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It has only been a few weeks since the finale aired and lives for the contestants had otherwise returned to normal — or as normal as they could be. The former contestants frequently provided updates of their new adventures on social media and their online presences began to grow.
All Stars was the most viewed season yet, and even more controversial than the last two. Fans were divided, the discourse was blazing, but even still the former contestants found something important. Happiness.
At least—that’s what it looks like to the most recent winner. She was constantly refreshing their pages, watching them from a distance. They all looked better than when she saw them on the show. It was as if they found their own ways to win.
Why was it then, that after ascending that steep mountain she feels… empty? She had won after all, and the three million dollars were now hers to keep. There was no reason she should feel as a hollow shell, devoid of positive feeling.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, her chest felt tight, and her mind was filled with a myriad of memories. Riya thought back to the beginning of Season 2. It was exciting to join something new, and the people she met made for a unique experience. Even she couldn’t deny there was a part of her that found genuine happiness at times.
Then, things shifted. No longer was she the soft-spoken, considerate, and kind woman she was initially known to be. No, quickly she became “The Villainess of TV”. After the season and her humiliating failure to win, she still gained much opportunity afterward.
Her fame was undoubted, and when the prospect of winning the Disventure Camp million appeared… she didn’t want to waste it. She had grown, adapted, and learned how to maneuver her way through the trenches of Hollywood. It would only make her a stronger person going in.
Stronger indeed, but she sacrificed her humanity. Everyone was a means to an end, and she would do anything to win irregardless of consequence. Winning was all she needed. Challenge after challenge, and elimination after elimination, she reached the final hurdle. Everyone was against her, and so she would go against the world.
That moment. That instantaneous moment of her eyes following Jake’s body descend to the ground below from the platform. Raw, unbridled ecstasy. No one was left. She won. She won.
Except… why did Jake look so happy? Why was everyone happy for him? Where is her support? She won.
Upon a gilded stage, the lights focused on her and she declared to the very world that she had won. Yet there was no applause, and there wasn’t even a crowd. Her declaration reverberated into a deafening silence. One by one the stage lights vanished and the curtains began to close. Not a single soul. Just her.
She always said it didn’t matter what people thought of her. Hell, Ally got hate comments and never let it go. So why should she even feel like this?
She scrolled through instagram continuously past the next positive post from one of her former contestants. She’d pause and feel her chest tighten. Her eyes settled upon a post about herself from a fan of the show. They described her in such heinous, wicked ways, even going as far to call her an ‘irredeemable monster’
The comments? An echo chamber of similar thoughts. Each one demeaning her entire person; psychoanalyzing her performance and picking apart everything she ever was. It made her feel sick. The weight upon her was crushing, and it made it impossible to ignore.
It was for the cameras she thought.
I’m not actually a horrible person./p>
Right?
…right?
Doubt.
Doubt clouded her mind and every last action haunted her.
The comments continued.
“She took it too far.” One user posts.
“How could she do that to Connor?” Another responds
“Actually, I love her work this season!” Said one commenter.
Riya paused again. It was a lengthy response. Did she truly have a fan?
“She was a great character because it gave us all someone to hate! She’s a monster through and through. I mean, who else do you think could make a more compelling villain? She’s just straight up evil!”
She’s just straight up evil.
The words echoed throughout her mind.
It was for—
“She could say it’s for the cameras.” A user responds, “but how many actual actors of villains end up being this horrible? They’re usually the kindest, sweetest people imaginable because they know what it’s like to be treated terribly. She’s just cruel off and on camera.”
The screen goes black and she can see her reflection. Her makeup was muddied, and her face was stained with tears. Why does she feel like this if she was the winner? Why is everyone else having so much more fun than her?
“I…” her voice trembled.
In an agonizing scream she tossed her phone across the room. It slammed against the wall and the glass screen shattered. Riya buried her face into her hands and could only curl into her pillow and sob.
There was nothing joyful about this victory. There was nothing celebratory. All there was — was pain. All she could do was suffer through it, and suffer through it alone. Riya was alone.