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For the first time in forever, Sylwia expirienced the sweet embrace of the Earth.
She lay on her side, feeling the dirt on her skin, the grass underneath her fingertips. The tears, snot, and spit coating her face. She wasn't sure how long she'd been out here. An hour, two hours?
The weather was nice. Cool, yet the clouds dark, the smell of rain heavy in the air. As if they were to begin weeping.
She had forgotten what it was like, to lay outside. To bask in the raw daytime, clouds overhead, embracing the nature around her. It reminded Sylwia of when she was in Elementary. Resting in the grass, nothing to stress about. Nothing to be angry about.
She misses those days, when things were simpler. Before she knew how cruel the world truly was.
She remembers all the gross stuff she would do on the playground. Picking up worms and shaking them in her friend's faces, eating boogers, chewing on random things.
Being a kid was fun, being a teenager isn't.
She still couldn't believe it. Dominik was gone. Permanently, forever. Never again would she see him, experience him, hear him, never.
He had succeeded in doing what she dreamed about. What she fantasized about. It should of been her. He wanted to live, she wanted to die. It wasn't fair.
He probably died a horrible death, not like the one that she had planned for them. It would have been so nice. To see him for the first and last time in person, to die together.
Her eyes focus on the ground, squinted. Her lips were parted, breathing heavy. Makeup smudged and ruined, face holding an expression of lukewarm despair.
This was all her fault. She was the reason he was dead.
He'd still be here if she hadn't forced him into getting those pills. She practically killed him. She loved him so, so much. Yet he died because of her. He'd still be here if she didn't respond to his comments on the suicide room's YouTube. He'd still be here if she hadn't asked him to play that stupid game with her. He'd still be here if she didn't get caught up in that stupid game.
She was a coward. After three years of swearing she'd kill herself, she hadn't. Yet after just a few months of knowing her, he'd done it. No one in the suicide room had ever actually ended it, as much as they all wanted to. They just wished they could. They were all cowards compared to Dominik.
Maybe a part of her didn't want to die. Maybe some of her wanted to live, and that's why she's been able to keep going. She's been chasing after death for so long, yet Dominik's sudden death had almost subdued that feeling
Maybe she should just get off the internet. Purge her computer of anything suicide room related. She didn't want this to happen again, or atleast to someone she cared this deeply about. The aftermath was horrible.
Someone else could be their queen, it wouldn't be hard to replace her. If she wasn't allowed to die with who she wanted to, and only he was allowed to experience the embrace of death, then she didn't want to be apart of it anymore. They were supposed to die together. The suicide room wasn't her's to rule anymore.
The thought of the suicide room suddenly felt sickening. She didn't want to end up like Dominik, nothing but a gorgeous memory. Sylwia panicked.
She found herself sitting up, wiping dirt off her face. She stood up, and her legs began moving. Running, straight for the house.
She threw the door open and slammed it shut behind her, bolting for her bedroom. She didn't care if she could hear her parents calling out to her, shocked by the whole situation. She went straight for her room, struggling to lock the door behind her.
Her room was horrible, a wreck. Plates, garbage, bottles, clothes, everywhere. It smelled like shit. But Sylwia didn't care about any of that right now, her biggest concern was her computer. She quickly approached the desktop, stepping over all the junk littered across the room.
She wanted to ruin it. To yank it off the cords and smash it on the ground. To bash her head into the keyboard, and beat the monitor with it. She wanted to jam anything she could find into the computer box.
But she didn't do any of that. Instead, Sylwia slipped into her desk chair. She booted up her computer, hands shaking in the process. It felt like it was taking an eternity to turn on.
She was going to leave the suicide room, permanently. But she atleast wanted to leave a message, something that could help take the worry off her dissappearance. She typed in her login to the computer, and then the login to the game.
She clicked on her profile, viewing her last status update. Her mouth formed into a thin line as she viewed what she last wrote.
'ready 2 die w/ my beloved <3'
How much of a moron she was.
She clicked on the textbox, then highlighted the text, pressing backspace. She stopped for a moment to think about what to write, slightly flexing her fingers. It had to be something that got straight to the point. She felt herself begin to type after a few seconds.
'Leaving the suicide room for good.'
It was short and straightforward, exactly how a goodbye should be. Sylwia could've left a longer goodbye message, left something in the groupchat, or could've waited for them all to get back online and individually say bye to each of them. But she had already done enough damage.
She poisoned them, made them worship her as a queen. It'd be better if she just got out of their way. Maybe they'd see how stupid this whole thing truly was if she left without personally saying a word to them.
She clicked 'save status'. It loaded for a minute, and quickly updated. She was really doing this.
She could of deleted her account, but that was to harsh. It should sit here as a relic of what happened to her, of what happened to them. Both of their accounts would never be touched again.
She clicked the icon in the corner, logging out of her account. When the program closed, she moved to delete it. It asked her if she was sure. She clicked yes. After a few seconds, the game was gone.
All she could do was stare. She stared at the bright monitor, the glow reflecting on her face in the darkness of the room.
She could feel her throat tighten, her face scrunching up. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill at that very moment.
Sylwia broke down for the second time that day.