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The first time it happened, Lena kept it simple. She sat down at the bar, ordered a drink, and observed the fact that no one, not a single soul in the establishment, said a word to her about her being “a dirty Luthor.” After she ordered a second drink, she spent the remainder of her night debating the ethics of her decision to use her own technology for her own desires.
She can argue all day that this was just her wanting to do a final field test with the Image Inducer - a device meant to provide aliens with a more human appearance for them to better assimilate and avoid any bigotry from the scum of the human race. But deep down, Lena knows that she really wanted to do this because she was in for a much-needed break from being the hated sister of Lex Luthor. She had long ago accepted that she was lumped in with her family and that it would take her many years of doing good by creating new technology and assisting Supergirl before the world accepted her as her own person. She knows that she has a long road ahead regarding all of that. And given everything that has happened this past year with Supergirl, it may never happen. Supergirl doesn’t trust her. Apparently, she never has. So now, it is all up to Lena herself to prove her goodness, without Supergirl.
Even knowing that, it doesn’t mean she can’t take a night off from being Lena Luthor every once in a while. And it had been years since she managed to find a place that included a piano player. This isn’t some shady bar. No, this is a high-end bar, meant to attract a certain level of clientele. Lena hadn’t been in a bar like this since before her brother tried to destroy the planet by turning the sun red. She tried one time back in Metropolis and was immediately asked to leave after being told “we don’t want any trouble.” She quickly figured out that after her brother’s cruel actions, no one at these sorts of establishments welcomed her, and some even actively refused to even let her in the door.
But here, now, in National City, with her image inducer on, she can be someone else. Someone who won’t get dirty looks and rude comments. Someone who won’t get spit on just for existing as she is. Someone who can just enjoy the ambiance and listen to the piano while she enjoys a drink.
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She hadn’t planned on doing it again, having decided that this is misleading and using her technology not for what it was intended. But after someone in a passing car threw a red slurpy all over her as she walked home, she really needed to feel normal and not hated by everyone on the planet. Well, not everyone. Kara Danvers seems convinced in Lena’s goodness. And that almost makes up for the lack of faith from the rest of the world.
Almost.
Unfortunately, when Lena tried to text Kara, she did not receive a response. Figuring that Kara was off chasing some new story, she decided to take herself out for a much-needed drink. Now, she sighs as she orders a scotch neat and sips, listening to the piano player. Her foot moves along with the tune, her fingers dancing on her lap as they play along with the song, one she learned many years ago, when Lillian had insisted that Lena learn piano so she could entertain their guests.
She always had to play the classics – Sonata in C Major by Mozart, Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven, Prelude in Em by Chopin, Swan Lake by Tchaikovsky, Prelude No. 1 in C by Bach… the list went on and on. Lena enjoyed playing piano. She just preferred more contemporary music if she was able to choose. Lillian had forbidden that, of course. So, she stuck to the classics to appease her never happy stepmother. Not that Lena hated the classical pieces. She did enjoy them. Especially considering how challenging many of them were. But sometimes, she just wanted to play something from this century. Something that she could even sing along to. Something that soothed her weary soul. Or something that had just the right song lyrics that could so easily explain what she was feeling when she couldn’t find the words otherwise.
Lena sighs at the memories. She has a grand piano at home, tucked away in a room that she never goes into. She wonders if it would be beneficial for her own sanity to pick this skill up again. Maybe she can channel some of her own angst about her life into music, like she did in school when she would skip class to play piano in the empty music room.
Lena sits quietly, listening to the piano, drinking her scotch. Eventually, someone sits next to her, ordering themselves a drink. It doesn’t take long before they start chatting. And Lena actually ends up having a conversation with this patron at the bar. They are in town visiting their family, but after three days, already feel the need to get away and take a break.
“I hear you,” Lena says with a small smile. “I can’t even tell you the last time I visited my family.”
It’s a lie, of course. Lena knows exactly the last time she saw her brother. It was in court when she testified against him, right before he tried to kill her and everyone else in the room.
Even with the small lie, they have a nice but brief conversation before Lena excuses herself, not wanting to risk getting to a point where they might do something insane like ask her for her name.
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The third time, Lena decides to lean into the new look, and even give herself a name. “I’m Kieran,” she says in response to another patron giving his name. It feels right and wrong all at the same time. What Lena notices though, is how easy she breathes as they converse. She isn’t waiting for him to spew some vitriol at her. She isn’t waiting with bated breath for him to start yelling at her. Here, she is Kieran. Here, she is just another unknown citizen of National City.
They speak briefly but are interrupted when the piano player suddenly stands and runs off to the bathroom, a sick look on their face.
“Well, that was unexpected,” Lena says to the man named Kevin.
He nods. “Well, I suppose I should head home. I come here for the music, and I don’t think that’s happening anytime soon.”
As he excuses himself, Lena eyes the piano. She has started playing a bit at home again when she can’t sleep. It’s amazing how much has already come back to her. She swallows the last bit of her scotch as the bartender returns to refill her glass. She smiles at Lena, holding the bottle up. Lena nods, her eyes continually drifting back to the piano.
“You play?” the bartender, who Lena now knows goes by Susie, asks.
Lena hums. “A bit, yeah.”
“Well, we are in need of a new pianist for the nights Mark isn’t here.” Lena gives the bartender a curious look, debating whether to ask what happened to Mark just a few moments ago.
