Work Text:
It had only been two months and Felix was not handling the dorm change up very well.
The omega was so used to climbing over the rest of his pack, tripping over random things left out in the hallway and constantly being surrounded by the scents of seven other men. He could fall into anyone’s bed and cuddle whenever he wanted, never found himself wanting for a buddy to watch a drama with. Felix got so used to the smothering love he was showered with everyday that suddenly, when he wasn’t encased by it all the time, he found himself feeling a little… lonely.
Not that Seungmin wasn’t a good roommate, he was an amazing roommate and one of Felix’s favorite partners in crime. Though, the alpha couldn’t fill the hole that was missing in his chest from not having unlimited access to the rest of their friends. Sure, Felix still saw them nearly everyday and all of their dorms were right down the hall but it just wasn’t the same as having everyone in one big dorm; or even split half and half like the last dorms they had.
Most of all, Felix missed Chan. He wanted his own alpha that he loved and bonded closely with as his roommate, it simply made sense. While they weren’t fully bonded with bites on their necks, due to the nature of their jobs, everyone knew they were spoken for and it was only a matter of time before they were officially mated for good. So when the news broke to the group that he and Chan wouldn’t be one of the pairs living together, Felix was nothing short of devastated.
Jisung and Minho, Hyunjin and Changbin were all paired up in their own dorms as well so Felix didn’t understand why the company seemed so set on keeping Chan and him separate. He would be good for Chan, the best even, would make sure he ate on time and didn’t overwork himself and kept him happy. Not that Jeongin couldn’t do that for Chan as well and Felix knew all too well the protective streak the group’s youngest had for his older members. But Jeongin wasn’t Chan’s omega, Felix was and he wanted to be the one to do all those domestic things.
When Felix lived with three of his other pack mates, he at least could repress some of his urges by helping take care of the other dorm altogether. He and Minho would have baking and cooking days where they would bring treats over to make sure two of their alphas and both of their betas were taking care of themselves. It helped calm the deep seated feeling in each of them of something being not right without the whole pack altogether.
Now though, with just Seungmin, Felix was left floundering. He loved Seungmin and the space that came with only living with one other person, but not at the cost of feeling slightly off-kilter everyday from the separation. That off feeling was felt less by the two pairs that were only a step away from mating, too, and as much as Felix hated to admit it, he was jealous of the both of them.
Needless to say that despite his best attempts, he wasn’t handling the separation very well. His moods had been all over the place and more than anything, Felix just wanted to curl up in a nest with Chan and the rest of his pack and not let anyone leave for at least five business days. Then maybe march right into the JYPE higher ups’ offices and demand they switch around the dorms so everyone could be happy. Although Seungmin hadn’t mentioned it directly, Felix knew he wanted to switch nearly as much.
In his time of moping, Felix had taken to an interesting ritual, one could call it. The first time it happened, it had been an accident… kind of. He had been over at Chan and Jeongin’s dorm trying desperately to refill some of his loneliness meter, basking in the calming scents of his alpha and their group’s youngest omega and baking as he always did when he was feeling down. Afterward, he’d curled up on the couch with them in a pile of blankets to watch a movie and stuff themselves with the baked goods Felix had whipped up and boxes full of takeout.
Though, when it came time to leave, Jeongin had already been shipped off to bed and Chan was making a take home container of food for Felix to bring back to his dorm, Felix was still lounging on the couch. His bones were heavy with the contentment of being so thoroughly scented and loved on that separating himself to wobble back to his own dorm felt like the biggest task in the world.
Tucked in a ball under one of Felix’s arms was one of Chan’s blankets, a soft purple one that Hyunjin had bought to give Chan’s room even the slightest bit more color from the otherwise overwhelming shade of black that covered the space. The blanket was one of Chan’s, and in turn, Felix’s, favorites. It was drenched so completely in Chan’s scent of vanilla on an ocean breeze that Felix wanted to shove his face in the fuzzy purple fabric every time he was near it. The comfort it gave even when Chan was out of the room was astounding and Felix had half a mind to snag it and bring it back to his dorm so he could keep even just a little piece of his alpha with him while they were apart.
The half of his mind turned into his only thought and before Felix truly realized what he was doing, he was shoving his way to his feet and stowing the blanket in the bag he’d brought with him. He’d only barely managed to zip up his backpack when Chan came back into the room with a smile and a box full of food for Felix to bring home. Though logically, Felix knew Chan would have no issues with letting him take the blanket, the idea of having to admit just how hard he was struggling was far too much for Felix to even think about handling in that moment. He let himself snuggle up for a moment longer to nose at Chan’s scent glands before kissing him gently and heading back to his own dorm, the fluffy purple blanket tucked away in the safety of his bag.
That was the first time.
