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The window panes were perfectly cut, painted, framed and dusted. Not a scratch on their surfaces, not a misplaced tile, not a single imperfection. The window towered over her, light shining through the panes casting warm light across her skin.
It was her. The first Swan Queen.
This woman defined Duchess’ entire life. And her mother's and all the Swans that came before her.
She stood ready in First Position, eyes closed, face unreadable. It's not like much can be expressed through glass. Her white hair was pinned back into a tight bun. Her skirt fanned around her. A swan spread its wings out in front of her. That swan is her and Duchess resents the fact that all she's really known for is her curse. The Swan Queen, but who is the woman behind the title?
Did she have any idea of how her story would end? Of course not, it hadn't been written yet. Did she know that her choices would determine the futures of her children and grandchildren? Did she know that destiny would curse them to live out her fate again and again?
Duchess pities her for the having to go through the experiences she did, but she also resents her for giving away her heart so freely. If Prince Seigfried loved her as much as she believed, he would've been able to see through Odile immediately. But he didn't because all he saw was their matching beauty. He didn't know Odette the person and she died for it.
Now Duchess has to die for it too…
She turned away from the window unable to bear it anymore and turned her attention to the pedestal that waited in front of it. A golden box waited for her. Taunted her.
She couldn't bring herself to look in it yet. Inside was a gift from her mother, the only gift she would ever receive from her.
She wonders what her mother received years ago. She wonders what every Swan must've gotten, knowing what their destiny was set to be. Did they mourn their mothers all over again? Did tears stain the podium, forever marking that they had been here and they existed?
Duchess grabbed the edge of the podium, keeping an arms length away. Her nails scratched the surface and chipped the paint. She eased herself forward, looking over the edge of the box.
There was a single envelope.
Had it been from anyone else, Duchess would've been infuriated. It was old and yellowing and felt moist from humidity. Everyone else got much better personalized gifts from their parents, Duchess didn't deserve any less than them!
But this was from her mother, and that alone made it special.
She lifted the envelope out of the box. It was unaddressed, but the seal on the back bore the Swan family crest. It was official.
She carefully popped the seal, not wanting to rip it. With bated breath she slid the letter out of confinement and unfolded it.
My little cygnet,
Duchess immediately folded the paper back as tears welled in her eyes. She can't let everyone see her break down. She'll have to read it later in private.
She let out a breath and returned the letter to its envelope, holding it to her chest.
She saw Cedar turning in the corner of her eye, attempting to make herself look normal. Quickly crossing her arms, she hid the letter from Cedar's eyes. Everything was fine, perfectly fine.
She didn't expect Cedar to call out her dress. She couldn't think of a comeback with her addled mind, leaving her tongue tied and squawking.
It was fine. Everything was fine.
—
Duchess stood straight as a board while the fairies primped and preened at her. Dress fitting was always a stressful time for her–thankfully she lost three more pounds, so at least she's got that going for her–but knowing that that letter was waiting for her in her purse, left sweat dripping down her back. Her eyes darted around the room, checking how finished the other girls’ dresses were. Oh, how she wished to get this over with and finally get some time to herself.
Then maybe she'll finally be able to bring herself to read that letter.
She wants to, she really does, but every time she opens that envelope the influx of emotions overwhelms her and she closes it right back up again.
She hates the feeling of letting her mother down. She's just not… ready.
She brushes her fingers over the feathers decorating her dress. Swan family tradition says that on Legacy Day each new Swan Prince or Princess must be dressed in the feathers of Swans that came before them. Along with some extra feathers from their flock. A rather morbid tradition, but to Duchess it was an honor.
She didn't get to show off her Legacy Day gown the way she was supposed to. The damn day had been cut short by Raven's revolt. And while Duchess had to return the feathers to her flock and keep them safe for future generations, she did hold onto her mother's. Now they adorned her Thronecoming dress. It's fitting, seeing how Thronecoming is practically Legacy Day attempt #2.
Now that Raven has changed her mind again , they were expected to finish what they started. They all had to sign.
Duchess had to sign…
And thus marks the beginning of her end. And she's never felt so defeated before. So much plotting and planning, all just for the chance at a happily ever after. All of that only for her story to play out the same way it always does.
