves, little rats. Your final symphony… is  at hand.”

I tried not to let it show, but the sight of this abomination, and the commanding tone of what I could assume was his true voice might have tripled my heart rate. It took me a few deep breaths to calm myself. Once I was, I looked over at Pico, who was looking between me and M in a mixture of fear, agitation, shock, and a twinge of determination. “You better hope to God that you know what you’re doing.” he sneered. “Otherwise I will use your head for target practice in Hell.”

“I do.” I snorted, quietly. “Just keeping my fingers crossed that you’ll know what to do when HE decides to play dirty.” Pico just gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look. “You’ll know it when you feel it.”

 He just let out a sigh, and nodded slightly in agreement as if to say ‘I’ll hold you to that.’ We both turned to face M’s new form, which I’ll dub “Ultra M” for now.

I took one last deep breath and looked Ultra M right in the eye. “Very well, M,” I replied. “Start the boss level!” He just smiled wider and snapped his fingers. The whole world went pitch-black. All I could see in front of me was a myriad of different people, rapidly switching between each other while standing perfectly still. Then, I heard it: the beginning notes of the final song as the scenery changed to a destroyed cityscape…

All Stars

(Notes: For the first phase, imagine Pico singing in Girlfriend’s place. The second half of the second phase, the same, but with Boyfriend.)

(0:28) I took a bit to catch my breath as Pico sang. Once I gained the confidence I felt I needed, I stared daggers into Ultra M and yelled the first thing that came to mind, “GO!”

(1:45) Just then, I heard Pico screaming. “FUUUUUUUUUUCK!” I quickly turned towards him. He was being dragged down into a pipe, a pair of realistic eyes stared back at me.Without thinking of the consequences, I dove into the pipe to try and pull him back up. Surprisingly, instead of me getting pulled down too, the hand that grabbed Pico rocketed straight upwards. The force of its movement was so strong, it caused me to do a cartoonish amount of backflips. That was super disorienting, made especially worse because of my dormant motion sickness. Despite my stupor, I was able to make out the new figure in front of me as well as the change in scenery.

He was similar to Ultra M, but had darker tones to his clothes with four-pointed stars for overall buttons, a normal amount of limbs, a set of raccoon ears, and a striped tail. On his hat, there weren't any English letters on it, only the Greek letter, Ω (Omega). He held Pico in one hand while the other was pointing directly at me. I rattled my head to try and ground myself and get my senses in gear.

(2:37) This “Omega” character must have noticed that I was starting to lose steam, because the next thing I knew, he hurled Pico towards me like he was a football, which resulted in me getting knocked out pretty badly. Even though I was out, I could still hear more voices singing. As much as I wanted to participate, my senses were thrown out of whack again thanks to Omega’s cheap shot. Pico must have noticed it too, because as if to cover for me, he began singing in my stead.

(3:44) It took me a bit, but I finally felt like I was ready to get back at it. However, nothing could have prepared me for what I was going to see when I, quote unquote, woke up. The surrounding area was dark again, but this time it was illuminated by dozens of tiny, white lights. They almost looked like eyeballs. But then I looked in front of me, the sight of it was enough to nearly make me vomit. Two humanoid figures had their faces disfigured and their organs pouring out of vertical slices on their stomachs.

The girl’s corpse donned a gold crown, a pair of purple bat-like wings, a red dress with a sapphire brooch, and a pair of horns with one of them being broken. The boy’s had a silver crown, a white shirt with a red, crossed out circle for a decal, and a yellow cape draped around his neck. But then I squinted at them as they moved in an extremely awkward fashion, and noticed the blood patterns around their wrists and ankles. I followed them upwards to see a set of strings being held by an enormous, bloody glove. Shivering at the sight of the two being treated and acting like marionettes, I then noticed just how large Ultra M had become. Trust me, there is no scarier sight than a gigantic terror just being inches away from you as you start to stir. That whole ordeal really threw me off my game, and looking over at Pico, he wasn’t taking this very well either. Even as we took turns singing, I could hear our vocal chords trembling in unease and shock.

(4:57) All of a sudden, Ultra M started chanting in an almost singsong manner. I wanted to listen to what he was saying, but Pico’s nudging reminded me that there was no more time to think about every little detail. The fact of the matter was, Boyfriend and Girlfriend were dead, and we have to win this if we want to survive.

(5:51) In an instant, the music went quiet. Ultra M eyed us, but this time, I couldn’t tell what he was looking for in me or Pico. Then, he spoke once more. “Don’t you see now?” He asked, confidently. “My power defies mortal comprehension, and your fates are irrefutable, just like those that fell before.” Two glowing orbs colored red and blue swirled around one of his open hands as he said this. They must have been the souls of the once happy couple. “Just accept your fates,” he continued, shaking his head. Then his eyes narrowed. “And let us finalize our BATTLE!”

As much as I would have loved to give a witty retort, there wasn’t much time to say it because Ultra M started singing again.

(7:34) I wasn’t entirely sure why it took so long for Ultra M’s words to sink in, but I soon realized how much of a point he had. He had an extensive collection of souls that were monsters in and of themselves. I looked over at Pico, who seemed to be just as deep in thought. Word about a grade schooler like him taking on demons with nothing but grit and firearms has come around once and a while, but I never really thought of it much. Even if the stories were true, I could tell that something of this scale wasn’t something he’s used to.

(7:41) “Look Pico,” I said, glancing at him. “We may be scrooged six ways from Sunday. But even if we do die, we can at least say we went down swinging.” Pico gave me a look like he didn’t want to hear any cliche speeches before he died. “However, I do have a plan. Just follow my lead and let loose.”

(7:47) Pico nodded in semi-understanding. I gathered up as much courage and confidence as I could before letting my heart sing out to its fullest. Nothing else mattered to me anymore than completing the song and making it out alive.

(8:25) Just out of earshot, I heard something behind me. Then I remembered the key part of why Boyfriend is now the marionette from before. “DUCK!” I yelled, crouching down as low as I could go. Squeezing my eyes shut, I anticipated one of three outcomes: either A) the incoming spike would just graze my head, B) it would nearly miss threading my spine like a needle, or C) that it didn’t matter what I did, and the spike would either pierce my brain or heart.

Chapter Text

Was it minutes, or hours since I didn’t move a muscle? I opened one eye slowly. My body was feeling something cold resting along my spine, and something uncomfortably warm trickling down my back. In fear of greater pain, I slowly and carefully lowered my body into a laying down position. All I was met with was the cold metal of the pipe I was originally standing on, and the warmth of the blood on my back was still there. Quietly, I gave a sigh of relief. By sheer dumb luck, I somehow survived. “Phew… made it.”

But then I remembered Pico, did he make it too? Ever so slightly, I turned my head towards his position. A similar, black spike was behind him too, but in his case, it split his hair right down the middle. Traces of blood were trickling down his pale face. He had dropped his gun in the process, and his hands were clutching his chest and stomach for dear life. “...fuck …fuck …fuck…” he repeated, barely audible. The best I could figure was that his life was still flashing before his eyes.

All of a sudden, Ultra M broke the silence with an almost deafening slow clap. The blasts of air from each clap nearly made me lose my balance. I clung onto the pipe I was on for dear life to make sure I wasn’t blown away; like heck I was going to die just after I had essentially won. “Bravo…” Ultra M’s voice boomed. “Bravo.” It could be because I was so exhausted from all that singing and quick thinking, but I wasn’t able to tell if he was genuine, sarcastic, irritated, or some mix of emotions with that comment. “You truly are a player that never ceases to amaze me.”

“Y-Yeah…” I stuttered, still shaking from the whole ordeal. “G-Glad I can pr-provide…” Slowly, I found it in me to stand back up and face Ultra M, making sure the spike behind me didn’t do any more damage to me. “So, are you keeping your end of the deal, or are you just waiting to let our guard down?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ultra M let out a sigh, “No…” From what I could tell of that tone, it almost sounded like he was sad and mad to see me go. “I’m a man of my word.” He outstretched one of his right arms off to the side with his fingers arched. As he lowered that hand, it looked as though a tapestry was being ripped open, revealing what looked like a living room; though I could definitely tell it wasn’t mine. Almost as if to prove my silent observation, a tall man with lavender skin, gray hair shaped into horns, stubble all across his jawline, and wearing an open leather jacket walked in and stared intently at us.

“FINALLY!! Fuck this place!” Pico exclaimed. He made a massive leap to the portal from where he was standing.

But when Ultra M noticed who was on the other side of the portal, he grabbed Pico with his other hand. “Oh, come the fuck on, bitch! What gives?! We completed your stupid deal!” I heard Pico complain.

Ultra M just gave him a smug smile. “True… I did say that’d I’d let you go after three songs.” he pondered. “But it seems your friend isn’t so…eager…” They then eyed me, still standing on my pipe platform. It took me a bit to fully realize what was stopping me from going full-on Leeroy Jenkins and blowing this stand, and a little longer to think of how to best phrase a possible addendum to the deal. My eyes lit up when I felt I had the confidence needed to do so.

“Y’know M,” I started. “When you said there were ‘others’ in your game, I was honestly a little curious on who they were. So how about this to sweeten the deal?” For the first time in a while, I actually felt my body relaxing. Still not sure what part about it was doing that, but I wasn’t complaining then, and most certainly not in hindsight. “If I can endure your whole entourage of creatures while Pico convinces Mr. Dearest to come in here, would you be willing to let Boyfriend and Girlfriend go too?” I asked. Pico just gave me a dumbfounded look, as if to say, ‘Is this guy nuts?!’. Ultra M on the other hand gave me a look of genuine intrigue, scratching his chin with one of his free hands. I’m not too sure what came over me for what I said next, but in the end, I think it was for the best. “And as a small bonus, of sorts, I’ll let you have a small fraction of the anger in my soul to create any new creatures you want.”

Chapter Text

That add-on made Ultra M’s eyes light up brighter than a prison spotlight as he beamed. “Well, aren’t you something special?” Ultra M asked, impressed.

“Have you gone MENTAL?!” Pico screamed. “Why are you continuing to bet against this bastard?”

“Quiet, rat.” Ultra M seethed. “The fun is just restarting.” He shot me a sly glance in response to the proposal I gave. “Are you truly willing to give that up for the sake of others you barely know?” I took a semi-shaky deep breath to help regain some mental strength before giving my response with a small smirk.

“It’s…just the kind of person I am.” I replied. “Plus, it’s not like there’s much for me to lose. As things currently stand, I can count the number of people who believe in me on one hand, but I’d need you to count all the unintentional enemies I’ve accumulated.” I eyed Ultra M’s extra appendages as I said that. That just made him snicker a little as he gave me a questioning look, to which I responded by narrowing my eyes. Hopefully that showed just how serious I was about this rabbit-hole-leap-of-faith-fusion.

Ultra M shrugged before he wound up the arm he held Pico in. “You know what to do.” he said in a serious and threatening tone. Quick as a white rabbit on a tight deadline, he chucked Pico into the portal and then closed it. As I eyed where the portal was and silently gulped, I heard a near familiar sound I didn’t expect to hear: the sound of a power-up wearing off. As I turned back to face him, he was no longer towering over me like a rampaging kaiju. He was simply back as M.

“So,” M said, cockily placing a hand under his chin. “You-a really think you can-a take them all on?” I could taste the inquisitive sarcasm from that line.

Tightening my grip on the microphone, I sighed. “Before you ask, no, not all at once.” M rolled his eyes, but I could tell there was a twinge of playfulness in that action. “But, yes, I do feel confident enough to take them on.” It took a lot of will to say that with a straight face, but I believe I managed to pull it off. But maybe it still needed some practice, since M then stared at me like I was a poker night bluffer. A smirk then crept across his face.

“If-a you insist, boy.” M said, shrugging in a ‘suit yourself’ kind of manner. “But it is-a dangerous to go alone.” He then snapped his fingers, and another portal appeared right next to him. It was similar in shape to the one he threw Pico into, but it was more purple in color, rather than red. My eyes widened in curiosity and fear as he thrust his arm into it. Was he hand-fishing for a random person to accompany me, or is he looking for someone specifically? My mind was still racing about who would end up essentially being my wingman, when I felt someone colliding into me, causing me to almost fall off the pipe.

Quickly snapping out of my stunned state, my eyes nearly popped right out of my sockets. The person M grabbed was a woman with brown hair just above her hips, a pair of pink goggles atop her head, and green markings all over her face. When her brown eyes met mine, she screamed and jumped back a bit. That’s when I noticed a blue, metal prosthetic left arm, and a green fingerless glove on her right. I was in such a state of disbelief that it took me a bit to fully believe that he actually found a friend of mine. She goes by “Dartzura” online. We became close friends a long while back, and have had each other’s backs through the thickets and thinners.

“A-Ashzura?” I asked, still reeling from M’s choice. That was the nickname I came up with in response to her coming up with a similar one for me when we revealed our real names.

“J-Jaczura?!” she replied, seeming on the verge of tears. In an instant, she threw herself onto me in a big hug. “I-I can’t believe it! It-It’s really you!” she cried, muffled by her burying her face in my chest. Soon enough, the water works were starting up in my eyes too as I returned the hug.

“Heh, never thought I’d see the day when we’d meet in person.” I chuckled, softly. Such a feeling of joy and pleasure in that moment is hard to describe. But if you’ve ever had an in-person reunion with your best friend since high school, think that, but slap on an 8x multiplier. That’s as close as I can recall that moment being like. But it was cut a little short when I noticed M giving me a sly look and giggling a little. “...cheeky sonata b major.” I mumbled quietly. But I guess I wasn't as quiet as I would’ve liked, since she looked up at me with a confused look on her face. She looked around the space we were in, still clutching me tightly. Then she made eye contact with M, which caused her to nearly jump into my arms like a bride after the wedding.

“Hmm… guess I made the right choice.” M mused, seeing our collective response.

I just narrowed my eyes and snarled a little. “Make her run out of lives and I WILL make sure the lava finishes the job.” Gently, I tightened my hug around Dart. This just made M giggle a little louder. I couldn’t help but groan at this fateful twist. “Alright Chortlebot,” I said flatly. “As much as I want to ask how the Flip-Swap you knew, there’d be no point right now.” I paused to collect myself before I would say something that would cost more than our lives. “So instead, I’ll ask this. Is the Warp Star in the same spot as before?” As I finished asking, I motioned my head to the darkened abyss below us.

M began laughing again, which like earlier on, started to get more distorted the louder he did. “Well then, why don’t you FIND OUT?” he sneered, grinning like a boo on a sugar high. Suddenly, he lunged at us and pushed us off the pipe. Dart couldn’t help but scream as she clung tightly to me. As for me, I squeezed my eyes shut, expecting a gruesome, sudden end. But then, all momentum screeched to a halt, like a roller coaster that just returned to the boarding line. Opening one eye, I noticed that we were floating in midair. Just underneath, there was a glowing red star with rounded corners.

“The warp star…” I whispered. Now, I don’t know how to describe what happened next, since being teleported in such a way is obviously not something commonly done today. Imagine any dream you had where you were a flying superhero, but you have no control and your perception of your surroundings contorts in a way that would make anyone nauseous. After a couple minutes of that mind-numbing experience, we found ourselves shooting out of a pipe at what seemed to be the start of the barren, grassy path.

Chapter Text

It took me a bit to recenter my thoughts, and a little more to properly explain to Dart the exact circumstances of the deal I made with M. “I see…” Dart said, nervously. “I just hope that things will play out the way you think they will, for your sake.” She placed her hands in mine as she said this. In all honesty, I was hoping for the same, and I mentally made sure that every god and goddess from every mythology heard that prayer clear as crystal.

“Same. But we won’t really know unless we try.” I said, trying to console her. But before I could take a step forward, a lavender pop-up appeared in front of us like a hologram. It read:

“It seems you’ve wandered far from home and made a deal with the ruler of this world. The only way to leave? You have to press on and beat the entire entourage of fiendish friends he has created. Best of luck to you… You’ll need it!”

Dart was starting to shake, but I held her hand in a way that was comforting, but protective. “Don’t worry.” I reassured her with a smile. “If they want a piece of you, I’ll ensure they’ll go home hungry.” She placed a fist on her chest and nodded in understanding, but then gave me a look that said, ‘Just be careful, okay?’ I nodded firmly, and then we set off down the path.

Even though the sun shone bright enough to feel like an ordinary spring, and the grass looked healthy enough, the latter was colored in a way that looked like the soil hadn’t felt water for weeks. The same could be said for the pipes jutting out of the ground. By default, they’d be straight as an arrow and colored bright green; but here, they were crooked, and it seemed that whatever paint had covered them had long since peeled away, revealing a pristine, silver-looking color.

After a few minutes, we reached a star-shaped space with a wooden sign to its left. Dart read the sign aloud, “ ‘They constitute humor, though intentions may vary. That’s the residents in a nutshell, of this abnormal skerry.’ - Wait, skerry?” She asked when she finished. “What the hell’s a ‘skerry’?”

Even I was pretty shocked at that choice of words. “Beats the heck out of me.” I shrugged. “But it seems we’re about to find out.” I jumped onto the star platform with Dart close behind me, and the next thing we knew, we were whisked away like a wound-up trampoline. Let me tell you, it was pretty surreal to be launched straight up at such a speed. I was honestly grateful that I didn’t lose my glasses at that kind of velocity. A few seconds later, we touched down on a small island.

A sign on the left read:

“ωΣᏝςⓞ𝕞є ţᗝ 𝓣𝔥ᗴ ᓰ尺яєقυ𝓁𝓐ⓡ𝕚Ŧ𝔶 𝒾丂𝓛έ! 卩🄾ꟼʊɬᏗƬłðП: ⇂❻ 𝖒ǝ๓Ꮛᔕ, ❷ 🅱𝓸Øᵗㄥ€ᎶŞ, ᗩᘉժ ค √ㄖI̾ⓒ乇 α¢₮σᖇ~. ”

I scratched my head at that “bootleg” bit. I knew that such things existed, but it wasn’t a section of internet culture I was well-versed in. Dart just shrugged in confusion, guess she was just as lost as I was on that front. Left with very few options, we walked along the island’s course to reach the first “fiendish friend” of M’s.

Surprisingly, the island was a lot more like what I was used to in a Super Mario game: green grass, some Cheep Cheeps swimming and jumping around the ocean blue, and hills with a pair of eyes, all fun in the world of Nintendo’s flagship series. After a while, we came across a level indicator of sorts on the shoreline; in front of it was an easel with a painted canvas on it. Upon a closer look at the portrait, we recognized the subject matter fairly quickly. It was a monochrome art piece of the famous actor, Christopher Michael Pratt. He was the one who gave Mario a voice in the box office smash hit, The Super Mario Bros Movie .

We alternated looking between each other and the portrait for about half a minute, then we couldn’t help but giggle at the idea that a version of Mario has THE Chris Pratt under HIS thumb. Calming ourselves down, we proceeded to enter this new kind of level hand in hand, ready for whatever he had in store for us. Then, everything went black.

Chapter Text

When my vision became clear, I found myself in a familiar setting that I never thought I’d find myself back in: the computer lab back at my art college. I found myself unable to get up from the teal rolling chair I was seated at, with my laptop on and open in front of me. I checked the date in the bottom right corner, it was September 23rd, roughly two-and-a-half years ago. Bringing my focus up to the center of the screen, there was a Nintendo Direct playing. Just then it hit me, this was the day that the cast for the Mario movie was revealed, and the day the majority of the internet dwellers lost their collective minds over the choices made for the film.

