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If Megan could change one thing about herself, it would be her impulsivity. While its gotten her into some sticky situations in the past, age and experience have done a good job of teaching her to corral her impulses- to filter her thoughts and refine her words.
But sometimes, god - she just said stupid things.
“Have you ever kissed anybody?” It was an innocent question asked out of curiosity as she scrolled through Tiktok comments, not really reading them, laying on her back as Dani got ready for the day in their hotel bathroom. It was their first day off since arriving in Korea.
“You know I have,” Dani responded easily, mouth falling open as she applied her mascara. “I’ve had…” She thought about her next word. “Four relationships in my lifetime. Five if you count ones shorter than a month.”
“I don’t count those.” Anything less than a month was a fling. That seemed like common sense. “Any girls?” Megan’s heart beat harder at the question, wondering if she was overstepping a boundary. It was kind of an unspoken rule in their industry that queerness- even curiosity about queerness- was to be kept on the down low until they had at least a few years of fame under their belt. “Sorry, you don’t have to-”
“A couple, but I was drunk.” She popped her lips and smiled as they shimmered from the gloss in the mirror, finally closing her makeup bag and leaning on the counter. Dani didn’t seem to mind the question at all. If anything, she seemed eager to talk about it. “Why? Have you?”
“No, just curious.” Then, before she could stop herself. “Could you teach me?” Megan almost immediately froze, wondering if it was real- if she had just asked her coworker to teach her how to kiss girls. “I-I didn’t mean that.”
Dani smiled at her, raising an eyebrow, and Megan’s ears burned with embarrassment. “You sure?” She was distracted by her phone buzzing against the countertop. “It’s Sophia. We need to meet in the lobby- I’ll use the bathroom first.”
“Okay.” Megan grabbed her cross body bag and stepped to the door. “I’ll meet you down there.” It was normal for them to walk together- both for safety and for comfort. But Megan couldn’t bear to link arms with Dani. Possibly ever again.
On the way down the stairs, Megan almost fell two times, kicking the back of her leg.
Good , she thought, mentally kicking herself as well. Why would she even think about that? They were friends- coworkers! Sure, Megan thought that Dani was attractive, but that was an objectively true observation. All of the members were good looking.
It didn’t mean that she wanted to kiss them. It didn’t!
“Where’s Dani?” Sophia was sitting on one of the sofas in the lobby, and Yoonchae was pouring herself a travel cup of coffee from the dispenser by the front desk.
“She’s on the way,” Megan said, gesturing vaguely to the stairwell. “Using the bathroom- I wanted to give her privacy.”
Sophia chuckled but nodded. “Understood.”
She was fully aware that she just insinuated that Daniela was pooping, but she couldn’t care less. She just wanted to forget about it; more than that, she wanted Dani to forget. She settled onto the couch next to Sophia and leaned into her, distracting herself by taking selfies to post later on.
She’d forget- they’d have a good day in Hongdae, and the world would keep spinning.
Megan had never felt uncomfortable in a room with any of the girls before. They changed in front of each other, showered with the bathroom door open, and helped apply pain patches to lower backs and legs. The point was- laying on her side of the king bed next to Dani shouldn’t have been awkward. But it was.
They were on their phones, volume low, as they relaxed and prepared for the long day of travel ahead of them. Every once and a while, Dani would blow air from her nose when a particularly amusing photo was sent in the Katseye group chat.
But Megan couldn’t focus on anything. Being with Dani was stressing her out.
“Look at this.” Dani rolled over and held her phone out for Megan to turn and grab.
She watched whatever Tiktok Lara had sent, then handed it back. “That’s funny.” In truth, she’d already seen it on her ‘For You Page’; Lara was late to the game.
“Ugh, you’re being weird,” Dani complained, turning off her phone and setting it on the nightstand. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” Megan pulled the blanket up higher, face illuminated by her phone screen. “Maybe you’re being weird.”
Dani reached over and grabbed her phone from her.
“Hey! Give it back-”
“Is it because I told you I’ve kissed girls? Do you not want to share a bed with me?” Megan could almost feel her heart break in her chest. Dani- as much as she liked to pretend that she didn't worry about those kinds of things- had obviously been overthinking Megan's avoidance. The whole day, she thought that Megan was upset about her kissing girls. How could she ever think that? Even if she was gay, Megan would never want to make her feel excluded for it.
Megan rolled her eyes. “What? Of course not! Do you really think I’d care about that?”
“Okay, you can't blame me for asking when you've been avoiding me all day," she defended herself. "I mean, I had a feeling you don't care, but I wanted to make sure." She stared into Megan’s eyes for a few moments. “Is it because you asked me to help you kiss girls?” Megan was silent. “Because you’re bad at it?”
