Chapter Text
Diagon Alley - September 1980
“Oops! Sorry, I need to watch—Snape? Oh hello.“ Lily said as she bumped into Snape holding Harry in her arms. Snape was speechless, not only at the sight of Lily and how beautiful she’d become, but also at the baby, and the use of the name Snape. Like it was the most natural thing, Snape didn’t know what to say so he just nodded. “I heard a rumor from Dumbledore about him thinking of offering you a position to teach at HOGWARTS! I could not believe it! Then again, I believe little he says.” Lily laughed. “Who’d known you’d possibly become a potions professor? Considering our time teaching was horrid. I guess I was right about you being meant to teach though.” Lily stated, laughing.
“It is not official at all. I have not made a decision, nor have I been offered a position. I too have heard that rumor, though. The rumor I heard, however, was only for an adjunct professor, not a full time position. He shouldn't spread false information.”
”Well I know with all that’s been going on, and you kind of being MIA, and well away from me and with your...um other friends more...Well you know, there’s talks that you’ve joined—“
“You shouldn’t believe everything you hear, Lily. If anything, I have tried to stay away from this all. I’ve just been trying to keep to myself and figure things out.” Snape lied. If one thing was going to be preserved, it was Lily’s view of him, however tainted it was. “The old coot is trying to make me apply for that bloody adjunct position. Though I actually suggested being an assistant for the Defense Against the Dark Arts, when we first discussed a course of action for me after graduation. Except he turned me down for that.” Snape said emotionless. Harry started to fuss a bit and Lily switched the side Harry was on to her other side.
“Hm, I see. He seemed awfully sure you’d take this one if actually offered. Maybe because it’s potions. But why the Defense position? It’s not like you have that much experience in- you know what never mind. Besides, don’t you know it could be cursed?” She laughed. Snape just looked away. Harry began to fuss more and Snape stood there watching Lily calm him down effortlessly. She was meant to be a mother, he thought. When Harry calmed down, he seemed to notice Snape for the first time. He let out a mixed squeal and laugh, and reached out to him. “Oh, sorry. No, Harry. He’s not a children’s person,” Lily smirked as Snape barely smiled.
“Harry? After your father?” Snape inquired.
“Yes. I thought it seemed appropriate. If Remus and I have another boy, we are going to name him after his father”. Lily said as Snape furrowed his brows at the mention of Remus and them being together. “With all that’s been going on, a possible war and all the fighting, it’s really good to see you. I thought maybe I’d never see you again with the way things had ended. Or even under different circumstances.” Lily said trying to keep Harry from squirming so much as she smiled at Snape sympathetically.
“It has been a rough past few years, hasn’t it?” Snape asked rhetorically. “I do hope though, we see less of each other in the coming months...for everyone’s sake.” He spoke, barely audible, deep in thought. Harry once again reached out to Snape.
”What was that?” Lily asked.
”Nothing at all.” He waved away. He stared at Harry. Harry. Who looked so much like Remus and Lily. Remus...the one Lily ended up within. He had no right forcing his way into her life like he did.
”Would you like to hold him? ...Severus?” Lily asked knocking Snape out of his thoughts.
”Pardon?” Snape looked up out of his thoughts.
“Harry. Do you want to hold him?“
”You would... entrust me to hold the child?”
“Always so dramatic.” Lily rolled her eyes and smiled. “Of course, I would. It’s not like you’re going to try to kill him. I’m right here.” Lily joked as Severus just looked away. How can he keep Lily safe from all this? Was that even an option anymore?
“I’d rather not,” Snape said uneasily. “Like you said. I’m not the child type”.
Lily just looked at Severus. “Oh, just hold him. You need the practice with kids if you are on your way to being a professor.” Lily said, putting Harry in Severus’ arms, who just held him awkwardly out in front of him.She laughed rolling her eyes. Snape just awkwardly held Harry out at arms lengths as Harry stared at Snape. “You know," Lily started not knowing what to say, "It doesn’t have to be this way for us. Any of it. Everyone is over what happened back then. We were all just kids and didn’t know how to behave. Especially you and I. I’ve tried writing to you to fix things, but I fear anything I say wouldn’t be good enough. I thought maybe this distance would’ve fixed it, but I guess not.” Lily said empathetically as Harry started crying and Lily smiled sadly and took him back.
