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HUMANS ARE WEIRD, BY KARKAT VANTAS
HUMANS ARE WEIRD, THAT MUCH IS APPARENT.
SO MUCH SO THAT I FELT THE NEED TO WRITE A SHORT ESSAY ABOUT THEM, A MONUMENT TO HOW WEIRD THEY ARE.
AS AN ALTERNIAN TROLL, HUMANS TO ME ARE LIKE A MASH UP OF SOME GOOD THING AND SOME BAD THINGS (MOSTLY BAD THOUGH)
LETS START WITH THE BAD, HUMANS ARE VERY SOCIAL CREATURES AND STRIVE TO PLEASE THEIR PEERS, THIS MEANS THAT HUMANS (ESPECIALLY THE NICE ONES) ARE VERY EASY TO MANIPULATE. A HUMANS GREATEST FEAR ISN'T DROWNING OR HEIGHTS OR EXTINCTION, IT'S LONELINESS, HAVING NO ONE ELSE ALONG FOR THE RIDE FOR HUMANS IS WORSE THAN HAVING YOUR HEAD SHOVED INTO A MEAT GRINDER. ALSO THEIR FEAR IS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT THEIR UNDOING, FEAR THAT SOME ONE'S GONNA HURT YOU WILL PUSH EVERY ONE AWAY, AND YOU'RE LEFT ALL ALONE. SURE, TROLLS ARE SOMEWHAT SIMILAR, BUT HUMANS PUSH THE SLIDER ALL THE WAY TO THE MAX. BUT THEY DO HAVE SOME GOOD, SUCH AS THE INHERENT SYMPATHY FOR THEIR FELLOW HUMANS. ALSO HOBBIES, THEY FEEL THE NEED TO DO SOMETHING SO THEY DONT GO INSANE, WHICH COULD BE A FLAW, BUT I SEE AS MORE OF A PRO THAN A CON. THINGS LIKE SEWING, INSTRUMENT PLAYING, OR EVEN AIRSOFT, FUCKING AIRSOFT!!! THEY SIMULATE BRUTAL, SHELL SHOCKING MILITARY COMBAT FOR FUN!!! THEY'RE NOT ONLY WEIRD BUT FUCKING BRUTAL TOO!!
BUT NO MATTER HOW BRUTAL HUMANS ARE, THEIR ALSO KINDA CUTE TOO I GUESS, THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING OBSESSED WITH ENTERTAINMENT. IN THEIR TIME HERE, ALL FOUR OF THE HUMANS THAT ARE STAYING WITH US (JOHN, DAVE, ROSE, AND JADE) HAVE THEIR OWN PIECES OF ENTERTAINMENT THAT THEY OBSESS OVER. JADE HAS HER MAGICAL HUMAN FEMALE MANGAS, JOHN HAS HIS NICK CAGE MOVIES, ROSE HAS HER LORD OFF THE RINGS AND H.P. LOVECRAFT, BUT DAVE HAS SOME... WEIRD THING. FOR ONE THERES A LOT OF THINGS HE HAS, BUT ONE OF THEM THAT HE KEEPS MAKING ME ENJOY WITH HIM IS THIS ONE EARTH SHOW CALLED KING OF THE HILL. THERES A LOT MORE THAT HE TRYS TO EDUCATE ME ON SUCH AS MELLON COLLIE AND THE INFINITE SADNESS, JOHNNY CASH, NINJA SEX PARTY, SO ON AND SO FORTH, BUT KING OF THE HILL IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES FOR SOME REASON. IT PUTS SO MUCH INTO PERSPECTIVE ABOUT HUMANS FOR ME, ALL THEIR INSECURITIES AND POLITICS, I THINK ONE REASON DAVE LIKES IT SO MUCH (OTHER THAN ALSO BEING FROM TEXAS) IS THAT HE RELATES MORE TO HANK THAN HE REALIZES, IN THE SHOW, HANK STRUGGLES WITH FRAGILE MASCULINITY, IN FACT ITS THE MAIN REASON FOR %90 OF THE A PLOTS, BUT BY THE END OF THE EPISODE, HE OVER COMES THE INSECURITY AND EITHER HELPS HIS FRIENDS OR HIS FAMILY, AND THAT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING DAVE WOULD DO, BEHIND THE COOL IRONIC GUY THING, HE GENUINELY CARES ABOUT HIS FRIENDS. THE SHOW ALSO SHOWS TO ME THE HUMAN'S DUMB POLITICAL ISSUES SUCH AS THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY AND THE SHIT THEY GO THROUGH, IF THIS SHOW WERE MADE BY TROLLS, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A RETROSPECTIVE ABOUT HOW DUMB HUMANS ARE, WITH ONE HUMANS WHO CAN FORM AN ACTUAL THOUGHT EVERY NOW AND THEN ALONG THE LINES OF "DuUhHhHh, MaYbE gAy PeOpLe ArNt So BaD" BUT ITS MADE BY HUMANS AND IS SELF AWARE, IT KNOWS THAT POLITICS ARE FUCKING DUMB AND MAKES THE ENTIRE SHOW ABOUT SOMEONE WHO GREW UP IN AN ENVIRONMENT THAT SHAMES THAT BEHAVIOR, BREAKING THROUGH AND ACCEPTING PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE, AND THATS WHY I LOVE IT.
ANYWAYS, I GOTTA SLEEP, ITS WAY TOO HARD TO STAY AWAKE
P.S. Yo, turntechgodhead here, I beta read this for Karkat (no one tell him) and this was sweet as fuck, like legitimately.
Fucking pure sugar up in this shit
P.P.S STOP READING MY FUCKING POSTS DAVE YOU LITTLE SHIT!!
P.P.P.S Nah man, not my fault you're like a fucking modern day philosopher or some shit
P.P.P.P.S THIS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY!!
P.P.P.P.P.S and its a crime against humanity that you don't let anyone else read this shit man (also haha, two P.P's)
(TG has been removed from co-editor position)