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Illumi hates the beach. He hates the sand which sticks to everything, he hates the salty water which burns if it gets in his eyes, he hates having to slather layer after layer of sunscreen on just so he doesn’t burn to crisp in under half an hour. Illumi hates the beach, but he loves his siblings so when Killua pleadingly asks him if they can spend the day at the beach and Alluka and Kalluto look at him with wide, hopeful eyes, he agrees. He regrets it almost immediately as Killua takes out his phone and calls up that upstart Gon and asks him if he wants to tag along, but Alluka’s cheerful humming as she goes to look for her suit and Kalluto’s small smile as he leaves to prepare his bag stop him from calling the whole thing off.
Grumbling under his breath, Illumi stalks off to the basement to inform Milluki of the impromptu family outing only to find his brother already packed and ready to go.
“Saw it on the screens,” Milluki says with a roll of the eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep Killua and that friend of his on their toes for you, brother. I know how much you hate the beach.”
Illumi lets a small smile slip onto his lips as he pats his brother’s shoulder in appreciation. “Don’t go too hard on them though,” he warns, because as much as the family dislikes Gon they can’t be too overt or else Killua will run away. Again.
“I know,” says Milluki with a glint in his eyes. “I have a few new toys I want to try out, that’s all. Kil should be fine with it.”
Illumi nods and then leaves his brother to his plotting. Some things are better left unknown, if only for plausible deniability.
Illumi hurriedly gets ready himself and then rounds up his siblings to get them out the door. On the way to the beach, they pick up Gon who squeezes in between Killua and Alluka, half sitting on Killua’s lap due to the cramped back seat. It sets Illumi’s teeth on edge but he says nothing, even as he grips the steering wheel tighter. In the rearview mirror, Illumi sees Milluki exchange a look with Kalluto and Kalluto smirk in response; now Killua will have trouble from both Kalluto and Milluki. Illumi very carefully returns his full attention to the road and ignores it; Killua has brought this on himself, inviting an outsider to a family outing.
When they get to the beach, Killua and Gon dash immediately for the water, ignoring Alluka’s calls to put on sunscreen. Meanwhile, Illumi and Milluki grab the towels, sun umbrella, and picnic basket and begin to look for a good spot to settle in. Kalluto finds them a spot down the beach which is both close enough to the pathway, but still far enough away to not be bothered by foot traffic, so they set up their things there.
After putting on their sunscreen, Kalluto and Milluki head out after Killua and Gon, tackling them into the water while Alluka looks on, giggling. Illumi stays firmly and safely on shore, away from the water and the chaos of a water fight that’s erupted in the surf, under his sun umbrella. He pulls out a book, intent on doing some well-earned leisure reading when a shadow crosses his path. He does his best to ignore it, knowing exactly to whom it belongs although he’s unsure how or why its’ owner is standing there, but finds his peace disrupted when a broad hand snatches his books from his hands. Illumi scowls and looks up into Hisoka’s smirking face.
“What are you doing here?” he grumbles, retrieving his book from Hisoka’s loose grasp.
“Kalluto called me and said that you might appreciate the company,” Hisoka drawls, sitting down next to Illumi under the umbrella. “Said something about your dislike of sand.”
Affection surges in Illumi’s chest for his youngest sibling even as he feels exasperation at having been read so clearly. “Did he now?”
“Mhm,” murmurs Hisoka. “He did. Milluki also mentioned something about you being lonely and a self-sacrificing older brother and asked me to please entertain you while the brats played in the water.”
Illumi raises an eyebrow at Hisoka. “I find that hard to believe.”
Hisoka rolls his eyes. “Well, perhaps, not in so many words but looking at you that’s clearly the case. Now come, join me for some true fun?” Hisoka asks, holding out his hand as he stands.
Illumi looks at Hisoka’s hand, then up at his sly face, and shakes his head, returning to his book. “No thank you. I think I’ll stay right here, enjoy my book as planned, and keep an eye out for my siblings.”
Hisoka pouts and flops back down next to him. “Not even if I throw in an extra incentive?”
“I’m not moving Hisoka. This is supposed to be a family outing to the beach. I’m staying put.”
Hisoka huffs and says, “Fine, suit yourself,” before proceeding to lie down on so that his head rests on Illumi’s lap. “In that case, I’ll make myself comfortable.”
Illumi grits his teeth and bears it for a while, not deigning to respond to Hisoka’s taunt. He reads, keeping one eye on the kids in the water, and pays Hisoka no mind until eventually, he forgets that Hisoka is there and absentmindedly begins to stroke Hisoka’s hair as if he were one of Illumi’s siblings. When his siblings do return from their play down by the water’s edge, they laugh at him, Killua especially.
“I thought you said this was a family only event, brother,” Killua mock-pouts. “Isn’t that why you were against picking up Gon?”
Illumi’s hand stills as he realizes what he’s done and Hisoka opens up one eye to glare at Killua. “Watch it brat. Do you want me to come after you during beach volleyball?”
Illumi sighs as his siblings turn to him as one in surprise. “We aren’t playing volleyball; Hisoka’s just messing with you.”
Everyone pouts but Illumi holds firm, even as Hisoka undermines him. Eventually, he glares at all of them and says, “We are not playing and that’s the end of it. Do you not remember what happened the last time we played?”
As one, the Zoldyck siblings shudder, leaving Gon and Hisoka to look on blankly in confusion, but no matter how they press neither gets a satisfactory answer for what had happened previously. They stay only a little while longer after that, then pack up their things for home. Illumi hates the beach, but watching his family smile and laugh after spending a day there, he has to admit that there are worse ways to spend one’s afternoon off.