”Well, I am so glad the cause for my misery is over, all the misery they caused. You’ve already tried and I told you why it can’t be fixed. It does have to be this way, unfortunately. We both chose our paths and the lives we want to live. And regarding your letters, don’t send any. Truthfully Lily-“ Snape was cut off by Remus joining the conversation.
“Lily? Oh, there you are, Love.” He stated as he walked up and kissed Lily’s forehead, as Harry started laughing and wanted to go to Remus. “And there you are my little Gryffindor!” He said grabbing Harry and holding him comfortably as he noticed Severus. “Oh. Snape. How are you? Heard the news about HOGWARTS. How mental.“
”Potential news, darling.” Lily chimed in.
Snape was so furious he didn’t even realize how hard he was squeezing his hands in fists. “Indeed. So. very. mental. It is not an official, however. As your-“ he couldn’t bring himself to say wife. “As Lily stated.” He spoke, rolling his eyes in annoyance. Snape cleared his throat. "Anyways, I have other things to attend to than this. SO if you'll excuse me-“
“Yes, of course. Us too. We would love to chat more but we must get home. The boys are coming over for a game night. Except Peter, he had other arrangements. Been very busy lately that one.” Remus said, looking over at Lily who just smiled at him sympathetically.
“Yeah, Wormy has been a bit weird lately.” Lily stated, wondering out loud. “Always scurrying off. Blowing off plans. It’s odd.”
”Yes.” Snape said knowingly. “I imagine he has.”
“We just wanted to be in Diagon Alley for all the beginning of term excitement! And do some shopping. As you know, with what’s been going on, and like I was saying earlier we wanted a sense of normalcy. I mean losing Marlene...well it took a toll.” Lily stated looking down sadly, tears forming in her eyes as Snape looked away, trying to not show any emotion. Remus put his hand on Lily’s arm in comfort.
“Yes, we do miss it some days. And this just feels like home I suppose.” He smiled at her this time sympathetically. Both have lost so much but they had each other and that was enough. “Well, shall we?” Remus said as he started walking with Harry, as he waited for Lily.
”Good luck if you take the job, Snape. And every year after. Try not to scare those kids too much. Who knows maybe one day you’ll be Harry’s teacher.” Lily laughed. “If you can last that long.” She smirked as she started walking away and met up with Remus. Lily, then stopped and turned back. She spoke something to Remus and walked back over to Snape, hugging him as he just stood there in shock not hugging her back. “I just want you to know, I forgive you. And I’m sorry. For all of it. I wish things could be different. Truly.” With that, she walked back to Remus and grabbed his arm that wasn’t holding Harry as they walked out of sight, leaving Snape standing there alone. He wanted to say him too, he wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to say he got her letters but felt so ashamed of who he’d become he couldn’t read them. Instead he just watched her leave once more out of his grasp and into Remus’.
She left him standing there getting that feeling back he hadn’t had in so long. That conflicted feeling of darkness and his duty to his Slytherin side versus the warmth and kindness he felt with Lily. The person Lily wanted him to always be. He hadn’t missed the conflicted feeling one bit. But it still did just that, made him feel conflicted. Conflicted between his new job and even more so his new ‘role’ and who Lily told him he could always be. She used to call him Severus, the only person he actually cared about what they called him. To hear her call him Snape so naturally like it’s what she always has called him...it was a new pain. Snape had a purpose now, a group that stood up for him. He had a reason and a mission. That was enough. Wasn’t it?
Halloween 1981
"Do you think this is what Lily would have wanted? Do you think she would want this from you, who and WHAT you've become?" Remus said all bloody as he knelt on the floor next to Lily’s body.
"Don't you dare speak to me about what Lily would have wanted, you don’t know her! You have no idea!" Snape snapped standing over Remus as a tear escaped his eye.
"She was my wife, Severus! She chose me! Why do you think that is? I loved her- I love her..." Remus corrected himself, looking at her, moving the hair from her face. “I love her far more than you ever could. Let’s not forget it was you who got her killed. It was YOU who killed Marlene and countless others in his name. You are why we are in this mess! Or have you become so daft?" Remus stated through his tears, just as angry.
"Careful Lupin, your dog is showing. Do not be so dense. It was not me who got her killed, you insipid prick! Rather your choice of friends. Cut the self-righteous act, it is far too exhausting.”
With that, Remus jumped up, took out his wand, and fired a spell at Snape who deflected it. Snape sent a spell back and forth for a while, they were in a duel. All of a sudden Snape knocked Remus’ wand out of his hand as he gave up and just stared at Snape, dropping to his knees and Snape pointed his own wand at him.
