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He Xuan thought Shi Qingxuan’s reaction was a bit over the top. Just a bit.
“Nonsense!” Their neighbour said, as bubbly and cheerful as always. “You can’t go through sickness alone. It’s a rule!”
“What rule,” He Xuan deadpanned as they stifled another sneeze. They didn’t want to give munition to Shi Qingxuan, who happened to be said neighbour.
“My rules!” Shi Qingxuan answered, and there was nothing He Xuan could do to protest effectively after that. The only thing He Xuan heard in response was a very insistent, “My rules!”
Her rules.
They had done this to themselves, honestly. They should have gone for groceries later, just before the store closed. But no, something in their mind had said just go now, it won’t be that bad, you need to see the sun once in a while . The sun was overrated in their opinion, but they still needed food, and one of the disadvantages they had by working from home was that a cold (no matter how harsh it might have been) wasn’t really an excuse to stop working.
And it was harsh. He Xuan had a high temperature, and was sweating in winter. They had even vomited once. Lights were too bright, sounds were too loud. Sometimes when they were seated, everything spun around them, no need to even stand up. And nightmares, lots of vivid nightmares. All of that together couldn’t be good. They didn’t even remember the last time they felt that bad, honestly.
Still, they could manage. They weren’t completely useless. Two days like that and He Xuan had proved he could survive alone. No doctors involved. Maybe some ibuprofen needed.
That didn’t matter when explaining it to Shi Qingxuan. Though, there was not a lot of explaining. He Xuan knew explaining it would make it sound worse than it was, and it wasn’t that bad. Nope. They could function and that was more than enough. So they just said to Shi Qingxuan it wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t. Obviously they had looked in the mirror that morning and they could see the glassy eyes and the dazed expression, and at that moment He Xuan knew Shi Qingxuan was seeing the same.
He Xuan could keep dragging themselves through life without help! Seriously. And most of all, they could do it better without their secret crush caring for them.
Ah, that was important, one could guess. He Xuan had been crushing hard on their neighbour for months now. Basically since she moved to the flat next door, along with her best friend. Xie Lian was okay, He Xuan guessed. Nothing against the guy. He certainly wasn’t as intrusive as Shi Qingxuan.
Then again, that intrusiveness was what had made He Xuan realize how much they liked Shi Qingxuan. Because apparently, your calm, dark flat being entered repeatedly by a literal living ray of sunshine was what made you realize you were a little bit in love.
Wait, no. It was just a crush. A stupid crush. They would get over it, eventually. Though Shi Qingxuan offering to care for them when sick definitely didn’t help.
He Xuan had been going out to buy groceries when they had crossed paths with Shi Qingxuan, who was coming back from her shift at the restaurant, or so they could guess. She worked there every morning, and while He Xuan was intentionally avoiding the place since she started there, they had seen her several times. In the distance. On the rare occasions when they got out of their house in the morning.
So, He Xuan found themselves in a… situation, sure. They were pushed back into the lift, and then into their flat, and Shi Qingxuan was talking, and talking, and He Xuan didn’t find the strength to actually listen to what she was saying. But she didn’t stop talking. Something about being hot, something about resting, pushed in the bed, covered with blankets and then a cold towel on his forehead, and hey , when was the last time the world had stayed that still?
Was the world supposed to be that comfortable , even?
Seconds, or maybe hours later, He Xuan heard the door to their flat closing. Their eyelids fell, heavy. They hadn’t been that heavy last time they checked.
Perhaps it would be okay to let themselves drift away, if even just for a few seconds.
They were woken up by a weird mix of odours. A very weird one. There was… some kind of fish. And chicken? Maybe? And something else. Vegetables? He Xuan had always been good at distinguishing food by the smell, but there were too many at once even for them. And maybe they were intensified, because of their current state.
That being said, it wasn’t a bad smell per se . Weird? Sure. Strange combination? Absolutely. But bad? It was food, to their nose it couldn’t be bad.
He Xuan tried to lift themselves up, stand straight, and immediately felt dizzy. Oh, no. Bad idea. Very bad idea. Better to lie down again.
And breathe.
