Work Text:
Lewis could have anything he wanted.
That was just a fact of life now. He was a seven time world champion. He just had to open his mouth and people would come rushing to give him what he wanted. He could have anything in the world with a few words.
Except for one thing — something that haunted him even now.
Lewis could have everything he wanted, except his soulmate.
Lewis remembers the day they met perfectly, even after all of these years. He remembers looking over at grey eyes and having the world burst into colour in front of him, seeing that grey transform into the most beautiful blue he’s ever seen, even to this day. He remembers his father telling him not to stare, but how was he meant to stop when everything was suddenly so vibrant?
Lewis doesn’t remember the day things went back to grey, because the colour in his life had been fading for so long that he doesn’t know exactly when he lost it all together. He remembers looking at Nico’s eyes one day and thinking oh. The blue suited him better than the grey ever did.
Sometimes Lewis still got flashes of colour when he saw Nico round the paddock. It was just short bursts, filling his senses and making him stumble where he stood. He’d forgotten how overwhelming colour could be when he wasn’t used to it, only getting it in these little moments when Nico looked his way. The blue of his eyes haunted him, even if his memories could never quite replicate the shade.
He tried to avoid it, pushing away any reminder of Nico until no one even thought to mention him around him. He could always tell when Toto wanted to, when his mouth would thin and he’d get this look on his face, but even he seemed to respect Lewis’ wish to avoid him. He would put on a smile when he had to be interviewed by Nico, but it always left him painfully upset, often with a headache. Whenever they made eye contact, Lewis would be left staring into that damned blue. He always liked to be alone after interviews with Nico, and his team always tried to grant him that wish. Sometimes it was difficult, but they tried.
Nico never seemed to react like Lewis, and part of that made sense. He’d never stopped loving Nico, so maybe the colour never left for him. Maybe Nico stopped loving him during 2016 and now it was just nostalgia that made the colour return when he looked at Lewis. Maybe Nico was just better at pretending everything was ok. Part of Lewis wanted to ask, but that would require breaking his own rules, and he’s not sure he could handle it if he found out that Nico still saw colour. Maybe Nico hadn’t had to look up why his colour was fading and deal with the fact that the love of his life didn’t love him anymore. It would be humiliating if that was the case.
—-------------
Lewis wanted to hide.
He was praying that someone would save him in the next few seconds, but no one did. Nico made his way over, and stood at Lewis' side, saving him from having to stare into that deep blue. Small victories, he supposes.
“The sky is a beautiful colour today, isn’t it? Blue was always your favourite.”
Lewis looked up, eyes staring back at an endless grey above him, a few puffs of white where clouds were. He knew realistically that the sky was probably a beautiful shade of blue, but he wasn’t in the mood to pretend today, even for small talk.”
“I don’t know,” Lewis shrugged, “I can’t see colour anymore.”
Nico turned to stare at Lewis but Lewis just kept looking forward. He didn’t need to see whatever Nico felt in those eyes, especially not now he’s gotten his confirmation that Nico’s colour never disappeared. Maybe it faded a bit, but it was still there.
God, he was pathetic.
Nico seemed to sense that he didn’t want to talk, but he didn’t leave, just kept looking at Lewis. Almost as if he was searching for some trace of a lie.
“That’s weird.”
Lewis laughed, but it came out bitter and empty.
“It’s not weird, Nico. It's just how things have been for me for years. I’m used to it.”
“But I never lost-”
“I know.”
At least that seemed to shut Nico up, and he finally looked away from Lewis, staring up at the sky above them. Lewis let himself look at Nico then, and some part of him wished he could see how the sun hit his golden hair. He was sure in this light it almost looked like a halo. He shook his thoughts away and looked out at the paddock. He could see people glancing their way, waiting for some kind of blow up, he’s sure. He just sighed, closing his eyes and dropping his head back to rest against the wall he was leaning on.
Lewis could feel Nico watching him, and when he opened one eye, he was greeted with that addictive blue. He closed his eye again.
“What was that?”
“What was what?”
“That little flinch you made when we made eye contact. It happens every time.”
“It’s the only time I see colour. It’s overwhelming.”
“Oh.”
Yeah. Oh .
Nico went to say something else. Lewis heard his jaw close after a few seconds and figured he’d decided better of it. He pushed himself off the wall and stretched, ignoring the way he could feel Nico watching him.
“Enjoy the rest of the weekend, Nico.”
And then he was leaving, finally able to breathe when he was out of sight.
He didn’t notice until he was back at the Mercedes garage that he could see the blue of the sky again.