"Go on. Do it. I can't live without her anyway. I’ve lost her...I’ve lost everyone and everything I have ever held dear to me. It only makes sense to come full circle.” Remus said, looking down and slumped over.
"What about the child?" Severus stated as he looked over at Harry crying as he thought back to the first time he ever met Harry that day in Diagon Alley.
Remus looked over to Harry, who looked back at him through glassy eyes and slightly smiling at him. Through stray tears, Remus spoke up. "Harry...Harry needs someone more than me. I’m not enough by myself. I can’t—“ A tear escaped his eye. “I can’t do it alone." Remus stated as he started sobbing. "He needs stability. emotionally and environmentally. He needs a father. He has to go to someone far better than I."
“You are truly pathetic. Lupin."
"Snape. You must take him." Remus said.
“Yes, when most people think of stability they think of me." Severus rolled his eyes trying to hold in his pain. “Don’t be absurd.”
"Then find him a home...find him the life he deserves. Severus, please." Remus pleaded sobbing. Snape put his wand down.
"Do get your head out of your arse and wise up. I will do no such thing. Why in this bloody world would I ever help you?" Snape said getting angry and embarrassed for the man in front of him groveling for Snape to save his own son. "I loved Lily and you took her away from me all those years ago. You stood by whilst I got bullied and did nothing. I will not care about the happenings of your child." Snape stated through stray tears as he started to walk away.
"You are the one who chose this. You chose power, revenge, over her. Power. What you saw as worth! Think of what Lily would want. Don’t do this for me.”
Snape turned around. “You are weak, pathetic, worthless. How did you get sorted into Gryffindor? In case you haven’t noticed, Lily is not here anymore. So it does not matter.” He spoke up in pain, tears burning in his own eyes.
“You cannot be that much of a coward!" Remus spat.
Snape turned around fully and In one quick motion, spelled "OBLIVIATE!" As Remus fell to the ground unconscious, laying beside Lily.
As Snape walked towards Remus lying on the floor, he couldn’t help but look at Lily. Perhaps she was only spelled or asleep as well. He looked back at Lupin and knelt beside him. "I am not the one offering up my son because I am in pain and too weak to care for him. You are the coward. You took Lily away from me and could not protect her. For your failure, you do not get to be reminded of her, or your son who you so willingly abandoned. No child deserves a father who doesn’t want them." Snape used Legimens to go through Remus’ memories of Lily. He removed all memories of her that were crucial. He even took away memories of Harry. No father should abandon their son. Any man that does doesn’t deserve to remember he had one. Snape then turned to see Harry crying, he looked at Harry in his eyes. His beautiful green eyes. Just like Lily's...Snape thought. ‘Don’t do this for me...‘ he thought back to Remus’ words. He then took a deep breath and sighed as he looked at Remus and back again at Harry. The damage was already done from his spell. He felt the guilt, but what’s done is done. He deserved it. He couldn’t save her...but neither could I. Just a month ago she was alive and somewhat happy. She was a mother, a wife, a friend. I suppose I should feel this way, I’m the one who killed her friend. I’m the one who...who killed her... I deserve this pain. No- that was him...the rat. Snape thought as he stared at Lily, dead on the floor. He moved near Lily’s body, still in shock as it was just him and his thoughts now. He picked up Lily’s dead body, clutched her, and held her close as he started sobbing. “Lily...oh Lily...I’m sorry. I am so sorry for all of it. Don’t leave me here alone, please.” He pleaded tears finally escaping his eyes.
For a moment Snape sat there crying, holding her body as Harry started crying louder. Harry’s crying snapped Snape out of his dark thoughts. He turned to look at the child who was staring at him, as he gently laid Lily’s body back down. He got up and walked to the crib. When he made eye contact with Harry, the child started to calm down. Harry put his arms up in instinct to be picked up. Snape grunted. “No.” He said, angered. But then Snape once again stared at Harry into his eyes. His beautiful green eyes and his nose...just like Lily’s, he thought, staring back at Lily and closing her eyes. I can’t leave him here. She wouldn’t want it. The Wolf was right. He turned back and awkwardly picked up Harry, holding him uncomfortably, just as he had that day in Diagon Alley. Harry just cooed as he calmed down, once again staring at Snape. He was a bit bigger now, but still so fragile.
