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Andre stared at his best friend, admiring the boy. Cal was so pretty, he was almost jealous.
“Andre, if you were a girl I’d totally date you!” Cal laughed, hitting the shoulder of the guy next to him.
“…Really?” Andre looked at Cal, wide eyed.
“Obviously! You’re like my best friend,” Cal smiled, “if you get a girl before we do this, she’s gonna be one lucky gal…”
Andre’s heart stung. He didn’t like girls. He thought girls were pretty, sure, but he never had the same types of ‘heart throbbing’ crushes Cal told him about.
“That’s kinda gay, man.” Andre ran a hand through his hair, slightly red from the comment.
“You’re telling me! You’re all red!” Cal pointed at his face, which only made Andre turn brighter.
“Am not!”
Andre smiled. He stared at Cal’s perfect blonde hair, Cal’s beautiful blue eyes. Everything about Cal was beautiful. He was a bit of an airhead, but he was so smart. He dreamed of doing something like this, and now that he had Cal by his side, anything was possible.
But his heart stung whenever Cal mentioned his girlfriend, mentioned another girl.
Andre didn’t want his feelings to be real, he buried them so far down in his heart. He pretended like Cal touching him didn’t give him butterflies everytime.
“You tellin’ me you wouldn’t give me a shot if I was a lady?” Cal playfully looked offended, gasping dramatically.
Andre sighed, “You should go home, your parents will worry.”
“That doesn’t answer my question!” Cal checked the clock Andre had near his bedside table. “But you are right, fuck, how did it get so late?”
The two of them fist bumped, before Cal walked out the door. Andre waved as he closed the door tightly.
As soon as that door closed, he fell to the floor. He cried into his hands.
He wished he was born differently, he wished he wasn’t like this. He wishes he wasn’t gay, or desperately in love with his straight best friend. He could never get Cal out of his mind, and that comment sent Andre’s heart on fire.
Cal would date him. But he can’t. Because he’s not a fucking fag like he is.
Andre took his hands away from his eyes and stared at the ceiling.
Andre wishes he was a girl so he could date Cal. But he knew that would never happen. He knew he would never have a chance. He was going to take these feelings to the grave.
Andre choked on his own tears, clenching his beating heart. He couldn’t stand himself, he felt so disgusting. He checked his friend out so many times, he stared at him an uncomfortable amount, he was such a freak.
All Cal did was give him hope, hope that humanity wasn’t the worst thing in the world, hope that good people could still exist. Yet, here he was, sobbing uncontrollably because he can’t get with him, taste his soft lips, or stare into those enchanting eyes forever.
Andre wiped the snot from his nose, and strolled back to his bedroom. He sighed, he has more important things to do than worry about his romantic attraction anyways. Nothing will come of it, so it won’t matter. All that he should be focusing on is getting the materials necessary.
Cal doesn’t need to know.