“Hey, Jaczura, can you hear me?” a voice called. I glanced up to see Dart wearing a set of headphones in a separate, on-screen window akin to a voice chat room. Her background showed a bedroom with purple walls and various video game and anime-themed plushies on top of the bed.

“Loud and clear, Ashzura.” I responded, semi-relieved that she also made it through okay. But then I noticed the main window on the screen, it was a livestream of the Nintendo Direct from that day starting at a specific part, starring Shigeru Miyamoto…

So Cool

(0:07) “First, of course, is Mario.” Miyamoto said, raising his left hand to the side. “Who will be played by Chris Pratt.” Once he finished, he suddenly slid offscreen as the background went from red to white. In his place, came an animated version of the portrait we saw earlier holding a microphone outside the border of his picture.

(0:12) I was eyeing Dart’s reaction to this turnabout, when suddenly, Chris’s picture spoke up. “It’s-a me…” he said, not even bothering to change his voice to sound like the plumber we know and love. Then out of nowhere, a Mario hat and nose, complete with a mustache appeared on his face as he stretched the border of the picture frame. “...a-Mario.” Two seconds later he began to sing. The first of many rounds had begun.

(1:28) I couldn’t help but giggle a little at this chance encounter, and it seemed Dart couldn’t either.

Just then I noticed Chris’s expression towards us. It looked like it was a mix of boredom and mild irritation. “D-Don't get the wrong idea Chris.” I commented after calming myself a bit. “You and the others did great in the film. But you can’t deny the amount of laughter and confusion there was when you were revealed as Mario’s voice.”

(2:38) As the song was winding down, Chris said and did the same thing as he did at the start of the encounter: he said “It’s-a me, a-Mario.” with a hat, nose and mustache appearing in the second half of the phrase.

I gave a sigh of relief after a few seconds of silence. “Not too bad for the first level.” I commented. “But I can only imagine how steep the curve will be later on.” Dart nodded in agreement. “And trust me Chris, the way you guys handled the Mushroom Kingdom cast was amazing despite the initial shock and twinge of fear. Keep being awesome, man.” Chris just winked, smirked, and gave a thumbs up as the video shut down. Soon, everything went black again, and Dart and I found ourselves jumping down to the space we entered from. Once we hit the ground, the grass began to part in front of us, extending the path. With some amount of confidence renewed, we trekked along to the next level.

At the end of the route, there was a shiny, green pipe sticking out. Seeing very few options, we made our way on top of it and slid our way down to whatever world awaited our arrival.

Chapter Text

After exiting the pipe, we expected to see this world in its entirety, only to be met with complete darkness. “Biggleop, Dart? Bruggle snark gurrrggaa? ”* I called out. After hearing what I just said, I clamped a hand over my mouth. “Brigglel foopie actual snark burg bugga bugl brigglel brigagla? ”** I whispered to myself.

“Jaczura, snark gurrrggaa blug? Gurrrggaa bugga bugl snackleg brigglel biggleop. ”*** A voice called back. That had to have been Dart, but it sounded like her language just went through the same butcher shop as mine apparently did. I looked all around, and then I saw a pair of white sclera-d eyes staring back at me. I jumped back a bit in surprise, as did the owner of the pair in front of me.

“Hmm… Let’s check it out.” Another voice chimed in. All of a sudden, the whole world lit up in a void of bright blue. It took a bit of adjusting for my eyes from that blackness to this. Looking around, I noticed that those same eyes did in fact belong to Dart. Only now, she was dressed in a pink, spotted dress of some kind that was torn at the bottom. Changing my focus onto myself, I too was wearing something completely different: a tiger-striped pelt of sorts that was draped over one shoulder. This was too much going on at once for me to keep track of. 

 Then I looked up to see a person falling down from the sky with a star next to them…

NOURISHING BL00D

(0:00) “GRAND DAD!?!” the voice exclaimed as just as the figure was about to land. Without skipping a beat as soon as it reached the ground, or what I could assume was the ground given how monochrome it was, this “Grand Dad” character started to sing as the music started.

All I could utter in response was “Brigglel foopie…?”**** . But then I heard the music, and how familiar it sounded. When it clicked in my head what it was, I smiled and said, “Ah, snark bork… ”*****

(0:12) The music was probably getting to me with how catchy it was, but the next thing I knew, I was dancing my heart out and singing the lyrics to the tune I thought it was similar to. “Flintstones, snark foo Flintstones. Biggrag modern bluggle borgle snark! Snark foo, bluggle Bedrock. Biggleop gragg bissglagGung grug snark! ”****** Dart just gave me this bug-eyed look like she didn’t know how I was just going with the flow of this language change so confidently. Even Grand Dad seemed impressed.

(0:59) As I was taking a small breather after finishing that section of the song, a wide assortment of strange beings began popping out of nowhere, running and dancing their way around this blue space. Dart quickly pivoted her head around the place, trying to keep track of all these new, bizarre faces. All the while, she found herself uttering, “Bruggle snark- Brigglel bruggle- Bruggle burg gurrrggaa- BRIGGLEL BRUGGLE BLUGGLE GURRRGGAA?! ”******* As much as I would’ve loved to add onto that, I had to keep my focus on the Mario recolor in front of me.

(1:23) Once it seemed like all no one else was arriving to see the performance, the song started to get calmer when this Grand Dad sang his part. Now this beat I recognized even faster than the first part. So when it was my turn, I couldn’t help myself from singing the lyrics myself, gibberish or not.

(1:33) As soon as I found the opening, I found myself singing my heart out even louder. “Oh gruggle, gurga dicgrab. Griggut arggle, briggrug. Oh gruggle, gurga snargrab. Griggs digrab, briggle. Arg brigagla ooga bluggle. Brigagla borg foopie mold. ”******** Doing that actually got a chuckle out of me, though Dart seemed like she was gonna bounce like Tigger on a sugar high. On the other hand, Grand Dad gave me a sly smirk at my newfound enthusiasm.

(1:46) Just then the voice from before called out again, this time in the weirdest accent I’ve ever heard. “Flintstones?!” I don’t know which accent requires you to say short i’s as a long e, or a long o like… however that one sounded. I was about to comb through my mental accent catalog, when my opponent reached up and pulled down a new scenery, one that looked like a village straight out of the stone age.

When he did, his appearance also changed quite a bit. His head looked just like Mario’s, hat and all, but his body was that of Fred Flintstone. Not that I had much time to take this all in, the song continued without skipping any beats.

(2:11) Out of nowhere, our surroundings brought us back to where we started, and we began singing that section of the Flintstones theme song again. But this time, I didn’t recognize it fast enough to sing the lyrics.

After that whole ordeal, I found myself panting and laughing at the same time, if that was even possible, with my hands on my knees. Dart ran up towards me, likely to see how I was holding up. “Jaczura!” she cried, looking worried. “Snark gurrrggaa foopie? brigagla burg snackleg gragg brigagla dickle arggle.” This time though, when I looked her in the eyes again, I saw a sentence just beneath her chin in a pixelated font. It said, “Are you okay? That was quite a lot at once.”

“Gurrrggaa're borgle bluggle.” I panted through my laughter bursts. “Bluggle brigagla gragg foopie foopie brigglel blug bork dickle gragg whale burg gragg snark.” As I said that, another set of subtitles appeared in front of me. Even though it was backwards from my perspective, I could tell it read, “You’re telling me. But that was the most fun I've had in a whale of a while.” Once I felt like I finally caught my breath, I wiped some sweat off my forehead and gave a thumbs up to my opponent.

“Glad I could provide, buddy.” Grand Dad said with a wink. Before I could even ask why the heck he could speak fluent English while we were stuck with some incoherent gibberish, Dart and I felt the ground shaking a little as the world began to darken. Then, out of nowhere, there was an insane rush of force as we were sent flying straight upwards. The only thing I could hear was the sound of a cartoony spring as we soared higher and higher. A few minutes later, we were back on the island and collapsed in a heap of sorts in front of the pipe.

“Well, that was flipping bananas.” I grumbled as I dusted myself off. “You alright, man?” I looked towards Dart, who still looked shocked about that fast-paced insanity.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” she replied shakily. “A-At least we completed that one. What’s next?” She stood back up and dusted herself off too. I looked around for the next part of the path, it seemed to lead up to a ladder placed at the base of some sort of cliffside. I nodded to Dart as we made our way to it and started climbing.

Chapter Text

At the top, there wasn’t really anything or anyone there, not that we anticipated that. That is, until I saw a golden ring of sorts appearing at the center, and growing large enough to serve as a door frame. I glanced at Dart, then back at the ring in confusion. I thought this was a place full of versions of Mario, not Sonic. Was there some version of the blue blur that was also in kahoots with M? That thought was honestly terrifying: creepy versions of Mario and Sonic running around our world going on the most ridiculous killing spree the world ever saw.

Thankfully, Dart was able to help me snap out of that train of thought. “Don’t worry, my Jaczura.” She said, comfortingly. “We can get through this, even if the odds are stacked against us.” Now before you ask about that earlier pronoun, she’s always used it in a platonic way ever since I’ve helped her out in her darkest hours. Just goes to show how surprisingly effective you can be simply by being a shoulder to cry on. I took a deep breath, nodded in understanding, and took hold of Dart’s hand as we walked through the spinning ring.

Once out the other side, we were greeted by a stunningly gorgeous nighttime city skyline. The stars were shining bright as ever, and the buildings’ lights were stacked in all sorts of patterns and even colors. Honestly, I’ve always been a bit of a sucker for moonlit skies like these, and I could tell Dart was impressed too. But that’s when I noticed, Dart wasn’t human anymore. Whatever settings this world had, it had her form transformed into that of the Fresh Snow Pokemon, Glaceon. The only thing that remained consistent was her cybernetic arm, which translated into her current front left paw, her overall hairstyle, and the pink goggles on her head.

Realizing this, I looked down at myself. Apparently, I had found myself transformed into the form of the Discipline Pokemon, Dewott. Feeling the top of my head, I could still feel the normal amount of hair I usually have, but that was about the only thing that was kept the same. Looking back at Dart, who was now eyeing me, she seemed to have this urge to just pinch my cheeks and scrunch my face like a cat owner. “Wait a minute.” I said, waving my hands in confusion, “I thought we just went through a Sonic ring. Why are we Pokémon?”

Almost as if to answer my question, I heard the sound of screeching footsteps behind me. Turning around, it was another version of Mario, but he seemed different from an attitude perspective rather than a physical one. I raised an eyebrow trying to figure out what this one’s deal was. He tilted his head slightly in confusion. “Huh, you guys don’t recognize me?” he asked, sounding more American than Italian. “It’s me, Somari!” Dart and I just went wide-eyed in shock and confusion as a means to say, ‘What the actual…?’

“Somari?” I found myself asking aloud. “What kind of Scholastic Dragon Ball Z RPG-mation Bolshevik is that?” Dart gave me a look that conveyed both a feeling of losing a brain cell, not that I blame her, and complete agreement with my question. On the other hand, Somari gave me a mixed gaze, like he was impressed with my wordplay, but ticked off by how I essentially made fun of his name.

Somari let out a sigh. “Eh, whatever. You came here to take me on, right?” He asked. We nodded to confirm. “Well, best we get started before I end up stranding you here.” He cockily said as he tossed me a microphone. Before I could react, I heard the sound of a countdown, probably signifying that the tune was about to begin. And so, it did…

MARIO SING AND GAME RHYTHM 9

(1:54) Suddenly, the music started winding down. It definitely felt weird to me since most of the songs I participated in felt like they went longer than this. I gave Somari a look as if to question if that was all he had in the tank. He just responded with a sly, cocky grin as he tapped his foot for a while.

(2:24) The music calmed down again, but I remained vigilant this time. “Nice try Somari.” I called out to him. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. And I already feel too ashamed to take any more.”

(3:05) I shot him a dirty look when I heard the music calming down for a third time. Was he seriously expecting me to let my guard down thrice in a row? I gave a nod to Dart to keep her guard up until the music stops completely.

At the end of it all, Dart couldn’t help but heave a sigh of relief once that whole debacle was over. Somari just gave a semi-impressed smirk and thumbs up. “Gotta say, you’ve got some moxie kid.” he admitted. “But just thought it’d be fair to warn you: the fun and games end here. Folks in the next world aren’t as joyful as us isle residents. Even if they are, it ain’t gonna be pure; it’ll be pure, sadistic malice. Got it?”

“Had a small feeling you’d say something like that.” I replied. “But I’m not one to be fooled so easily.” Somari just gave a stare as if to test the truth behind those words. Eventually, he gave in and jumped on a hidden switch behind him. Once he did, there was a padded-spring-like sound, and we were rocketing off into the skies once more. It took a moment, but me and Dart found ourselves laying on the grass just outside the ring entrance, back to our human forms. “Everything okay, buddy?” I asked as I helped her up.

“Never better, my Jaczura.” she reaffirmed, dusting off her pants as she stood up. Looking around where we were, we didn’t see any paths continuing on from where we were. It seemed that Somari was the last person we had to face on the Irregularity Isle. After figuring that out, we made our way back to the waypoint from which we entered the island, and got teleported back to the main road.

Chapter Text

As we walked along the road to our next world, I couldn’t help but think back to how fun and amusing the Irregularity Isle was. Talking to Dart about it as we moved along made it evident that she felt the same. I even made a comment about how the song I sang with Grand Dad might have just become my comfort tune, with how it made my heart bounce with so much joy in that moment. “Even with the speech impediment, if you could even call it that?” she asked semi-sarcastically. I gave a chuckle and nodded, to which she laughed a little as well.

A few discussion topics later, we reached another star space with a sign. I read it aloud this time, saying, “Who can you trust here? Neither them, nor even you. As the trees here give an artful gaze, deceit will surely pass through.” I gave an inquisitive look at the sign as I replayed the line in my head. There was this feeling that I couldn’t shake off, telling me that I’ve heard something like this before, but just couldn’t put my finger on the specifics. Dart just stared at the sign herself, trying to figure out what it meant by that.

“Can’t trust anyone, not even yourself?” She asked, confused. “How would that even work?” I could not really think of anything off the top of my head at that moment. So I just shrugged in an “only one way to find out” manner. Grabbing a hold of her hand, I reassured her that, no matter what, she can place her trust in me for whatever may come our way. Dart seemed hesitant at first, but she nodded in understanding as we stepped on the star to be whisked away to the next world. Though admittedly, I too was nervous about the implications of that little poem. Maybe Somari was onto something with how the “fun and games will end there.”

Before I could ponder that thought any longer we found ourselves touched down in the middle of a forest. On the right was an old, wooden sign covered in leaves and moss, with words written in what I could only assume was blood. It stated, “₮ⱧɆ ₩ØØĐⱠ₳₦Đ Ø₣ ⱠłɆ₴. ฿Ɇ₩₳ⱤɆ! ₣ØⱤ ₩ⱧØɆVɆⱤ ₱₳₴₴Ɇ₴ ₩ł₮Ⱨł₦, ₱₳₴₴Ɇ₴ ØɄ₮! ‘₮ⱧɆ” ‘‘the’? ‘the’ what?” I asked quietly. Looking at Dart shrugging didn’t really help matters much, but then she pointed to the pathway through the woods. Looking at it gave me an odd sense of home, though that could be because my current home is situated within a section of a nature park. “Keep close, Ashzura.” I muttered, gently holding her hand. “Last thing we need is to be separated in a place that seems to specialize in lies.”

Dart gave me a confident yet worried look in agreement as her grip tightened around mine. Soon we were on our way through the woods like a twisted fairy tale. Fairly apt description given that, like the overworld sign said, the trees kept staring at us like we were the next meal. I tried my best to shake those thoughts out of my head until we reached the first stop.

Eventually, the path started to take a turn for the greener, but in a desaturated kind of way. While the path came to an end, there was another path a good distance away that curved all the way to the gates of a large, old mansion.

“Luigi’s Mansion…” I heard Dart whisper. That was a series I knew all too well. Even though I’ve never played the first game myself, there was a reason why it stands proud as one of the best spin-off titles, next to the RPGs. But then my mind wondered about who the opponent would be: King Boo? Melody Pianissima? Vincent Van Gore? Hellen Gravely? There were a lot of spooky spirits to pick from. A nudge from Dart brought my train of thought back to Earth, so to speak, as she asked me a simple question that I’m sure will be repeated throughout this journey. “Are you ready?”

I firmly nodded my head to assure her that I am. As such, we made our way onto the space to see who we’d face. However, I don’t believe either of us were prepared for who it’d end up being.

Chapter Text

The first thing I did when my vision was no longer black was to see where I was and how far off Dart was from me. Thankfully she was right next to me, but then I noticed something about her. She was one solid color: pink. Looking down at myself, I realized that I was in a similar boat color-wise, but I was instead colored red. The only part that wasn’t were some white, paint-like markings on my torso that matched the decal on my shirt. When she started to stir, that’s when I noticed another surprise factor about it all: she was floating with a trail instead of standing on any legs.

“Well isn’t that a nice sense of foreboding, if that’s even the right word.” I muttered. Admittedly, this was a strong aesthetic choice given the source material, but the implications were still very haunting. Understandably, when Dart noticed this, she was quite worried about similar thoughts. I placed a hand on her shoulder, “Don’t worry.” I assured her. “We’ll get to the bottom of this.” She seemed hesitant to trust me, not that I blame her given the name of the world, but she nodded in agreement. We floated along our surroundings, to which we realized we were around the front gates of the mansion from earlier.

Just off to the side, was a humanoid figure hunched over alongside the stone walls of the entrance. I could only see the silhouette, but there was an itch in the back of my mind that told me this was a Luigi that failed to save Mario. Sure enough, he began to faintly hum a tune, still facing away from us…

Alone

(0:23) Thunder clapped above us, and lightning struck as rain started to sprinkle down upon us. In that flash, I saw a gruesome sight. Even though it was silhouettes, I could tell that it was me and Dart as lifeless corpses. My body had a knife plunged deep into my heart, while Dart’s was dangling by her neck on a makeshift noose. “Oh god…” I whispered as my grip on Dart’s hand tightened. All she could do at the sight, assuming we saw the same thing, was give a soft gasp and place a hand over her mouth in shock.

Slowly, Luigi looked back at us and stood up to face us. His singing voice couldn’t even be considered as such, more like a series of pained screams of someone who lost someone near and dear to their heart.

(1:05) Thunder and lightning continued to sound above us as Luigi looked solemnly at the illuminated windows of the mansion, tears starting to form under his darkened eyes. I honestly couldn’t help but feel sorry for the guy in this state. No one deserves a fate like this, especially not people like Luigi. It was then that I decided that I would try and make him feel better, even if only slightly, after this song concluded.

(3:19) Out of nowhere, a reddish glow came from one of the darkened windows. It swirled and swayed its way down to us where it revealed itself: Mario’s soul, still trapped in the frame that King Boo trapped him in. Looking down at Luigi, he started singing in time with the music in a creepy manner. “Luigi… Where did you go? I’m stranded, lost and alone.” He repeated his question again after he finished stating the status of his body and/or spirit.

(3:34) Luigi could only respond with, “Oh… Mario…” in a defeated, depressing tone. It honestly made me question if it was even possible to cheer him up. I shot a look at Dart as I was singing, trying to mentally ask her if she could think of a way to cheer him up. She looked worryingly at him, but then shrugged. Guess she was just as lost as I was to figure out an effective method.