“M..ma..mama.” Harry spoke. Was that his first word? Snape thought. No- it couldn’t have been. Surely Lily was able to hear him call her that. Snape set Harry back down and tried to block his view of his mother and father lying unconscious on the floor. Snape thought back to his time at Hogwarts, his time with Lily, all they went through, summers and Holidays with her.
“He needs help.” With every feeling of love and happiness from Lily he could muster he cast, "Expecto Patronum" and a Doe shot from the wand and ran out the door and into the night....
Hogwarts 1993
"What was that thing?" Harry asked as he sat up on the seat of the train.
"A dementor, one of the guards of Azkaban,” Remus said looking down the way of the train. Turning around and closing the door, he looked at Harry in his eyes. He froze. “J...James...?” Remus whispered. "You're alive..."
“Sir?” Harry said awkwardly. “I’m not James? Um...my name is Harry. Harry Potter.”
"What’s that?” Remus stated snapping out of it and focusing on the task at hand. “Oh. Oh yes. My apologies. Ah. Of course, the infamous Harry Potter. Yes, of course. The dementors were, I’m assuming, searching the train for...for Sirius Black. Here take this.” He said, looking down and back up in Harry’s eyes as he handed him a chocolate bar from his pocket.
"Chocolate?" Harry asked confused.
"Trust me. Just eat it." Remus stated staring at Harry. “Does wonders.”
"Is everything alright?" Harry asked, looking over at Hermione who just shrugged.
"You just have the same eyes as a dear friend of mine. And you look just like your father..."
”Wait, you knew my parents? You were friends with them?” Harry exclaimed, looking back at Hermione and Ron.
“Your mother, yes I remember...hmm well I don’t remember much I’m afraid— I was closer to your father James. You look so much like him.” Remus stated, staring at Harry. “Achem, well if you’ll excuse me I need to have a word with the conductor. It may sound silly, but eat the chocolate, it will help." Remus opened the door and started to walk away as Harry got up to stop him.
"Wait! Sir! My parents...” Harry turned back to his friends and gave a confused look. “Come on. One of the first people who actually knew my parents and he left? Why wouldn’t he talk about them?”
"Great. Another mental teacher. Are we ever going to get a normal one? I hope he’s not the new defense teacher." Ron spoke up slouching.
"Anyone’s better than Snape or Lockhart," Harry said, sitting back down across from Hermione and Ron.
"Yeah. Git’s," Ron scoffed, rolling his eyes and going to pick up the chocolate bar Harry had on his seat. Hermione knocked it out of his hand. “Oi!” He said as Hermiome took the chocolate from him.
“Watch your language." Hermione scolded as Ron mocked her to Harry, who kind of smiled at his friends interaction. "Honestly, Ronald, grow up. He is not mental. He must be the new defense teacher for a reason, I’m sure he’s seen some awful things.” She said as Ron held his hands up in a defensive position and Hermione nodded and turned her attention to Harry. “Are you alright, Harry?” She asked.
Harry, who was looking down deep in thought, looked up, "It's just— he looked so familiar. He saved me. And he knew my parents! Said he was friends with them." He started. “And then he just...was gone.”
"Almost everyone knows about your parents, Harry, they’re just as famous as you. I’m sure lots of people would go so far as to say they were friends with them.”
"Yeah, but it seemed like it was more than that, Hermione. Didn't he seem weird to you guys? Like he knew something? The way he looked at me. called me James? Like he actually knew me, you know?" Harry spoke up, confused, getting worked up, and his face flushed.
"Harry, calm down. You are overthinking it, we are all just full of nerves and anticipation about school starting again. And excitement of course.” She smiled slightly at Harry. “I’m sure the professors get the same way.”
"Excitement? Goodness Hermione, I will never understand the way your brain works." Ron said as Hermione elbowed him and he nodded towards Harry. "I don’t know mate, maybe Hermione’s right.” Harry and Hermione stared at Ron confused and stunned. “Or, maybe that dementor did more damage to you than you realize.” He shrugged letting out a half laugh. “But if it bothers you that much, you can just ask Dumbledore or talk to him when term begins.” Ron joked while trying to reassure him.
“Yeah, that’ll go well. ‘Hey Professor. It was weird the way you stared at me on the train. Did you really know my dead parents?’ Harry stated as Ron and Hermione just stared. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.” Harry just kept staring at where Remus had stood, but looked at Ron and nodded, still thinking as to why the man looked so familiar.
"Here, why don’t you eat the chocolate like he suggested," Hermione said handing Harry the chocolate as he took it and ate a few bites.