It's not fair…
Apple is going on and on and on about how great this all is. She gets to live in her own little world where everything is just peachy . She already signed the book and now Raven will too. Her story will play out the way it's supposed to. She'll have a nap, become Queen and live happily ever after . It makes Duchess sick with envy.
“WE GET IT!”
It's not Duchess who finally snaps, which is a shock, but someone much more surprising.
Briar .
Briar Beauty just snapped at her best friend . The drama is too good to pass up and Duchess is just itching for details.
“Whoa! What's ruffled your feathers?” she taunted.
“It's just… It's not as easy as you make it sound, Apple,” Briar sighed. Typical. These girls were too boring to actually get into a cat fight.
“What's not?” Apple cocked her head.
“Following our destinies. I mean, do you really think I want to sleep for a hundred years?” Briar looked at them all like they should've already known that.
“Well, you are gonna miss out on all the great parties,” Raven laughed.
“Is that how you see me?” Briar said incredulously, “The party girl?
I don't wanna sleep ‘cause I'm gonna lose all my friends. And I'm gonna be alone. How do you think that feels?”
“I never thought about that…” Duchess hadn't either. She never considered any other royal would be unsatisfied with their end. Briar, at least, gets a happy ending. She should appreciate what she has.
“Well, I have. And now that you're gonna sign…” Briar turned to walk away from them all. Clearly trying to retreat to a private room to be left alone, “Well, it changes everything.”
Apple followed her, and so did the others. They can't call Duchess nosey, when they're all going to snoop together.
“Briar…” Apple started quietly, “We all have our part to play.”
“Easy for you to say, Apple!” Briar snapped again, scowling at her friend, “You only get poisoned for what? Like a week?”
The others gasped and Duchess sincerely wished she had some popcorn. No one spoke to Apple White that way. And for Briar, of all people, to… it was fantastic! She couldn't wait to tell Sparrow and Faybelle all about it!
“Briar, I'm sorry you're upset, but–”
“I'm happy for you, Apple, I'm happy Raven is going to sign, but now, I don't think I want to.” Briar pushed past all of them and left the dressing room entirely, leaving stunned princesses behind.
Would she really not sign? A rebellious act like that performed by a royal was completely unheard of. Duchess almost wants her to go through with it. She wants destiny to get thrown off so badly, their futures become unscripted. She wants the chance to get a happily ever after.
She wants to live.
But she can't rely on Briar's cold feet. She's just as likely to succumb to the pressure of signing as she is not to.
The only one responsible for Duchess’ ending is Duchess herself…
But is she willing to rebel?
—
Duchess sat on the steps of her parade float. An ivory swan towered over her. Smaller swans spun in a semicircle around a “lake”. Really it was just a reflective flooring, but people would get the idea.
The parade would start in just under an hour. But with everyone running around making last minute preparations, Duchess felt it was safe for her to take a few moments to herself.
And to finally read that letter.
Just the thought of it is enough to send her heart into a frenzy. The last years of her mother's life were a confusing mix of emotions. Even before Duchess was born, her mother was slowly losing herself, just like all the Swan Queens did before her.
She couldn't speak anymore. Not human words at least. Duchess could only speak with her in swan form and even then, she can't remember much of what she said. As she grew older, her mother's mind slipped further and further away until she only spoke in fragmented sentences that didn't make much sense.
By the time she died, she barely spoke at all.
These words were precious. A tear slipped from her eye and stained the letter in her hand. She quickly wiped it off. She can't let a little water ruin her mother's gift.
Once again, she gingerly opened the envelope, slipping the paper out, and unfolding it. Her mother's dainty handwriting stared at her lovingly.
Taking in a breath, Duchess read the first line.
My little cygnet,
Right now, you're nothing but a twinkle in my eye, but I know that when we do meet, I know I'll love you with all my heart.
There’s going to be so little time for us to be together. It will never be enough. But I promise, the time we do share, I will pour as much love as I can into you. I will hang on for as long as possible for you.
If I could, I’d never leave you. But this curse ravages you from the inside, while keeping you beautiful on the outside. It’s something I wish you’d never have to bear.
It's a heavy burden to carry. And I know you must be a teenager now. It wasn’t easy for me at your age. It still isn’t.
