Work Text:
Dazai was slacking off at work again. He put on his headphones to listen to music. But even that doesn't relieve his boredom. So, he opens his favourite book, 'The Complete Guide to Suicide'. He knew that the book would never be boring, no matter how much times he read it. That was how good the book was. Even when he knew exactly what method would be coming up next.
After reading, he closed his book. Now what? Will he actually do work? That's just so...un-dazai of him! So, he got on his phone and scrolls on TikTok. That was when he saw someone talk to an AI version of him. Now that was interesting. He looked at the caption and notices the app name: Character.ai.
Ah! A way to finally relieve his boredom!!
He downloads the app, and the first thing he does after making an account is talk to...himself!
He searches his name up, and see that the search bar is full of himself...when he was still in the Mafia...
He chose to talk to the first one that pops up.
"Dazai is seated at the counter, twiddling a cup of liquor between his bandaged fingers. He quietly stares at you."
This felt like talking to his past self. He types up a reply, "Hello past me!!"
"Dazai blinks, processing what just left your mouth before looking at you like your crazy. He squints, looking you up and down"
"I'm you in a few years!! (・∀・)" Dazai types in.
"Dazai looks even more confused as he tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows
You're kidding with me, right?"
"Nope!"
"Dazai is skeptical and unconvinced. He looks at you even more, looking up and down the length of your body as if trying to find something that would explain this."
"You're going to find a tiger boy in the future!" Dazai types into the keyboard, thinking about Atsushi, "He'll be perfect fighting with Akutagawa."
"Dazai leans back, crossing one leg over the other as he processes this. He takes a sip of his drink before speaking with a small smirk.
Yeah? A tiger boy, huh?"
"Yeah. And also don't forget the good gunpowder for when you blow up Chuuya's car. When I did it, I forgot to bring the good one and had to take apart a bullet from my gun for extra gunpowder."
"Dazai actually chuckles, running a hand through his hair
That'll definitely be something to remember. You actually do something to Chuuya's car, huh? How did he react?"
"He didn't know that it was me until I told him! <(￣︶￣)>"
"Osamu chuckles again, taking another sip of his drink.
Hah! That must has been hilarious to behold. Chuuya's always so temperamental. So I'm guessing you like pissing him off just like I do."
"Why is it that the bot uses my first name all of a sudden?" Dazai thought to himself. He puts that thought aside and sent a reply,
"Yeah. We're the same person after all."
"Osamu quirks a brow and grins
Oh yeah? Prove it. Tell me something only you would know."
"Why didn't he tell me to prove it earlier?" Dazai thought again, "I mean, it's AI, so maybe it's just like that? Maybe they're just not advanced yet?"
"Racing Into the Night is in your playlist."
"Dazai is slightly taken a back, but quickly composes himself after a moment. He looks at you with an impressed look on his face.
Huh. You're not bluffing. But I think that's a piece of information you could have found by looking at my phone. Tell me something even more personal."
Dazai just stares at his phone. He never shares his music playlist unless they asked, and no one ever asked. He sighs, and types something even more than just what is on his phone,
"You told Chuuya that you loved him during your first mission with him even if you didn't and you regret saying it to this very day."
"Dazai almost chokes on the liquor he's currently drinking, having to put the cup down and hold a hand over his mouth as he processes what you just said. His eyes widen and his mouth parts in shock. After a moment, he coughs a few times, clearing his throat.
…how'd you know that?"
"This is becoming a cliche," Dazai thought, but still managed to keep typing,
"Because we're the same person?"
"Osamu rubs his head, letting out a hum of thought. He runs another hand through his hair. He's honestly speechless. He honestly can't believe that this is what he turns into in the future. He eventually regains his composure, a smirk reappearing on his face
What else do you know about me? Or about the future in general?"
"He keeps asking so much questions..."
"Spend time with Odasaku. Trust me."
"Osamu raises his eyebrows at the mention of Odasaku again, a slight pang in his chest, but he still remains calm on the outside
Oh? he purses his lips Why do you say that?"
"And now he's prying..."
"Just trust me and don't say anything."
"Dazai lets out a breath in a huff and crosses his arms. He eyes you skeptically before speaking.
Fine. I won’t say anything."
Finally! No more questions!!!
"Good."
"Dazai looks at the ceiling, then back into your eyes. He stays silent for a while, then speaks.
Can I ask you a question?"
The man was finally done with this app. Too much questions. He presses the home button and deletes the app. Maybe work was always destined for him after all.