As Remus was heading toward the conductor, he could not stop his thoughts from wandering. He looked just like Lily, but looking at his eyes...they seemed to be more than Lily, but not James. He seemed like he had a piece of me in him. Lily and James both died protecting their son, it has to be I was just close to them. Well, I was close to James...Lily? Why can’t I remember a thing about Lily? But his eyes made me feel like I did know her. I don’t understand. I need to speak with Dumbledore. After arriving at HOGWARTS, Remus pushed his way through the chaos and went straight to the headmaster's office. Upon arriving at the office, he hit the gargoyle twice with his wand and stated "Licorice Snap," In hopes it would still work from when he was a prefect. It turned to reveal a staircase, he went up and into Dumbledore's office and saw him by a bookcase.
“Professor Dumbledore, may I have a word?” Remus spoke up lacking the confidence he needed for this conversation.
“My boy, you are no longer a student but a professor. There will be no need for such formalities. Call me Albus, or just Dumbledore if you’d prefer,” He sai,d smiling, gesturing for Remus to sit down. He was walking around his office looking for something and as he found a book and picked it from the shelf, Remus sat down as Dumbledore sat across from him.
“Sorry, sir. Professor and headmaster just come so easily to me. It will definitely take some getting used to.” Remus stared looking at the window as Fawkes let out his usual scream and flew in the room and onto his perch.
“Yes, I imagine it will. Would you like any tea, or perhaps a licorice snap?”
“That’s alright. I just came here briefly to discuss something before the feast.”
“Ah, yes indeed, indeed. What did you want to speak about that could not wait until after the feast?” Dumbledore stated putting his hands together on the table.
“I took the train here like you had suggested I do...” Remus started shakily. “I got in and fell asleep right away pretty much, I was a bit more tired after this past moon, I must say. The full moons seem to be taking a bigger toll on me than usual...” he stated curiously.
“May I remind you, Mr. Lupin, that we are on a time crunch,” Dumbledore stated looking over his glasses.
“Right. Sorry professor uh, Dumbledore- Albus...anyways. I don’t know if you heard that dementors had searched the train?”
“I did yes. The ministry sent me a memo a bit ago. It seems the dementors will be here too. With your old classmate's escape from Azkaban, the ministry deemed it fit to make sure he could not get into the school. We know the first person he would look for.” Dumbledore stated knowingly.
”We do?” Remus asked.
“Well, yes. I imagine it is the reason you’re here to talk with me. Is it not?” Dumbledore, still listening intently as Remus stood up and started to pace from the anxiety.
“Oh, yes sir, it is actually. You see, I used my Patronus to stop an attack on a student, Harry Potter?“ He started.
“Ah, Mr. Potter, one of our brightest, and frankly most troublemaking, of students. Reminds me much of his parents.” Dumbledore looked up and then looked at Remus and winked which made Remus feel even more uneasy. Why was this conversation so nerve-wracking for him?
“That is what I wanted to ask about. When I looked in his eyes, well of course he looks so much like James, but when I looked in his eyes, I felt, well that’s just it, headmaster, er Albus. I can’t explain what I felt. I was friends with Lily, I’m sure of it, we all were... However, when I thought back to her I couldn’t remember anything about her. Not a single detail. And Harry...he had the same look in his eyes that I had after my first few transformations. He looked...pained, but even more I saw me in him.” Remus said, stopping to face Dumbledore and grabbing the back of the chair he was just sitting in.
“Does this epiphany of yours pose a question? We must be getting to the feast.” Dumbledore said, looking at the clock behind him.
“Yes, yes sorry, sir. I’ve been wondering if we are sure James was the boy's father. I know that sounds mad, but how is any of this possible, this confusion? I mean I am by no means saying it could be me or Sirius or anyone like that.” Remus took a deep breath at the name and bit the inside of his cheek to stop from rambling and slowly continued. “It’s just, I can’t even remember his mother, Lily, or anything really about my old days at HOGWARTS. Which, there in itself is another question. She was my classmate and my time here was crucial, six and a half years of my life...and I can’t remember A bloody thing, pardon my language, about her or any of it. After THAT night...every time I was in my werewolf form I would have these strange memories, like dreams or visions. They would be of her, Lily, or her and a child. Well, I think they are of her, I can't make out her name or face. But we were married, we had a child. We did things together, like spied on Snape at Hogsmeade, things like that. These dreams and visions felt so real. Like they were more than dreams and visions, more than made-up memories. Why is that?” Remus stated sitting back down, putting his elbows on his knees and wiping his face, then looking at Dumbledore.
