Chapter Text
5th year, november
Regulus Black wakes up because of the incessant sound someone is making outside their dorm, he tries to ignore it and then he realizes that someone is knocking on his door. Slowly, he gets up and opens the door but freezes when he finds Sirius standing behind it.
“Sirius how the hell did you get in-?” He stops himself as soon as Sirius lifts his head, the boy’s eyes are red.
Was he crying before he came here? Regulus feels awkward standing in front of his brother, with a pajama on and eyes full of sleep. Sirius has seen him like this before, of course, but it’s weird now to have any sort of interaction.
“Sirius what’s wrong? Why are you here?”
It takes him a while to reply, “It seems like the family madness got to me too,” the older boy stares at him with a sad smile on his face, his eyes are melancholic pools of emptiness.
If he wasn’t crying before, he is now. Regulus doesn’t know what to do.
“I did something, Regulus,” Sirius lets out with a trembling breath, “Something horrible. Mother would be so proud of me if she knew.”
Regulus is starting to get worried, now, looking at his brother with concern.
Sirius hasn’t looked in his direction since he was sorted in Slytherin and now he is crying right in front of him. If he decided to go to Regulus, something really awful must had happened.
“Sirius,” the boy speaks slowly, scared to make his brother more distressed, “What did you do?”
Sirius stays silent for a while, then his face shifts. His emotions previously showing on his face are gone now, just like he taught Regulus to do in front of their parents; his face an impenetrable mask.
Then he speaks:
“I hurt Moony, Regulus.” Remus. “I hurt him. And it’s not something that I can fix. He’ll never forgive me. Peter doesn’t speak to me, James too. Remus can’t even look at me, they’re transferring me into another dorm because they all can’t stand being with me, he’s not safe if I’m there. I should’ve been expelled. Oh Reggie, I deserve it, I deserve to have to stay in that house until I die.” he lets everything out in one breath, voice shaking.
“Sirius, what did you do?“ Regulus knows he sounds cold, but he can’t bring himself to change his tone and comfort his brother.
“I can’t tell you what I did.”
“Sirius I can’t help you then,” Regulus sighs, “I can’t solve that for you.”
“I know Reggie, I know.”
“So why are you here, why did you come to me?”
“Because you’re the only one who gets Mother’s voice in my thoughts, you’re the only one who gets me, because you know how they work. So I came here, but when you opened the door I realized you can do nothing for me, and you probably wouldn’t.”
Regulus wonders why his brother thinks he wouldn’t help him, it feels like Sirius doesn’t know him anymore. He doesn’t want to share his feelings and be rude to his brother, who came to him asking for help. But he can’t ignore the guilt that blocks his throat, he wonders if Sirius thinks he is avoiding him because he doesn’t want to talk, or because he doesn’t consider him his older brother anymore.
They stay silent.
“So,” Regulus says after a while. “What do you want me to do?” his tone is softer this time, he is trying to make Sirius open up to him, not block him away again.
“Can I stay with you for a bit?”
“Yes.” Regulus is almost embarrassed by how quickly he replies, still the juvenile little boy who misses his brother.
He lets Sirius in, the boy looks around the dorm, looking genuinely curious about how Reg organized it. He sits on his bed, Regulus on Barty’s.
Sirius looks tired. What did he do? Regulus is confused.
“Do- do you remember when we used to play hide and seek so that Mother wouldn’t find us?” Sirius’ voice cracks. The younger boy is confused by the change of subject.
“Yeah and you always cheated.” he jokes, trying to lighten up Sirius’ mood.
“I did it once, maybe,” Sirius admits.
“No, all the time Siri.” Sirius’ head snaps to look at him.
“What?” Regulus asks, confused.
“You called me Siri.”
“I did not.”
They stay in silence for a while, sitting on the beds, eventually looking at each other. Regulus takes in Sirius’ appearance any time he can. He wonders if he finds it awkward too to be sitting in a room with Regulus, talking and confessing things just like they did when they were close.
“Why was it so hard for you to find me,” Sirius whispers after a while.
“I didn’t want to break the rules.”
“You never do, huh?”
I am now, I’m breaking them. I’m talking to you.
If Mother finds out she’ll curse me.
Silence. Again. Great.
“Reggie why didn’t you come with me?”
Regulus seriously wishes his brother would stop asking.
“I couldn’t.”
“Why not?” Sirius’s asks, voice thick with desperation.
“I wasn’t brave enough,” Regulus admits.
“Are you now?”
“I suppose.”
“Will you leave?”
If you asked me again I’d say yes, I’d come with you.
“It’s too late now,” he says instead, “Things have changed.”
Sirius isn’t crying anymore. He lays down on Regulus’ bed, then he seems to notice something that makes him smile.
“Who painted this?” Sirius asks.
“Pandora painted it.” The leo constellation.
“It’s beautiful,” Sirius replies.
It really is.
“Your star is the brightest!” he notices.
“Yes, she said she wanted to be sure it stood out.” he whispers.
“It’s sweet.”
They stay in silence. Regulus sighs and rests his head back down on the bed. “Don’t you want to talk about it?” he dares. “Not really, I just felt lonely and wanted some company.” Regulus feels betrayed about the fact that Sirius came to him just because he has no one else, always the spare, isn’t he?. But he doesn’t comment on that, he doesn’t want to pick up a fight or let Sirius know it hurt him. “Are you alone in your dorm then?” Sirius sighs, Regulus knows how much it tortures him to be alone. “Yes. I should go before Barty and Evan are back, right?” he stands up abruptly. He is right, Regulus wouldn’t know how to explain to his friends why his brother is in their dorm. “I can walk you back if you want?” Regulus didn’t mean to say it out loud, Sirius won’t want to be seen with a Slytherin, he feels stupid. It’s a small courtesy he can offer his brother, but he will forget about it in a week and go back to avoid speaking or looking at him, so what’s the point of being considerate? Sirius doesn’t reply, he just walks out of the dorm. Regulus lays back down, sighing. After a second he sees Sirius’ head popping out the door, “Aren’t you coming?” he raises an eyebrow. Regulus quickly follows his brother out the dungeons, trying to hide his small smile.