(3:57) Thunder kept rolling and the rain kept falling as lightning struck one more time. Only now, when the flash cleared, Luigi was back to sitting down and facing away from us. His singing reverted back to flatly humming the tune, and letting out a resigning sigh as the last notes rang out.

I rubbed the back of my thumb over one eye, and noticed a small shimmer when I put my hand at an angle. Turned out encountering Luigi in this state actually brought some tears to my eyes. But giving it some thought, it would be weirder if I didn’t feel bad for him; especially when I too had lost some people I considered good friends because of my own faults. Not that it resulted in someone’s actual death, but because it shifted their perspective into me being essentially dead to them. That’s how bad and unforgivable my mistakes were, at least to the majority of people, Dart is one of the few exceptions I found.

She actually seemed to notice my state of mind in that moment, since in the next second, she surprised me by giving a gentle hug. I gave one of my own in turn, but I couldn’t help but keep looking at Luigi in such a sad state. When she looked up at me looking at him, she looked back down, seeming to be deep in thought. But then she perked up in a split second. “Wait right here.” Dart said before floating off towards the mansion. Every fiber of my being wanted to follow her to make sure she survived whatever King Boo had in there, but I didn’t want to anger her by disobeying her request. All I could find myself able to do is eye the frontmost perimeter of the mansion through the front gate.

After what felt like half an hour, I noticed her pink glow coming out of the front doors in a hurry. That’s when I saw that Dart was carrying something rectangular under her arm. It wasn’t until she got past the gate that I realized what it was: the portrait frame that Mario was still trapped in. “Sorry it took me so long.” She apologized. “I would’ve been quicker, but I figured it’d be for the best that I was as sneaky as possible on the way out.”

“No, that completely makes sense.” I reassured her with a smile. She smiled back and slowly floated towards Luigi’s position. Hesitantly, she tapped his shoulder before resting her hand on it. It took him a while for him to look towards Dart, but when he did, he flinched in fear, but didn’t let out a single scream. Carefully, she pulled out the painting from behind her back, trying not to damage it.

When he saw what it was her spirit was showing him, his weary eyes widened more than they likely have in a long time. Tears were flowing down his eyes like water out of a broken dam as he hugged Mario’s portrait tightly.

I floated up next to Dart and gave a soft smile to Luigi. “No need to beat yourself up over it, Luigi.” I said, trying my best to sound comforting. “Getting over fears and insecurities is no easy feat. But I can assure you, when you find the right people that are willing to help you out, it makes the process a little less painful.” At that moment, while it was subtle as a scuff mark on a black wall, Luigi gave us a small smile and nodded in understanding. Eventually, he stood back up, knees shaking like it was winter, and slowly but surely walked away from the mansion’s gates with the portrait in hand.

I looked back at Dart and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Well played, Ashzura.” I complimented her.

“Right back at you, Jaczura.” she replied. “I’m sure that this Luigi will be taking some time to better plan how to conquer his fears.” I gave a nice smile as we slowly vanished from sight. Must have been this level’s way of saying that we have won.

Chapter Text

Reappearing at the space as regular humans, thank goodness, we noticed the trail weaving and splitting its way to a smallish clearing. Within that treeless area was a clear, blue pond with two spaces on it. Though the one we ended up finding ourselves landing on looked an awful lot like a trapdoor. I glanced at it and back at Dart in confusion, mainly because I never recalled any levels or fan stories that opened up to something like this. She seemed just as confused as well, just shrugging with a raised eyebrow. Seeing few alternatives, we found ourselves opening the door at the bottom of the pond, and carefully descending down.

The corridor we climbed into was damp, dark, and cold; almost like something you’d see in National Treasure before the loot is revealed. Methodically spaced torches hung along the walls were the only light sources within this place. As Dart and I walked on, we then noticed some strange anomalies: Boos standing completely still without any eyes, Banzai Bills with blood spilling from their eyes and mouths, larger Boos that were more sadistically giddy than scared or angry to see anything living, and a little less surprisingly, blood splattered all around the floor and walls. Eventually, we came across a shallow lake lined with the shattered remains of what I could assume were Thwomps, spikes, and creepier still, Mario’s lifeless body; multiple corpses actually, with blue-tinted skin and eyes blacked out as if they were removed with malice and precision.

The amount of goosebumps this scenery made me accumulate was enough for me to shiver the hardest I have in a long time. In a similar fashion, Dart clung tightly to my arm in fear of these bodies suddenly attacking us. Honestly, if they did, I probably would have broken my usual personal code to not swear. Thankfully for our collective sanity, they didn’t; not that them being statuesquely still wasn’t enough to make me cringe in a near-queasy manner. At the end of the hall, there was a large red door with orange studs around its sides. Gulping silently, we slowly and carefully opened it and passed through.

On the other side of the door, there was a large pool of lava within what I could only assume was a portion of a castle. A single wooden bridge stretched across the whole thing. Typical for a Mario game, but now seemed extra precarious now that I was standing before it. Dart then tapped my shoulder, “Hey, check it out.” she whispered. Turning back to her, I then realized that our outfits changed again. This time, she was donning an orange Yoshi costume, while I had on a set of Mario clothes, but more akin to his Red Star powerup appearance, and a yellow cape draped around my neck.

But then I noticed Dart was pointing towards the bridge. Following her finger, I notice a nervous-looking Mario looking around in a distressed manner. On the other side of the bridge, another figure was walking towards him, but it wasn’t a Koopaling or a Koopa Kid or any mainstay antagonist. Nope, try a Luigi that looked like he caught you slapping Princess Daisy while laughing your butt off. That’s when he said a line so chilling, I could still feel the ice running along my spine from time to time…

OH GOD NO

(0:01) “You thought-a Koopa worked alone?” he said, venom seething in his voice. Hearing the music, Dart felt impulsed to run up and drag me to Luigi to start singing. But I held my ground and stopped her in her tracks.

“Wait!” I whispered sternly. “I don’t think this one is meant for us.” She gave me a stunned look which quickly changed to confusion as she looked back and forth between me and the brothers. It looked and sounded like they were arguing as they were singing, the rhythm was there, but hardly seemed cohesive with how they were overlapping each other.

(1:22) Just outside of earshot, a voice so soft it was almost inaudible rang out. “No…” it said, sounding pained in a heartbroken sort of way. Dart nudged me and pointed up to the windows on the left wall. I could barely make the silhouette out, but it almost looked like Peach with faint light bouncing where her eyes would be. At this point, I wasn’t going to question what she was doing there, but I can only imagine how emotionally distraught this could make someone; especially in Mario’s or Peach’s position.

(1:28) “Because you're my brother.” I heard Mario say. He sounded like the shock factor of his brother essentially betraying him hasn’t worn off yet, not that I blame him.

And what was Luigi’s reply? “You’re no longer my brother.” I couldn’t help but cringe and reel back a bit in fear and distress. As cliche as that line can be, this particular line still stung like a mosquito biting a pimple.

(2:05) Suddenly, the music went quieter, but Luigi seemed as though he was seconds away from whipping out a knife, metaphorically speaking, with how he was trembling in anger. “Why won’t you DIE?!” he screamed, pointing accusingly at Mario. This made my eyes and Dart’s widen in shock. Even more surprisingly, the instant the tune picked back up, an image flashed before my eyes, literally. It showed Luigi with a scowl on his face, bowing down to a Koopa King with an evil smile across his snout. Dart must have seen it too, as she fell back from where we were standing. Fortunately, the brothers seemed too preoccupied with their arguing to notice or hear us.

(2:24) After a short burst of singing, I could tell Luigi’s anger was just begging to boil over. Eventually it did, and he yelled out a simple, but effective, phrase to show how he felt towards his own brother. “I HATE YOU!” It was then that I realized what this synopsis came from. It was a long while ago, but I remember hearing about a ROM hack of sorts that claimed this event was meant to be a secret piece of Mario lore. That piece being that Luigi acted as Bowser’s accomplice because he was sick and tired of living in his brother’s shadow. Dart had a similar stunned expression all over her face. Unfortunately, before we could step in and give our two cents on the matter, everything went black again, and we were back to the top of the trapdoor.

Chapter Text

Another path opened up that led to a fortress tower. Still reeling from seeing that display in person, Dart and I raced towards it, eager to see how this story would turn out if we even had a chance to change it in any particular way. At the entrance of the fort, aside from the usual level space, there was a gold, blood covered placard with a grim poem engraved on it. It read, “Who can you trust here? Neither self, nor us. As betrayal creates supposed death, deceit catches up with no fuss.” Too much was on my mind to try and process the meaning behind that rhyme. We busted through the door with surprisingly little issue.

Bizarrely enough, upon entering, we found ourselves standing on the bridge from before, just behind Mario. He was just staring down at the lava, as if wrought with guilt and despair. Was he actually considering jumping in there? But a light elbow jab from Dart and a pointing finger at that part of the pit made me realize what he was staring at. Luigi’s hat was somehow floating on top of the molten magma vat, burning away, but still recognizable. Mario then heaved a sigh of resignation as he tipped his hat solemnly and walked away with tears in his eyes.

A part of me wanted to reach out and console him however I could, but I just couldn’t think of the right way to phrase what I wanted to say. My family always valued communication, but I always found myself struggling in that department, whether it’s using the wrong words to describe how I felt, failing to control my tone when I’m trying not to sound angry, you get the idea. “Umm… Jaczura?” Dart’s voice and her tapping on my shoulder interrupted my thoughts as she pointed behind us. There was a scorched, almost melty hand reaching up and grabbing the edge of the bridge.

What that hand belonged to almost made me hurl. It was the same Luigi from before, but now his hair and skin had burned away, revealing a bony, bloody, humanoid mess with a sunken eye and tears all over his clothes. Every breath he took, he seemed to spit out droplets of blood, not to mention sounding more hoarse than when I had hypothermia. Growling softly, he gave me and Dart a nasty look. “Why…” he hissed wearily. “Why…are you…dressed…like…HIM!?” My eyes popped open for a moment, to which I looked down at myself. I was back in the overalls and cape from before. But then I felt the top of my head, a hat was placed on top of there; and when I took it off, it was exactly like Mario’s. The only difference was that mine had the letter “J” instead of “M”. I groaned at this accusation as I slipped it back on and did a pinching swipe across the brim.

“No point in explaining myself to someone who won’t bother understanding.” I grumbled as I gave Luigi an irritated look of my own. Sure enough, my reply to his question only drove him to growl a little louder as Dart slowly backed away…

I HATE YOU

(0:39) Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the lava moving in an odd pattern. But then quickly realized that the levels of the molten stuff was starting to rise, making the overall temperature of the room go up even higher. Part of me was tempted to lose a layer, but that would be indecent, on top of it not being the best time for something like that.

(1:23) All around us, the eyeless Boos from the earlier corridor were surrounding us, but did nothing as we were singing. The most that they did was throw me off my game just a smidge.

(1:40) Eventually the lava was rising high enough to be just a foot underneath the bridge we were standing on, raising the heat levels in here to near unbearable levels. But by sheer determination, or some deeply sealed anger leaking out, I managed to maintain a somewhat steady focus. But then from either side of the bridge, the blue-tinted Mario corpses from that same cavern were starting to climb on top of it. I don’t know what threw me off more, the sight of them, or Dart screaming at the sight of them. I did my best to ignore them for now, but it wasn’t easy.

(2:08) When I belted out that last note, Luigi just collapsed out of what I could only assume was exhaustion, not that I could blame him. Now, I don’t know what drove me to do what I did next, but something about this whole thing gave off the feeling that a deep sense of rage just boiled over. I performed a spinning attack with my cape to knock Luigi back. As he screamed in terror at the upcoming plunge, I did something I didn’t even know I could do. Grabbing him by the ankle closest to me, I slammed him over my head and back onto the bridge. “Hmph…” I grunted.

“Jaczura…?” Dart asked, approaching me. She was slow and careful in her steps. It was nice to know she still cared, but this was something I needed to get off my chest.

“Don’t worry Dart. You already cooked wonders with the first Luigi. At least allow me this.” I replied. She suddenly looked shocked, but I wouldn’t know why until later. My mind was just fully engrossed in giving Luigi a piece of mine. Grabbing him by the shirt collar, I took a deep breath before I laid it on him. “Listen Luigi. Yes, it completely hurts that, no matter what you do, you never seem to shine in your own right. But let me make one thing abundantly clear, meat-face. Your brother had ZERO intention in keeping the spotlight from you, and I can say with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that he feels awful that your encounter with him here ended the way it did and how he unintentionally hurt you in such a way. Trust me, I get entirely where both of you are coming from. Hell, you might as well call me ‘The King of Unintentional Harm’ with how many people have gone from friends to enemies because of my own faults. But you know what? I’ve been trying my DAMNDEST to regain their trust and be a better person to those around me. So my advice? Get yourself patched up, get a grip, apologize to Peach, and JUST FUCKING TALK TO YOUR BROTHER!” I yelled as I finished.

Even though Luigi only had one sunken eye, I could tell that he was shocked at how angry this whole thing made someone who was a complete stranger to him. I softened my grip as I took a few breaths to collect myself. “As for what comes next…” I added. “I just hope you’ll be smarter than today to figure out how to best make it up to them. Otherwise, the next person you tick off may not be as merciful as me.” I let go of Luigi as I looked at Dart, who appeared to be so stunned in silence, you could mistake her as a Medusa victim. “C’mon Dart, let’s get out of here.” I motioned my head towards the exit. It took her a bit to respond with a head nod, but we made our way out of the magma-heated room and back into the sunlight.

Chapter Text

After a few seconds of being outside, Dart let out a gasp. “J-Jake, what happened to you?!” she pointed directly at my face, then her sight went down to my hands as she moved hers between them and my face. Looking down at one of my hands, I was taken aback in shock from what I saw. My fingers had completely discolored from their normal, tanned peach-ish tone to a dark, navy blue color. On top of that, the ends of each digit now curved into a set of claws. But then I remember her pointing to my face earlier and dashed to the edge of the pond to check my reflection. Sure enough, over my left eye, there was now a blotch of the same navy blue in a wavy, almost vein-like pattern. Looking back at my hands, there was a similar pattern where my knuckles would be.

“What the actual…?” I wondered out loud. Was this some weird effect from the woods, or is this a permanent modification? Almost as if to answer my question after blinking a few times, M’s reflection appeared in the water. I jumped at the sight and looked all around, finding M on my left, and reeled back a bit. “A-At least tap my shoulder first! Sheesh!” Dart initially hid behind me, but then let go, possibly thinking whatever this blue stuff was could be infectious. M just chuckled at the sight.

“Consider this my-a method of-a pulling your-anger” M said with a smug smile. “As well as a…benefit…for being a compliant playmate that-a never ceases to amaze.” I tried my best to give a look that gave questionable thanks, as well as judging how serious he was to believe this was some sort of thank you gift, if one could call it that. Dart just looked in stunned shock at this new layer of the deal. M gave out a chuckle after seeing our faces for a solid half-minute before phasing away. “Good-a luck…Jacob.” he teased before completely disappearing.

That last part just made my eyes pop open. Not once did I nor Dart use my real name, how the heck did he know it? Then again, he somehow knew of Dart and how close we were as friends, so at this point, I just chalked it up to M using his “godly” status in a more studious manner than normal. I shook my head rapidly before my mind could stay on that train of thought any longer. I approached Dart carefully to try not to frighten her. She took an initial step back, but eventually stood strong, albeit tense at this new curveball.

“Look Dart.” I said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “No matter what happens to me, you will always hold a special place in my heart as one of the best friends I’ve ever had the pleasure of having.” She looked up at me with some tears in her eyes, it was almost Puss in Boots levels of adorable. I embraced her in a quick hug before collecting myself and helping Dart do the same, then we made our way to the next level. We then walked along the path to the second level marker placed inside the pond, but there weren’t any trap doors to enter it like the other one. Regardless of the whys and hows, we stepped forth and entered, nervously anxious about what this new loop in the coaster would do from here on out.

Upon our arrival, we found ourselves in the middle of a courtyard with a fountain in the middle surrounded by trees. In the center was a 3D star on top of a short, trapezoid-shaped pillar. The latter of which had a black placard on it, but the lettering was so rough that it was incredibly difficult to tell what it was saying. Even after rubbing my eyes and squinting at it, I was still at a loss at what specific letters were in this sequence. On the other hand, Dart gave a curious glance at it, then lit up with a toned-down ‘eureka’ moment. “‘The L is real 2401’.” she muttered. “I remember hearing about this one a while back.”

I was half-tempted to ask how she knew for sure, but then I heard something coming from the fountain. Taking a look, there was a section of the water that was bubbling, but I didn’t see any plumbing vents or pipes or anything, just plain water. “Hey Dart?” I asked, looking over my shoulder. “There’s bubbles.” She just gave me a stupid look, until out of nowhere, there was a scream that was distorted in a way I couldn’t put my finger on.

“HELP ME!” it screamed, it sounded like the caller was nearing death’s door and fast. From what little I could gather in the heat of the moment, it sounded like it was coming from the water; most likely the bubbling part. I motioned Dart to take a closer look. She slipped her tech-goggles from her head to over her eyes, took a deep, sharp breath, and plunged her head into the water. If I had swimming goggles on me, I’d have done the same. But then when I put a hand in my pocket, I felt a rubber strap of some kind curling its way around my fingers.

Startled, I yanked my hand out, and the object flung a good distance behind me. Walking back and picking it up, I realized that, by some backwards logic, a black pair of swimming goggles found a good home in my pants pocket. Not really feeling in the mood to question every little thing that’s happening, I slipped them on, took a deep breath, and held my nose as I inserted my head into the depths below. That’s when I saw it, just out of the field of vision the water allowed me, a white glove was reaching up to us from the bottom. However, there was something that was keeping it from coming up any farther. After pulling my head back up and taking a breather, I took another deep inhale and let my feet serve as anchors to take a closer look at the depths.

It was then that I saw him again, another Luigi. But this time he was desperately struggling for his life, trying to get off some tough-looking seaweed that was tangled around his ankles. Suddenly, I felt something grabbing at mine, pulling me back to the surface. “Jake, what the hell?!” She yelled in shock.

“I-I just wanted to take a closer look too!” I replied in a panic. “And I was trying to be careful, honest!” Realizing how scared I sounded, we both tried to calm ourselves down before we continued talking. After a while, we began brainstorming possible plans to potentially free Luigi from his watery prison. “Maybe you could hold me by the ankles while I cut away at the seaweed?” I suggested, but Dart felt like that should be a last resort effort. She thought the best way to go about it for now would be to try and pull him out, since even the toughest things have a tear limit. Not being able to think of a few other alternatives, I agreed to her idea.

Getting into position along the edge of the fountain, I thrust my arm down into the water as deep as I could without getting my head down there again. I felt Luigi’s hand grabbing onto mine. In response I reached my other arm down to try and grab his arm. “He’s got me.” I signaled Dart. Nodding, she quickly grabbed my legs and we started to pull. But then I heard music. I was about to question its timing, but now wasn’t an opportunity for that…

Thalassophobia

(1:01) From the murky depths, I heard Luigi calling out for help again. “We’re trying!” I called back, straining from pulling as hard as I could.

(1:33) “MARIO!!” Luigi screamed. I wished I could put my head underwater at that moment to see what else could be frightening him down there to such a degree.

(2:32) It felt like we were making some amount of progress, but then Luigi’s grip around my hand began to tighten. I winced at the pain, but powered through. But then, Dart started pulling even harder on my legs. I groaned in agony before pulling harder myself. “What was that for?” I asked, turning my head back.

