Chapter Text
You know Toontown, right? The biggest, wackiest city in the Tooniverse? Split into six lovely neighborhoods? The place where we Toons love to laugh and play?
Of course you do! And I’m here to tell you all about the town’s history—and a story you won’t forget.
Believe it or not, Toontown wasn’t always around here—nope! Toontown was located in the other world! The one where all those boring humans spend their lives working and not playing! It functioned as an embassy of sorts—except with parallel worlds.
At the time, all the humans in the town where the big movie guys made stuff together wanted our acting talents—they wanted us to star in these little theater shorts called “cartoons.” Those philistines thought we were funny ‘cause they didn’t understand us. Regardless, we agreed, and many of us would set up shop and build Toontown so humans could come in and hang out with us whenever they wanted.
It didn’t last forever, though. Humans didn’t want to pay us the royalties we were entitled to, so they dabbled in more cost-effective cartoon-making methods. Eventually, they found the perfect solution: soulless drawings on paper. Talented humans gave us our voices, but now the big guys wanted them to speak for dull ink blots shown on tiny home screens.
Walter Lantz Productions, our last employer, went bankrupt in the year humans call 1972; that ended the Golden Age of Animation–and even worse, they no longer had a purpose for us. We were driven out of the other world, and Toontown became a “freeway.” Once we came back, we built a brand-spanking new Toontown that’s even bigger than the original: the Toontown we know and love today, just 23 miles south of Mouseton and 18 miles west of Duckburg—it’s the biggest and brightest city in all of Calisota!
Toontown wouldn’t always be fun and games, though–being such a big town, we had to get involved in the “B-word.” That’s right: Business. Marketing! Economy! Law! Management! Those four words make me gag just saying them!
Flippy, the President of the Toon Council that governs Toontown, wasn’t having any of it—and he wanted things to change immediately. Flippy became the president after his much-loved father—the previous president–practically appointed him to the position. He wanted to finish what his dad started; big business in Toontown would be no more.
His council-toons’ proposals fell flat, so he turned to Loony Labs—his team of scientoons led by Professor Prepostera and his assistants Doctor Surlee and Doctor Dimm—for a solution; however, they were busy working on their newest, looniest gizmo: the Silly Meter. With no other option, Flippy turned to the greatest scientific genius in all of the Tooniverse: Gyro Gearloose.
Gearloose was enthusiastic about the proposal and he went straight to work. Over the weeks, he planned and constructed his line of business-minded robots who would assist the Toons by doing the work we don’t want to do: he called them the Cogs. Gearloose created four “Cog departments,” each of which a specific Cog would specialize in; these were Sellbots, which handled marketing; Cashbots, which handled economics; Lawbots, which made new laws; and finally, the Bossbots, which managed the other three departments.
After a large, bulky prototype robot was rejected, Gearloose created the final designs; they were made in the image of humans, each distinct in proportions and wearing different suits depending on their department. Sellbots were given purple plaid suits; Cashbots wore green ones dotted with dollar signs; Lawbots wore blue-ish gray tuxes; and Bossbots had dark brown pinstripe suits. His Cogs were complete, and he was ready to present them to the Toon Council.
Little did Gearloose know that, upon activating them, they’d turn against us! The four Cogs brought in to represent each department attacked the council-toons, and even more would fly down upon Toontown, propellers retracting from their heads, to invade! We’d see something in our town hitherto unseen before–Toons becoming sad! Crying! Tears from their eyes! Those Toons sulked away and weren’t seen again.
It became clear: The Cogs were the greatest threat to Toontown since the ol’ Judge himself. Gyro Gearloose disappeared that day, and the miserly Scrooge McDuck—whom Gyro trusted to watch the lab while he was gone—hadn’t been heard from either. While the playgrounds (the neighborhoods’ main districts) were too silly for the Cogs to touch, the streets weren’t, and they quickly expanded their domain in the immediate area surrounding Toontown, constructing cities, golf courses, factories, and even oil rigs!
There was hope, though! While defending himself, Flippy discovered a weakness in the Cogs: laughter! Upon hurling a cream pie right in the face of a Cog, it exploded! Gearloose programmed the Cogs to be so dull that a joke would be too much to handle. After escaping with his happiness, Flippy ordered the mass production of “Gags” to be used against the Cogs.
Many council-toons joined together to form the Toon Resistance. Such a small team wasn’t enough to take on the might of the Cogs alone though and without an army, Flippy could only do one thing: enlist citizen Toons. He created the Toon Task Force to help recruits and closed most of Toontown’s small businesses. (While my school came unscathed, I haven’t had new students in years.)
Hapless Toons were sent to go on sometimes dangerous missions for the greater good, and each was assigned to use Gags of a certain “track”: Throw, Squirt, Drop, Sound, Trap, and Lure. In addition, all were given bonus “Toon-Up” Gags to boost each others’ happiness.
Five years later, we see the battle between us Toons and Cogs as the status quo: Nothing has changed; no big wins for either side. This is Toontown now.
Or is it?
Soon enough, six lucky young Toons will come onto the scene and impress us all! They’ll give us hope again! And maybe they’ll destroy the Cogs; or even better, they’ll help us and the Cogs find peace between each other. Who knows?
So sit down and prepare yourself; grab a jar of jellybeans, because this story will be long—yet fun and wacky! It’s time for the story of Toontown Online!