Having years of practice reading people, the question doesn’t need to be asked out loud. “Mark has cancer. The treatment makes him sick. That’s why he only works 2 days a week now. It takes up too much energy that he just doesn’t have right now.”
Lena’s heart drops. “That’s… I’m sorry.”
Susie smiles graciously. “Yeah, he is having a rough year. He feels pressured to be here though. He knows how much the patrons enjoy the music.”
“Surely you can find someone else?” Lena asks.
Susie shrugs. “We’ve been trying. But no luck so far.”
Lena again looks at the piano. She could do it... couldn’t she? She takes a sip of her drink as she stands. Maybe Lena couldn’t. But Kieran can. “May I?”
Susie smiles. “Let’s see what you got.”
As Lena sits down on the cold piano bench, her glass next to her, she feels her fingers naturally extending, begging to play. It is a grand piano, and she finds herself natural settling into it. She closes her eyes and lets herself breathe for a few seconds, debating what to play. She ultimately settles on a classic to start – Beethoven Moonlight Sonata. It’s a piece close to her own heart, its first movement a darker, melancholy melody vibrating in tune with her soul. As she starts to play, Lena’s focus falls solely onto the piano and her hands, weaving around the keys, creating a long familiar song. As she plays, memories from long ago flash through her mind. Memories of hours spent at the piano. Memories of hiding away with only music to soothe her. Times where she felt absolutely alone in the world. Times when the only thing that made her smile was when she played music.
As she begins the second movement, her mind moves forward in time, bringing memories to match the more upbeat rhythm and tone. She sees a blond, smiling brightly at her. Lena’s face smiles slightly as she continues playing.
She sits up just a tiny bit straighter as she begins the third movement – she will need all her focus on this part. It is the fast, upbeat, and busy part of the song. Her hands fly across the keys as she plays. This part always reminds her of the emotional feeling that comes with running. When she was young, it always felt like she was running away from something – her parents, her brother, the Luthor pressure. Now, as she plays, she can’t help but notice that she feels like she might be running towards something. Something new and magical.
As she finishes the piece, her senses bring the room back into focus. As she looks up, everyone is staring. She gives them a forced smile before making her way back over to the bar.
“You play a bit, huh?” Susie says as she makes her way back.
Lena chuckles. “It’s an old habit.”
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Lena agrees to play piano two nights a week and it becomes quite an outlet for her very quickly. She knows this means she is parading around as Kieran more and more, but she also knows how much better she has been feeling since she started this little endeavor. Surely, no one can fault her for this, given her own mental health seems to be improving and she isn’t hurting anyone by doing this. She knows that she has grown quite accustomed to the face she wears. It isn’t a huge difference from her normal appearance. Her hair is still dark, but her eyes are blue, and her nose is slightly bigger. She has a few freckles on her nose and cheeks for good measure.
Unfortunately, a few weeks later, as she finishes up on piano, things take a bit of an interesting turn. Lena is just sitting down at the bar when someone sliding into the seat next to her speaks to her. “That was amazing.”
The awe of the voice. A voice Lena knows all too well. Lena tries not to gasp as she turns to face the woman beside her. She steels her looks the best she can to hide her surprise. Kara Danvers is sitting at the bar. At her bar… where she plays piano… as a different person. Kara’s eyes squint for the briefest of moments, as if she is trying to concentrate and figure out some puzzle. The expression fades just as quickly as it came on though and Lena doesn’t have time to try to figure out what it means. Lena swallows the lump in her throat, but it settles like a bolder in her stomach. Interacting with bar patrons and bartenders as another person is one thing. Pretending to be someone she isn’t with someone she actually knows in her life… that is an entirely different scenario. She needs to leave quickly.
“Hi,” Kara says when she catches Lena’s eye. She isn’t smiling at Lena like she normally does. Maybe that look is reserved for Lena only, she wonders. Right now, it’s only a half smile. A smile that indicates something is going through Kara’s head.
Lena curses under her breath. “Oh um… Hi.”
“This is my first time here,” Kara offers as she looks around. “It’s um… pretty swanky.”
Lena can’t help the chuckle that comes out. “Swanky, huh?”
Kara shrugs. “I live on the rent-control side of town.”
Lena’s head reminds her she should be leaving. But then again, what can it hurt to make some small talk first? Instead, she hums and nods. “So, what brings you into this… swanky establishment?”
“Oh, um… I’m not sure.” Kara’s cheeks redden. “I just… wanted to try something new, I guess.”
The truth is, Kara was worried about Lena. She had grown a little more distant over the past few months. She thought maybe Lena was working on a new secret project. She knows how hyper focused her best friend gets when she is working on something important. But Kara wanted to make sure, just in case. After several text messages that went unanswered, Kara did a quick flyby of L-Corp, only to find her best friend was not there. She floated up in the sky, listening intently for a heartbeat she had long ago memorized. When she finally singled in on it, she was surprised at the location. For a moment, she felt a pang of jealousy when she thought that perhaps Lena was on some sort of date. That would explain Lena’s recent excessive business and avoidance.
Kara spent half an hour working up the nerve to enter the establishment. She stood outside, listening to Lena’s heartbeat as it changed and shifted with the piano music playing. She became mesmerized by how they matched each other – the music and Lena. To Kara’s knowledge, Lena had never mentioned being a fan of classical music. Her curiosity helped her get over her anxiety and she went in, straight to the bar to try to blend in. As she did, she glanced around the room, looking for Lena. It took her several sweeps of the floor before she let her ears guide her instead. She was surprised when her ears led her right to the person playing the piano. Someone who… wasn’t Lena?
