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Ford was a man of great accomplishment. But the greatest of all? The simplicity of this moment. There was no great evil to confront anymore. What mystery remained was still dangerous, of course, but no longer calamatous. He and his brother had completed just over eight years of exploration, and had settled back down in Gravity Falls. Helpfully, Soos had offered room at the old Mystery Shack for the twins, to tithe them over until they could find a permanent residency in their twilight days.
For his part, Ford was at peace. It was a chilly morning in mid-November, but with a beautiful view out the kitchen window, a warm coffee in his hands and fluffy slippers on his feet, he could not feel more comforted. This quiet, anti-weird, ab-strange, downright un-uncanny early calm was shattered by the bellow of a wild animal.
"STANFOOOOOOOOOORD!!!!!!"
The war-cry of a call, combined with his brother grappling him by his collar, caused Ford to drop his 'Co-Best Grunkle Ever!' mug, shattering the pot and spilling a few drops of hot coffee on his ankles. The mug breaking was more of an irritant than the boiling bean juice on his skin, but it still ticked him off greatly.
"You have to help me out, Ford! The future of the world- no, the country is at stake!"
"What are you rambling on about Stanley?" Ford said as he pried his brother's hands from his sweater.
With his hands free, Stan wrung them nervously, "The president! He's- they're trying to get him! And then they're gonna get us! Please, Ford, you have to do something!"
He shook his head, trying to get a sense for what he brother was saying, "What? Has... have you been called in by the courts again? I swear, if they've escalated the identity theft charge to-"
"No, no! You don't understand! It's a conspiracy, Ford!"
"What? Stanley, we've been over this. You faked your own death, stole a missing person's identity, and fabricated dozens of entirely new ones. That's not a conspiracy, it's you breaking the law."
"Ford!" He listened intently as Stan closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and stared right into his soul, "You're worried about me breaking the law? The constitution itself is being violated, right now! Do you think that should be stopped, wise guy?"
"What do you-?"
"You have to stop the count, Stanford."
Stanford blinked. He almost felt blood rush to his brain, like standing up after sitting down for hours. Just trying to make sense of what Stanley just said was a headache. "I'm sorry? Stanley, I don't know what on Earth you're talking about."
Stan almost looked offended, "What? How does a pointdexter like you not know what's going on? The election, Ford. The election's been stolen!"
The election. The presidential election? He could admit he hadn't paid much attention to it. Ordinary American politics always seemed rather small compared to his research, but Stanford hadn't noticed a big shift in how the structure of government worked in his eight years of being back in his home dimension. The Soviet Union had fallen, red China was rising, and the Euro was a thing. The USA, though? Not much had changed, structurally speaking.
Ford was lost for words in response to his brother, who placed a hand on his shoulder and continued, "The media's trying to tell us that Trump lost! It's been non-stop! This was planned, it's been in the works ever since he won! It's a plot! They're trying to take him down, and it'll be us next, mark my words, Stanford! But you can stop it, Ford! You can stop Joe Biden's America from happening, Stanford!"
Glancing at his increasingly deranged-looking brother, he didn't really know what to say. Surely, surely nothing this drastic had occurred? "Stanley, how... exactly has the election been stolen?"
"Mail-in ballots, Ford! Pre-stuffed ballot boxes! Illegal aliens showing up to the booths and illegally voting! It's massive, Ford!"
Now this was confusing. "Stanley mail-in ballots don't steal elections, they're just counted later. And I severely doubt that non-citizen extraterrestrials have tipped the election one way or the oth-"
"MEXICANS, FORD! Mexicans, Venezuelans, Guatemalans, all the backwater Spanish countries! Not space aliens, ya nerd!"
What? Stanford had taken his brother for many things, but never a racist. He and Soos were so close, he couldn't understand this. "No, Stanley, there are many people in our country, and to say that they shouldn't be voting because of where they're from is-"
"They're illegals, Ford! The Democrats and Mike Pence have been bussing them in by the millions to take over the country! They're doing a coup to destroy democracy!"
He certainly wasn't saying this in years past. Whenever he got too drunk on the Stan 'o' War II, he'd start rambling something about how George Bush was a dictator. Heck, Stanley was a draft dodger back in the day! "From what corner of mad ramblings did you get this idea from?"