But I know you’ll grow strong. Stronger than I am now. And you’ll be reading this letter in your legacy year. Just know I am proud of you. Make the most of your life, now matter how short it may feel. Don’t feel weighed down by the Swan family name, you have already lived up to its fullest potential just by simply existing.
I love you with all my heart,
Mom
Tears were falling freely into her lap now. Duchess didn't care to wipe them off as she clutched the paper in her hands. She clenched her teeth and hissed as a sob threatened to break free from her throat.
“What are you doing?” came the raspy voice that had ingrained itself into Duchess’ life, “You're ruining your makeup!”
She looked up, Sparrow looked down at her with his arms crossed and a brow raised. “Unless… you finally want to join my band and this is the look you're going for.”
Duchess rolled her eyes, wiping under her nose. “I'm not joining your stupid band, Sparrow.”
“Yeah, I know,” he sighed, kneeling in front of her, “Give me your purse.”
“What? No!” Duchess balked, “Why would I trust a thief with my p–”
“Do you want your makeup fixed or not?” He glared at her, “We got twenty minutes, hurry up.”
He held out his hand expectantly, and Duchess begrudgingly handed her purse over. Sparrow dug through it for a second, not having any trouble finding what he was looking for.
Taking out a tissue, he held Duchess’ face steady as he wiped it along her cheeks, wiping off smudged and runny mascara.
“So what's wrong?” he asked quietly.
“Nothing ,” she hissed.
“Duchess, you don't cry over nothing,” he retorted, retrieving some blush, “You whine , but you don't cry.”
Duchess huffed, lightly shoving his shoulder. Sparrow rolled his eyes, more worried about the blush he was reapplying.
"My mom…” she started, weak to the fact that Sparrow has seen her break down like this before. It made it a little bit easier to let herself open up to him, “My mom left me a letter.”
Sparrow nodded, knowing better than to pry for details. Whatever was in it, was Duchess’ business. Instead, he focused more on reapplying the mascara to her eyelashes and waited for her to continue.
Duchess swallowed, “I'm thinking about doing something crazy.”
“Isn't everything you do crazy?” Sparrow cracked a smile. It fell when she didn't respond. “Oh… you mean like… world ending crazy…”
“Yeah…” Duchess turned her head away.
“Well, you know I'll support you,” Sparrow sighed, packing the makeup back into her purse, “I've helped you with how many schemes? I'm used to your kind of crazy.”
Duchess scoffed and rolled her eyes. Sparrow only laughed, saying, “If you don't want to sign the book, then I'll have your back. You don't have to worry about what anyone else says.”
The corners of Duchess’ mouth turned up at that. “Since when have I ever cared about what people think of me?”
Sparrow looked away in thought. “Well there was that one time–”
“That was rhetorical, moron!” Duchess crossed her arms.
Sparrow laughed, stood up and pulled Duchess to her feet. “Well, now we got that taken care of, you better get up there. The parade’s about to start. So go do your twirls or whatever.”
Duchess stomped her foot with a huff, ready to give him yet another lecture about the logistics of ballet. She ultimately decided against it, for he has heard it a thousand times before and will clearly never learn.
“Thanks, Sparrow,” She smiled, turning around to walk up the floats steps.
“You can thank me by cheering for me at the big game!” he called up to her.
Duchess laughed out loud, “As if I'd go to a stupid sports game!”
—
The parade seemed to drag on. As the floats inched forward, Duchess’ stomach did flip after flip. The stage at the end loomed ever closer. By the time her float parked, her nerves shook so much she damn near fell down the stairs.
As soon as her feet touched the ground, Madame Yaga grabbed her by the forearm and ushered her to the front, standing right behind Holly O’Hare in a line to the stage.
In line to the Storybook of Legends…
What? No. They can't possibly expect her to sign it now. There's supposed to be a speech and applause and they're definitely supposed to have the whole student body there.
Duchess looked back at the line of floats that had yet to even make it there. Raven was at the very back of the line, why are they doing this without her!?
She realized it would take all night to get the remaining students to sign the book, as Holly stepped forward at Headmaster Grimm’s instruction. Duchess was next. She can't do this!
She could feel her blood draining, leaving her limbs to feel weightless. She bobbed on her knees to try and get her blood to flow before she fainted.
Holly finished quickly and the Headmaster stepped forward to call the next student to sign.
“And now… Duchess Swan.”
