Work Text:
Hugo burst into his room, slamming the door shut behind him, despite knowing full well his mentor was close behind. He'd had this room in the specific base since he was around 12 – and rigged the door to drop sticky, glitter bombs onto anyone who opened the door unaware –and Donella decidedly let him keep it – not wanting to deal with the messes anymore. The room is small, but not the smallest you could get stuck with here, Hugo picked it knowing the window high up in the corner would work well as a vent for the ‘mini lab’ table he had now set up under it. Aside from that table, bed – still a mess from when he had left several months ago – and a few other knick knacks around, it was pretty bland, compared Hugo's interesting personality, as Donella had once said.
The reason for that was simple, Hugo had learned at an early age, even earlier than being taken in by Donella, not to get attached to things. Not houses, not rooms, not objects, not money, and Maker forbid, not fucking people. But here Hugo was, having broken that rule so many times over, it could be mistaken for dirt on the ground under his feet, and hurt because of it.
He had felt so many kinds of pain before, but never one quite like this. After they had escaped the Eternal Library, though they had been happy to be safe and alive, even holding each other close, – Maker Hugo never wanted to let go – reality had to sink in at some point. Hugo had betrayed them. Lied to them for months, gained their trust, and threw it in their faces like it was nothing. That was the fact of the matter. He didn't blame them for not trusting him anymore, for turning him away when the adrenaline and excitement had faded. In fact, he blamed himself much more for ever thinking they wouldn't. That they would just forgive him. Stupid. The guilt was like a plague in his gut, threatening to turn him inside out. He almost wanted to let it.
So here he was right back where it all started. The room he had been in when Don had given him this mission. 'I want you to join them. Take all the totems at once when they're done, and get out. I trust you won't get too attached to them?' She was joking, her twisted way of joking. They were both so sure he wouldn't get close, he had been on jobs like this before, and his loyalty to her was too strong for something like a road trip with some little kids to deter him from his assignment. Or so they thought.
The door opened behind him, he tensed but knew who it was, and what she was going to say, hopefully he could make this conversation short, so he can sulk.
“You're bleeding.” A woman's voice called from the door, as she lightly closed it behind her, making a point of how Hugo slammed it. Her voice was strong, and honestly, usually comforting when she showed this type of care. Just because she wasn't overly affectionate, doesn't mean she didn't care about him at all.
“Let me walk you to the infirmary.” She wasn't really asking. Aside from caring about his well being, it was also her chance to get him to talk about his mission, mostly about what he did wrong. But he didn't have the patience for it right now, the guilt in his stomach giving away a little to anger. The injuries weren't even that bad, a few cuts and scrapes here and and some bruises there, he could go without medical attention and be fine in a day or two.
“You can tear into me later. We both know what I did wrong. I can't do this right now.” He didn't have the energy to choose his words carefully, he wanted to be left alone. He refused to turn around, or look at her, or show any kind of weakness for that matter. If he turned around now, she would see it in his face, in his eyes, that he was hurting, that would not make this conversation short.
“Don't be short with me because you couldn't handle a simple job. I thought you were better than this, Hugo.” The way she says his name stings, like hearing your parents tell you, you've disappointed them, which he guessed was a similar situation. But this wasn't simple. It wasn't simple at all. He had done plenty for her, and now that he wanted anything for himself it was his fault he lost it. Typical.
“I've done plenty for you.” A mumble, but he knows she heard him. This is not going to be a short conversation.
“What was that?” Her voice rang through the room, firm, careful, challenging him. He had already stepped over the line, not even sure he meant to say that out loud, but there was no going back now, he may as well get this off his chest, maybe then it all wouldn't hurt as much.
“You heard me. I've done plenty for you.” Letting his emotions guide him, and whipping to look at her, trying to cover the pain in his eyes with anger “I've left behind burning buildings with people inside, I've cleaned blood off your walls, I've buried bodies, all for you!” His emotions were stronger than he thought, but if it wasn't before, it was definitely too late to stop now. “Yeah! I cared about them. I got to know them! Their wants, their dreams, their lives! They had names! Nuru, Yong and-” he took a breath in and stopped short. Varian.
He had grown especially close to that blue eyed alchemist. They had been dancing, teetering on the line of friendship and..something more. Throwing snarks back and forth was like breathing, much like cuddling under the same blanket around the fire, it became, normal. Varian had always put his head on Hugo's shoulder, if it wasn't buried into his chest. Yong would make playful, disgusted, noises at them, and Nuru easily slipped into the role of little sister. He had trusted Hugo the most, telling him about his criminal past, which was information he decided to withhold from Nuru and Yong. Hugo could see the pain, disbelief, and anger in the younger alchemist's eyes when he realized Hugo worked with Donella. It shattered something in Hugo's heart he didn't even know was there.
Tears started to well in his eyes, he pushed them back, trying to calm down. “I wouldn't expect you to understand,” His legs felt weak underneath him, knees almost buckling. He sat down, looking at the floor, “You've never cared about other people, never-”
“Been in love?” He was cut off, his face turned into to surprise. Her voice was soft, softer than Hugo had ever heard it, and almost, understanding. But how? Donella rolled her eyes, walked in front of him and sat, cross legged like he is, mirroring him, but with her head up, expecting.
“I did see the way you look at him.”
Did she say in love? That can't be right, Hugo wasn't in love with Varian, he just-
“I was in love once” sudden, it knocked him from his thoughts “I loved a woman so, so much. And she hurt me.”
She sure sounded hurt. Hugo had never heard this from her before, she never told him about loving someone, she had never sounded like this.
“And I know what It feels like to lose someone you love.”
Hugo let a tear slip from his eyes, he watched as it hit the wood floor in front of him. Shit-. I'll never hear the end of this now. Maybe she did understand love. Maybe she had lost someone. But she hadn't hurt them the way he had. The tears were falling now. There was nothing he could do but sniffle pathetically to keep his nose from dripping too.
When he gave no response, she moved closer, putting her arms out, almost awkwardly. It reminded him of himself when Varain had first hugged him after he had saved the group when some rubble had closed them into a cave they were staying to hide from rain. Supposedly proving his loyalty to the group. 'You did it! I knew we could trust you!' He had been ecstatic as he hugged, much tighter than Hugo thought he could. But out of pure surprise, Hugo stood there stupidly with his arms out, face probably flushed, he had started to like Varain long before that event, that's why he couldn't leave them. 'Of course you can, Sweetcheeks.' He had played it off as nothing, the nickname even getting him pushed, as the other walked away annoyed, but still obviously smiling. The moment was sweet then, but now it burned Hugo's eyes with tears, and twisted his stomach nauseatingly.
He moved into Donella's embrace, if she was offering he may as well take it, not to mention he needed it. Support, something to keep him from melting into the floor and never coming back, something to ground him.
She closed her arms around him, not the most comforting, as it was clearly her first time in quite a while hugging, let alone comforting someone. She let out a long sigh, before starting,
“I can tear into you later, as your boss and mentor,” Hugo had forgotten that's where this started, all he could really think of now was the look on Varian's face when Hugo had started to explain himself, but the anger and truth had set it. It was a gnarled, angry face that didn't even look like Vairain could make it, and it definitely didn't look like it belonged on his face. But it was, and aimed at Hugo of all people. “but right now, I will comfort you.." she bit her lip, obviously out of her comfort zone, but Hugo could see the determination in her eyes.
Eventually she bit out, "As a mother.."
And with that, Hugo's emotions over flowed.
He held his mento- mother, tightly, and Hugo sobbed.