But it was, Kara was sure of it. She knew that heartbeat anywhere. She watched the woman more closely as she finished playing the song. And yes, the woman looked different, but her mannerisms Kara recognized immediately. The way she smiled bashfully as she stood. The way she walked. The way her eyes lit up. All of that was very much Lena. Which begged the question, how was Lena doing this? And perhaps more importantly, why? Kara hadn’t hesitated to join Lena when she came back to the bar. She needed to know more. This was a side of Lena she didn’t know, but very much wanted to.
Kara is pulled from her thoughts about how she ended up here as Lena responds to her. “Well, I’ve only been coming here for a few months,” Lena offers, not wanting Kara to feel like she doesn’t belong. “I started playing piano a couple weeks ago, it’s been lovely.” Lena nods towards the piano.
Kara follows Lena’s gaze and stares for a few seconds. “When did you learn to play?”
Lena hums. “Goodness, what feels like a lifetime ago.” Lena finds herself being honest at that moment. It’s true, her life is marked by very specific, major events. And those events have been broken into different parts of her life. Her mother dying when she was 4 marks her first major loss. But also, the loss of a life she would never get to have. Lionel passing away was another one. He wasn’t really a great father, but Lillian became even colder and harsher with Lena after that. It marked a clear delineation in her life. And of course, her most recent change had been turning on her brother, inheriting a billion-dollar company, and relocating to National City.
“Wow, really?” Kara asks, clearly surprised.
“Do I not look like a piano player?” Lena asks with a playful smirk.
“Oh no, it’s not… it’s just… goodness.” Kara twists and turns her hands in her lap. “I guess I am just curious to learn more. Like, have you always played in places like this?” Kara knows she fumbled a tiny bit but hopes that she recovered well enough. Whatever reason Lena has for this disguise, she is sure it is a good one.
There is an earnestness in Kara’s tone, the same one Lena has heard a hundred times before. Kara asks questions and listens, really listens. So fiercely and intensely that sometimes Lena isn’t sure what to do. Remembering that she isn’t Lena right now, she responds with a broad answer. “Well, I suppose I never really played in places like this before. I played a lot by myself in school, but I stopped playing once I went to college. Too much to focus on with my studies.”
“What did you study?” Kara leans slightly closer, hanging on to every word. It’s reminiscent of some of their lunches and dinners. Kara always asking questions in a way that makes Lena want to bare her soul for the woman in front of her. She has been fighting the urge for years now. Sometimes winning, sometimes not. Right now, Lena knows they are heading into potentially dangerous territory here. She needs to take control of this conversation quickly. She gives a quick answer and quickly pivots the conversation. “Science. What about you? Do you play any musical instruments?”
“Oh me? No way. I um… never had the chance to learn one.” Kara’s hands fidget with the paper wrapped around the bottle of beer she now has. Again, she is struck with the urge to tell Lena everything. That she is an alien from another planet. That she was sent here by her parents because her planet was dying. That she got stuck in a place called the Phantom Zone. That she has panic attacks. That she wishes Lena cared for her in a different kind of way.
Kara is again pulled from her own thoughts as Lena asks, “Why not?” While she and Kara have gotten to know each other a bit over the two and a half, there are still some topics that Kara tends to get squirmy over. Like when she told Lena her mother was “sort of like a lawyer.” Lena knew not to push, but to this day, she wonders exactly what the hell that meant. And now, she again finds herself wanting to know more about Kara. The woman who has been an enigma from the moment they met.
Kara’s eyes stare intently at her beer as she sucks in a breath, steadying herself as she says, “My father was a scientist. I started following in his footsteps from a very early age.”
“By choice?” Lena asks, knowing all too well the pressure the Luthor’s put on her to fit a certain mold over the years. Her heart aches for Kara in this moment, knowing that perhaps their lives were more similar than they ever realized.
Kara looks up at Lena with a sad smile on her face before she answers, her eyes glazing over as memories flood her mind. There is sincerity in her voice as she says, “Yes. I even got to help my father sometimes. It didn’t matter that I was young, he valued my input and respected my intellect.”
Lena is baffled by this revelation. Kara has never mentioned anything like this. And any time Lena is talking to her about a new technology or some scientific principle, like, say for instance, quantum entanglement, Kara had seemed like she was very out of her depth.
“So, you grew up and went into science then?” Lena asks, even though she knows this is clearly a misdirection. She already knows the answer. While Lena knows the truth, Kieran doesn’t. And Lena knows she must play the part. Even so, she is curious to hear Kara’s response.
Kara lets out a dry laugh. “Oh, goodness no. I actually ended up in journalism.” Kara was genuinely surprised by the question, though her mind quickly points out that it is clear just how much better at this dual identity thing that Lena is compared to herself. “Flew here on a bus,” her brain reminds her of the memory.
“That’s quite a leap.” Lena watches Kara carefully. She feels like Kara is a puzzle, but the pieces are in different languages, so nothing quite makes sense, no matter how hard she tries to put the pieces together.
Kara’s eyes drift again as her smile falters. She lets out a small sigh. “Life happened and I needed to find a new path for myself. One that felt right for me here and now.”
“I can understand that.” Lena wants to say more. She wants to say that she never wanted to be CEO of her family’s company. That she was happiest in her life when she was spending all day (and night) in her lab, tinkering and inventing. But she can’t. Not right now, anyway.