His brother was looking at him as if he was the crazy one. "It's all over Facebook, Ford, try to keep up." Oh. Of course. How could he have missed it? Facebook was sure to have the latest, most reliable information possible here. "There'll be millions of criminals and cartel thugs coming over! Georgia's full of 'em now! They've been doing fentanyl and voting illegally and doing drag shows in front of kids! It's like MS-13 all over again!"
The speed at which the statements were coming was blinding. Like he was being bombarded with insanity. No-one could possibly keep up. "Stanley, you were caught dealing Black Tar in '76, and you yourself can't vote. Partially because of the Black Tar dealing. I don't think Joe Biden could steal the election with... drug dealers and... drag queens? How can you be genuinely parroting this ridiculous nonsense?"
"I've seen what's going on, Ford! What they don't want us to see! They're trying to destroy America, you have to stop them from destroying the republic! They'll come after us too! Me, you, Soos, everyone! They're gonna make me take their death vaccine shot! They'll stop you from researching anything that isn't woke! They'll force Soos to change his name to Mohammed, Mabel to grow a beard, and Dipper to be gay! It's their plot to control us! It's the New World Order, and we have to stop them!"
"Who's 'they'?!" Ford screamed exasperatedly.
Stanley responded without delay, "Globalists, Ford. Feds, Chicoms, Islamics, Norks, communists, big pharma, the illegal lobby! All of them are in on it! C'mon, this has been a thing for years, Sixer! Trump's challenging them, and they're trying to crush him!"
Before he could interrupt, Stan continued, readopting a pleading tone, "This is why we need you, Ford! With your big brain, you can expose this stolen election for what it is! Reveal the conspiracy! O-or maybe we can go back in time, and tell everyone what's going to happen! You could make a time machine, right?"
"A-a Time Machine? I... Stanley, even if I could, I... your idea of..." There was no explaining it, was there? Wordlessly, Stanford turned from his brother and ascended up the shack's staircase.
Stanford needed a break. And another coffee.
"Ford? Where you going? What about the fraudulent votes? We need to do something about this! STANFORD!"
A few coffees.
Thanksgiving break was here, and it couldn't have come sooner! That's not to say Mabel hated everything over the past few months. But fashion apprenticeships 100% were not for the weak of heart. Dipper also kind of looked relieved. He said that West Tech was treating him well, but junior year looked like it was taking a toll on him. The eyeballs of death were only growing on him.
But now, things were looking good! Mabel was just hunting for a clear parking spot for her adorable Miata when she spotted the best (old) people Gravity Falls had to offer! Both the best Grunkles the world could offer, and Mr and Mrs Soos! They were all stood in the centre of the town square and the roads looked... quiet enough.
Yeaaaaaaaaaah, she could park here quickly! Mabel brought the car to an abrupt stop, which woke Dipper up with a yelp. "Have you parked... legally?" She loudly sighed, "Ugh, questions, questions! C'mon bro, the family's out there!"
The twins jumped out the car, Mabel rushing right over, Dipper powerwalking behind her. As she got closer, Mabel could see that they were holding a bunch of signs and balloons and they were... arguing? Like, Grunkle Ford was facing Stan, Soos and Melody, but they were kind of shouting and glaring and stuff? That honestly really sucked.
But that didn't matter when MABEL'S HERE! "OMG, HI EVERYONE!"
Grunkle Stan turned to her, and his face lit up, "Pumpkin!" He opened his arms up and the two connected in a big hug, his chin whiskers as bristly as ever. "Oh, I'm so glad to have you back sweetie! How have you been?" he asked, pulling away ever so slightly.
"Ah, not too bad! Just working that daily fabric grind." Mabel giggled out, hugging her Grunkle closer still.
Soos and Melody moved into her line of sight now. She still couldn't get over the fact that they were having a freaking baby, she was so excited to be an auntie from another... granny-? No, that didn't click. She'd have to workshop it.
Soos spoke up first, "Oh, hey there big dudes! It's like, so awesome to see you guys again! There is no idea in your heads about just how much we miss you guys all the time, dudes!"
