Chapter Text
It all starts like this:
“Oikawa,” one of his coach calls out to him, “can I quickly talk to you?”
Practice just finished and most of his teammates are already in the dressing room. He’s the captain of his team, so it wasn’t unusual that the coach wanted to have a word with him.
“Sure”, he says, as he quickly picks up the last volleyball from the floor and stores it in the trolley. He walks hurriedly towards his coach
“I noticed that you’ve been getting kinda chubby lately. Are you paying attention to your diet? You know that you have to watch what you eat as an athlete and make sure that you don’t lose any muscles,” he says.
He smiles at Oikawa kindly, but it doesn’t ease how hurt he feels. While he’s sure that his coach his only looking out for him, he can’t help feeling upset. He shouldn’t take it his words too much to heart, he tells himself.
He quickly mumbles an okay and tells his coach that he’ll be paying more attention from now on. As he’s walking to the locker room, he mulls over the words he just heard. Did he really gain weight? He didn’t even notice. He suddenly feels guilty for eating too many sweets over the Christmas break, he shouldn’t have done that.
“Oikawa! What did coach want from you?” Iwazuimi says. He’s sitting on the bench, already dressed and waiting for him. Some of his teammates throw him a glance.
“Uhh, he just told me about a new strategy we could try next practice.” He feels too embarrassed to tell him the truth, especially with all of his other teammates being able to listen to their conversation.
“Okay, hurry up. I’m literally starving, let’s get something to eat.”
Normally he would’ve said yes without any hesitation, eating meat buns after practice was something they did almost every day, but considering what coach said to him earlier, he didn’t want to eat right now.
“Maybe tomorrow. I’m exhausted,” Oikawa says a bit dejectedly. He panics about failing to conceal his emotions, so he quickly adds on: “Mom told me to get home early today.” To make sure that Iwazuimi doesn’t notice that something’s off, he flashes him a smile. It doesn’t come to him as easily as it usually does. He feels a bit guilty for lying to his friend and not wanting to hang out, but he really didn’t feel like it today.
Iwazuimi throws him an unreadable look, he really hopes he didn’t notice his unusual emotions bleeding through his act. “Okay, then you should go to sleep early today, get some rest”
As he’s changing back into his uniform, he notices that now his thighs brush together when he’s standing, where he used to have a thigh gap. And his pants feel a bit tighter than usual, cutting into his stomach uncomfortably. How did he not notice his change in weight before?
He looks over to his friend's changing, and he feels his chest burning as jealousy floods through his whole body. He sees their thin bodies and toned legs. Looking down at his body, his tiny pouch of baby-fat, which he didn’t even notice until now, a wave of shame and self-consciousness washes over his body. He can feel Iwazuimi staring at him, he’s probably judging his fat body.
He hurriedly packs his bag as quickly as possible, trying to hide his from shame reddened cheeks behind his locker door.
“Let’s go,” he says to Iwazuimi.
-
“Mom, I’m back!” he calls out as he’s taking off his shoes.
The delicious smell of curry wafts over him, his favorite dish. He feels his stomach growling – after all, he just had practice.
“You’re back!” his mom says to him, walking out of the kitchen with an apron around her neck. She tells him to sit down at the dining table, and he was just about to sit down, but he quickly stops himself. Should he really be eating curry with rice right now? Rice is according to his knowledge quite high in calories, he has to pay attention to his diet.
“I’m feeling a bit sick, I will go to sleep now,” he says to his mom. She looks at him worriedly and sends him up with some tea, telling him to get some rest.
He goes to the bathroom, planning to take a shower and lie down after, but he stops in his tracks when he sees himself in the mirror.
His face looks chubbier than it usually does, almost puffy. He sees his rounded jaw, his small double chin, his chubby cheeks. Quickly after, he takes off his shirt and pants too, wanting to see his whole body. He doesn’t have a six-pack like his friends do – instead, he sees fat. He pinches his belly, not stopping until it hurts much. Red marks littered his body.
You’re so fat, he thinks to himself.
He wishes he could cut all the fat off of his body.
He suddenly feels like crying, the suffocating feeling clawing at his throat. But he has to choke down his tears, he doesn’t want to be heard by his parents.
Later, when he’s lying in bed, he can’t fall asleep. The image of his body imprinted on his mind keeps him awake.
He feels ashamed that someone had noticed how ugly he was before he himself did. He feels exposed, like someone had ripped his skin off his body. His stomach growls again, and he presses a hand against it. He tells himself that he should endure it, he needs to get back in shape. He shuts his eyes, trying to suppress the encroaching thoughts. Trying to calm himself down, he takes a deep breath and exhales shakily.
I’m okay, he thinks to himself, it’s not that big of a deal.
(it is.)