Kara’s back stiffens suddenly. “Shoot. I have to go. I’m sorry.”
“No need,” Lena says with a soft smile. She knows Kara is often running after one story or another. She must have forgotten she had something for work this evening.
“I’m Kara by the way,” she says with a small smile.
Lena nods. “Kieran.”
Kara smiles softly before leaving cash on the bar and making a swift exit.
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It’s a week later that Kara returns to the bar. She has been ruminating for a week, trying to figure out what is going on with Lena and why she is doing this. She eventually realized that whatever Lena’s reason is, is her own, and that she deserves Kara’s respect and privacy. Everyone has their own secrets they keep. Herself included. Which is what led her to think about why she is keeping her own secrets from Lena. Her own guilt slowly increasing over not being completely honest with Lena about who she is. All the self-reflection and meditation led to a realization – this baggage, this secret identity thing that she has been doing with Lena, it is a massive, heavy weight on her. And this weight is growing more and more with each passing day. She realized that she needed to talk to someone about it all. Unfortunately, the person she wanted to talk to about it… her best friend… well, she couldn’t exactly talk to her… That is when she realized she maybe could do the next best thing and talk to Kieran. Was it complicated? Yes. Did Kara see another path? Not really. Perhaps Kieran and Kara could figure out what Supergirl and Lena could not.
This time, Kara is sitting, waiting for Lena to arrive. Lena hasn’t seen Kara as herself or as Kieran since their last meet up at the bar. In part because she was out of town for the last several days on business. Though if Lena was being honest, she might have also been kind of avoiding Kara since their last encounter. She feels like all of this is becoming increasingly muddled. She debates leaving or just going somewhere else in the bar as she walks in and sees Kara, but she quickly notices how contemplative Kara looks. Deep in thought, her brow tight and crinkled. She looks distraught. All thoughts of avoidance go out the window in that moment and she makes her way directly over to where Kara is sitting.
“Hello,” Lena says, sitting with one stool in between them. She waves at the bartender who nods, already making her usual.
Forgoing a greeting, Kara says, “Do you ever feel like anyone actually, truly knows who you are?”
The question surprises Lena. “I um… I guess I never really thought about that before. Why do you ask?”
A deep, sad sigh comes out of Kara. “I just… there is this part of me. Or well, two parts. It’s like I’m two separate, distinct people, because I have to be. But all I want is to be able to share both with the person… people, I love. And I can’t always do that.”
“Why?” Lena scoots down so she is right next to Kara. She hates seeing Kara like this. She wants to take away whatever anguish Kara is experiencing and make her happy again.
Kara nervously picks at the beer bottle. She is quiet for a few seconds. Finally, softly, she says “I’m not sure how they will feel about me, if they know about the other parts of my identity.”
Lena knows what that feels like. She has rarely confided in anyone at all about her own sexuality. Perhaps that is what Kara is concerned about. She says to Kara what she has said to herself many times, “If they really love you, they will be empathetic and understanding.”
Kara finally looks up, her eyes filled with mild panic as her mouth turns into a waterfall of words. “But what if I’ve been hiding parts of myself and then I share them, and the person thinks I was doing it on purpose, to like… I don’t know, hurt them? Or because I didn’t trust them? Like I couldn’t share it with them at first because we had just met but now, I know that I want to tell them everything, but it feels like it might be too late. Like I missed my opportunity to be fully honest and doing it now will shatter what we have.” As she finishes, Kara sucks in a deep breath trying to calm herself.
Lena considers Kara’s words carefully. She isn’t sure what Kara is talking about, exactly. But she knows what it is like to hide a part of herself. Not to mention, she is currently hiding her true identity from Kara. This reminder hits Lena in the stomach. What she is doing now isn’t far off from whatever is going on with Kara. Finally, Lena says softly, “Based on what you’re saying, it sounds like what you have is only half a relationship... If they love you, they will want to know all of you. Even the ugly parts.”
Lena feels the hypocrisy rotting throughout her body. She hasn’t done something so vulnerable… maybe ever. She came close with Andrea and Jack, but both of those crashed and burned anyway. Despite knowing she is hiding her true self from Kara in this moment, she feels like Kara would understand, if she knew. Lena debates telling her the truth, right here, but Kara speaks up before she can say anything.
“I just… I’ve lost so much in my life. What if I lose them too?” Kara’s voice cracks slightly as the question falls out. The blue in her eyes seem to turn ablaze as a hint of tears wash over them.
“Kara,” Lena says, putting a hand on top of Kara’s as it rests on the bar. “I think sometimes we can overthink things. Maybe just being honest will be enough.”
Lena hates herself more and more for every word she says. She wants to make Kara feel better. She wants her to know that she would listen and understand. But another part of Lena knows exactly what that fear is like. What if she does tell Kara the truth, and Kara is angry with her because she confided in her, not knowing who she really is? This thought makes Lena clam up. She suddenly has the urge to vomit.
Kara lets out a soft sigh. “Thank you, Kieran. I appreciate you listening and offering your advice.” Kara finishes her drink and stands up. “I have to go. Thank you again.”