And again.
…
…It really was a weird smell.
More slowly this time, He Xuan straightened up. That wasn't so bad. They looked around, and there was a glass of water on the night stand. It was only when they saw it that they noticed their throat was absolutely parched. When was the last time they had drank something? How long had they been sleeping anyway?
A few minutes (and an empty glass) later, He Xuan found themselves strong enough to actually stand up and go out to investigate what was that smell that, despite everything, made their stomach rumble.
Almost immediately, though, they felt the unmistakable need to puke.
…Perhaps they really were sick. Perhaps they weren’t as functional as they had convinced themselves they were.
Still, He Xuan pushed through it and opened the door of their room, finding themselves in the living room. A few steps more around the sofa and they made it to the kitchen, and there she was.
Shi Qingxuan stood with too many pots and fires lit in front of her.
“What the fuck,” they deadpanned, and Shi Qingxuan was close to, for some reason, slap one of the pots in front of her with a wooden spoon.
“He Xuan! You are awake!”
“No… yes?” They had just been about to say something really uncalled and rude, but stopped themselves in time. Fucking hell, there really was a fog in their mind. Thinking and speaking were… complicated. They hadn't been that aware of it before because they hadn't been trying to talk until then.
“You can go back to bed, though,” she smiled, making a shoo movement, spoon in hand. It was a bit menacing. In an endearing way. Probably. “You can keep resting. Whenever the food is ready I'll just bring it to you.”
“What… what are you doing exactly?” He Xuan asked. The smells were even stronger there, and if they actively thought about them, they made their head spin. Yes, spin more. Apparently that was possible.
“Oh! A bit of everything,” Shi Qingxuan smiled. “Mostly soup. Xie Lian says soups are good for sick people.”
Which wasn’t very comforting, though it was true. Normally soups were good for sick people, right? But they remembered. At some point, Shi Qingxuan had told them Xie Lian was a terrible cook. Exactly what kind of soups were the ones Xie Lian thought were good for the ill? Was she counting with his help? Was she?
“Have you… have you cooked any of these recipes before?”
“Nope!” She made the last “p” pop. “But people on the internet are sooo helpful.”
Right. People on the internet. People on the internet were better than Xie Lian in the kitchen, they assumed. Wanted to believe. Couldn’t concentrate too much on the task of believing, though, as they couldn’t concentrate on anything.
“Ah, your boss called.”
If three words could make He Xuan suddenly very aware of their own mortality, it was them.
“Apparently you missed some stupid meeting. I told him you were very sick. He was nice! Asked how you were doing. Wished you a speedy recovery and everything.”
The dizziness overcame He Xuan for a second after hearing the words “stupid meeting”. Their boss wasn’t nice. He had never worried about He Xuan. And most definitely he was pissed He Xuan hadn’t attended the online meeting with the new investors.
They were so fucked.
“I even gave him my phone number, for emergencies! I’ve been letting him know how you were doing.”
That… didn’t sound right. A tiny hope appears, though. Maybe Shi Qingxuan’s natural charm had made their boss be less cranky about He Xuan being sick. Maybe. Perhaps. Didn’t know. It would have worked with He Xuan themselves, to be fair.
Gods, hopefully He Xuan wasn’t losing their job any time soon.
“Go back to sleep, really!” They suddenly felt Shi Qingxuan’s hands gently pushing them away, back towards their room. “I have never burned a kitchen down, you don’t have to worry about anything.”
“That’s something weird to say,” He Xuan mumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing. Have you burned anything down?”
That was, admittedly, a worrying question. But they just blurted it out. The smell of burnt food had sometimes come from Shi Qingxuan’s and Xie Lian’s apartment. It could have been Xie Lian’s cooking. That would be the best case scenario on He Xuan’s mind right now.
“Not particularly,” was her answer.
Particularly?
She had burned something down at some point. Obviously.
“Shi Qingxuan…”
“To bed!” She interrupted before He Xuan could even mentally formulate whatever they were going to say. It was a slow process, thinking and then speaking, okay?
