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Jake didn’t know how it all started. Was it the ghosting? All that happened on the show? The loss of his grandma? Coming home to his parents' disappointed faces? The abuse and cheating from his ex boyfriend? The exploitation of his trauma on live television by one he considered his best friend? Maybe it was a combination of all those things. It didn’t matter. Jake had spent the past hour doing nothing but staring at the ceiling and thinking about everything that’s happened over the past two years. He tried to think about things that make him happy but all he could think about was the disappointed faces of his parents once he arrived home.
He tried thinking about Tom. Huge mistake. For some reason not a single happy memory could play in his head as he thought about Tom’s face. He tried to envision those days of them fishing together on the camp lake. He thought about how pretty Tom’s eyes were, and the pure rage in them when Jake caused his elimination. He knew deep down that there was no way Tom would ever want to have to deal with him again.
But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t gonna try.
Jake picked her phone up and dialed Tom’s number, knowing this was ultimately pointless. But what else was there left for her to do? Jake felt herself grow more and more frantic as each number was punched into her phone before she pressed the call button
Ring
Ring
Ring
Ring
“Your call has been forwarded to an automa-“
Jake shut her phone off before the dial tone could finish. Tom had never recorded a voicemail alert so Jake couldn’t even hear the sound of his voice. It was her own fault, really. After constantly pushing Tom away with her annoying behavior it’s no wonder he didn’t wanna answer a single phone call. Why should she even bother attempting to call again?
Why should she even be alive?
This was not a new thought, it had plagued his mind for years. He used to hurt himself a lot back in high school but he stopped once his brother walked in on him cutting his arm and brought him straight to the hospital. He felt like he should be thankful that Shawn cared enough about him to do that, despite them not being close at all. But sometimes he wished that he had just left him to die. Then maybe none of this shit would’ve happened. But now here Jake was. Moping about how he fumbled a hot guy. If it really was affecting him so badly that he wanted to kill himself then maybe he should.
Jake stood up from his bed and slowly made his way to the bathroom. The last thing he remembered was opening the drawer and taking a blade before stripping himself down and turning on the bathtub faucet.
Jake woke up to a blinding white room. It would be a while before she regained her clear vision and hearing so all she could sense was a blurry white and muffled shouting. She took a minute to let her body adjust to her surroundings before attempting to move. She felt something on her arm as she attempted to move it. She looked to her left and saw what looked to be a tall structure with a red bag on it and it was connected to her arm. She turned her head to her right and saw three figures standing on the other side of the room, all looking at each other, the source of the muffled shouting. There was no denying it. Jake had woken up in the hospital.
Jake didn’t even have to make a scene to make her consciousness known, the nurse talking to her parents just took a quick glance at her and noticed her eyes opened and head in a new position. The nurse gestured the couple over to where their son lay as they furiously approached her.
“Jacob, what on earth is your problem?! Do you have any idea what you’ve done?!” His mother scolded loudly. He would have flinched at her raising her voice if he wasn’t already in so much pain.
“You need to act your age and stop playing the victim, you realize you’re 27 and doing this, right?”
Jake wished he could cry but every part of him felt numb.
“Now listen ma’am,” the nurse said calmly. “What happened to your son was clearly a suicide attempt and he does not need harsh judgment at this time.”
“Oh I’ll say,” his father interjected. “You can’t choose to be a faggot and kiss a man you don’t know on live television and then act like you’re the victim here.”
Jake felt tears form in his eyes and the nurse clearly noticed.
“Sir, ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”
“We are his parents, you can’t kick us out!” His mother retorted.
“We are allowed to expel anyone who may be considered a danger to the patient.” She replied.
“Do you really think we’re a danger to our son?!” His dad shouted.
“Well maybe you are,” the nurse responded, voice calm, but harsh.
There was a brief silence before the nurse finally spoke. “Now please leave the premises, before I call security.” She threatened.
The angry couple reluctantly left before slamming the door behind them.
“I’m terribly sorry Mr Hamilton.” She apologized.
Jake let out a slight moan before finally speaking. “Where am I?”
“Uh… you’re in the hospital.” The way she answered almost made it sound like a question. He didn’t blame her, even if his brain was a bit fuzzy it was a bit obvious.
“What happened?” He asked again, knowing the answer.
The nurse nervously took a deep breath and sighed. “So your parents found you bleeding out and brought you here. You lost a lot of blood and it’s honestly a miracle you’re alive right now.”
It's honestly a miracle you’re alive right now.
It didn’t feel like a miracle. He fought the urge to say that. What would have been a miracle is if he had died right there. Jake pondered for a moment. What would happen if he had died last night? His parents would be more mad at him than anything else, they probably wouldn’t even set up a funeral for him. Shawn would probably be a little sad but he’d probably get over it in like two days. Ellie would celebrate, Tom wouldn’t know, and all of his other colleagues on Disventure Camp probably wouldn’t care.
And then he thought about Miriam. He thought about the talk they had after Jake received the news of his grandmother. He couldn’t ever forget the heartbreak he felt when he learned of what happened to her husband and son, knowing that exact feeling. And now here he was, putting her through that same torment.
It settled in for a moment and Jake finally broke. Tears streamed down from her eyes as she tried to keep herself from choking on her own sobs. The nurse handed her a few tissues, which she accepted. She tried wiping her eyes but it proved useless. What would Miriam think of her now? Jake’s so pathetic that she was really about to put Miriam through the same trauma that she was already through all those years ago. She had every right to hate her and she wished that she did.
At some point the nurse keeping Jake company had to attend to other things, leaving him alone. The silence in the room was deafening. All he had left were his own thoughts. He thought about the show. That’s when everything went wrong. Maybe if he hadn’t joined the show then he wouldn’t be in this position. Maybe his parents wouldn’t still know he’s gay, he wouldn’t have have his trauma from his ex boyfriend exploited on live TV, and he wouldn’t have fallen in love with a man that didn’t even wanna talk to him. Sure his grandma would have died with or without him there, but at least he would have been there in her dying moments.
Maybe he shouldn’t have joined the show at all.