Over the next few weeks, more blankets had disappeared from the other apartments until Felix had procured one of every blanket from each of his missing members. He had stowed them away in his closet and hoped to high heaven that none of them would be able to smell their lost possessions if they came in his room. So far, no one had mentioned anything and while Felix felt guilty for lifting the blankets and not asking before doing so, he knew that if he had asked first, it would just come with an unending list of questions and concerns he couldn’t yet unpack. He also knew he’d have to start returning them at some point when each of them started to lose their smell, something he wasn’t much looking forward to. Though until that time arrived, Felix would hold onto them and take perfect care of each of the blankets.
Sometimes he’d pull out only a blanket or two, Chan’s being the first one he always gravitated towards, and stuff his face in the comforting scents of his friends until he was calm enough to finally sleep. Other times though, when his mind was even more jumbled and his emotions were a frazzled mess, he’d take out all seven of his stolen blankets and arrange them around himself in a neat little nest on his bed. Felix was just a bit terrified of being found out for his blanket-nabbing habits, but once the pheromones hit his nose and his anxiety-ridden body went lax in the midst of his pile, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.
On one particularly bad day, Felix found that his safe nest of blankets simply wasn’t enough.
The day started out fairly normal, but after long hours of schedules and stylists he didn’t know forcing him to wear things he didn’t want, Felix was halfway to a breakdown by the time he’d even pulled the blankets out of his closet. His panic heightened further when he realized the scents of his friends had started to fade from the soft fabrics, though not enough where they melded into one big indistinguishable jumble just yet. With shaking hands, Felix arranged the blankets around himself how he liked and made sure to hold Chan’s fluffy purple blanket the closest to his heart where it belonged.
For what felt like hours, Felix laid there, curled in the mound of comforting fabric and waited for any sign that the boulder in his chest would finally start to lessen as it always did when he pulled out the blankets. Though it was to no avail when he checked the time and saw an hour had passed and he was no closer to relief or falling asleep. Felix missed the rest of his pack and the stability being around each of them brought to his emotions. Even more, he missed Chan and the feeling of being wrapped up in the alpha’s strong arms and feeling like there wasn’t a thing wrong in the world.
Sitting and moping and letting the panic overtake him again for another sleepless night wouldn’t do. Felix was damn tired of the separation and had to find his alpha if he hoped to have a single shred of sanity left for the next morning.
In another minute, Felix was pulling himself out of his blanket pile, not even caring to stow them away so no one could see. He slipped on a pair of slides and made the short trek to the dorm Chan and Jeongin shared, additionally not caring to put on presentable clothes before leaving his room. The mere thought of wearing anything other than his soft, worn pajamas made Felix want to cry even more and that was something he hoped to hold off on for as long as he could. At least until he made it to Chan and could feel like he wasn’t completely falling apart anymore.
A short exploration around the apartment confirmed that even after their busy day, Chan’s workaholic tendencies had won out and kept him in the studio. Felix’s nose twitched when he stopped a foot into Chan’s room, the overwhelming scent of vanilla and a light ocean breeze washing over him and threatening to make his knees buckle from the force of it. Already, Felix was feeling the slightest smidge better, but he wouldn’t feel whole again until he’d found the source.
His eyes were drawn to the lump of baby blue fabric that sat right by Chan’s pillow, in the corner of his bed. As if his feet were moving on their own, Felix walked over to the blanket and picked it up, smushing his face into the fluffy fabric that smelled of Chan’s comforting natural scent as it mixed with the fabric softener he used. The blanket was one Felix had given him in the combined effort with Hyunjin to try and brighten up Chan’s room a little.
For a moment, Felix contemplated bringing the blanket with him on his mission to find Chan. If anyone would understand Felix’s blanket stealing habits, it would be Chan, forever ready to listen with a warm hug and an even warmer smile. Being wrapped up in the comforting scent would aid in his meager attempts to hold back his impending tears until he did find the alpha. Before he could think any further on the matter, Felix was turning on his heel and shuffling out of the apartment with the blanket draped securely over his shoulders.
He’d underestimated just how difficult it would be to make it down to Chan’s studio in nothing except his pajamas and a blanket without running into another person. While Felix knew most of the people in the building wouldn’t begrudge him a late night visit to his future mate, he really didn’t want to have to explain his attire and the red lining his eyes. Though eventually, he made it and was face to face with the closed door of Chan’s studio.
In a single heartbeat, Felix considered turning and running back to his dorm and sad blanket pile. He didn’t want to burden Chan with any more than he already had on his plate but he knew that the longer he waited, the worse his emotions would get. Chan would give him this sad little look and apologize that Felix didn’t feel comfortable coming to him earlier and Felix wanted to do everything he could to keep from seeing that expression on Chan’s pretty face. So, he raised his hand and gave a couple curt knocks that he knew were loud enough for Chan to hear, even with his headphones on.