“I’m not bad at it.”
“How would you know? You haven’t done it.”
“Okay, so we don’t know if I’m good or bad, but for you to assume that I’m bad is-” Dani slapped her palm over Megan’s mouth. “Mng, mmff, mm.” Her hand smelled like Bath and Body Works Strawberry Shortcake lotion. Megan licked it, and Dani recoiled, cringing. “Did you use my lotion?”
Dani groaned, sitting up and forcing Megan to sit up in bed as well, blankets bundled up on their lap. “Yes, but you don’t change the topic. Have you kissed anyone?”
Megan sighed. They were really going to talk about it, then. “I mean, yeah. Freshman year I played spin the bottle with a few friends and kissed my neighbor’s cousin.”
“And?”
“And he tasted like beef jerky and his hands shook really bad.” There was an unspoken question in the air that demanded answering. “But no girls.”
Dani nodded, then scooted forward, grabbing Megan’s hands and holding them. “Until now.”
“What?”
“Come on, try it. I won’t tell anybody, and I won’t judge. I’m a great teacher.” Megan believed it. There have been times when Megan couldn’t rehearse lines of her speech for the life of her, and Dani was always patient, acting as her audience and feeding her lines when she forgot. In turn, Megan stayed after hours to help Dani learn choreographies and special skills.
This was nothing like that. "You asked me to help you, Megan."
“Just…don’t make fun of me.” Megan’s heart was pounding in her chest as she leaned forward, nose squishing awkwardly against Dani’s and lips stiff as they touched hers. She pulled back, immediately wanting to apologize. “This is so stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. It’s how you learn.” She sighed. “It’s not a bad start, just…go slower, loosen up, and tilt your head a little. Use your hands.” She reached up and brushed Megan’s cheek. “Can I?”
Megan nodded, already breathless and lightheaded. Dani buried her hand in her hair, cupping her head and bringing it closer, the other on her jaw. She was gentle as she made contact with Megan’s lips, then more eager, opening her mouth and deepening it, humming when Megan did the same.
They continued like that for a few moments, Dani directing Megan’s hands to her face and to the small of her back. Then, Dani pushed Megan to her back, straddling her with her legs and kissing harder, deeper, hands on her waist. She sat up straighter and smiled, breathless.
“I think you’re a liar, Megan.”
“Wh- what?” Megan’s face was flushed, and she was moving underneath Dani like the feeling of her clothes on her skin was too much. She was so sensitive.
“I think you’ve done this before.”
Megan scoffed. “I’m just a quick learner.”
“Do you want to try?” She didn’t need any more invitation than that. Megan flipped Dani off of her, changing positions with ease, and Dani gasped. “Oh my god.”
“Are you okay?” Megan asked, inches from her mouth. She hadn’t even gotten the chance to kiss her yet, but the last thing she wanted to do was make her uncomfortable.
“Keep going,” Dani encouraged. “You’re doing great.”
Megan kissed along her neck, and Dani raised her chin to allow her more access, smiling into the kiss as Megan finally reached her mouth, a hand on her waist, the other cupping her jaw and the back of her neck. She bit down on Dani’s lip, eliciting a shocked yelp from the other. Finally, she pulled away.
“Okay, now I’m convinced you’re a liar,” Dani scolded, sliding out from underneath her, feeling warm and on edge. “There’s no way that was your first time. Where did you learn that?”
If it was even possible, Megan blushed an even darker shade of red. “Uhm…it- fanfiction.”
“Fanfiction?”
“Yeah, for D.E.B.S.” It was Megan’s favorite movie. She’d seen it hundreds of times in her life and had forced all the girls to sit down to watch it, too. “What? Do you blame me? Jordana Brewster is like- she’s…”
“She’s hot, Megan,” Dani chuckled, running her hands through her hair. “It’s not a crime to state the obvious.” She laid a hand on Megan’s leg, sighing. “I think it's safe to say that you've learned how to kiss a girl. I don't have a diploma, or anything, but you've got my seal of approval."
"Was I better than the others?"
Dani smirked. "Don't get cocky. With practice, I'm sure you'll get there." She stood, stretching. "Send me that fanfiction, will you? Until then, I’m going to take a very long, very cold shower. And I’m definitely not going to think about what you just did while I’m in there.”
“Dani?”
“Yeah?”
“Have you ever had sex with a girl?”
Dani laughed, turning to face her in the bathroom doorway. “A girl has to have some secrets.” She closed the door and turned on the shower, leaving Megan alone and giggly. In all her eighteen years of life, she’d never enjoyed being a student more.