Lena nods her goodbye, a deep unsettling feeling forming in her stomach. As a Luthor, she has been well trained in the art of lying and manipulation. So, why does she feel this way? She isn’t hurting Kara. She is keeping this identity a secret for herself, so she can reclaim a part of herself that she lost access to as a Luthor. And it isn’t like she sought Kara out with this face. It just sort of happened. Lena mulls this all over for the rest of the evening, trying to figure out why she has such an unnerving feeling in her stomach. She is certain it isn’t going away any time soon. And that maybe her time as Kieran will be coming to an end. Which means she is going to have to fess up to her actions with Kara soon. Lena hates the idea, her mind telling her that Kara will reject her for lying. Because why wouldn’t she? If the roles were reversed, Lena would never speak to Kara again.
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Lena practically sinks into her seat at the bar. Her eyes close as she tries to push away the events of the day. Another freaking assassination attempt. This time, someone managed to wire a bomb underneath her car. If it hadn’t been for Supergirl…
Lena sighs again. How does this hero keep saving her? She is always there when Lena needs her. How? Not only that, but she is just so gentle with Lena. She carried Lena to safety, only to hold her by the shoulders and stare into Lena’s soul as she asked if she was okay. She seemed so genuinely concerned for Lena’s well-being. But why? Why would Supergirl care if something happened to the last Luthor standing? Why wouldn’t she be a little bit relieved by the idea of something happening to Lena? It would give the hero one less thing to worry about. Surely this hero, like everyone else, has written Lena off as a ticking time bomb. Surely, she is just waiting for Lena to decide to think like her brother and mother, to think that aliens are not welcome on our planet, to think that it is her job to stop them. Afterall, she did ask James to spy on Lena for her last year. There is no way Supergirl trusts Lena. She never will. And yet… she still shows up when Lena needs her the most. It’s unnerving. Lena has no idea what to make of their relationship anymore. Are they friends? Foes? Frenemies?
“Long day?” Kara asks as she slides into the seat next to Lena.
Lena lets out a deep sigh. “You have no idea.”
“Want to talk about it?” Kara asks as the bartender brings her a drink. She does know about it, of course. But she isn’t talking to Lena. She is talking to Kieran. It had almost come out earlier with Lena, all of it. The full truth about being Supergirl and how she knows she is Kieran. But before she could, she got called away for a separate emergency.
Lena does want to talk about it. She wants to share all these thoughts racing through her head with her best friend. Someone who is quickly becoming a close confidant even. But that is Lena’s friend. Not Kieran’s. Kieran and Kara have only spoken a few times. Lena knows she must keep her distance as Kieran.
“Just… work and life,” she says with an attempt at a chuckle. “What about you? How was your day?”
Kara takes a sip of her beer. “It was… hectic, to say the least.”
“I imagine journalism is quite an adventure,” Lena offers, trying to make sure she doesn’t say something that was never said to Kieran. The mental game of having dual identities with the same person in both circles is slowly becoming an issue. Lena knows she can’t do this for much longer.
“It is,” Kara agrees. “But I have kind of a side job too. It’s a… It is what kept me busy today.” It’s true. Not just because she had to save Lena from another assassination attempt, but she also had to stop two bank robberies, put out a giant fire, and rescue a boat that was sinking a few miles off the coast. She is spent to say the least. All she wanted to do this evening was have dinner with her best friend, curl up on the couch, and watch a movie together. But she knew when Lena didn’t respond to her text where she would be. Lena never answers her phone when she is at the bar. So, instead of having a comfortable night in with takeout food and her best friend, she is sitting here with Kieran, unable to ask her best friend how she is doing after the assassination attempt. Making the best of this weird situation they have found themselves in.
Lena hums in response, her mind racing trying to recall what side job she is referring to. Granted, maybe it is something new. Lena knows she has been a bit avoidant of Kara since running into her as Kieran. Maybe she needs to just suck it up and have lunch with the woman as herself. “So, why come here? I mean, if you had a long day like that, wouldn’t you rather be at home?”
“I would,” Kara agrees. She lets out a small sigh as she adds, “Usually on days like today I would ask my best friend to have dinner and hang out, but I think she is busy. So, I figured I would come here instead so I wouldn’t have to be alone.”
Lena’s insides squirm. She knows she has kept her distance. She didn’t realize that Kara might actually want or need her. In all honesty, a small part of her still thinks that Kara is just being nice and friendly so she can get the inside scoop on all things Luthor. She is a reporter after all. Another part of Lena’s brain also reminds her that Kara is also friends with Supergirl. Which means, Supergirl might also ask Kara to spy on Lena for her. Would Kara do that? Lena wants to believe she wouldn’t. But her Luthor genes remind her that everyone lies. Lena’s feelings build up inside as her own thoughts battle it out. Sure, everyone lies. But Kara Danvers? She has always believed in Lena Luthor. She is the one that convinced Supergirl of her innocence. She is the one who asked Supergirl for help to save Lena. And tonight, she is telling Kieran just how much she is missing her best friend.
“Well,” Lena says, trying to swallow her guilt and provide some comfort as Kieran. “I guess it’s my lucky night then. You get to be here with me instead.”
The words come out smoothly and Lena finds herself smirking as she says them. It’s only afterwards, when Kara starts to choke on the sip of beer she just took, that Lena realizes she might have just accidentally flirted with Kara.
“Sorry,” Lena says quickly. “I didn’t mean to imply anything. Just that I enjoy your company. It’s nice to see a familiar face here.”
Kara recovers as Lena explains. She gives Lena a bashful smile. “Thank you! I agree. It is nice.”
Kara is thankful that Lena explained herself. For a moment, she thought that Lena might try to make a move as Kieran. And well… Kara would then be in the unfortunate situation of having to explain how she is in love with her best friend… to said best friend who is pretending to be someone else.