Seconds later, the door swung open and Chan stood before him in all his barefaced, curly haired glory. Even the mere sight of the man in front of him had Felix tearing up, his heart finally starting to feel whole once again in the presence of his favorite person.
Chan’s head tilted to the side, the gorgeous brown eyes that Felix loved so much filled with surprise and concern at the disheveled state Felix stood in before him. Reaching out, he steered Felix into the studio with a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Felix? Honey, are you okay?”
The moment Felix heard the alpha’s voice and got a whiff of his bright scent that would always smell like home, though now tinged with a sour note of distress, it was over for Felix. He hardly managed to choke out a small, “Missed you,” before the tears started falling.
“Oh, baby…” Chan’s voice was soft and his touch soothing as he gathered Felix’s shaking body into his capable arms. Felix was distantly aware of being moved to the couch pressed against the wall in the small room and getting folded onto Chan’s lap as the other’s presence surrounded him entirely.
The emotions that had been building up in the back of Felix’s mind boiled up and over, leaving him a bawling mess while he unraveled completely in Chan’s hold. His head pounded and his chest ached while he cried, he’d always been one to cry with his whole being and now was no exception. And a pretty crier he wasn’t, which made Felix all the more grateful for the amount of calming pheromones Chan was pushing out in an attempt to pull him back to earth.
“My poor sunshine, I’m so sorry,” the words Chan murmured in Felix’s ear faded in and out of his scrambled brain, barely sounding over the sobs that Felix couldn’t seem to stop. For minutes, he just sat there and cried like there was no tomorrow while Chan rocked him side to side like the despondent, blanket-wrapped lump Felix supposed he was in that moment.
“Sweetheart, my love, you have to breathe or you’ll make yourself sick,” Chan spoke up softly when Felix coughed a couple times, his lungs feeling so constricted it were as if they had been encased in metal. The hand that smoothed over his back gave Felix the smallest tether to reality and helped lead him out of the dark cloud he was choking on.
Ever so slowly, Felix allowed Chan to talk him back down with sweet words in his ear until he was in control of his own breathing once again. Chan’s cheek rubbed over the top of Felix’s head and mussed up his hair, not that Felix had it in himself to care about how he looked after just finishing crying his eyes out. Tissues were pressed into one of his shaking hands and Chan loosened his grip minutely so Felix could clean his face up.
Felix wiped his face clean of tears and blew his nose, throwing his tissues somewhere for later Felix and Chan to clean up before pulling the blanket that was still wrapped around his shoulders tighter. Chan didn’t immediately press him for answers of why he’d shown up in the middle of the night in his pajamas and on the verge of a breakdown; yet another item on the long list of reasons why Felix loved his future mate. He always waited until Felix was ready to talk and wouldn’t try forcing answers out of him, content to passively scent him or lightly nose at the top of his head.
Several long moments passed, how long, Felix didn’t know or care, before he was ready to speak up. A small, “I’m sorry,” fell from his lips and was immediately met with a gentle shush.
Chan shook his head and held onto Felix tighter, starting to gently rock him side to side in a motion that always helped to calm Felix down more. He lightly pushed away some of the hairs that were sticking to Felix’s slightly sweaty forehead, dropping a kiss to the area after. “No apologizing, my sweet boy, I only want to know what made you feel so bad and how I can help. Can you do that for me, sunshine?”
Felix gave a timid nod at the request. The thought of having to open up about just how badly he was adjusting to the change made him want to be sick, even if it was for the best. Hiding would do nothing except ensure he ended up in this exact spot a month later and while he loved curling up on Chan’s lap, Felix always preferred it didn’t start with him having a full blown breakdown. He took another minute to breathe and ready himself, his fingers anxiously playing with one corner of the fuzzy blanket he was wrapped in.
“I’m just… the- the whole thing with the dorm change up has been a little hard on me, I guess.” Felix shrugged noncommittally while Chan listened, attentive as ever, and rubbed little circles onto his back. “Minnie, he’s a great roommate but he’s not-… he’s not you.”
Felix felt Chan nod, his chin bumping against the top of his head lightly. Still, he said nothing and would wait for Felix to finish before giving his input.
“And all I’ve heard from the others is how happy they are because they get to live with their future mates,” Felix couldn’t help the slightly bitter tone that overtook his words. He didn’t begrudge any of his friends happiness, but it was so damn hard to keep up appearances when they had exactly what he wanted more than anything else. “It’s nothing against them though, I don’t understand why we had to be grouped differently. What we did wrong to have to be separated like that. And I feel stupid getting jealous because I still see you all the time but I also can’t stop how I’m feeling.”