“Luigi’s danger level is higher than I thought.” She replied, sounding shocked. “Apparently, there’s a GIANT, HUNGRY EEL in there too!” My eyes widened at that revelation, was that thing seriously considering Luigi and/or me for lunch? Well that knowledge lit a fire in me because I just tugged harder than before.

(2:51) At that moment, something hit me: we needed to be more in sync if we wanted this to work. “Wait, Dart.” I called quickly. “On my mark. 1.. 2..” I counted. “3!!!” I screamed as Dart and I pulled as hard as humanly possible.

(3:11) “Help me, Mario!” I faintly heard Luigi yelling. As soon as he finished, I felt like I was actually pulling something. Was it truly progress? I tried to remember how close I was to the fountain’s center before the song started, but to no avail.

(3:36) With one last pull with my remaining strength, I finally felt it: ease in the muscles. In a jolt, Dart and I whipped Luigi out of the fountain, panting like overweight marathon runners. Luigi wasn’t doing any better, he was twitching and coughing up a lot of water, even gentle streams of blood were being mixed in. I just found myself heaving a sigh of relief from that whole ordeal.

Once Dart caught her breath, she ran up to Luigi, laid him face up, and began alternating between breathing into his mouth, and pressing down on his chest. This caused him to cough even louder, but at the very least, more water was leaving his system. Once I got up and shook off any remaining pain in my limbs, I made my way up to them just as Luigi was feeling a little better than before. “M-Mario?” he mumbled weakly.

“Easy, man. You’ve been underwater for who-knows-how-long.” I said, easing him as best I could. With what little strength he must have had, he raised his arm as he pointed to the plaque on the fountain. “Wish I could say I knew what that said for sure, but the general consensus people come to is ‘L is real 2401’. Not that I buy it, but still…” I trailed off.

“N-no… Not…L” he wearily spoke, trying to get on at least his knees. He took it slow, coughing up a storm. But once he seemed to have stopped his coughing fit, he continued in a hoarse voice. “It actually says… ‘A secret star lie here~’.” Dart’s eyes widened as she took another look at the plaque, as did I. Sure enough, now that he said that, I could sort of see what he was saying. “Nearly…three decades…since I started. Two…since I…got trapped.” I winced hard at that notion. He’s been looking for that elusive star since the beginning, but even after getting trapped, he’s found nothing. After hearing all of that, Dart had a determined look on her face as she slipped on her goggles again. She tapped on the side of them, and typed on what I could only assume was a virtual keyboard. Three minutes later, she took off her goggles and spun it around the top of the star. What was she hoping to accomplish here?

Suddenly the star’s tip started to glow. And wouldn’t you know it? A shining, yellow star popped out and sprang right in front of the fountain, just behind Dart. Luigi’s jaw dropped like a broken cash register. “H-How? …W-Why?” Luigi stammered. Even I was stunned at this revelation, this was where the star was the whole time? His fists began to switch back and forth between tightening in anger, and trying to relax. “Th-Thank you…madam.” Luigi said calmly, gently shaking her hand. Dart gave a warm smile and nodded to let him know that he was welcome. She was about to offer the star to him, but he ended up putting his hands up in refusal. “Y-You can have it.” Luigi offered. “You found it, so… it’s only fair.”

As nice as an offer that was, I couldn’t let a turn-down like that slide. “C’mon Luigi, you’ve spent so long trying to find this thing. The fairest thing we can do is not let you walk out empty handed.” I said, rubbing his back. Luigi just shook his head.

“Thank you, but my life is enough.” Luigi claimed. I internally rolled my eyes at this turn of events, it really was turning into a game of pacifist hot potato. “Besides, you may need it more than I do,” he added. “For me, it’s just one of many things I could have ignored. But maybe you could use that power on your own journey.” I was honestly stunned at how valid that point sounded. Granted, most of the opponents so far have been…relatively tame so far, but that shouldn’t be the immediate judge of who or what comes next. Eventually we agreed to have me and Dart have custody over the star, and if we don’t end up using it, we can bring it back to him.

We bid Luigi farewell as we made our way out with the star, and we hoped all the best for him on his road to recovery.

Chapter Text

Landing back in the woods, Dart and I talked about the potential ifs and whens of using our new item. “Maybe it could be a makeshift 1-Up if one of us dies?” She suggested. “Or maybe it can ensure we don’t die just in case our opponents try anything funny?” They were legitimately great ideas, but a part of me wanted to still give it to Luigi when all is said and done. In the end, we shook on using the star as a last resort if push comes to shove.  We dried our clothes as best we could once we got out of the pond, which took a few minutes, and made our next stop on the woodland map.

Upon entering this new level, we found ourselves in the middle of a long hallway. Even after walking for what felt like an hour, there wasn’t a single door, turn, or change in any part of the walls. “Who in their right mind would create a level that’s just an endless hallway?” I asked out loud, feeling frustrated. Almost as if to answer, a haunting laughter rang out from behind us. I was hesitant to turn around and see who it was; but when I did, I was face to face with a gigantic head floating towards us. It donned a hat similar to M’s, but was colored yellow with white on the brim’s edge, and had a blue W that didn’t quite fit in its circle. In terms of the face, it had a mustache that zigzagged across it, a large, rounded, pink nose, a pair of thick eyebrows over eyes with some blue-ish bags, pointed ears, blank eyes that glowed a pure white, and a prominent chin that almost looked like a butt.

“What in the- WARIO?!” I screamed, jumping back. The Wario head inched forward when I did, and continued to do so with every step taken back by either me or Dart. “Dart,” I whispered. “I think it’s time we made like librarians and booked it.” She quickly nodded as we turned heel and took off like bats straight from the Netherrealm. The floating head laughed even louder as I could feel it approaching.

“WARIO TIME!!!” I heard him bellow…

Apparition

(0:41) Oddly enough, the Wario head went quiet after that note. I promised that I would only look over my shoulder for a split second to see what scheme it was cooking. But when I did, I noticed its eyes went from white to green, and they were making a spinning spiral pattern. Realizing that he was likely going for a hypnotizing maneuver, I quickly squeezed my eyes shut as I turned my head back as swiftly as I could. “This goes without saying Dart, but do NOT look back.” I told her.

(0:46) “You want fun?” the head asked. “Wario show you fun!” Dart and I subconsciously agreed that him saying that was our cue to pick up the pace. So we did our best to push ourselves past our normal running speed.

(2:08) Wario’s head gave out one last boisterous guffaw as I sang out the last remaining notes. This time, Dart looked over her shoulder and suddenly skid to a halt. That action concerned me to stop in my tracks too. “What are you doing?” I asked when I finished singing. I was about to drag her along, but then I noticed something rather odd: that decapitated cranium was no longer following us. Not that I was complaining, it was one heck of a workout to sing and run like that at the same time.

We took a moment to catch our breath after that ordeal, but not too long so that we’d give that head a chance to chase us again. After speed walking for what felt like forever, we finally came across something unexpected but welcomed all the same: an exit sign over a door. “Finally!” we groaned as I put a hand on the knob. But out of nowhere, we heard Wario’s laugh again, and it was increasing in volume at a rapid pace. “Hurry, Hurry!” Dart yelled as I struggled getting it open.

“I’m trying!” I shrieked in panic. Almost on cue, the door swung open and the two of us quickly made our way inside and slammed the door behind us. I stood in front of the door for a few seconds to ensure our safety before beelining as fast as we could from it. Thankfully, we returned to the forest before we saw that freak again. “Let’s avoid that one like the plague from now on.” I commented, trying to catch my breath again. Dart agreed profusely before we made our way down the new section of the path.

Chapter Text

Heading into this new level without so much as a second thought might not have been smart, but I think anyone would want to get something over and done with if they just dealt with something scary and exhausting. The first thing I noticed upon entering was a complete change in perspective; I felt like I was at least half my original height when I looked around this part of the world. But then there was another thing, looking down on myself and later my hand, I clearly wasn’t human anymore either. A pale red glove was on each hand with blue markings on the fingers, and all I saw on my person was bones. Indeed, this world’s answer to which Mario enemy I’d be was apparently a Dry Bones. “Is that really you, Jaczura?” I heard Dart’s voice ask.

I turned my head towards her voice and nearly jumped back at the sight. She had herself turned into a genderbent version of a Hammer Bro. “Y-Yeah, apparently.” I said, shaking off my initial shock. Distracting myself from these strange circumstances, I looked around to get a good idea of what this level had in store. Even with the height change, this section of the forest seemed pretty thick, with trees and bushes in every direction on top of no visible pathways. Taking all this in, I motioned Dart to follow me and stay close, nervous about what kind of enemy was awaiting us.

Not even a minute into walking around, and we noticed some excruciatingly gruesome sights. Standard Mario enemies like Galoombas, Koopas, Wigglers, and even Lakitus laid around in sloppy heaps, all with varying degrees of mutilation ranging from decapitation, to dismemberment, to being torn apart and gutted like overgrown fish. Despite me being nothing but bones, I still felt sick to my stomach from not only the sight, but the smell. From how pungent they were, I could only imagine how long these have been lying around here. Dart wasn’t doing any better, she ended up puking twice from the sight of it all.

Eventually, we saw a clearing in the foliage, and that’s where we saw him. This version of Mario was a lot smaller, and seemed to be hunching over the remains of a Wiggler. When we heard something akin to a person chewing with their mouth open originating from him, I couldn’t help but quietly stumble back in disgust. Unfortunately, I ended up bumping into Dart, who accidentally stepped in the entrails of what I could only assume was a Ninji. In an instant, the chewing noise stopped, and a shrill voice called out towards our direction. “Oh? Is that the next meal already?” it asked. “I was wondering when I could have some fun.” Both of our eyes opened wide at that notion.

“Dart…” I hissed. “Because I love you platonically, I suggest you run. Now!” She quickly nodded and made a run for it. This new Mario must have picked up her footstep, because when I turned around, he was right up in my face. It took me a split second after looking into his beady, dilated eyes for me to jump back in fright. If it was even possible, the grin upon this Mario’s face went even wider, revealing a set of bloody, deeply yellowed teeth.

“Ooh… all bones.” he said, somehow widening his eyes before they narrowed with mischievous intent. “My favorite…” He let out his tongue to lick his lips, revealing it to be as long as a Yoshi’s. It was my turn to widen my eyes, but mine was in complete terror. I had to think fast if I wanted to avoid being what I could assume was his dessert. This Mario, who I later learned was called “Turmoil”, wound his head back and extended his tongue just like regular Mario’s trusty steed. Thankfully I was able to dodge just in time, even though I was close to literally losing my head. After a few more dodges I wasn’t sure I was going to pull off, I found myself running towards the clearing we found Turmoil in.

His response? He tackled me from behind, causing me to fall apart like a China vase. Turmoil started eyeing my pieces, almost like he was wondering which part of me he should eat first. Realizing this, I focused as hard and as fast as I could to reassemble myself, since I remember that being one of the key traits of being a Dry Bones. I was getting pretty worried when my fragments didn’t come to me near-instantaneously, with Turmoil’s taunt-like laughter not helping in the slightest. Fortunately I saw them starting to move in my direction before he could make a meal out of my dominant left hand. Shaking my head to reorient myself, I glared at him to let loose a little irritation from the stress he gave me…

Last Course

(0:00) Overhead, I heard some birds chirping. This spurred me into paraphrasing something I honestly never thought I’d get the chance to say. “Sure is a nice day today,” I started. “Birds are singing, Sun’s as bright as ever… on days like these, gluttons like you,” I paused, collecting traces of my newly-found anger. “Should be fasting.” I snarled.

(0:38) Turmoil reeled his head back again, ready to extend his whip-like tongue. But this time, I stood my ground, just moving enough to get out of the way while the song continued.

(0:52) I was fully expecting him to try and snag me again, but this time when he let his tongue loose, it ended up decking me in the eye socket.

(1:17) At this point, Turmoil’s tongue attack was actually becoming more annoying than scary, especially when he was now shooting it out multiple times in a row. Almost on instinct, I experimented with different kinds of dodge poses.

(1:28) Turmoil shot out his tongue again. This time, it landed right between my eyes. Surprisingly, it didn’t stick; it more felt like a punch than anything else. But it didn’t change my stance on how irritating he was starting to become. I waited until the right time to properly let loose that anger.

(2:55) Even though the song had ended, Turmoil tried to get me one more time with his tongue. But instead of dodging it, I decided to let my anger move me in such a way that I caught his tongue at its peak length. However, he seemed to have anticipated me doing something like this, because he jumped in place and let the rubber-esque recoil do the rest. Thinking fast, I moved my fist, still holding his tongue tightly, a little further away from where his teeth were going to be. The end result of which was Turmoil biting down hard on his own tongue.

“Yeowth!!” He shrieked in agony, sticking his tongue out. Then he gave me a look that gave the impression that it wanted to be taciturn, but ended up showing more anger than anything. Getting down on all fours, he coiled himself up and prepared to pounce on me. But as soon as he was airborne, the sharp ends of a pair of hammers clapped his ears. My eyes opened wide as Turmoil screamed in pure discomfort, Dart managed to get the drop on him while I garnered his attention.

“You’ve just had your last course.” She hissed. With all the strength she had, she completely ripped off Turmoil’s head, spine and all.

Needless to say, I was honestly taken aback by this sudden change in bravery and, dare I say it, blood lust.

“Dart,” I said, trying to snap out of my shock. “Thank you so much for saving my bony hide, but please don’t pull a fatality like that in front of me. You were closer to scaring me more than that guy ever did.”

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry, my Jaczura.” Dart apologized. “I just wanted to ensure that you weren’t harmed in any way.” I nodded in understanding, thinking that I would have done the same thing, if not done worse, should our places been reversed. Once we reconciled, we found our way back to the main hub of the Woodland of Lies, where the last section of the trail made itself known. Hand in hand, we trekked along into the darker part of the forest, where the assumedly final opponent was waiting for us. The further we went, the darker the clouds seemed to get, but at least the path was still visible.

A few minutes later, the trail led to a chasm with only a single wooden bridge providing a means of crossing. I hadn’t even stepped foot onto one of the creaky-looking planks when a voice rang out. “Who dares enter my domain?!” it shrieked in a distorted, angry tone. Moaning gusts of wind soon turned to howling as a being was flying in circles around us. It was moving too fast for me to tell what it was, but all I could make out was a heavily saturated shade of pink, almost like a dusty rose. Eventually, the force stopped right in front of us, and the winds somewhat calmed down as rain started to fall down. I took this opportunity to get a better observation of our new opponent.

They wore a long, torn dress covered in dirt and a jagged, pinkish gold crown. Frizzled, dirty blonde hair with twigs sticking out at random spots went all the way down past her waist. Instead of hands, their arms were ripped off at the elbows, and branches were growing in their stead. Large, empty holes took the place of eyes, with a black substance coming out of them, as well as their carved-out smile. A set of curved horns came out from her head in an abnormal fashion. I cringed at the grizzly sight as I instinctively placed a hand in front of Dart. “Stand back,” I semi-whispered. “This might get ugly…”

DARK FOREST

(0:25) As we continued singing, the rain began to fall even harder. I did my best to ignore how soaked I was getting, but it wasn’t easy.

(0:49) The wind was starting to pick up again at this point, making it hard to tell if I was actually keeping on beat or not.

(1:12) The nature-covered being then narrowed its eyes. “You little punks…” it hissed. “Can’t you see who you’re fighting with?” Out of nowhere, they lunged at me and grabbed me with their branchy arms. “I am the KING OF THIS FOREST!!” they screamed as they hurled me up into the air. Next thing I knew, I was falling through a hole in the roof of what I could only assume was some sort of cabin. As I picked myself up, I noticed Mario slumped up against the wall. I was about to assume he was unconscious, until I saw the cut across his torso that had intestines spilling out of them.

(1:28) I was about to continue the song, but the “king” let out an ear-piercing shriek that really threw me off. I started putting my free hand over one ear to try and ensure it wouldn’t bleed out on me.

(1:34) They let out a pair of more screams, to which I used my microphone hand to cover up my other ear each time.

(1:44) Another scream left their mouth, but this time, the whole world seemed to be reacting to it. Patches of glitches were jittering, appearing, and bouncing about in erratic patterns all over. In a flash, we were back on the bridge. Only now, the storm’s intensity increased tenfold as patches of fire started flaring up amongst the glitches. I had to keep reminding myself to maintain focus on the fight at hand, but all of that, on top of the “king’s” high-pitched shrieks did not help at all.

(2:10) The being let out one last scream, but this one was so loud and forceful, it ended up blowing me and Dart back all the way back to the level’s starting point.

I was about to get myself up from all that disorientation, but then an envelope flew up and smacked me right in the face. After dusting and drying myself off, I opened it and read the note inside aloud. “I hope you all are Content with yourselves. Your tale will only get more grim from here. - ‘the” Well that explained who “‘the” was. Helping Dart get up and dry off, we made our way back to the entrance of the woods and talked about the inhabitants we met within, as well as talking about the possibilities of what this “gift” of M’s is going to imply, or how it may come and bite us later on.

Chapter Text

Returning to the mainland, we found that the entrance to the third world had opened up. Like before, there was a sign on the left which Dart read. “ Fans see my adventures and flip over the coin. They then project their sightings with a jerkiness to me, adjoined. ” She gave a funny look at the end of that poem. “Who did the author think they were? Yoda?” she asked sarcastically. I could only shrug at that statement, but I had a strong feeling about what the theme was for this world. Taking a deep breath, I stepped on the star space with Dart close behind, and we were whisked off to the next locale.

Upon landing, I couldn’t help but widen my eyes in amazement. We were up so high that the clouds looked like pieces of the world’s fluffiest blanket. There was a clear view of the night sky with stars shining as bright as can be, with a crescent moon glowing a warm yellow. Did I mention that I’m a bit of a sucker for starry, moonlit night skies? Looking down at the ground, I noticed that we were standing on top of a lavender, star-shaped pillar surrounded by five others. A small rainbow stretched out from our platform to another with a level space on it. It truly was an amazing sight.

Looking over at Dart, I could tell that even she was getting sparkly in the eyes from the beauty of this scenery. But then I looked back up at the sky and noticed some of the stars formed a readable pattern.

It said, “𝕮𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖙 𝕮𝖔𝖘𝖒𝖔𝖘! 𝕾𝖔 𝕲𝖔𝖔𝖉, 𝕿𝖍𝖊𝖞’𝖗𝖊 𝕰𝖛𝖎𝖑! ” My expression dropped from admiration to dread at that notion, and the same thing went for Dart.

“Evil or not, like before, I will ensure you are out of harm’s way.” I reassured her, placing a hand upon her shoulder. She gave me a soft smile back before eyeing the platform the rainbow bridge was connecting to. Being extra cautious given how high up we were, I slowly walked across it with my arms out just in case I somehow lost balance. Surprisingly, the bridge was fairly solid, and every step taken sounded like a harmonious hum from a crystal cave. Though it wasn’t quite enough to shake off the nerves that were piling on.

When we got to the pillar, there was a message engraved surrounding the level space. It read, “𝓟𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓴/ 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓣𝓾𝓫𝓮 𝓔𝓭𝓲𝓽𝓸𝓻/ 𝓜𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓰𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓜𝓪𝔂 2𝓷𝓭, 2014/𝓥𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓶𝓫𝓮𝓻 10𝓽𝓱 2014 ” I raised an eyebrow at this knowledge. I wasn’t at all familiar with this person. But I shook off this feeling of unease as I turned to face Dart. “Ready?” I asked. Dart nodded in agreement as we approached the level and entered.