“Well, I’m up,” Lena says with a smile as she stands and nods at the piano. It’s time to play.
By the time Lena finishes her set an hour later, Kara is gone.
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Two days later, the DEO’s kryptonite scan goes off, blaring an alarm. Kara looks on, her eyes wide as she waits for Brainy to tell her the location.
“The location of the kryptonite is L-Corp.” He swallows the lump in his throat, knowing how protective Kara can get when it comes to Lena Luthor.
“What? No way. Check it again,” Kara demands. Her sister stands beside her and nods at Brainy to check it again. Alex wants so badly to trust Lena. She has been helpful so many times. But if Lena has kryptonite, Alex will not hesitate to take her down. She will do whatever she has to do to protect her sister, even if her sister hates her for it.
“Checking,” Brainy says. The three friends stand in silence for a minute before Brainy responds, “The location is still pinging from L-Corp, from Lena Luthor’s office, specifically.”
“I’ll go,” Kara says before Alex can speak up. “Let me talk to her first before you bring in agents and go all DEO on her.”
Alex grits her teeth and rolls her eyes. “You have thirty minutes.”
Kara doesn’t waste it. She quickly finds herself landing on Lena Luthor’s office balcony. She spots Lena as she walks into her office. Lena gives her a curious look, clearly wondering what she is doing there. As she opens the balcony door, Lena says with surprise, “Supergirl, hello. What brings you by this evening?”
She lets Supergirl through into her office, and watches as the hero starts pacing. This is unusual for the caped hero. Usually, she is so head strong and self-assertive. It throws Lena off. “Ms. Luthor, I… I have a question to ask you. And I promise, this isn’t any sort of accusation. I just… I need to know.”
Lena’s eyebrow rises and her arms cross. Whatever this is, she is sure it isn’t good. “And what is it that you need to ask me?”
Kara takes a breath as she stops pacing and looks at Lena. “We um… we detected kryptonite at your location.”
“That isn’t a question, Supergirl,” Lena comments, her heart starting to race. Here they go again. Th same old song and dance. If Supergirl isn’t saving her from some other threat, she thinks that Lena is the threat.
Another shuttering breath comes out of Kara before she sucks in a breath and asks, “Do you have kryptonite?”
“Yes,” Lena says firmly.
“Why?” Kara asks, her heart falling into her stomach.
Lena’s emotions bubble over. “Do you actually care why? It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind about my intentions with it. Afterall, you’ve had people spy on me for you in the past.” Lena stays still, arms crossed, waiting for Supergirl to make a move and lock her up.
Kara’s mouth opens to respond, but she pauses. This… this is the moment. This is a moment that will either make or break her relationship with Lena. And she can’t mess this up. Which means, she can’t do this as Supergirl. “Ms. Luthor… Lena…” she starts, building her courage as she switches back into Kara Danvers mode. She ignores her shaking hands and continues, “I know I’ve made mistakes in the past, especially with you. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have realized I was reacting strongly because of my past and needed to step back and figure some stuff out on my own. All that aside, I want to be very clear with you. I trust you with my life. I trust you more than you know. And I want to tell you the truth. The full truth about who I am.”
This was not the response Lena was expecting, she stares at Supergirl, waiting.
“You know who I am. I mean, when I’m not Supergirl. In fact, we are quite close.” Slowly, Supergirl reaches down to her boots and pulls out a pair of glasses, slowly putting them on so Lena doesn’t think she is trying to do anything to hurt her. Then, she reaches up slowly and pulls her hair back in a ponytail. It’s an odd look in her Supersuit. “I work at Catco as a reporter. I think of you as my best friend. And I know you have a good reason for having kryptonite. Because Kara Danvers believes in you… because I believe in you.”
Lena stares, her mind feeling like it is breaking as it tries to put memories of Supergirl in line with memories of Kara Danvers. It’s only then that she realizes she has actually never seen the two women together.
“You… Kara?!” Lena says, suddenly reanimated. “You’re Supergirl?!”
Kara nods. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while. I just… didn’t know how and I was just so afraid that I would lose you. And I understand if this is too much. I know it is a lot to take in. Please know I never meant to deceive you. I just… I was able to be just Kara with you and I couldn’t be like that with anyone else in my life. And you made me feel so at home and I just… please know I never meant to hurt you. I know I have acted differently as Supergirl in the past. Please believe me. I… I was wrong for doing that to you. And I can’t undo that. All I can say is that at the core of everything, at the core of my deception, I was trying to protect you. People who know my identity… they are at more risk because of it. You… your life is already so risky. I… I just thought that if I kept it separated, I could help keep you somewhat protected from the chaos of my life.”
As Kara finishes her ramble explanation, Lena’s eyes remain locked onto hers. She isn’t sure where to go from here. But she knows she should explain herself so that the DEO doesn’t come crashing into her building. She is sure they are probably already on their way. “I am trying to design a vaccine for kryptonite. I… I had to make a little bit so that I could study it and then test the vaccine.”
Kara’s mouth drops. “You… you can do that?” Lena gives her a curt nod in response. “Lena that’s… That’s amazing!”
Kara steps forward once but then stops, unsure of what to do. She wants to close the distance and hug her best friend. But right now, they may or may not be friends, exactly.