Chan ran his fingers through Felix’s hair and Felix found himself leaning up into the touch, just as he did every time. This was what he was missing, Felix could be having snuggles and his hair played with every night if only they’d been sorted out differently.
“Do you have anything else on your mind right now?” Chan asked, not unkindly, but the way he did whenever he was sorting out an issue with someone else, whatever it may be.
Felix angled his head a little to look up at Chan with a meek smile. “I love you?”
Chan met his smile full force, his dimples popping out and his eyes scrunching until they were nearly shut. Felix loved whenever Chan smiled and it filled him with a special kind of joy whenever he was the cause of it. A tiny kiss was pressed to the tip of his nose and Felix couldn’t help letting his half-fake smile melt into a real one. Even if things weren’t okay now, Chan was here with his scent that smelled like home and that meant Felix would be alright in the end, no matter what.
“I love you too, sunshine, always, but why didn’t you tell me earlier? We could’ve figured something out before you got to this point.” Chan’s hand was back to running through Felix’s hair and lightly twirling the ends between his fingers, the sensation making Felix melt under his touch even more.
“I didn’t-“ Felix started, cutting himself off before he could finish his thought. He already knew exactly what Chan would say the moment the sentence tumbled right out of his mouth, but he wasn’t going to lie and cover it up, that’d just make his problem so much worse. It didn’t stop him from shrinking into himself just slightly as he mumbled out, “Didn’t wanna be a burden.”
Felix felt, more than heard, the deep sigh Chan let out upon hearing the admission. “Baby… you should know that you’re never a burden. I’m so sorry if there was anything I did to make you feel like you couldn’t talk to me.”
And there it was, exactly what Felix knew was coming. Quickly, he shook his head, ignoring the way his head pounded and vision spun slightly at the movement, and leaned back to look Chan in the eye. “This isn’t your fault, I’m the one who didn’t tell you how I was feeling sooner. I just-… I just love you and I miss you, ‘s all.”
Despite himself, Felix felt tears making their way to the backs of his eyes yet again. He never wished to make Chan feel bad, or, heaven forbid, like he wasn’t already doing enough. A world wherein Chan was ever caught slacking simply did not exist and if anything, Felix wanted him to do less and that was yet another reason why he should be the one to live with Chan. Not that Jeongin couldn’t make Chan rest now and again but as Chan’s future mate, Felix had a much greater chance of convincing his workaholic alpha to take a day off.
“Oh, my little one…” Chan’s voice trailed off even as his face softened and the hand that had been trailing through Felix’s hair came up to cup his cheek gently. “I miss you too, nothing’s the same without you and only Innie around to keep me busy,” a light chuckle fell into the air between them before he continued. “I’m sorry for not stepping in sooner, let me see what I can do about our situation to make it better for everyone, yeah?”
“You really mean it?” Felix tried his very best not to let the tears blurring his vision fall as he blinked up at Chan in suspended disbelief. He was able to make out Chan’s fuzzy figure smiling down at him a moment before plush lips were pressing to each of his cheeks in quick succession.
“I promise,” Chan murmured softly against his skin, “under one condition.”
Felix made a tiny noise of puzzlement, his earlier distress slowly melting away for confusion to take its place. “What is it, Channie?”
Chan pulled back to look Felix in his face, a hint of mirth sparkling in his pretty brown gaze. “I want you to give the kids their blankets back from time to time.”
“You what?” Felix’s eyes widened in bewilderment. He’d been so careful about his… habits, he was sure. Maybe the blankets were still spread out across his bed back at his dorm where anyone could see, but that was a momentary lapse in judgment, he’d been meticulously careful otherwise.
Chan quirked an eyebrow at him while a knowing smile slid across his expression. “My love, over the past month you’re the only one that hasn’t come complaining about a missing blanket here and there. Not to mention the blanket you’re in looks awfully familiar to the one I have at my dorm.”
To that, Felix felt his face flush with embarrassment and he averted his eyes down to the condemning blue fabric surrounding him. “Oops? I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, you look adorable like this. Maybe ask everyone next time before just taking one, okay?” Felix’s head vibrated where it came to rest as Chan’s chest rumbled with a laugh and he nodded meekly.
“And,” Chan proceeded after another minute of silence, “if you want, while I’m figuring out the whole dorm thing, I’ll buy you a whole closet full of blankets to switch out when you have to give one back. How does that sound, lovely?”
Felix really had struck gold with the alpha holding him. He was convinced he must have been some sort of hero in his last life to deserve a mate so wonderful and loving as Chan. Tilting his head so he could nose at the scent gland near the base of Chan’s neck, right over where his mating bite would go in a couple years’ time, Felix smiled.
“Nothing sounds better to me, Channie.”