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Damn it! I thought as I rushed to make the last bus to the apartments where Shira and I live. It wasn’t truly the last bus, but it was the last bus for a whole 30 minutes. Which is even worse than taking the bus. Shirabu had asked me what time I would be getting home, and I stupidly told him I wouldn’t be out past 2 am. It was now 3:45 am.
The band’s gig went phenomenal. It didn’t end till 12 in when I was convinced, like I normally am, to go out for some drinks after. However, those few drinks had turned into a long talk with some fans and just hanging out. I didn’t even realize what time it was till the bartender told us they closed in an hour. Which normally would ring alarm bells, but this particular bar didn’t close till 4:30 am. Two and a half hours later than what he had told Shirabu. Two whole hours. The rational thing would have been to text Shira that I lost track of time and stayed a lot longer than I would have liked. But my phone had died closer to 1 am. Which should have told me I should head home, but I didn’t.
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Just as the bus doors opened to my stop for the apartments, I could already see the light from our apartment. Shira had told him when they first started looking for a bigger place that his only request was a view of the front of the building so he could see either the sunrise or sunset. This view gave him the sunrise, which happened to be going up as I walked out of the bus to get inside.
Shit, shit, shit was all I could think of as I hurried to get upstairs. I knew deep down that the possibility of Shira having fallen asleep earlier than when he should have been home was there. But I knew that wasn’t the case. Shirabu had been a light sleeper since they had started dating, making it hard for me to leave for work or get home late from gigs. Just as I was about to unlock the door to get inside, it swung open, revealing a very exhausted and disheveled-looking Shirabu. From the looks of it, he hadn’t slept yet, as well as possibly crying but it was hard to tell based on how the light from the room put a shadow over his head.
“So you’re not dead,” Shirabu said with exhaustion leaking into his tone, as he looked him up and down before letting him enter the apartment, “Good, cause you’re about to be.”
At least he still has the energy to be his semi-normal self. Which could either be a good thing or a bad thing for me. It could lead me to survive his anger right now and be able to go to bed. Or he could scold me for letting my phone die, being late, and worrying him to “death”. Either option wasn’t the best since I knew if he slept on it, then he would be upset in the morning save his anger for a later date, or be so upset with me that he sleeps on the couch. Just as I am pulled out of my thoughts, I am led to the couch to sit on, I’m guessing. He begins to start pacing, and from the looks of it has been doing it for a while now. Most likely since I didn’t get home at 2, with the occasional sit down to breathe or cry.
“Do you have any idea how worried I have been for the last two hours, you dimwit,” Shirabu begins as his pacing speeds up so he doesn’t stop to breathe or relax. “I have been calling you for the last hour, hoping you were okay. In all honesty, if you hadn’t walked to open that door when you did, I was able to start calling hospitals to see if you had been admitted and just never called me. Which is ridiculous since I am your emergency contact and everything. Like if that were the case, I would have killed you, and then sued everyone there,” he stops to breathe for a second, “ Well, now that I think about it, I probably wouldn’t have sued, but I would have been pissed off.”
For the first time in the two minutes he had been talking he slowed his pacing. He wasn’t even looking at me, he just stopped. Like his train of thought had run out or he was thinking of new ways to swear me out.
“I’m sorry, my love,” I stopped in case he felt the need to stop me and start ranting again. Since an angry Shirabu who was sleep deprived was not something he felt like upsetting even more. “My phone died an hour after the gig ended and I lost track of time,” I said as I watched closely at his reactions to how he took the news of his phone dying.
“Your phone was dead,”
It was barely above a whisper like it was hurting him to say it out loud. Like it was the most reasonable explanation but he didn’t even think of it.
“Yeah, it died a little after 1 am. Which should have been the sign to start heading home, but I didn’t even think about it,” I said truthfully in hopes of keeping Shirabu calm.
For a few moments, Shirabu didn’t say anything. Just looked at the ground and breathed. It was like he was holding back so he didn’t lash out at him, or at least that's what I thought. It wasn’t until his shoulders started to shake like he was holding back noise.
“Kenjirou…” That was the last thing I said before he crashed into me sobbing.
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We sat there for a solid hour while I held him. Rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings in his ears in the hope of helping calm him down. I didn’t fully think he would be this scared, of me being late and not answering. It wasn’t like it was the first time my phone had died while I was out. It’s happened plenty of times before, although normally it was lighter outside or I figured out I have been gone for longer without hearing from me.
Once he started to calm down, to the point where he wasn’t shaking as bad when he cried. I started to ask him questions.
“Love…is everything okay? Normally, you don’t get so freaked out by this stuff,” I say with a hushed tone, hoping to not spook him.
“I know…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to break down again,” he whispers as he steadies his breathing.
Wait, again
“Sweetheart, what happened?”
“We had someone come in yesterday morning after a night out, with no phone and all banged up,” he said as he tried to get up so he could pace again, I’m guessing. But I just hold him as he speaks. “I know it’s irrational, but I got so nervous that something had happened to you. And you had no way of calling for help.”
“Kenji, you could have told me before I left. I would have given you the address of everything if I knew you were worried,” I said as I rubbed his back, “I want you to feel okay with me leaving and going out.”
“Eita…”
“It’s alright. How about we head to bed?” I ask as I notice the time. It was already 4:45 am. We both had been up for most of the night and were in dire need of some sleep.
“Okay,” he said as he clung to me, “Carry me to bed for the stress you put me through?”
“You’re cheeky, you know that love,” I spoke as I lifted him so I could get us both to bed.