Lena smiles briefly before hardening again. “Thank you for believing me,” she offers sincerely. She can already feel her walls going back up. She needs time to process. She needs space to sort through the tornado of emotions currently swirling through her body. “But I… I need some time. I… this is a lot to process. You… it’s a lot. For me, Kara Danvers was the one person who believed in me, always. Meanwhile, Supergirl doubted my trust. She spied on me. And tried to go behind my back despite my best efforts to form an alliance.”
Of course, the part Lena can’t say out loud, is the conversation that Kara had with Kieran about her identity. Kara was so distraught that night, so concerned that she wouldn’t be understood, that she would lose the person she loves. Was Kara actually talking about her? It’s too much to process in the moment. She needs some time. “I don’t know how to reconcile Supergirl with Kara Danvers right now. You… you treated me so differently, depending on whether you wore a cape or not.” Lena’s hands wave slightly in front of her as she finishes. “It’s just… this is a lot, Kara. Please, just give me some time.” She hopes the plea works. Right now, she can’t talk to Kara. She needs to be alone to process.
Kara nods, understandingly as she makes her way back to the balcony to leave. “I will let the DEO know that you are not a threat. Please… call me when you’re ready to talk.”
Lena paces her office for hours after Kara/Supergirl leaves. Her mind is reeling, trying to incorporate memories of Kara and Supergirl into the mental image of one person. Trying to understand how Kara Danvers was this sweet, soft, clumsy woman and at the same time was this strong, confidant superhero. And how the hell did Lena not see it before? She is supposed to be a genius. All this time, all the signs that she missed, everything. How could she not see it?
Running parallel to all of this, is Lena’s own guilt about her own deception. Kara claims to have done so for Lena’s protection. And because she liked how it felt being ‘just Kara.’ While the first claim is questionable to Lena, given their history. The second one… Lena can understand that. Being Kieran brought her a level of freedom she hasn’t had as Lena Luthor… maybe ever, but especially since Lex’s spiral. Feeling safe and secure around others in a way you can’t otherwise because of who you are… Well, Lena couldn’t hold that against Kara.
And maybe, just maybe, Lena let herself get carried away with the whole playing piano and being Kieran thing, in part, because it did feel so damn free. And so damn good.
----------
Kara does as she is asked and gives Lena space. It is almost a week later when Lena finally reaches out. A text with the words, “Ok, I’m ready to talk.” She follows that up with a location, one that Kara immediately knows. It’s the bar.
Kara is curious and quickly agrees. She makes a point to change, putting on a blue shirt and pair of dark jeans. She isn’t sure whether Lena will be herself or Kieran. She still isn’t sure why Lena is doing it, but she imagines it has something to do with not having the Luthor legacy hanging over her head. If anyone can understand wanting to escape a legacy, it’s Kara Zor El Danvers.
As she walks into the bar, Lena is already at the piano playing. Her eyes go wide though, as she realizes that Lena is at the piano. As herself. As Kara makes her way to the bar, Lena catches her eye and gives her a tentative smile. Lena is a little bit more nervous than usual, as she decided to expand her showcase this evening. She needed an outlet for her feelings, and this seemed more adaptive than her usual decision to drink until she didn’t feel them anymore. But after several days of trying to do that, she finally figured out what was missing. Or who was missing, as the case may be. Because at the end of the day, Lena realizes, all she wants is to be able to be her full self with Kara Danvers… with Supergirl… or whatever other name she might go by. Once she realized that, though, she realized she had to figure out a way to tell Kara that. Steadying herself, she says into the mic, “Thank you all for having me here. I’d like to mix things up now and sing a song.”
And Lena starts to sing as she plays. Something she has never done here before, as Kieran or herself. Kara watches intently, her eyes glued to Lena, her mind instantly captivated. She has never heard Lena sing, but as soon as she starts, Kara’s jaw falls.
I met a superhero
I lost her
I want her back
She did things to me that no one else could
And I miss that
Oh
Don't wanna talk about it
Oooh
I was so wrong about it
Oooh
Can't do a thing about it now
Now
'Cause they say if you love her let her go
And they say if it's meant to be you'll know
Know
I met a superhero
I lost her
I want her back
She did things to me that no one else could
And I miss that
Yeah
I met a superhero
I lost her
I want her back
She did things to me that no one else could
I miss that
I miss that
I miss that
I miss that
I miss that
I miss that
Ohhh
Don't wanna talk about it
Oooh
I was so wrong about it
Oooh
Can't do a thing about it now
Now
Ohhh
Don't wanna talk about it
Oooh
I was so wrong about it
Oooh
Can't do a thing about it now
Now
And they say if it's meant to be you'll know
I met a superhero
I lost her
I want her back
She did things to me that no one else could
Damn, I miss that
As Lena finishes, there is a hush over the crowd. Kara stares, completely enraptured by Lena’s voice. She had no idea she could sing like that. Lena smiles, her face red, as she nods thankfully to the applause that soon follows. After a minute, she returns to her usual rotation of music, playing some Sara Bareilles.
Kara continues to watch Lena in awe, feeling like she just saw a side of her best friend she has never seen before. She sang, and while some might argue it was just a song, there was something emotional to it. Something that Lena was clearly processing and working through. Something about a… superhero? Kara mulls over the lyrics as she waits for Lena to finish the set. Does this mean Lena forgives her? Afterall, Lena waited until Kara arrived to play the song. That is a good sign, right?