Dragged again towards their bedroom, He Xuan was seated on their bed, after which they lay down on their own. They heard Shi Qingxuan making some approving sounds as they closed their eyes, once again.
They didn’t sleep this time. But just closing your eyes was nice, sometimes. Most of all when every light was too bright. That let them rest, a bit.
Shi Qingxuan left soon after, and He Xuan could hear some rustling in the kitchen as she kept cooking. They tried not to focus too much on the possibility of something going wrong two rooms away. He Xuan had to trust that Shi Qingxuan was, at least, doing her best. And obviously her best was going to be great. Nothing was going to get burned in the process.
They could trust. They should trust.
He Xuan didn’t know how much time went by, despite not sleeping. They got lost in their own thoughts as sounds and smells came from the kitchen, Shi Qingxuan humming softly as she cooked.
It was very relaxing, actually. They had a slight headache, but it somehow didn’t seem to matter that much when hearing Shi Qingxuan sing distractedly. She went through so many songs He Xuan knew were popular, but didn’t actively listen to. It was nice. Somehow, familiar. Comforting. Didn’t matter they had never heard her sing, didn’t matter they didn’t even know the songs that well.
It was right, in some strange, wonderful way. And it helped ease He Xuan, given their current circumstances.
At some point, some time later, Shi Qingxuan came into the room. He Xuan had their eyes closed, still resting, feeling the comforter on top of them like a warm hug they couldn’t really fight.
“Still asleep…” Shi Qingxuan’s whispered in their ears, a note of care carrying it. He Xuan heard her bring a chair closer, sitting herself, and leaving something on top of the desk with a careful clank. A bowl of vegetable soup, by the smell of it.
They could “wake up.” They could keep pretending to be asleep. That would surely stop them from probably fumbling in front of their crush, something truly inevitable when the mind fog was as thick as then. He Xuan still felt their heart beating strongly in their chest, and some part of them was afraid Shi Qingxuan could hear it too.
A crush was a crush. Just a crush. They needed to control themselves better.
However, and before they could decide on what to do, Shi Qingxuan kept talking in barely a whisper, seemingly fooled by their closed eyes and even breathing.
“You always look so angry… so serious. This is the first time I’ve seen you look relaxed. So relaxed…”
There was a silence, and He Xuan did their best to keep looking asleep.
“I would have worried if you still frowned while asleep,” she stifled a laugh, and He Xuan couldn’t avoid rolling their eyes below the protection of their eyelids. Thankfully, that wasn’t accompanied by a frown. Probably.
“You are…” Shi Qingxuan stopped herself. She completed a few seconds later, “nice. You are nice. And I hope you know it.”
Maybe He Xuan wasn’t too far from combusting.
“I hope we can be closer after this… I would really like to be your friend.”
Friend. Friend. Right. Friend. That sounded like a good start. Better than what He Xuan would have ever imagined, honestly, as inclined as they were to fumbling every possible ball around Shi Qingxuan.
And maybe… maybe… At some point…
No, they didn’t dare to hope. That was just their foggy brain. Friendship would be both a good start and a great continuation, no escalation needed.
And then Shi Qingxuan kept talking.
“Friendship is good, as long as you keep ignoring my attempts at flirting.”
Wait what.
“It’s fine, it’s… okay really. As I said, friendship is good.”
It took everything in He Xuan to keep pretending to be asleep. The fact that processing any part of the conversation took them a few seconds because of their sickness helped, in that particular case.
Still, it was hard to not die at that same moment.
They must have stirred slightly or something, though, because Shi Qingxuan then said:
“Oh, you are waking up?” Given the circumstances, He Xuan opted to grunt as a response. It was the best their brain could do, given the recent revelation. They couldn’t trust themselves to say more.
Okay. Like, okay .
“I’ve brought some soup for you! And some medicine. They should make you feel better. Well, that’s what the pharmacist said. You need to eat something first, though, medicine isn’t good on an empty stomach…”
And they were back at their usual (or not so usual) relationship. He Xuan listened, but not really. Maybe because of the fever, maybe because… because…
They’d have to work on that. Somehow. For now, though? They had a bowl of vegetable soup that tasted a bit like love.