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If you asked Lilith what she did to grieve, she wouldn’t give you a straight answer. Because she didn't. She didn’t quite make friends with humans, not anymore. Unless they were her meal ticket that night, she stayed away from them all together. It was a waste of time, at least to her. She’d been alive for a good 3 lifetimes. At that point, she’d grown disattached from it all. And who could blame her? Most vampires half her age had learned that.
Caleb never did. Despite not being human at all, he clung to his humanity like a parasite. She didn’t know how to help someone with morals so very far from her own. His heart seemed to have a permanent and never ending ache: an immortal yet a complete and utter sad sack. And she loved her brother, she really did…but he was utterly ridiculous. She thought this all as she sighed quite loudly, nearly a groan, and stood up, her brother’s sobs echoing through her head. She was a fool to entertain this. But a fool she has remained for the past 166 years and a fool she will stay.
Her heels clicked through the hallway, a ringing daze that echoed through gently yet sharp. Her brother had lost human lovers before, only ever dating mortals after being hurt so badly by “her’, despite knowing that it would almost always end in his misery for the next few decades. He never seemed to grow past this grief, let alone let himself grow at all. And she supposes this time she understands, to an extent, why he’s feeling like this. His last partner died about 9 days ago, though for Caleb it probably has felt like nine years. They were a ray of sunshine (never something a vampire should keep close), and constantly encouraged Caleb to come out of his shell, and to their credit, it worked. He was so much happier when they were around, a twinge of jealousy panged her heart as she thought about it. Though, Caleb was in his room ugly sobbing and clutching a picture of the two of them, and Lilith would never be jealous of that. It was one of the first they ever took together. One for Phil's 29th birthday, they had taken a picture, drunk and giggly next to Caleb. Their best friend at the time. Lilith sighed as she stood at the doorway, her brother silently whimpering. It echoed through the home, creaky and old as it was.
“Caleb,” she said simply, tone ever so slightly cross with the man curled up on his bed.
“...”
“Brother this is embarrassing, you must come out of your quarters,” her vocabulary was old, much like her. Phil would tease her as if their vocabulary were any more serious.
“If you’re going to lecture me, Lily, then you can leave-” he half mumbled into his pillow, voice hoarse and somber.
She sighs as she sits on the bed next to him, “Unluckily for you, I don’t take no as an answer. Also, brother, you have not left this room in the past week. I believe at this point, it’s time for me to step in.”
“I have been fine,” he lies through his fangs with a hmph, tucking the picture he was folding under the pillow he was crying into. “You have no reason to check on me.”
Lilith eyed her brother, seeing through him. He broke her gaze.
“Oh, so the pitiful whimpering that echoed through my ears was because you were fine? Tsk tsk, brother.”
Caleb scoffed hoarsely, “Lilith, why do you waste your time on me? Just let me grieve in peace..I..I know they’re not coming back but I’d honestly prefer their company over yours right now. And– and I know I wont get it. Lilith, do you understand? Have you ever understood me or are you just doing this to make me go quiet.”
“Caleb I’m doing this for your own good. You won’t leave them behind if you simply leave the room, so why do you cling to it?”
He goes quiet, before sitting up and resting his head in his knees, “You’d think me a fool.”
She bites her cheek before placing her hand on her brothers, “I promise I will not, okay?”
“...Promise?”
“Swear.”
He inhales as he wipes a lone tear, “It still carries their scent.”
He wasn’t lying, it did. All vampires had an enhanced sense of smell, and while they would always tease him for his flowery language, he was being truthful.
“Lily, I just don’t know what to do anymore…I know they wouldn't want me to be sad, but I don’t know what else I can be. It’s…I just want them back.”
“I..I know brother. It won’t be like this forever–”
“We’ve been alive forever,” he bemoaned, “I…I don’t know I think I’ve been alive too long. I don’t want to die…but I also don’t want to live.”
“Neither of us have been alive for a very long time, brother.”
“How am I supposed to cope with that?”
Silence again. For Caleb it was calming, he was ambitious, sure, but never argumentative. For Lilith, it was concerning. All of this talk of her brother’s death made her shiver with guilt. She didn’t dwell on it though, as Caleb had taken to laying back down again. He pulled out the picture from his pillow, and held it above him.
“Do you remember the day I first left to meet them?” he whispered shakily.
“I remember you being a giggly mess. It’s a miracle I didn’t realize you had a crush on them.”
He cracked a rare (rare for the past 9 days, at least) smile, “They..they were quite a charmer, I remember the first time they called my darl’ and kissed my hand. Mother would have loved them, at least I believe.”
Lilith didn’t have too many strong feelings on Phil. They were kind and funny and fun to discuss books and science with, and they were disgustingly good at chess. She wouldn’t call them a friend, though she didn’t have many, so there wasn’t much of a reference point. What kind of loser’s only friend is their brother, she thinks grimly.
“This picture was from their birthday,” Caleb started calmly, “their 29th. They had invited me over, and even shared some plasma wine their siblings made for me at their request. I know that we danced and we kissed, but much of that night was a blur. A beautiful, colourful, amazing blur.” He didn’t even wipe away the tears falling down his face. Lilith wiped them away in a sharp swipe. Caleb blinked back his tears, and gave a neutral smile, “Thanks…Lily. That means a lot that you listened. It was most likely hard for you.”
“No problem, brother. I hate to see you like this, just, take care? That’s all. Take care.”
Caleb, for the first time, left his room hours later. He sucked on a plasma pack and shared a smoke with Lilith.
-
Caleb sat at their grave. He and their children, Andromeda and Altair agreed to bury them in Forgotten Hollow, next to their horse, who was originally buried on the ranch they grew up on. He knelt to them and smiled. He wasn't okay. Not right now. But as he sat, fingers intertwining with an orchid, as if their fingers, everything felt fine. Weird, upsetting, yet soft and light. Like love. Like a liminal dream where you kiss your best friend on their 29th birthday.