The name weighed heavily in her ears, on her shoulders. She stood there like an idiot until she was abruptly shoved forward. Growling, Duchess looked back to see the end of Kitty Cheshire’s disappearing act.
Duchess took a breath and gathered herself to walk forward. Her feet wobbled with every step and she worried, in the very back of her mind, that she would fall right over.
As she reached the center stage, she clutched the podium like it was her life support. The old wood was soft with humidity as her nails bit into it. Duchess tried to swallow as her throat dried.
This was it.
Month's worth of Headmaster Grimm’s drilling repeated in her head. Make your pledge, turn your key, sign the book.
But as she opened her mouth, her voice refused to come out. Vocal cords strained at the thought of being used. She felt light headed.
The key materialized without her saying anything. Duchess hesitantly reached up to turn it, her fingers slipping from how much sweat was gathering on her palms. The mirror appeared as she turned the key and Duchess watched her destiny play out as it was supposed to.
Her curse, that has plagued her family for generations. The moon, the only thing that will allow her to return to human form, even if temporarily. Dancing, probably the thing she loves most in this life. Meeting her true love.
That love is not true, Duchess thinks, without all the usual malice that comes with it.
It's not that she doesn't want to love, she wants to very badly. It's just another way for her to prolong her story. Guard her heart. Don't let him in.
And then, the mirror changed to her story’s end. Her Odile. The betrayal. Promises broken. Her curse sealed. The final image is Duchess, trapped in her swan form, losing so much of her humanity until she is nothing but despair floating upon the lake's surface.
And then she'll drown herself… just as her mother had, and her grandmother, and her great grandmother, and every Swan back to Odette.
She doesn't want to die. It's not fair. She's a princess, the protagonist of this story. She's supposed to get a happy ending! What makes her less deserving than any other royal here!
The mirror lowered and Duchess was left with an expectant crowd. She swallowed the bile that rose up her throat, her insides burned with the action.
“My name… is Duchess Swan,” she willed herself to say, “Daughter of the Swan Queen, and I… I…”
She knew what she had to say. She knew what she wanted to say. Can she pick one over the other? Both options feel wrong .
Gathering her courage, she continues, “I'm not going to let you kill me.”
The crowd was silent, shell-shocked. Duchess turned her glare to the headmaster, “I'm not going to stand back and die just because you tell me to.” She pointed an accusatory finger at him.
Half the crowd erupted into cheers. The rebels. They considered Duchess to be one of them now. Her heart dropped at that.
The headmaster moved to stop her, Duchess ran her fingers along the book pages. “I'm going to get a happily ever after!” she frantically flipped through them, “I don't care what it is! I don't care whose it is!”
She stopped on a page. A princess. Perfect.
Practically every other princess gets a happy ending, it doesn't matter which one she lands on. Duchess scribbled her name along the line.
A calloused hand ripped the quill away from her. Duchess opened her eyes. Traveling up the page, she saw her signature, glowing as it sealed her new fate. She skimmed the paragraphs, past the words fairies and thorns, to the title of the chapter. Sleeping Beauty.
She signed Briar's page. She's going to sleep for a hundred years. Part of her dreaded it and yet, a bigger part of her felt so relieved. The burden had been lifted. She's not going to die.
She laughed as a sob tore out of her throat. The book snapped shut and Headmaster Grimm dragged Duchess from the stage. She didn't care, she's going to live and that's all that matters.
“We are going to be having words, young lady,” he hissed as he deposited her off stage, turning back to address the, once again, shocked crowd.
The line of students, that had once been waiting for their turn, dwindled to a group. Briar was standing in the middle, eyes locked to the floor not really paying attention to anything. Her friends gathered around her, giving her apologies and words of encouragement and false promises that they'll “fix” it somehow.
Cedar was at the edge of the group, pulling Raven's arm, frantically trying to tell her something. “Please, listen to me! It's not the re–”
“Look who it is!” Apple cut her off as she turned a hateful gaze onto Duchess, “How could you do that! How could you be so selfish!”
That struck all of Duchess’ nerves at once. Apple gets everything she wants handed to her on a silver platter. People love her without question. Who is she to call anyone selfish!
“Because I am selfish!” Duchess bit back, “If being selfish means wanting to stay alive, then I'm selfish!