When our vision became clear, it was a far cry from what I think either of us were expecting. Somehow, we were back to what felt like the real world, but it wasn’t any particular place we were familiar with. From all the equipment, mats, and weights lying around, it was made apparent that we were inside a gym of some kind, but I don’t have enough experience with them to know which brand it was under. Walking around, I noticed a set of papers in front of one of the mats. What was on them was something I didn’t really see coming: Instructions for an elaborate pose.

Chapter Text

The pose in question had one person doing a handstand, while the other person appeared to be meditating on top of their feet. I gave a confused look at the notes and at Dart, switching between them at random intervals. Did M seriously expect us to pull this off perfectly after those near death experiences in the last world? I could barely keep my center of weight in the same place during the Sun Salutation, and struggled constantly with the balance-based games Wii Fit Plus offered. “This level for real?” I asked the ceiling. This time Dart placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Hey,” she said in a smooth kind of stern voice. “I’m not exactly fond of something like this either. But we don’t exactly have a choice here.” I groaned in resignation, but she did have a solid, irrefutable point.

“Apologies in advance if I screw this up.” I said as I started getting into position.

“It’s fine. Moreso if this level is home to who I think it is.” She reassured as she started climbing me. It was touch and go for a while, but by some sheer dumb luck, I managed to hold a steady enough position to keep my balance. I breathed a sigh of relief that we managed to pull it off. After a good ten minutes, I was about ready to tell Dart that my arms were getting tired from holding this position. But before I could even speak, I felt a sharp pain in my back, almost as if someone had used a slingshot to aim a rock.

“Ow-WOAH!” I yelled as I lost balance. After falling on my stomach, I shook the pain off my right hand and placed it on my back where I was hit. But then I thought about Dart and how bad she must have taken that fall. Turning around, she was flat on her back with her arms stretched out and legs held up. “Dart! Dart are you alright?!” I said in a panic. She groaned in discomfort as she opened her eyes.

“Ow… that smarts.” she groaned, wincing as she put a hand behind her head. I helped her up to her feet and slung one of her arms over my shoulder. “What…What was that?” she asked, still taken aback by the fall. Just then, an all too familiar voice rang out.

“Haha! Gotcha!” it squeaked with glee. Dart and I looked around trying to find the source of that laugh. And there he was, standing on top of a fifty-pound weight, was a tiny, sixteen-bit Mario holding a green shell. I could feel my right eye twitching in stunned shock. First level of this new world, and it’s already throwing more curveballs than the average baseball game. My gaze kept darting back and forth to the living pixel structure and Dart in disbelief.

“Was this who you were thinking it was?” I asked.

Dart shook her head. “Not really.” she said, rotating her shoulders and dusting herself off. “But at least that answers the question, and you can let go now.” Dart took my arm off her shoulder and shook it a bit. And then I heard it…

Bad Day

(0:14) Mario kicked another shell in my direction, this time it hit me square on the nose bridge. I instinctively rubbed the part where it hit, crossing my fingers that it didn’t leave a bleeding mark. “Let’s-a go!” the Mario hollered as he started singing.

(0:18) I rolled my eyes at this pixelated punk’s antics before starting to sing. It must have taken offense to that, because he threw yet another shell at my forehead. If that didn’t make it evidently clear that this bout would push all sorts of buttons, then I don’t know what does.

(0:35) By this point, I was getting used to blocking the shells he kicked my way. However, he started chucking something else as well: purple mushrooms with a lavender skull on the front. Didn’t need a Mario encyclopedia to tell me those were bad news too, since even Dart was trying to make efforts to stay clear of Mario’s line of fire.

(0:53) As he finished singing a portion, he started jumping and inching forwards and back from where he was standing. Then as I was about to finish singing, he made a grand leap towards Dart’s direction, bouncing square on her head. “Gotcha!” he said giddily while Dart looked back in annoyance. I was half expecting him to sing after saying that, but nope. So I just kept singing.

(1:02) From out of nowhere, as I was singing to keep my mind focused, Mario jumped in and did multiple twirling jumps on my head before slamming a red shell on my head before landing back on the weight he used as a platform.

(1:52) Mario’s singing started to slow a little, but not out of exhaustion. But then I heard the notes, and it sounded so familiar, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Shrugging that off, I sang the notes back when he finished.

(2:20) Suddenly, the music briefly quieted down as this Mario, whom I’ll dub Pixel Punk, did a spin jump in place while striking a pose. “Yahoo!” he whooped. The music then swelled into something out of a college party, colorful flashing lights and everything.

(2:48) After chucking a series of those purple mushrooms, Pixel started to dance like there was no tomorrow. Even I had to admit that, for a 16-bit sprite, he sure knew how to bust a move.

(3:12) Seeing an opportunity to get back at Punk for the shells and mushrooms, I grabbed him with my free hand. He tried to squirm his way out, but all he could do was reach his hat so he could pull it over his eyes. “Aww… Mamma mia!” he cried.

“Tch.” I hissed, then I wound up my arm to give him a throw he’d never forget.

“MMM AAAAAAAAH-!” I heard him scream as soon as he left my palm. Though apparently I don’t know my strength, or at least newfound strength thanks to M’s “gift”, but the force I ended up exerting was enough for Pixel to shatter a window on the other side of the room. Dart’s eyes and mine widened at the impact he left behind. We looked between each other and the hole for a few seconds before we decided to bounce.

Thankfully we were able to get back to the platform back the Content Cosmos before any police could get involved. Upon returning, another rainbow appeared connecting the current pillar to one straight across from it. Crossing the bridge, I tried to shake two things out of my mind: How powerful I may become/what will become of me, and how annoying Pixel Punk was. Fortunately for me, Dart was a good source of comfort throughout all of this; having my back and ensuring this path wasn’t a lonely one.

Chapter Text

Like with the first pillar, this one had some engravings too. These read, “𝓗𝓸𝓽𝓓𝓲𝓰𝓰𝓮𝓭𝔂𝓓𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓷/ 𝓐𝓷𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓸𝓻 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓣𝓾𝓫𝓮 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂/ 𝓜𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓖𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓷 2010 ” Alright, this was someone I was somewhat familiar with. I never really went out of my way to view his works, but they were an interesting watch if a little out there in the humor department for my tastes. I looked over at Dart, who seemed shocked at reading who was the featured “star” of this level. I paused before entering the level to make sure she was okay.

“I’m just… nervous about this one, Jaczura.” Dart said sheepishly. “I know the kinds of things that went on in his animations, especially if this is the one I’m thinking of.” I gave that comment some thought. I do remember seeing an old animation of his that was Mario-themed, but I never watched it. I placed a hand on her shoulder and did my best to reassure her that if worse came to worse, I’d be there for her. Taking her by the hand, we made our way to see what this level was all about.

Upon entering, we found ourselves in a bustling cityscape, complete with the sounds of car horns likely stuck in traffic and apartment complexes left and right. But then I heard Dart say, “Woah, that’s quite the outfit change.” In response, I looked down at myself to see what she was talking about. Sure enough, my outfit had a complete overhaul that ended with me looking like a true punk. The sleeves on my shirt were torn into a makeshift tank top, as were the pair of jeans I had on with a loose belt. Instead of sneakers, I had on a pair of black and red slip-on shoes. A pentagram necklace wrapped around my neck, and when I felt around my ears, I felt a pair of earrings. The one on my right ear had an ornate, inverted cross on it. In my left hand, I noticed I was holding a bright red vape. My eyes widened at that last detail and I immediately tried to ditch it, but wherever I threw it, it still appeared in my hand.

“Frick’s sake…” I grumbled. Turning to face Dart, I flinched at how drastic her costume alterations were. Rather than a torn version of her shirt, she wore a black sports bra that left very little to the imagination. Her pants ripped up into makeshift shorts, and something similar to gauze was wrapped around her upper right arm. On her feet were a pair of neon green crocs with cyan accents. She had heavy eye makeup on her face as well as thick lip piercing.  An ornate, magenta bong was being cradled by her bionic arm, which seemed to be downgraded to appear more handcrafted than mass produced.

While I was fairly aware of the concept of these levels changing our appearances to better fit the tones, but seeing how me and Dart would look like as basic hoodlums was not something I was fond of or anticipating. However, some dialogue in this distance interrupted my thoughts…

Day Out

(0:00) It seemed like an altered version of the Mario brothers in what I could only assume were their teen years leaning against a brick wall. Luigi, who wore a green and white striped shirt, a propellor beanie, and overalls seemed to be looking around nervously and making awkward hand gestures. On the other hand, Mario was wearing his cap sideways, which had a pentagram rather than an M, a nose ring, large black tunnel hoops in each ear, and a red t-shirt with “KoЯn” on it like it was scratched onto it, all while smoking a cigarette. I nudged Dart so she could get a look for herself, and she agreed that we should start our approach.

(0:04) As we got closer, I was able to make out what they were saying. “You gonna tell mom I was smoking?” Mario asked, not even looking at his brother.

(0:06) “No, Mario. I’m-a not-a gonna tell.” Luigi stuttered.

(0:09) “Yeah you’d better not, or I’ll kick your ass!” Mario said, raising his voice a bit and threateningly pointed his cigarette at Luigi. This time he looked Luigi dead in the eye, before returning to his leaning position. “Anyway, just keep your mouth shut, scrote. Here come the guys.” He said as soon as we were a few feet apart.

(0:14) “Heya.” I said, holding up my hand in a casual sort of friendly manner before slipping it into my pockets.

(0:15) “Hi.” Dart nervously did the same right behind me, but she hid the bong behind her with nonchalance over her face.

(0:16) “Hey.” said Mario nonchalantly, just moving his eyes in our general direction.

(1:01) I was about to start singing, but instead Luigi did in my place. It honestly shocked me since he seemed to have a decent enough singing voice, but Mario looked like he was having none of that.

(1:08) Almost as if to prove my point, Mario pointed at him with the cigarette again saying, “You dumbass geek.” While he didn’t say anything for a while, he would just flash Luigi a dirty look whenever he sang.

(1:39) “Why is Luigi here?” Dart asked, sounding concerned for his well being. Quite frankly, I was too, but didn’t want to interrupt the song.

“Well my mom’s a fucking idiot! So…” Mario yelled, throwing his arms up in the air before he groaned and dragged his free hand down his face in disgust. I couldn’t help but flinch in disgust myself, but not towards Luigi. I never thought I’d be thinking this, but my parents are lucky I’m not even close to this guy’s level of animosity towards his parents. Thoughts like these raced endlessly through my mind as the song continued. Glancing back at Dart, I could tell she felt the same.

(2:53, song’s over)

“I’m supposed to get Peach out of Bowser’s shithole, but I’m probably gonna blow it off. I don’t give enough of a fuck today.” Mario said flatly as he tossed his cigarette to the side and shook his head towards the end.

“Eh, honestly, after I get my arm patched up, I’d be down for anything.” Dart shrugged as she showed off her bionic arm. Sure enough, there were a few broken wires popping out and sparking a little. I winced a bit at the sight before she pointed a finger at Mario. “But make me give a BJ and I will throw hands.” She added with a hiss.

“Alright alright! Damn, no need to get bitchy about it.” Mario exclaimed, holding both hands up in a “back off” fashion before turning and walking away. Luigi followed close behind, and I suggested to her that we tag along too.

“I’m honestly pretty flexible with what we do,” I said tilting my head side to side. “Just as long as it leaves enough time to work on requests and keeps me on a low profile.” Mario just gave me a side glance and gave a deep sigh.

“Can’t believe I’m fucking saying this…” he grumbled under his breath. “Look dude, I get making people happy is what you like doing. But sometimes you’ve got to not give a fuck about what others think of you. Yeah, you’ve fucked up big-time, and you’re trying to stay hidden till it blows over. Don’t blame you. But you’ve just gotta loosen up and just let you be fucking you.” He growled, anger rising throughout his mini-rant.

“Trust me, I’ve been trying.” I answered. “But stuff like that is easier said than done.” Mario sighed before flashing me a small smirk. Dart placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a soft smile. 

“Take notes, scrote.” Mario said, nudging Luigi with his elbow. “At least he takes his faults in stride, even when chin-deep in shit.” He motioned his thumb at me without even looking back. It felt weird to be given advice and a complement like that from a textbook delinquent, but I wasn’t complaining. But before I could say another word, the world went black for a few seconds before me and Dart found ourselves back at Content Cosmos, where the next rainbow bridge appeared.

Chapter Text

“𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓭/𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓯𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵 𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓸𝓭𝔂 𝓐𝓷𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓣𝓮𝓪𝓶/ 𝓜𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓖𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓷 2005”. That’s what the writing on the third star platform read. My eyes opened wide as I realized what this was entailing, and I actually started to feel nervous. I remember getting into some of Mashed’s works lately, some of which focused on Mario with a multitude of lenses. The most prominent, and most famous, of them being one from their “Secret Histories” series. That’s where they paint a much darker picture of what goes on behind the scenes in some of our most beloved franchises, with Mario being a cruel and oppressive leader of the kingdom.

Dart seemed to be thinking the same thing, as she was looking extra frightened about meeting one of Mashed’s creations in person. But this time, I wasn’t too sure how I could calm her down when I was just as scared. The most I could think to do was place a hand on her shoulder and say this. “Look, I’m extra nervous about this one in particular too. But we don’t exactly have much choice in this regard. Even so, no matter what, I will always have your back.” She did her best to give a confident nod, but I could tell she was still terrified of what’s to come, as was I. So walking hand in hand, we entered the level expecting the worst.

Sure enough, when the level opened up for us, we were stuck leaning over a bent pipe sticking out of the ground within the confines of castle walls. That’s when I felt my hands behind my back, they were tied tightly in place by my wrists, as were my ankles. Dart was right next to me, tied in a similar fashion and sweating bullets. Shifting my perspective to look ahead, I could completely understand why. Covered in dark shadows, wearing a navy blue suit, and smoking a cigar facing away from us was the person I feared it would be: Secret Histories Mario…

DICTATOR

(0:00) I’m not sure what made me phrase what I said next the way I did, but I didn’t care at the time. “I did what you said Mario!” I yelled. “I admitted to everything! I’m up the creek!” I don’t think I intended to sound so desperate or so angry at the moment, but maybe that’s just how I felt during the time. Business Mario, as I’ll dub him, simply took the cigar out of his mouth and waved it around.

(0:05) “Your works are-a lot-a more popular than-a people let on, GamingMechanic.” Business Mario said, turning his head towards us with a taciturn leer. “You don’t think I knew about ‘The Fallen’?” he asked, starting to snarl. “You tried to FUCK me!” As soon as he swore, the hand that held his cigar tightened to the point of snapping it in half. This was a bad sign, I had to think of a way out of this mess, and fast.

(0:23) From behind me, I could hear something akin to a rocket being fired in our direction. On instinct and in rhythm to the music, I pushed my legs up as high as I could, and kicked with all my might with each leg. “Dart!” I called. “Follow my lead!” and she did the same thing, kicking away at the incoming forces. Getting a somewhat closer look when Dart kicked, I could tell that the thing we were kicking were enormous, deviously grinning Bullet Bills.

(1:07) Business let out a deep sigh as more Bullet Bills were fired in our direction. “Persistent little pests, aren’t you?” he sneered. “A shame… I like that in someone under my thumb.”

Dart just gave him a disgusted look as she continued to kick. “Like Hell we’d serve a dictator like you!” She exclaimed. “You’re no hero! Just an overgrown bully that hates competition!” That just made Business give a larger snarl.

(1:31) At this point, I could feel the anger within me rising fast. I started being a lot faster and moving in more exaggerated patterns to see if I could wear down the bindings I was in.

(2:20) “Jake?” Dart asked concerningly. Before she could ask a follow up, something within me completely snapped as I ended up uprooting my side of the pipe and ripped out of the bindings around my wrists.

It took every ounce of my will to keep from pouncing Mario like a famished lion.

(2:41, song’s over)

Just then, Mario pulled out a hand he had behind his back, revealing a remote control. I had a hunch about what that was going to do, and I wasn’t having any of it. “Oh no you don’t you FAT FUCK!” I screamed as I sprinted towards him as fast I could, which turned out to be swifter than I even anticipated. This was made especially evident when I ended up tackling Business so hard, he ended up dropping the remote before he could press it, getting ready to strangle him as I landed.

As I semi-refocused after that rage/adrenaline-induced attack where I had him looking me straight in the eye. “I…have been trying…my damndest…to make people happy with what I do; even after they get on my case for the fucked up things I did.” I snarled through gritted teeth. “But with egomaniac pricks like you? There is…no…hope.” I narrowed my eyes as I finished my mini-rant, feeling my eyes water from the hurricane of emotions swirling around my heart and clouding my mind. Grabbing him by the shirt collar, I stood up and hoisted him in the air. “Just… Just LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!” I screeched in anger as I threw him with a spin against the stone walls.

It took a few pants and deep breaths to fully calm myself down. But when I did, I remembered Dart’s situation and immediately went to untie her. When I reached for the rope around her hands, she flinched away from me. Took me a split second to figure out why, but it was shocking all the same. The dark blue markings on my fingers now had crawled up to my wrists. But then I felt a weird sensation coming from my back, like something was both protruding and dangling from there at the same time. When I reached for the source of that sensation, I felt like I was grabbing the insides of a fancy pillow. Tightening my grip, I pulled my hand back in front of me, and opened it. The sight of a handful of feathers in the same shade of navy blue caused me to jump back slightly.

“What in the-wings?!” I cried, spinning around to see if I could get a better look at them. But eventually I had to stop myself to keep my motion sickness at bay. Once I stopped feeling dizzy, I tried again to help Dart, but this time in a more relaxed manner. Thankfully she seemed less hesitant to let me help her. After using my new claws to cut her bindings, She quickly pocketed the remote before Business could get up. That actually gave me an idea, which I shared with Dart. To which she responded with a devious grin.

After leaving Business Mario tied up against the pipe we were leaning over, Dart pulled out the remote and pressed it. But not before she gave him one last zinger for good measure, “Sayonara… Paisano.” This caused one last Bullet Bill to rocket at his position. As one would guess, he was scared pantsless about his own military-grade power being turned against him. Oddly enough, the level didn’t give us the time to enjoy the “fireworks” as we were whisked back to the Content Cosmos while the Bullet Bill was in flight.

Chapter Text

Even though that encounter was flat-out terrifying, I couldn’t help but be slightly curious about what the remaining two levels here were all about, as well as what the deal was with the way this “blessing” of M’s was coming about. So was Dart, but she made it clear that she didn’t want to talk about it, unless she wanted that fear to override the whole thing. I just kept my mouth shut as we crossed the next bridge. The engraving on the platform read as follows, “𝓕𝓵𝓪𝓼𝓱𝓰𝓲𝓽𝔃/ 𝓐𝓭𝓾𝓵𝓽 𝓒𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓭𝔂 𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓸𝓭𝔂 𝓐𝓷𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓸𝓻/ 𝓜𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓖𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓷 2011 ”. Upon reading it, I scratched my head a bit since I didn’t recognize that username at first. On the other hand, Dart gave a shocked look at the writing; jaw open wide, twitching eye and everything. “Umm… Dare I ask?” I questioned.