When Lena finally finishes, she makes her way over to Kara. “Hi,” she says with a small smile. “I’m sorry it took me a week to process through everything. I just… I had a lot to sort through.”
“It’s okay,” Kara says earnestly. “I know it was a lot to take in.” The two women lean in closely together as they continue talking, not wanting to be overheard.
“I’m not angry with you,” Lena says to start. “It was a lot to sort out, of course. But I… I do understand where you are coming from. You have to protect yourself and the people you love.”
Kara nods and smiles even bigger. “Thank you, Lena. You have no idea what a relief it is. I was so scared you would be so angry with me and not want to be my friend anymore.”
Lena reaches out and puts a hand on top of Kara’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “I’m not sure I could ever do that. You mean a lot to me, Kara.”
“You mean a lot to me too, Lena,” Kara says, turning her hand over and giving a soft squeeze back. “I’m always going to be here for you, no matter what. Both as Kara Danvers and as Supergirl.”
“I know,” Lena says confidently. “The same goes for me. Now that I know who you are, I will work even harder to come up with the vaccine. No one messes with my best friend like that.”
Kara is beaming at this point. “Lena, I… gosh, just, thank you so much.” They are still holding hands, but neither woman seems to mind. In fact, it seems remarkable comfortable for them. Kara lets her fingers lightly run across Lena’s knuckles.
“I do um… I do have some questions, though,” Lena says, not wanting to mislead Kara. She understands, but she still needs answers. And she is willing to listen now. “I… there were times when you treated me one way as Kara and another way as Supergirl and I need to understand. I need you to explain what was going on in your mind. I… I’m not saying I don’t trust you or won’t forgive you. I just… if we are being completely open and honest with no more secrets, I want to talk about our past to help me reconcile it.”
Kara nods. “Of course, Lena. I want that too. I think I let my fears get the best of me sometimes. Not that that is an excuse!” she interrupts herself to clarify. “I want to explain. And hopefully learn from my past mistakes.”
“I think we both have mistakes we can learn from,” Lena offers as she gives Kara’s hand a small squeeze.
“And um… while we are sharing… can I ask about that song?” Kara asks, still curious. “It seemed like maybe you picked it for a reason.”
Lena’s smile falters. Her turn to be honest. “I need to tell you something.”
Kara smiles widely, already knowing what is coming. “If it’s about Kieran. I already know.” Even before she tells Lena the truth, she feels a sense of relief course through her body. She gets to be fully honest with Lena. She gets to be Kara Danvers, Kara Zor El, and Supergirl, all as one person now. She gets to be this amalgamation of the person she has become. No more lies or half-truths or weirdness. She can just be honest.
“How?” Lena asks, eyes wide in surprise. “Does the image inducer not block my appearance for Kryptonians?”
“Oh, no, it works great Lena!” Kara is quick to reassure her best friend. “Every person has a unique heartbeat. I um… well, I have kind of sort of had yours memorized for a while now… So, I knew who you were, but I wasn’t sure why you were doing it. So yeah, I just figured you would tell me if and when you were ready.”
Lena shakes her head side to side. “You’re kidding me. You knew the entire time?”
Kara nods. “I wanted to tell you the other night, but it seemed like one truth bomb was enough for the night.”
Lena sinks down into her barstool with a hum. “I don’t know how you did this for so long, Kara. I barely did it for a few months. I had to remember what you said to me versus Kieran and what I told you as Keiran and it just, it was all so much. How do you do it?”
Kara shrugs playfully, “To be honest, I’m kind of a terrible liar.”
Lena’s eyes widen. “Oh my god, you told you flew on a bus! How did I not figure this out!”
Kara can’t help the laugh that comes out. She can’t help but notice how good it feels to just be herself with Lena. And she knows that Lena is doing the same in return. And Rao, it feels so freaking good. “Want to come over to my place?” she asks, suddenly a little unsure of herself. Maybe this is too much too soon for Lena.
Her doubts are quickly squelched though as Lena says, “I’d love to.”
As they leave the establishment, still holding hands, neither says anything about it, not wanting to ruin the moment. Lena can’t help but notice how warmth radiates from Kara. It always has. But for some reason, it feels even more intense this evening as they make their way down the street a few blocks. Kara guides Lena into an alleyway.
“I figured I could fly us home, if you’re up for it,” Kara offers with a playful smile.
“You know I hate flying,” Lena counters with a smirk, “But I suppose I can make an exception for you.”
Kara wastes no time, swooping down and lifting Lena up into a bridal carry. “I promise to go easy,” she says with a whisper.
Lena lets her head rest on Kara’s shoulder, and she looks up to the Kryptonian, feeling like she is wearing some sort of protective shield now that she is in Kara’s arms. “I always feel safe flying with you.”
The confession brings a red tint to both women’s cheeks. Kara lets herself follow her instincts. She gives Lena a light, chaste kiss on the cheek. She wants to say more but doesn’t have the words. She hopes the kiss expresses herself. She hopes Lena understands.
The kiss deepens the red on Lena’s cheeks. Her arm reaches up and wraps around Kara’s cheek, gently guiding Kara’s face back towards hers. Kara doesn’t fight her at all. It gives her the confidence that she needed, knowing just how much Lena wants this too. As she dips back down, Lena makes sure the kiss is on the lips, sealing their mutual understanding, their mutual forgiveness, and a future where a Super and a Luthor are more than enemies, more than acquaintances, more than friends. As they rise into the air towards Kara’s apartment, they embrace this new future full of new possibilities.