You want Raven to sign so badly so you can get your own happy ending and Raven to end up just like her mom! You want everyone to slave away to their stories, like Ashlynn and Briar, giving up everything they love so they can follow their destinies exactly how you want them too! And you want me to just die already!”
Apple was taken aback, “Wh- What? No… I don't–”
“No! If you want me to follow destiny so bad, then you want me to die!” Duchess bucked up, scanning the group, “I bet you all were just waiting for it too! Just counting the days because you're tired of Duchess Swan being a bitch!”
“Well maybe if you were nicer…” Ashlynn trailed off as she realized her comment came out wrong.
“What? If I were nicer, then you'd actually pity me?” she scowled, “I don't need your pity! I don't need any of you! Because none of you will be here in a hundred years!”
“We never wanted you to die, Duchess,” Raven said carefully.
“You should be happy for me!” Duchess retorted, “You're the one who tells everyone to write their own stories!”
“Not by taking someone else's.”
“She didn't even want to sign!” Duchess threw her arms out in exasperation.
“That's not your choice to make for her.” Raven shook her head.
Briar stepped forward, eyes fixed on Duchess now. Duchess stood firm, yet something about Briar's stare made her want to cower down.
“I hope it's everything you wanted,” Briar said quietly, no discernable emotion in her voice. And with that she walked away, her friends, and a pleading Cedar following, behind her.
Who needs them? Not Duchess. Not when she has a happy ending waiting for her. And a prince, who will wait a hundred years for her. Not when she can now have her own children and they won't have to grow up without a mother!
Duchess wrapped her arms around herself, her mother's feathers brushing against her neck.
No, she doesn't need anybody.
“I can't believe you actually did it…”
Duchess looked up in surprise. Sparrow was standing before her, bookball uniform haphazardly thrown on. She furrowed her brow, “What? You here to judge me too? Go on. Get it over with…”
“No, I just…” Sparrow scratched the back of his neck, “I never thought you'd actually go this far. I mean, sure, you wanted to, but… I never took you seriously.”
“Yeah, no one takes me seriously,” Duchess scowled.
“I do now,” Sparrow looked at the ground awkwardly, “But why didn't you… just not sign.”
“That's too open-ended!” she cried, ready to defend her decisions to the ends of the earth, “What if destiny still comes for me, even if I don't sign!
No, I need a way to know for sure there's a happy end for me… That's the only way...” Duchess trailed off, holding her head on her hands as her eyes threatened to cry again.
Silence overtook them at that. Both stared off, unwilling to look at each other. Both felt layers of disappointment and regret and worry, yet neither would ever admit it. Too prideful.
“I'll miss you…” Sparrow finally said.
Duchess looked up and sniffed, a ghost of a smile on her lips, “I'm not gone yet. Don't get sappy on me now.”
Sparrow smiled, “Right. Guess I'll just have to bug you even more now. Give you a hundred years worth of headaches.”
Duchess rolled her eyes, but her smile grew wider.
“And I'm gonna release so many songs in that time!” he said, a determined look on his face, “It'll take you another hundred years to listen to them all!”
“You couldn't pay me to listen to that crap,” she nudged him playfully.
“I'll be top of the charts!” he argued, “They'll play me on the radio nonstop!”
“I'll turn the radio off!”
“I'll put headphones over your ears while you sleep! And blast my albums for the whole hundred years!”
That got a laugh out of Duchess. She'd never admit out loud, but Sparrow is one person she'll miss when all is said and done.
…And she will give his music a chance. Just one though.
She can't dwell on the past too much. Not when most of her classmates hate her. No one will miss her when she's gone. She's known that for years now.
For once, she actually has a future ahead of her. And it's looking pretty bright.
But it wasn't.
Because, while she had prepared herself for the stares and the whispers behind her back, she wasn't ready for it.
She wasn't ready for Apple and the other royals to be so openly cold to her, even if Briar said she didn't care about Duchess' actions.
She wasn't ready for Faybelle to throw a fit. Because she'd spent her whole life preparing to put some spoiled princess to sleep, not one of her best friends.
She wasn't ready for Cedar to reveal that the book was a fake and Duchess had made a public spectacle of her stealing someone else's happy ending for nothing…
In the end, drowning didn't seem so bad after all…