“Are you serious, Jaczura?” She asked bewildered. “Think about it. Aside from the ones we’ve seen so far, what is another famous parody of Mario that leans towards his angry side?” I had to think hard on that one. I normally don’t go out of my way to view comedy parodies of stuff, let alone Mario-related stuff that falls in that category. What I ended up trying to remember were thumbnails of videos that would fit the bill. It was then it hit me, the one thumbnail I remember seeing multiple times, but never clicked on due to the nature of the title.

“Racist Mario?” I wondered out loud. “Oh geez…” I cringed at how I remembered the title of it, and how it sounds when spoken. Even compared to Secret Histories and all the other freaks we’ve seen, I could tell right off the bat that this was not an encounter that I was looking forward to. However, I knew that we wouldn’t be able to get out of here unless we went through every last one of these guys. So, I swallowed my pride and made my way over to the level space. “Let’s just get this over with, Dart.” I said with a sigh as I entered. She followed not too close behind.

When the level opened up, I found myself speeding along a racetrack I couldn’t recognize. A part of me just wanted to try and analyze my surroundings, but if the rules of the road have taught me anything, it’s that the worst things happen when you lose focus for just a moment. The most I could gather was that I was surrounded by trees and hills barricaded by a simple, white picket fence. As for what I was driving, the best I could assume from the body’s shape was that it was a Badwagon. I was about to comment on where Dart, or this “Racist Mario” was, when I saw her driving up beside me on the other side of the road.

Her vehicle was a standard go-kart with a magenta-ish color to it. It was relieving to see her okay, but I had to mentally stop myself from wondering where Mario was. But before I could, I heard a third car engine approaching. Three guesses as to who was driving the red one…

RACE TRAITORS

(0:02) “You’re not Nintendo.” Mario yelled as he drove between me and Dart. “You’re… You’re PRE-tendo!” Dart was looking ready to jump from her kart, but I just tried to maintain focus on what was ahead of me. Unfortunately, what he said and did next made it painfully obvious that the road would be the least of my worries. “You’re all… RACE TRAITORS!!!!” he shrieked as he rammed his kart into mine, leaning right into my face as he screamed that last half. I was half-tempted to just deck him right then and there, but even I’m not that reckless.

(0:38) Just then, we ran through a set of item boxes. I was about to take a look and see what I got, when Mario threw one red shell after the other towards my head. Eventually, the item roulette stopped for me, and I got a trio of red shells myself. And since he was so close to me, I figured it’d be fitting for me to smash them over Mario’s head.

(0:51) I was about to smack the third shell onto him, when we passed another set of item boxes. This time, Mario went semi-transparent, most likely the magic of the Boo item. I would have taken this opportunity to focus on what’s ahead if he wasn’t constantly screeching bloody murder in my ear. “If only the Boo item made you quiet, too.” I whispered.

(1:05) “I heard that bitch!” Mario hollered as the Boo’s effect wore off. Another pass through of item boxes revealed that he now had a menagerie of Bob-ombs. Dart’s eyes and mine widened to pie plate-sizes at the sight.

“FLOOR IT!” I called to Dart. Quickly nodding, Dart pressed down on the acceleration hard, and I did the same. The further we were from the upcoming blast radii, the better.

Even then, there were a few Bob-omb throws that were closer shaves than when a tree nearly landed on my mom; but that’s another story altogether. Thank Palutena that the most damage we ended up getting from THAT part was a couple of dents and maybe a burn mark. Though Dart was pretty shaken about the whole thing.

(1:21) Up ahead, there was another row of item boxes. “Hey Dart, up ahead!” I said, pointing to them. “Maybe we could trip him up with these.” Dart gave a stiff nod as we blazed through the boxes. I held up my hand to see what I’d gotten while the item roulette spun. Eventually, it landed on a trio of mushrooms. As soon as it stopped, I heard a voice from behind.

(1:24) “Get back here fuck-os!” I heard Mario yell as he sped back up to where he was before. Guess he also got some mushrooms too. This whole ordeal was enough to make me want to facepalm, but I used one of the mushrooms to create some ground between us and him, and used the other two when it felt like he was too close for comfort.

(1:52) From behind all three of us, I heard a loud, bellowing warcry of some kind. Quickly glancing back, I legitimately said, “What the fuck?!” A pale man with red markings, a black goatee, and muscles the size of boulders was catching up fast. “DART! SWERVE RIGHT!” I cried as I made a hard left turn to get out of the way. But Mario seemed a little slow to catch on, because the muscle bound beast in a go-kart rammed right into him from behind, causing Mario’s kart to completely combust.

I heaved a sigh of relief from that whole ordeal. Partly because I no longer had to deal with a Mario that was prejudiced against non-Nintendo characters screeching like a banshee on helium, but also because I was lucky enough that turning out of the way was the right thing to do in that scenario. But then I wondered if Dart was okay and started to get worried. After hopping out of my kart and looking both ways a few times to see if there was anyone else driving by the track, I sprinted across to check up on her. “Dart! Dart are you okay?” I called out. On my left, I heard some coughing.

“J-Jaczura…” a pained voice called from within a smoke cloud. I dashed over to the source, but reeled back a bit when I saw how smashed up her go-kart was. Fortunately Dart seemed okay, save for the fact that her legs seemed stuck, pressed between the collective metal. Taking a deep breath and cracking my knuckles, I placed my hands/claws where the kart was pinning her legs in place, and tried to pry it open with all my might. It was quite the workout, whichever company made these things sure knew how to make tough materials. In the end, it took me three tries to get the kart pieces to get out of the way of Dart’s legs. And the first thing she did with her refound freedom was tackle me into a hug.

But before either of us could give a compliment, we were immediately sent away to return to the Content Cosmos. Upon landing back down, the last rainbow bridge was already waiting for us. Grabbing Dart’s hand, we made our way across to ensure we got some distance between ourselves and that crazed road rager. We looked around the final star platform to see who was the creator of the last creation here. Dart found it on one of the corners. She read the information aloud, “𝓓-𝓢𝓾𝓝/𝓢𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝓐𝓷𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓸𝓻 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓥𝓸𝓲𝓬𝓮 𝓐𝓬𝓽𝓸𝓻/𝓜𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓖𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓷 2005 ”.

Chapter Text

I raised an eyebrow and scratched my head in confusion on that one. Not that most of the other factoids were of any help in identifying who we were up against, but I couldn’t recognize jack-diddly-squat of what this one could be referring to. Even Dart, who seemed to be at least somewhat familiar with some of the previous ones, seemed to be completely stumped. I mean, for something as niche as a fan series, you’d more easily recognize the title and events within rather than the debut day and its creator; at least, as far as I know. “Well, no matter what ‘D-SuN’ ended up being the creator of, I will ensure that you that they won’t lay a fingertip on you.” I tried to reassure Dart, but she only seemed half-convinced.

Admittedly, I was unsure if I could handle more of what M had in store. It was starting to get pretty tiring going to all these worlds, singing my heart out, and dealing with the shenanigans of twisted Mario crew members. But here, I had no choice but to press on with this last podium of the Content Cosmos, and figure out what M was planning here, if he even was at this point. So, grabbing Dart’s hand, we made our way to the center of the star and entered the level.

Upon arrival, we quickly found ourselves on top of the walls of a brick fortress, with a thunderstorm brewing overhead. I tightened my grip on Dart’s hand slightly as we walked along the walkway. A few minutes later, I noticed the silhouettes of two bodies on the ground, with a third standing upright with a sword perched over their shoulder. I blinked at the sight and tried to get a closer look by slowly approaching. Where have I seen a scenario like this before, if I even have? Once we were a few feet away, I heard Dart give a quiet gasp, and I was close to as well given who those bodies belonged to. Luigi and Peach were sprawled out on the ground in a pool of their own blood.

In between their bodies stood Mario, holding a blood-stained katana and blood coating his hands and shoes. Just then, it hit me on what world this one was all about. “Devil Mario…” I whispered softly. “The series was called ‘Power Star’. Possessed by Boos and rampaged to end all life with the Power Stars.” I added quickly. I had barely finished what I was saying when Devil Mario gave a taciturn leer towards us with a malevolent glint in his reddened eye. A low growl emanated from him as he turned to face us.

“You have one…” he hissed. Dart gave him a confused look for a split second before realizing what he was talking about. “Where…is it?” he asked threateningly as he narrowed his gaze on me. Even though I knew that I had it in my pocket somewhere, there was no way on God’s green Earth that giving it to him was a remotely good idea. Besides, we promised the formerly drowning Luigi we’d return it if we never used it, and I intended to keep that promise. I took a deep breath and gave Devil Mario a deathly stare of my own.

“Pry it from my cold, dead hands, Lucifer.” I retorted, feeling a warm, glowing sensation coming from my left eye. When my vision came a little more into focus, I noticed my vision from that side was beginning to have a purple-ish saturation to it, but it didn’t make the surroundings any harder to make out. In fact, as the hue started to take over the right side, while not giving off a warm glow, it felt like my vision improved tenfold. ‘No more glasses for me.’ I offhandedly thought to myself. But Devil Mario’s response brought me back to my senses, so to speak.

“So be it, fallen one.” He sneered as he tipped the brim of his hat. “Your suffering will reach hellish heights.” Dart slowly inched away to give our confrontation some space…

No Hope

(0:33) In a single swift motion, Devil Mario swung his katana from one shoulder to the other as a tiny tell before he made a lightning fast swiping motion towards me. It was the closest shave since Turmoil, but thankfully I was largely unaffected by the attack.

(0:52) “Your resistance is futile.” he growled as he tipped his katana off his shoulder to point it at my throat as he narrowed his eyes at me. For a brief moment, he opened his free hand only to close it after what he said next. “We have already won.”

(1:13) As the song went on, he seemed to be growing more and more irritated that I didn’t let him hit me, but then again, who would blame either of us in that position. However, things went up another level when a bright red aura flared up all around him as he started to move even faster.

(1:29) After what felt like a solid minute of intensity, his aura died down and he went back to swinging his sword at me occasionally, sometimes in quick succession. Though similar to Turmoil’s tongue, it was starting to get a little tedious and irritating to keep dodging it every few seconds or so.

(2:43, song’s over)

Mario let out a sigh of frustration as he made another sword swipe at me. But, feeling fed up with this kind of gimmick, I ended up grabbing the blade of the katana in mid swing. While the blow did sting for a bit, and I thought I felt something warm trickling down from the source of that sting, it honestly didn’t hurt as much as I would have thought. And it seemed even Devil Mario was surprised at me being able to catch it with my altered, bare hand.

His scowl subtly turned to a smirk, almost as if he realized something. “So… you have a curse of your own…” he remarked as he eyed the markings around my hand and left eye. “And you have… a similar fire to him.” Devil Mario’s grin started to get creepily unsettling. “Yes… you’ll be much better… for us!” As soon as he uttered that, a power washer-grade stream of Boos came pouring out of Mario’s mouth and started to swarm me.

Try as I might to swat them all away, there were just too many moving too fast for me to get them all. They were all trying to find a means of entering my body, whether it was my mouth, nose, ears, you name it.

“Back off, freaks! I’m Weegee’s upgrade!” I heard Dart call out alongside what I could only assume was a vacuuming sound. Bit by bit, the amount of Boos that were swarming me started to dwindle, and I could see what was making the sound. From what I could assume, which was confirmed by Dart later, she had taken a hidden Poltergust off of Luigi’s person and was using it just like the Green Thunder did before her. It took her a few minutes, with some clinging onto me for dear life, but eventually she sucked them all up. At that point, the Poltergust looked like it could burst at the seams if even a mouse crawled in there.

Before we could even think about leaving, I heard Mario’s voice, but he wasn’t talking as much as he was crying and coughing at the same time. “What… What have I done…?” he weeped wearily. “L-Luigi… Peach… please, forgive me.” From his voice, I could tell he was just seconds away from crying enough to turn World 2 into World 4 with enough despair to fill the Last Resort Hotel. I was about to ask Dart if there was something we could do or say to make him feel better, when his grip on the katana tightened as he turned to face us. Fearing that he would attack us in a twisted form of anger, I stood my ground in a protective manner in front of Dart. However, what he did instead was even more startling. He outstretched his arms towards us with the tip of the blade at his stomach. “...thank you…” was all he said before he shoved the katana through his body.

Dart let out a soft gasp, while I just placed a hand over my mouth in shock. This Mario didn’t need to do that to redeem himself. Sure, it may have been his body, but his will wasn’t exactly his own during that whole ordeal, as far as I could remember. But regardless, it was too late to try and save him. Dart did try suggesting that we use the Power Star that the formerly drowning Luigi gave us to revive every slain person from the series here, but I had to turn that idea down. “Even if we could use a star multiple times, I don’t think there’s any chance he’ll change his mind about the fate he deserves. And us reviving him would likely make him more cross with us than at the Boos that possessed him.” I explained, trying to put myself in his shoes.

Reluctantly, Dart agreed to let it be, and we made our way back to the Content Cosmos hub. Oddly enough, there wasn’t a new bridge waiting for us to take us directly back to the world’s warp point. However, that gave us plenty of time to try and get our minds off all the stress that was building up, no thanks to the majority of the denizens of this “star”-studded landscape. Along the walk, a sudden epiphany crossed my mind. “Hey Dart, call me crazy, but don’t you think it’s weird that this…this ‘curse’ of M’s is turning me into a spitting image of my online avatar of all things?” I asked, looking at my clawed hand. Dart and I shared a glance of intrigue and confusion.

“Yeah, I was wondering that too.” She agreed. “There has to be some reason that he chose your avatar instead of, I don’t know, another him.” Dart placed her bionic hand on her chin as she continued to ponder these choices. A few minutes later, we made our way back to the center star pillar. But before we could leave, there was a twinkling sound coming from above, almost like a notification of sorts. Looking up, some stars in the sky were forming a new sentence. It read, “𝕿𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖐 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖕𝖑𝖆𝖞𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆𝖑𝖔𝖓𝖌! ” A sweet sentiment, I’ll admit, but I feel like the only place I’d find myself returning to here was the “Day Out” world, or the “Power Star” one every once in a while to pay respects. But, brushing those thoughts aside, we stepped onto the world marker and warped our way back to the overworld.

Chapter Text

Like the previous world entrances, this one had a sign with a poem, but this time it was on the right. I took a closer look to read it aloud this time, “ With animosity so strong and cruel, going against them’s the worst kind of duel. ” I gaped at that poem then let out a sigh, was that seriously what we’re going into. “It says that like it believes we have a choice.” I groaned sarcastically as I turned towards the entrance to this fourth world. Dart just cringed in disdain, she wasn’t really feeling happy with the message’s semi-hypocrisy either. Putting our shared annoyance aside, we stepped on the warp point, and we were off to see what freaks this next place had to offer.

This section of the world wasn’t too different from the overworld visually. The only main differences were the lack of pipes and the hue of the grass was more of a dark brown than an orange. However, the big thing that set the two apart were the massive rock formations and high platforms all around the place. On our immediate left, there was another sign with bloody writing, similar to the one in the Woodland of Lies. It read, “𐋅𐌄𐌋𐌋𐌉𐌔𐋅 𐋅𐌄𐌉Ᏽ𐋅𐌕𐌔, 𐌀𐌋𐌕𐌉𐌕𐌵𐌃𐌄: ᑳᑳᑳ 𐌊𐌌, 𐌋𐌄𐌀ᕓ𐌄 Ꝋ𐌐 𐌁𐌄 𐌅Ꝋ𐌐𐌂𐌄𐌃 𐌕Ꝋ Ꮤ𐌀𐌕𐌂𐋅 𐌙Ꝋ𐌵𐌐 ᏔꝊ𐌐𐌋𐌃 𐌁𐌵𐌐𐌍! ” I rolled my eyes after reading that and facepalmed, while Dart looked disgusted, crossed her arms, and shook her head.

“You’re not giving us much choice, y’know!?” Dart hollered up to the sky, as if thinking M would even hear or listen to us.

“Forget it, Dart.” I said begrudgingly. “Being snide about his twisted sense of humor isn’t gonna do us any favors. Let’s…just see what these creeps are all about and get this over with.”

She rolled her eyes. “Alright…” she sighed. We walked along the rocky trail straight ahead and made our way to the first level indicator. But weirdly enough, when we tried entering, all we were met with was something akin to a disconnection alert sound. No matter how many times I stepped on it, jumped on it, or said “Let’s-a go!”, the level wouldn’t open. Dart then tapped my shoulder and pointed further down. Apparently there was already another level open for us. However, it quickly became enveloped in a cloud of thick, black, pixelated mist.

“No, that’s not foreboding at all.” Dart said sarcastically. As much as I agreed with that comment, I didn’t say it aloud. I just started walking into the cloud and motioned with my head for her to follow.

It was honestly fairly odd, when we stepped into that fog, it felt like my movements were getting more stiff the further we went in. On top of that, my vision, while still clear, was becoming a weird kind of blurry; almost as if everything around me was getting pixelated. Dart seemed just as confused as I was about these circumstances. But all that soon went out the window as we found the level space. Without wasting any more time, we entered the world to find a completely monochrome, 8-bit world. Not going to lie, it was pretty freaky to have a first person perspective of such a pixelated world. But not compared to who our opponent was here.

Chapter Text

Standing right in front of us was a similarly monochrome Mario with the shade from the brim of his hat covering his eyes. Dart’s eyes lit up at the sight of him, and the surrounding blocks and scenery. “I remember seeing a world like this before.” She said in a low voice. “‘Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins’. I have that game on my 3DS from the eShop.” I was unsure of how to feel about that notion. On the one hand, it was a semi-relief to know that both of us weren’t in the total dark about this one. But on the other, I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that said knowledge would mean very little for this scenario in particular.

“Hello-a there you two.” this Mario, whom I’ll dub MonoMario for now, greeted fairly warmly. I was still hesitant to be automatically friendly with any new face I had to face in this world. He pulled out a microphone from behind his back. “How about-a friendly match?” MonoMario asked with a cheesy smile. I was still suspicious about the guy, but I knew stalling for time was a pointless endeavor here.

“Sure… ‘friendly’…” I muttered, giving him a look that blared “skeptical” like a worn out air horn…

Golden Land

(0:40) “Umm… Jaczura?” Dart asked, tapping my shoulder. She then pointed at MonoMario whose smile was getting wider, as well as one of his eyes becoming visible. But rather than a pixelated square or circle, it was a ring that was unsettlingly realistic compared to the pixelated surroundings. A black substance began leaking from his mouth and wrists as his body elongated and distorted. Suddenly the music began to change from a whimsical piece, one you’d expect from a classic overworld theme, to sounding like something straight out of a fast-paced boss battle. The surrounding scenery took a literal turn for the dark with nothing except Monario being completely visible.

(1:08) Suddenly, I heard a shriek from behind me. I quickly turned back before hearing Dart’s voice again. “Jake! Over here!” she called. Turning back to face him, I saw Dart being suspended in mid-air by two pairs of arms; one pair holding her arms, and the other keeping her legs together. My eyes widened at the sight, but my shock turned to anger as MonoMario was singing his heart out with that demented Cheshire Cat grin.

(1:46) His laughter came ringing out, but it was far from natural. It kept glitching in the most unsettling ways. I wasn’t too sure how I could replicate something like that, but I guess the magic, or maybe hardware, I don’t know, of this world wasn’t in the best condition, because it got fairly staticy when it was my turn too.

(2:14) Feeling my anger boil over with him essentially playing with me, I felt the urge to end this quickly and efficiently.