Melody also chipped in, "You guys are looking good too! You've grown up so fast, and look at you now!"
Dawwwwh, they were charmers! Soos looked like he was about to join into the hug, but before Stan had the opportunity to push the attempt away, Dipper interrupted.
"Uhh, Soos?" In a rather feeble tone.
"Yeah, what's up, Dip?"
"What's... what's with the shirt...?"
Mabel's eyes turned to Mr Mystery's shirt, usually a suit of some kind, today a simple red shirt. One which read, in big, bold, white font:
' S P I C S F O R T R U M P
Whaaaaaaaaaaat?
"Oh, this?" Soos said, pulling the shirt straight, "We're out here protesting the election, dude. The shirt's to, like, show support for the cause."
Dipper wasn't happy, "You're WHAT?"
Grunkle Ford looked relieved, "Thank you! Finally, some sanity in this town has arrived!"
"Just because these kids have spent their teen years learning about being doormats for the elites, doesn't mean they're sane."
Something caught Mabel's eye, and she slightly stepped away from Stan. "Grunkle Stan...?"
"Yeah, sweetie?"
"Are you wearing... a MAGA hat?" she whispered the end.
Stan pointed to the MAGA hat on his head, "This thing? Yeah, of course! Who wouldn't, if they stopped listening to mainstream media?"
Oh. Oh no. Those hats were meant to be like... really bad red flags... or, at least, Dipper and this one article she read one time said so.
Dipper chose to articulate that stuff, "Grunkle Stan, Trump has openly lied about almost everything! He's crazy! The election wasn't stolen, he just lost!"
Soos came in with an extremely compelling argument, "Oh, nah way dude. I've seen pictures of filled-in ballot boxes online, and some of them were from before the election, dude!" Silence. "Well, probably, anyway." He still wasn't too sure, then.
"Soos knows what he's talking about. He and Melody are smart people."
Grunkle Ford screamed at the top of his lungs, "STANLEY. TRUMP WANTS TO DEPORT SOOS!" He then turned to Melody, "MRS RAMIREZ. TRUMP WANTS TO DEPORT YOUR HUSBAND!"
Melody, holding a large sign bolstering incoherent numbers and accusations, laughed this off. "What, Soos? No way! He only wants to get rid of illegals!"
Soos laughed here, "Yeah, like my cousin, Reggie! Apparently the cops found him with a bunch of coke on him, and he got sent back to Jalisco. Craaaazy stuff dude!"
Melody latched onto Soos's arm here, "But Soos is different! He's kind, and caring, and completely legal! He's not like the other ones!"
Stan chipped in again, "Yeah, what she said! The illegals are bringing in drugs and dangerous guns! Can't have them wandering around! We'd turn Gravity Falls into another Rat York or LA."
"It's literally, like so true dudes."
But Melody's feelings weren't too different either, "I don't want to raise my family in a drug-addled city like Portland. I prefer the normal, stable, safe life here in Gravity Falls! Little Stan Jr's gonna grow up in a happy home, and hopefully under the rightful president!"
'Stan Jr', sheesh, what a name?
Stanford turned to face the twins, "I appreciate you guys coming here, but maybe this isn't the best time. Leave it a few months. Around new year's, early January, maybe. I'm sure things will have calmed down politically."
Aww, but she didn't want to actually leave!
"Hey, don't you send those kids back to liberal indoctrination camps! We want them to feel the real American spirit!"
Actually, maybe leaving for now wasn't such a bad idea.
Dipper was storming off. "C'mon Mabel, let's find another town to stay in. Maybe we head out to Portland!"
Mabel, for her part, didn't want to do this. But she guessed she kind of had to. "Okay, okay, I'll get the car going."
Stan and Soos protested, but they quickly got caught up fighting with Dipper. As Mabel turned around, she could see a tow truck clipping a winch hook onto the front of the car.
"No! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!" She started sprinting over, but the car was already moving. She begged again, to no-one in particular, but the tow truck kept going, and the little yellow Miata disappeared around the street corner.
Darn it! Mabel turned back to see Dipper and Ford arguing with Stan, Soos and Melody.
Her brother and her were stuck here for a while.
This was going to be a really awkward Thanksgiving.