What that translated to from my mind to my body was me lunging at MonoMario and hooking him square in the jaw at the climax of the beat, then diving towards Dart to free her from those freaky arms. “Bite me, MonoMario.” I yelled as I looked back at him picking himself up.

“That’s-a GB to you, smartass!” he called back, looking ticked. I paid him no mind as I just focused on getting the blazes out of there. Eventually, we were back in that patch of black fog in Hellish Heights, where we were met with a split path that didn’t connect to each other at all. Dart and I stepped out of the patch of mist surrounding GB’s level so we could figure out how to best tackle this.

“Feel free to call me out Dart, but I feel like splitting up would be the best way to go about this.” I suggested, feeling pretty stupid for saying that.

“Oh that’s crazy alright!” Dart retorted. “What if something were to happen to you, and I’m not there for moral support? Or vice versa for that matter?” I clenched my fists together after she asked that. As much of a point as she made, there was this feeling I couldn’t shake off about one of these levels being one I should tackle on my own. When I told her about it, she was stunned. “That has to be that M creep messing with your mind.” she guessed. Another good point, but I knew she wasn’t going to take it so easily.

“Look Dart, I get you’re scared about this idea.” I said, trying to reassure her. “But if I can handle a possessed Peach, a genocidal Mario, and whatever GB was supposed to be, I can handle whatever happens there. Besides, I have full confidence you can survive whatever beast M has on your level.” I placed my hands on her shoulders as I continued. “ I mean, you’ve had it in you to sneak around a haunted mansion, and decapitate a vicious carnivore. If that isn’t proof that you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, or smarter than you think, then I don’t know what does.”

Chapter Text

Dart stared deep into my eyes after I finished my speech, almost as if to see how much substance my words had. She let out a sigh after a while. “Alright, fine.” she conceded. “But please, for the love of all that is good and holy, be careful. I… I don’t want to lose you, not in a place like this.” I took a deep breath at her concern.

“I promise to be careful, but I do hope you do the same too.” I told her. “There’s no telling what these guys might pull to rock one of our cores. But, I know that you can be strong and smart enough to overcome them.” I added in reassurance. Dart gave a small smile before she hugged me, to which I returned it in full. “You take the left path, I’ll go right. We’ll meet back at the faulty level space when we’re done.” I proposed. She gave a determined nod. Just after passing me, she turned her head back to me.

“Good luck, my Jaczura; and again, please be careful.” She said with some worried confidence.

“Right back at you Ashzura, and I wish and hope you the same.” I replied with a finger gun motion before walking on the path I chose for myself. After crossing the bridge, the trail led up to a tall rock wall to climb. Fortunately for me, there seemed to be some easy footholds in it to climb. But then I remembered I had a wing, and that I could probably use this as an opportunity to practice flying; only, I decided against it due to how high we were, and that I could use the exercise. A few minutes, and ear pops, later, I reached the top of the wall. It was honestly impressive with how far I could see from this level of elevation. But I had to shake that marvel out of my head since this was strictly means to get out of here. I quickly made my way to the level space in the center of the wall and entered, not quite fully prepared for what I was to encounter there.

Upon arrival, I found myself in the middle of a dark jail cell illuminated by a single spotlight. Quickly, I scampered to all four sides of the barred walls, trying to see who the warden was, or think of who it could be. It took me a solid three minutes to think about the one creepy, fan-made tall tale that fits this bill perfectly. Almost as if he heard my train of thought, a set of footsteps approached my cell. A humanoid being with light blue skin, orange lips, buck teeth, and a large round nose stepped into the light. He wore an indigo vest with a red necktie, a white shirt with black stripes on the sleeves, dark blue gloves with emerald and gold cuffs, and matching set of pants and dress shoes. On top of his head was a top hat with beady, yellow eyes and a sharp-toothed grin. When he gave me a lookover, his red eyes illuminated like a signal flare.

“DJ Hallyboo… and Tigbop.” I whispered. It was a long while ago since I’ve seen or heard that duo before. A while back, I remember hearing rumors about some versions of Mario Party DS being able to detect if a game was pirated, with DJ and Tigbop acting as the enforcer. Slowly, I gripped my hands around the bars between me and them, tightening them and taking deep breaths to try and calm myself down. Last thing I needed was to be reckless and invoke the wrath of someone who could easily wipe the floor with me.

Hallyboo scratched his chin as he continued to eye me like a hawk. “What say you, boss?” Tigbop bellowed in a deep voice. “His copy was legitimately gotten by family for Easter.”

“That may be true, Tiggy.” Hallyboo agreed, pointing to Tigbop’s brim. “But outside that, he’s FAR from innocent.” I felt my heart skip a beat at that comment. What is it with these guys seeming to know all about me before they even meet me? But there was no sense in denying the truth, there were a few things I did that can and were seen as scummy by the majority of people I knew. Namely, I had an unintentionally nasty habit of tracing official art pieces for my own works; but I’ve never claimed the artwork as my own, just saying that I owned the composition. Besides, ever since I got the ax, I’ve been trying my darndest to kick that habit once and for all, even if it’s harder to break than people let on. I just let out a deep sigh at this song and dance.

“Why bother with the song then?” I asked, trying to sound as calm as possible. “Clearly you know about my past, and how unintentionally awful I can be. So why not just put me out of my misery right here and now?” I flashed the two a look as I gave them that last question. Hallyboo paused and gave a barely audible growl that sounded more like a deep sigh as he tipped Tigbop over his eyes.

“Look kid,” he said in an oddly sincere-sounding tone. “I don’t tolerate criminal activity of any kind. And yes, what you did was wrong, but at least you seem to have the decency to realize that yourself. Any other thief would have made excuse after excuse.” Tigbop perked up with a sly grin.

“Consider your encounter with us a… test of resolve. See if you can prove to us that you do feel remorse for your actions and want to change.” the living hat proposed. I heaved a sigh at that notion, feeling that trying to convince them of all people was a universal longshot. But I eventually conceded to the terms, not only because I don’t have a choice, but because there was a tiny part of me that said if I could have them believe me, it could be easy to have others trust me too; even if it’s an enormous “could be”.

“Alright,” I muttered. “Not like I have much to lose.” That comment made Hallyboo light up like a Christmas tree.

“Well then, let’s get this ‘party’ started!” he exclaimed. “Tigbop, get ready!”

“Way ahead of you boss!” Tigbop said cheerfully…

NO PARTY

(0:07) Suddenly, Tigbop closed and puffed up his mouth and spat out a piece of paper and a blue ink pen. On the sheet, it had the word “ tracer ” in a faded, basic font. I wasn’t entirely sure how to approach this, but my first instinct was to write the word in the same font as fast as I could. It was tricky, especially since it felt like the pen was fighting me at times, trying to go outside the lines.

(0:18) I had just finished drawing in the second r when the paper suddenly shot out from my hand and back to Tigbop. “50%, not too bad. Five more to go.” he bellowed before his mouth puffed up again.

(0:22) Another sheet of paper came out at me, this time reading “ crook ”. Not wasting time, I wrote in the letters as fast as I could before it was my turn to sing.

(0:32) “54%, getting somewhere… Four are left.” Tigbop said with a teasing expression. I just shot a mildly irritated expression his way as I sang.

(0:38) The third piece of paper was spat out, reading “ sinner ”. I could feel myself getting into the swing of things with this writing challenge, but I wasn’t about to get cocky just yet.

(0:47) “61%, so close yet so far… Halfway there.” Tigbop sarcastically cheered. I mentally rolled my eyes as I tried to maintain focus on the song.

(1:01) Paper number four, “ I’m sorry ”. Suddenly, the pen shot out from my hand and started randomly scribbling over the sheet. It took me a few seconds to catch it and finish the phrase to the best of my ability.

(1:09) “49%, check your calibration. Two papers remaining.” Tigbop sneered. I groaned a bit before singing again. This was some enchanted pen on paper, not a stylus on a touch screen.

(1:16) The fifth paper had the term “ cease ”. I did my best to make the pen work with me to write it as fast as I could. But even then, it would slip out of my hand when I was singing and start randomly scribbling and dotting again.

(1:34) “59%, nice recovery. One paper left.” I heard Tigbop call out, but I wasn’t fully listening. This whole debacle made me think back on all the people I’ve unintentionally hurt through my actions, and I could feel that regret carrying over to my voice. Even Hallyboo seemed a little surprised.

(1:49) Out of nowhere, the music blared even louder, shocking me out of my negatively reminiscing state. Hallyboo and Tigbop just looked as cheery as ever, but I knew they were about to metaphorically gut me if I didn’t completely ace whatever paper comes next.

(1:57) Tigbop spat out the last sheet of paper before the lights went dark, with only the spotlight above me as the only thing not making it pitch black. The final paper had only one long word on it, “ plagiarist ”. I swallowed hard at the sight. Determined to ace this last hurdle, I tightened my grip on the pen and wrote as carefully and quickly as I could.

Surprisingly the pen didn’t try and lead me astray this time. I was about ready to breathe a sigh of relief, but I didn’t want it to jinx myself.

(2:21) I crossed my fingers as the room brightened up and the paper flew back to Tigbop. “80%, what a bounceback!” he cheered. I wasn’t holding my breath yet, but I was semi-relieved to hear such a high score.

As soon as the song was over, the sound of a coach’s whistle pierced my eardrums. I flinched a bit, semi-covering my ears on instinct. But then I got a good look at the hosting duo, who seemed to be, by some miracle, genuinely impressed with my penmanship. Enough to warrant a slow clap from the DJ himself. “Well how about that, folks?” he asked what I could only assume was some sort of imaginary audience of some kind. “One of these crooks has actually proven themselves willing and capable of bettering themselves!” As soon as he finished, the jail bars surrounding me sank into the floor and the room flashed to life with colorful lights, confetti, and even various Mario side-characters and enemies cheering and applauding in distant stands.

“There’s some real potential in this one, folks!” Hallyboo continued. “But as we all know, piracy…” he paused as he put a hand to a nonexistent ear.

“Is no party!” the crowd shouted.

“Trust me, DJ,” I said, walking out of the space where the jail box was. “I know better than to pull something like that.” But then gears started turning in my head about this chance encounter. “But now that my mind is on it, is it alright to ask an odd favor of you? Apologies in advance if it’s not something you’re comfy doing.” I asked. Hallyboo and Tigbop looked at each other for a brief moment, with DJ shrugging and the hat tilting from side to side.

“Whatcha got in mind kid?” Hallyboo asked, tilting his head in a cautiously curious manner. Tigbop gave me a questioning look as well. I took a deep breath before asking the favor.

“I’ve always admired the creativity of the boards in Mario Party DS. So much so, that I want to try my hand at remastering them. Unfortunately, no resource I’ve found has the board models to ensure I have an accurate recreation of them. So, how about this: If you can send me the models however you can, I’ll return the favor any way you see fit.” I offered, extending my hand. Hallyboo and Tigbop gave me a strange look before seeming deep in thought about my offer. There was even some whispering going on in the audience about my proposal.

“Let him cook! Let him cook!” a voice started chanting. That surprised me for a bit, but eventually the whole audience started to join in. This just caused the two to think even harder about this.

“Ah, what the heck.” Hallyboo shrugged. “Just include me and Tiggy, and we’ll call it good!” He triumphantly yelled, reaching my hand and shaking it. But then out of nowhere, an alarm sounded seemingly originating from his other cuff. He glanced at it as if it were a watch. “Oh, would you look at the time!” he said, putting a hand on Tigbop’s brim. “You’d better skedaddle, kiddo. Best of luck with that remaster, and even more so that people will understand how sorry you truly are.” He patted me on the back as he said that last bit.

“Thanks for the encouragement, DJ. I’ll catch you on the flipside!” I said with a grin, a thumbs up, a wink, and an imaginary tip of the hat before heading for the exit.

Chapter Text

After exiting the level, I headed back to the uncooperative level space to wait on Dart like we had agreed. Once it felt like half an hour passed, I was starting to get pretty nervous about what she might be facing. Thankfully, I saw her approaching a few minutes after that, and quite quickly at that. “Dart! Oh, thank goodness you-” I began, but she immediately cut me off by kissing me straight on the lips. This action completely startled me, even though I did hug her back, that was just a means to try and get her off of me. When I broke out of the kiss, I ended up waving my outstretched hands in shock. “Woah woah, okay, I get it! I was worried about you too, but maybe warn or ask me if you want to kiss me next time?” I said quickly, trying to get over my stunned state.

“I-I’m sorry, I-I was just worried that you didn’t make it!” she stammered, panickedly. “P-Plus, after the opponent I faced, I felt like I needed some comfort and I didn’t know how else to react-”

“Hey, i-it’s okay, I get it!” I said, placing a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down. But then I noticed she had something in her hand. A red, glowing cube no bigger than a bar coaster. “Where’d you get that?” I asked, pointing to it. Dart let out a groan of exhaustion.

“The nightmare that was my opponent.” she grumbled. I cringed at the way she phrased it, was her opponent really that bad?

“Why don’t you tell me about it?” I asked, sitting down. I patted the ground next to me as an offer for her to join me, which she did with a sigh.

“Well, when we split up, and I entered the level on my side,” she began, “I found myself lying down in a crimson, underground landscape. I was wondering why I was red and black as well, but I remembered the Virtual Boy. The console everyone hated, and other people considered it worse than the Sega Saturn. One even offhandedly said it didn't even outsell Maine.” My eyes widened in shock and amusement at that statement, but I allowed her to continue. “Anyway, in front of me, there was a red, obese figure with a V on his hat. At first, I didn't know what the V stood for, I thought it meant names like Vector, Valentino, or Vincent. I stood up and yelled, 'Hey Vector! Where am I!?', but he didn't take kindly to being called something else.

“The large red man gave a mean look as he said with a scowl, ‘How dare you call me the name of a crocodile! I am Mr. Virtual! Master of VR! And you made a mistake with that insult, boy!’

“‘I’m a girl!’, I retorted. 

“‘Whatever, now face me you brat!’ he scoffed…

PARANOIA

(0:12) “We began singing in unison, but I couldn’t help but wonder what lied beyond the chippy, 8-bit beat of the song as I sang along to in order to secure a victory.

(0:23) “Mr. Virtual was a tricky fella, and it took all of my brain power to memorize his moves.” she added before she took a breathing break. Not that I blame her, speaking a story this lengthy would dry up anyone’s throat.

(1:03) “Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a distorted-looking Koopa Troopa and a crab, and I figured maybe that I could take advantage of these new guys. But before I could, I realized I didn’t have my grappling cable with me. Plus, I may have skill with yoga, it still pales in comparison to those that score Olympic gold at Long Jump; so jumping over there wasn't the best idea either. Even if I did, Mr. Virtual could catch up because of those Waluigi-esque legs. I thought he could make some serious jumps with them, so I decided it'd be best to leave the enemies alone and focus on the battle.

(1:41) “‘What's the matter, girl?’ Virtual suddenly asked, outstretching his arm to the side. ‘You don't even recognize your own friends?’ I looked to the right to see red, demonic versions of a girl in a dress with a bow on her hair and some eyeliner and a guy that had glasses with hair that was now a crimson color as they sing a horrific duet.

I ended up screaming so loud that I was sure you’d hear it from your level.” she mentioned, pointing to me. I just shrugged.

“Well, I didn’t.” I admitted. “But please, do continue.” Dart nodded as she cleared her throat.

(2:03) “The battle against two shadows of my past took a lot out of me initially. But she remembered your words. ‘I mean, you’ve had it in you to sneak around a haunted mansion, and decapitate a vicious carnivore. If that isn’t proof that you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, or smarter than you think, then I don’t know what does.’ So I pressed on and faced my fears.

(2:22) “The duo eventually formed back to Mr. Virtual, to which I realized it was one of his tricks. Enraged at that emotionally cheap shot, I pressed on as the world was getting darker and grimmer.

(3:28) “Let me tell you, that battle was harder than a 2 dollar steak with a side of heavy Acme-brand lard. It was all kinds of hell, something I don't plan on seeing or doing again.” I nodded in response, making a mental note of another level to keep distance from.

“By the song’s end, Mr. Virtual was livid I survived, and acted like a mad streamer when they lost hundreds of dollars on those icky gambling sites. In his rage, he lunged at me at full force in an attempt to kill me. Thinking fast and acting faster, I used the Dehydration setting on my arm out of survival instinct. So yeah, Mr. Virtual is this cube now.” she said before taking another break. “In the distance, I then heard a distorted version of the game over theme from the Mario games. Out of nowhere, all the color returned to the surroundings and a warp pipe appeared right in front of me, which proved to be the signal that I can now exit the level.” She took a sigh of relief as she wiped some sweat off her forehead with her free hand.

“Whew, that sounds like all kinds of messed up.” I replied after hearing all of that. “I honestly don’t blame you for being so open to the point of kissing me. But it still feels pretty crazy, even though I know this is the only time that happened.” Dart just gave a sweet smile as she stood up. Then she started winding up her hand with the cubed Virtual before chucking it off the cliffside.

“So is that drop.” she said, semi-out of breath. “Best we watch our step from now on.” she added in an advising tone. I nodded in agreement. “But there was another level ahead of his that unlocked when I left. Wanna check it out?”

“Sure, why not?” I agreed with a shrug.

Chapter Text

I followed Dart along the left path, which continued from the level she just exited to a rock platform with a ladder. ‘And my platform didn’t have one, why?’ I wondered. But when we reached the top of the pillar, there was already someone there. A strong-looking man with lavender skin, gray hair with bangs forming the shape of horns, and a black leather suit with the top exposing his midsection and chest hair laid in a beaten heap on top of the level space. “What the… Daddy Dearest?” I thought aloud, reaching a hand out to the body. At first, I thought he would flinch away from me, but he just stayed perfectly still as I straightened out his body.

“Yeesh… whatever happened in that level must have REALLY put him through the wringer.” I commented, checking his neck for a pulse. There was one, but it was pretty slow by normal standards. Dart put a hand to her chin for a while, but then lit up with a bright smile.

“I think I know a way to see what happened. Step back a bit.” she instructed, motioning me to keep my distance. She then knelt down beside DD, took a deep breath, and started chanting something in a language I’ve never heard before. “ Sho fum ni al kump...Sho fum ni al kump… ” I raised an eyebrow at this ordeal, but I had a hunch that interrupting her concentration and, by extension, this spell, would lead to something not so pretty. So I just let her do her thing as she kept chanting and hovering her arms over his body. “ Sho fum ni al kump…Sho fum ni al kump… O shai lum moo moo... show us what happened to this troubled soul, reveal it to us now in full. ” 

Gradually, a strange aura started forming around DD that began expanding outwards towards us. Dart soon stopped chanting and collapsed to one side in a similar fashion to him. “Dart? Are you alright?” I asked, starting to feel a little woozy. I was about to approach her, but my body acted like I haven’t slept for a week straight, weighing me down to the ground. As soon as my head fell down, I was out like a light that just reached the end of its timer. Soon enough, everything went black.

“Jac-… Jaczura… Jake, wake up!” a voice called out faintly. It took my eyelids a bit to find the strength to fully open, and my body a little more to get up. I shook my head to try and get that tired feeling out of me.

“Whuh… What was that? Shofu kump moo- huh?” I babbled, rubbing my head. The entire place I was awakening to was completely black, with nothing too visible except myself. But even then, for some weird reason, I was just a giant, white outline. But then I felt a tapping on my shoulder.

“Jake?” the voice called again. I looked back, and jumped with a start. Dart was right behind me, and she too was just a white outline.

“Wha- What kind of zen voodoo was that?” I asked, confused. Dart just rolled her eyes in a playful manner.

“It’s a tribal chant I came up with with a classmate for an assignment.” she explained. I just blinked in confused astonishment. What kind of class required you to make your own mystic chant? Bootleg Beauxbatons’ with Peter Pan? Before I could even properly ask about the specifics, Dart grabbed my hand and started running. “His memories should be over here, come on!” she said, letting go and motioning me to follow. After a couple minutes of running, we came across some sort of portal that resembled a static TV screen.

“Three guesses on where that leads, the first two don’t count.” I mentioned sarcastically. I had a strong feeling that this is our ticket to seeing what went down on that level. Dart just playfully rolled her eyes again and nodded in affirmation before she dove straight into the portal. I took a deep breath and jumped right in behind her. On the other end, we found ourselves in the middle of what I would consider a moderately average living room. Right in front of us, it looked like Pico and Daddy Dearest were in the middle of a heated conversation. I carefully moved closer so I could listen in a little better, with Dart close behind.

“Let me get this straight, Pico.” Dearest said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “My daughter and that blue midget are in that TV, and they are now dead by the hands of some twisted version of Mario called ‘M’, who did it as revenge against me trapping him some-odd years ago?” He asked with a hint of agitation.

Pico nodded. “Trust me, if I could’ve killed that asshole, I definitely would’ve; but he ended up booting me out before I could get the chance to try and save his current victim.” He certainly sounded confident with that statement, but he, Dart and I knew that he was lying. “I figured I’d tell you about it since, well, she’s your daughter, and you’re the one he’s apparently got some damn beef with. You’d be best suited to finishing the job since it seems to have gotten personal.”

Dearest gave a snarl as his eyes glowed a nasty shade of red in Pico’s direction. But then he gave a deep sigh in agitated contempt. “Fine…” he hissed. “But when I get back, you’d better run.” DD stare became daggers as he made his way to the TV, never breaking contact from Pico until he knelt down in front of it. “Want something done right…” He grumbled. But before he could finish the thought, M’s hand and voice cut him off.

“Finish it yourself!” M yelled before he yanked Dearest into the screen. Pico just stared in shock for a few minutes before M’s hand came out again and did a shoo-ing motion. Pico snapped out of it and booked it to the front door, slamming it shut behind him. At that moment, the whole room started to glitch out.

“Wh-What now? Do we follow him into the TV or-?” I began to ask before the entire place went pitch black.

“Don’t worry, this is natural for memory viewings.” Dart reassured me, but it did very little for my nerves since memory dives like these are completely foreign to me. Once things came back into some sort of view, DD was lying unconscious on top of a white car with some blood on the side window. It appeared to be on a gated road in the middle of a forest with dead trees for miles. A little ways in front of the car stood a strange-looking Luigi facing away from it. Soon enough, Dearest got up from his daze and rubbed his head, which now had a bleeding bruise close to his forehead. As soon as he noticed Luigi, his face went from confused to sullen.

“That motherfucker…” he mumbled before Luigi began to sing…

OVERDUE

(0:05) DD began singing with some hesitancy in his voice, almost as if he knew as well as we did that this “Luigi” was not to be trusted with a pole of any length.

(0:41) In a flash, “Luigi” turned around, becoming more gangly, taller, and more demented looking with a sadistic red gleam in his eyes as he cackled maniacally.

“The Hell am I looking at?!” Dearest asked in shock.

(0:57) Daddy Dearest tried to use some of his demonic powers in a variety of ways: quickly outstretching his hand for a spell, widening his eyes for what I could only assume were lasers, even swiping his hands with his fingers curled like claws. But nothing he did had any effects at all.

(1:06) Frantically, he looked all around him for something he could use. But then he saw something on his right and immediately bent to pick it up as Luigi, who I’ll call Lanky L for now, was singing.

(1:23) “Die like a bitch!” Dearest shrieked as he pointed the gun at L and fired. Unfortunately for him, L went semi-transparent in a split second, which made the bullet miss entirely. That really got under DD’s skin as he tried firing again and again at different parts of Lanky’s body. But it was the same song and dance as before.

(2:25) Out of nowhere, an enormous set of teeth enclosed around us, making me jump a bit in surprise. When they opened again, I could only describe the scenery as meaty in the most grotesque way possible. Dearest and L were now standing in the middle of a human-esque maw with a blue eyeball suspended by what I assumed was a wall made of gums and torn muscles. It took a lot of willpower to keep myself from hurling.

(2:56) Subtly, as DD was singing, a ghostly form of Mario appeared next to him, but he was nothing like the one from that Luigi’s Mansion level. Aside from not being in a picture frame, obviously, he looked seriously mangled and brutally injured with most of the flesh missing from one arm. Ghostly Mario soon began joining in the singing as well, but DD seemed too laser-focused on L to notice.

(3:07) As the two eventually sang in unison, the whole scenery gradually changed from a flesh-coated landscape to one composed entirely of dark gray bricks that seemed to form a hallway of some kind.

(3:30) Dearest tried firing once again in frustration, only to find out that he ran out of bullets. Lanky then gave another maniacal laugh at this tide of misfortune as the Mario ghost faded away like shredded paper on the wind. “Alright, fuck this shit!” Dearest declared as he threw the gun down and started to make a run for it. But as he was sprinting, L had somehow multiplied himself a seemingly infinite amount of times, forming a lengthy barrier that kept DD from running anywhere but forward. All the while, L kept singing and doing a series of taunting poses.

(4:19) Surprisingly, the copies of Lanky L had completely faded from view. Dearest seemed to notice it too, as he found it in himself to scream “Bastard!” as he continued to book it. But he may have spoken too soon, as he collided right into L a split second after he finished saying that insult.

“Too Late, Daddy Dearest.” L sneered with a twisted grin. Suddenly, his copies reappeared and completely boxed him in. There must have been at least a million of them before they started piling in on him.

“MAAAaaaaaaugh!!!” Dearest screamed in anger and pain, but he was quickly drowned out by the flurry of attacks and distortion effects happening all at once. In fact, it was getting hard to see with all that was going on. When I tried squinting a bit to see if I could get a better view, Dart suddenly grabbed me by the wrist and started dragging me away from the action. Eventually I turned myself around and tried to keep up.

“What’s happening now?” I asked. “And are you sure the exit, if there is one, is this way?”

“Trust me, I know there is one.” Dart declared. “It’s got to be around… there!” She pointed to a portal similar to the one we entered to get back, only this time, it showed our limp bodies on top of the stone pillar we climbed. She ran faster towards it and jumped right in, with me not far behind.

Chapter Text

I found myself getting up with a start, clutching my heart and panting hard. Dart came up to my side and tried to help me calm down. “Hey, hey, it’s alright. You made it.” She said soothingly, softly rubbing my back. Still a little shaken, I took a glance at the level space to see how Dearest was doing. To my shock, he was gone. Subtly, I pointed to where he used to be, and Dart was also surprised by his sudden absence. “Wait, where’d he go?” she asked, confused.

“Beats the heck out of me.” I said, getting myself up and dusting the grass and rock off my clothes. “But I have a strong feeling that M might’ve taken him away for his own vengeful satisfaction.” Dart thought on that for a bit before tilting her head from side to side in agreement. Trying to shake the thought of what M was going to do out of my mind, I took a look around the world from where we were to see if anything was unlocked. Sure enough, there was a large, brown fortress now in view in front of the black fog cloud. Dart and I shared a nervous glance before making our way down to see what it was all about.

Dart clutched my hand tightly before we entered the fortress doors. One glance and I knew that she was feeling extra nervous about what awaited us in this level. I took a deep breath and gave her a confident yet stern look. “Dart, no matter what happens here, or anywhere else, I will ensure that you’re safe.” I said, trying to return the favor for her keeping my earlier panic attack at bay. But it seems I wasn’t all that helpful in that regard.

“That’s what I’m worried about, my Jaczura.” she replied nervously. “That you’ll end up doing something that will end up with you getting killed!” Dart pulled me in close for a hug, to which I returned the best I could. “Just please, please be careful.” I heard her mutter.

“I promise to try,” I reassured, but Dart still seemed hesitant. Seeming there was little else we could say to calm our collective nerves, we made our way in, with the doors slamming right behind us.

After a few footsteps, a pair of spotlights began shining down. One on me and Dart, and the other on what I could only describe as the original 8-bit Mario brought into a high definition remake. At least, that’s what his color palette said to me: red overalls and hat; yellowish skin; and muddy green boots, shirt, and blank eyes in that same green. It was really unsettling to see in person, and Dart somewhat hiding behind me showed that she had a similar mentality. “Come on, let’s-a go!” Mario cheered, but his voice sounded super distorted. I nervously gulped before I tried calming myself down enough to focus on the upcoming fight…

POWERDOWN

(0:45) Suddenly, the spotlights dimmed down. Then, Mario broke out into the loudest, most hysterical laughter I’ve heard this whole adventure as I faintly saw him grow at least four times his original height. The surrounding lighting then brightened to reveal that his colors all changed to darker shades of red everywhere except his skin, which went extremely pale. He also now sported an enormous, cheshire cat grin that would scare just about anyone.

Speaking of surroundings, it was quite the far cry from what the original Mario game was like. The fortress behind me was destroyed and bloody, as was the flagpole. A similarly colored version of Luigi laid dead with his head on a pike which propped his body upright, and what was once a Toad was cut violently in half with guts spilling everywhere. In the distance, a hill sported a single, realistic eye, and the most demented-looking living cloud was cackling like a hyena. All of this was enough to make my stomach do a somersault, and Dart immediately ran to the side to keep her distance.

(1:13) The giant Mario then jumped and stomped down as hard as he could. This caused me to nearly lose my balance and lose track of the song.

(1:21) He tried to do it again, but this time, I reacted by jumping as soon as he was about to slam down. Dart just clung to what remained of the flagpole to keep her balance. This tactic kept up surprisingly well for every subsequent tremor attempt.

(2:30) After this gigantic Mario made another ground slam, I noticed the music going oddly quiet. I still kept my guard up in case he tried anything funny.

(2:48) If it was even possible, “Mario” just grinned wider as he said something extra creepy. “Innocence doesn’t get you far.” he bellowed, looking right at me. Suddenly, he lunged a giant hand towards me before I could even react. 

(2:50) Looking me dead in the eye, he tightened his grip so hard that it felt like I was going through a car compactor. While I don’t exactly know what happened next, from what Dart told me after this, my head completely popped off like a cork on a shaken champagne bottle. When he threw my corpse off to the side, the Power Star I kept in my pocket flew out and landed near Dart. Entirely on instinct, she quickly yet frightenedly made her way to where I was, finished the song in my stead, and picked up the fallen star.

I felt my body jolt up in shock. I looked all around, but all I could see was inky blackness for miles upon miles. “Dart? Dartzura?!” I called out. But all I could hear was my own voice echoing throughout the place, if it even was one. I tried calling out again despite nerves being shot left and right. “Hello? Anyone here?” I called again, this time a little louder. “Literally anyone?!” I was starting to get equal parts scared and annoyed by this turn of events. Eventually, I found myself wandering aimlessly to see if there was anyone or anything to be found here, calling out again every now and then to see if they could hear me at all.

After what felt like hours on end, I saw a figure in the distance surrounded by a white, red, and black light source. Eager for some kind of answer, I sprinted towards their position. When I was about fifteen feet away, the figure turned to my direction; and I saw a very familiar hat and mustache with a strange, bug-eyed expression. The realization made me screech to a halt and take a step back. “Wait… M? What are you doing here?” I asked. “Better yet, where IS here?” It was hard to get a read on M’s face when he just stared at me; it was like a mix of surprise, shock, anger, and confusement. In the end, he just let out a sigh in contemptment.

“That-a wasn’t supposed to happen.” he hissed. “Nor should-a you even be here.” M let out a low growl as he clenched his fists. “I’ll-a be talking with-a MX about-a this. Blood-lustful, titanic tubba blubba…” was all I could hear him mutter before my mind trailed off. What was that MX character supposed to do then? Kill Dart? Do nothing? And the question of where I was was still unanswered. I let out a sigh of my own as I dragged a hand down my face.

“Well, what WAS supposed to happen? And you still haven’t answered where this place is either, on top of why I’m getting such a weird, preferential treatment for someone that has zero connection to you whatsoever.” I began to rant. But I stopped myself before I let my anger and confusion get out of control, the last thing I needed was to anger an omniscient serial killer any further than he is now.

M just let out a sigh. “That-a girl friend of-a yours was supposed to die by-a MX’s hand. But he told-a me that he knew this-a song and dance before, and wanted to take you on himself.” he explained. “Of-a course, he won, but could that cocky bastard stick to the script just-a once?!” M slammed a table-like structure in front of him with his fist as he finished that thought, then let out a deep breath. “No matter,” he continued. “Two can-a play that game, and I could use this change to my advantage. Your friend just needs-a motivation.” M turned back to me with an evil smile. “And you know what they say, ‘fight fire with fire’.” he let out a chuckle as he finished that thought.

Chapter Text

M stepped aside, showing a large, old-fashioned looking display screen. On it, I could see Dart on her knees, crying and shaking in front of my decapitated head. Knowing full well that she couldn’t hear me, I just gently put my hand on the screen where her shoulder was and let out a sigh. “Don’t-a blame yourself, kid.” M said flatly, reaching a hand for my shoulder. I rolled my eyes at that comment and pulled away. The last thing I needed right now was someone’s half-assed pity, let alone from someone who was so intent on killing me before and now has a questionable fascination with me with intentions becoming even moreso.

M just let out an oddly disheartened sigh before he snapped his fingers. Up on screen, I saw a Fire Flower blinking into existence over Dart’s head before it landed graciously on her head. Everything seemed to click into place when she seemed to hear the classic power-up sound effect…

DEMISE

(0:01) Dart took a glance at herself, noticing the change in colors suited for someone with a fire-based power-up. Then she shot MX, who was still looming over her and giving a sadistic, cheshire cat smile, the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen. Almost as if she was angry enough to disembowel and mutilate him without any assistance whatsoever.

(0:07) Suddenly, there was a simple prompt flashing rapidly above MX’s head as he gave a distorted laugh. “RUN!” Dart looked extra angry at the command since she wanted to fight, not take flight. But when MX began charging towards her faster than a bullet train, Dart quickly made sure there was some distance between herself and him.

(0:20) Even though she was running and singing her heart out, she still had the energy to not only throw multiple rounds of fireballs at him, but a solid majority actually landed on him. However, the fireballs don’t seem to affect MX that much; the most a few of them did seemed to mildly irritate him.

(1:05) MX let out a distorted chuckle as the chase continued, making Dart cover her ears slightly. But that did nothing to shake off their stamina.

(2:02) Suddenly, the chase took them completely underground. A dark blue hue saturated the whole scene. Despite all this, Dart continued to hurl fireball after fireball at MX, who seemed to actually grow frustrated at her attempts to actively slow him down. This was made especially evident when he looked as though he was starting to pick up speed.

(2:23) Dart appeared to quickly notice this, as she took a break from throwing fire to try and gain some distance. Surprisingly, MX’s giant smile was turning into the biggest snarl I’d seen yet. “GET BACK HERE!!!” he screamed, reaching out to try and snatch her.

(2:55) The chase eventually brought them back to the surface of the level, to which MX gave an even crazier-sounding laugh than before, if that was even possible, as he was gaining on Dart again. “I GOT YOU NOW!” he exclaimed. But then Dart let out a scream of her own, and I quickly saw why: she was running over, and eventually into, a giant bottomless pit!

(2:58) Right behind me, I heard M snap his fingers again. When I looked back at the screen, Dart was standing on top of a Lakitu cloud that was carrying her to the other side. On the other hand, I could hear MX screaming too as he plummeted down. Even the crash to the bottom, if there was one, was audible.

(3:05) “Thank fuck…” Dart panted as she got to the other side. “I’m saf-” before she could finish that thought, MX leaped back out from the depths of the pit, laughing louder than ever. “FUCK ME CLOCKWISE!” she exclaimed as she went back to sprinting away. This time, she was just singing and throwing fireballs wildly, just wanting the big lug to leave her alone.

(3:20) Dart’s eyes then lit up after she squinted to look up ahead. Then I noticed what it was that got her excited, a single green pipe just a few meters ahead.

(3:28) In what appeared to be a last ditch effort on both fronts, Dart made a dive straight for the pipe while MX lunged for her. But I knew deep down, only one was going to succeed.

(3:30) By a stroke of luck, Dart managed to make it into the pipe, if the sound effect was any indication. On the other hand, MX just slid on his stomach right up to where his nose was level with the pipe. 

MX just let out a low growl at his failed attempt to kill Dart. That is, until M snapped his fingers one more time, which surprisingly caused a large stream of fire coming from the pipe to completely torch MX’s face. After staring at it for a few seconds in what I can only assume was disbelief, he just slowly stood up and let out a scream so loud, it sounded like he was actually in the room with me, yelling into a cheap microphone connected to speakers on the highest setting. I had to cover my ears as tightly as I could, because it felt like I’d go deaf if I didn’t; though M just stared nonchalantly at MX’s situation.

“Let-a this be a lesson, X.” M said with a sneer. In an instant, MX stopped screaming and started frantically looking around, trying to find him. “Next time, stick to the script.” he added, his voice went extra demonic-sounding when he made that threat. Soon enough, the screen went black for a few seconds, to which M toggled with some things on the desk just below it. Soon it flickered back into some amount of color, showing a very visibly shaken Dart emerging from a pipe coming out of the highest peak in Hellish Heights, the fire power-up seeming to have worn off. I was half-tempted to just bust out of whatever room this was and just make my way back to the overworld, but some twisted part of me wanted to ask before I did so.

“Hey M, permission to go back to the Overworld?” I asked, trying to hide my anxiety. He just turned to me with a look that seemed to be a mix of disbelief and smugness.

“Why don’t you stay a bit?” He asked with an eerie grin. “The way I see it, you have-a done more than enough to-a prove your worth.” I silently gulped at that notion, but let him continue. “Consider this change of plans an…evaluation of her drive." But then, M and I saw something that… wasn't like Dart.

She began violently crying, grovelling on her knees. "It's not fair.” She muttered. “Why do I keep losing everything that I love? Why did that freak had to kill the only one that understands? No... I want him back ..." Suddenly she unleashed a bloodcurdling scream to the heavens. "I WANT HIM BACK!!!" The next moment, she did something I never expected her to do. She began punching herself on the face, over and over again. The green markings on her face being mercilessly blended with blue and purple bruises.

M was mostly confused with a hint of concern at this change of behavior. "Did… did she-a always do-a this?" he asked. 

I gape at the sight. “N-No, she never mentioned this before.” I muttered in a barely audible manner, still gazing in shock at the scene unfolding before me. “We’ve only ever met online. But… I don’t blame her for keeping this secret.” As she continued to hurt herself, I felt a whirlwind of fear, sadness, and a touch of empathy building up, which led me to blurting out a plea of my own.

"Please... Dart… stop.” I could feel my knuckles going white as my emotions boiled over. “ASHLEY! I'M BEGGING YOU TO STOP!!!" I screamed. I was about to go ham on the dashboard in front of me to see if there was an intercom-like system here, but M grabbed me by the wrist and yanked me away. 

“It’s-a almost tempting to bring you back,” he admitted.”But, unfortunately, you’ve already lost. However, this-a is the perfect angle to see her push herself to be-a more brave."