“I suppose it could be because your body goes through so much stress monthly. I’m sure that between your teen years and now you have forgotten things that are of unimportance. Magic has strange ways of showing itself in times of stress. Your time here was time spent with friends. Perhaps your body is trying to create false realities and dreams of what you may have wanted to help you cope with all that happened that night. I would not worry about it or think too much about it or into it. Trust your brain and your magic. You are still trying to cope with that night, even still.” Dumbledore stated trying to sound reassuring but just stared at Remus in his eyes. Remus could tell Dumbledore was lying and withholding something from him, maybe the truth. But why? If he won’t tell me, I have to go to another person who might know...Maybe Severus would have a better idea...Remus chilled at the thought of asking Severus about his past, especially about Lily. Why would my coping be marriage to Lily? Perhaps Severus was his father and everyone’s protecting him because of the pain. He felt a nudge in his brain while he was thinking these thoughts, while looking at Dumbledore. After a few minutes, Remus spoke up.
“Yes perhaps.” He said, now growing a headache. “Well, I won’t keep you any longer. Thank you for your time, I shall see you at the feast, Dumbledore.” Remus stood up to shake his hand.
“Very well. Until then Mr. Lupin.” Dumbledore said, smiling and shaking his hand back.
As Remus walked out he felt just as confused, if not more so, as before. None of that helped but rather made him question everything, everyone had told him. He needed to find out for himself the truth if no one was going to help him. I need to think back to my time at Hogwarts and start there......
OUR STORY BEGINS YEARS PRIOR TO ALL OF THIS AT HOGWARTS 1975/76......
“Blimey Severus, can we please take a break? We have been studying for hours! If I hear about one more potion ingredient or one more word about what charm to use, my head will literally burst.”
“I thought out of all people, you’d want good grades, Lil”. Severus sat back and smirked.
“Obviously I do, but my goodness Sev, don’t you ever breathe?” Lily stated gesturing to the books. “When you told me we needed to be above everyone else, grow far more intelligent...I did not think I’d be locked up in the library all the time.” Lily joked.
“You are not ‘locked up.’ You are free to leave at any time.” He said.
“And what? Be crucified by you for not taking school seriously? Not a chance. I’m just saying I need a break here and there, you inhuman know-it-all.” She laughed.
“Interesting take. I’ll think on that crucifixion.” He stated, laughing back. “Perhaps we can study the practical side of things. Like potions, we can start with...Hmm... say the draught of peace?” Severus chuckled as Lily glared at him. He had to concede. “Fine, fine. A break then.”
Lily and Severus had always been friends. They grew up just a few blocks from each other and were outcasts in the neighborhood, being wizards, and quite frankly mischievous kids, they could do things no one else could do. Even remembering the day showed Petunia her magic and Severus, after creeping around, finally made himself known to the girls.
"How did you do that!?" Petunia shrieked
“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” Snape could no longer contain himself as he jumped out from behind the bushes. Petunia screamed and ran backward as Lily just stared watching the boy apprach them. Lily remebered how scared Snaoe was to approach them and even then wanted to make him to be alright and not embarrassed.
“What’s obvious?” asked Lily, feeling sorry for the boy in front of her. Snape looked at Petunia and back to Lily as he stepped closer to her. He lowered his voice.
“I know what you are."
Lily chuckled nervously, “What do you mean?”
“You’re... you’re a witch,” whispered Snape, almost sounding excited.
“That’s not a very nice thing to say to somebody!” Lily defended, but with no hostility in her tone. With hesitation, Lily turned and walked towards her sister.
“No!” said Snape as his face grew red with embarrassment, and Lily turned toward him but kept walking to Petunia. He proceeded to follow Lily, and Lily fully turned around toward him as Petunia backed away again, Lily right by her side. Snape stopped and spoke up, only looking at Lily.“It wasn't an insult. You are a witch. I’ve been watching you for a while. But there’s nothing wrong with that. My mum’s one, and I’m a wizard."
“Wizard!” Lily shrieked, and Petunia laughed. Snape glared at her as Lily thought about the realization.
"Oh, I know who you are. You’re that Snape boy! They live down Spinner’s End by the river,” Petunia snided to Lily, making a disgusted face. Lily looked to Snape. “Why have you been spying on us?”
“Haven’t been spying,” said Snape. “I wouldn’t spy on YOU, anyway,” he added, spitefully, “You’re a Muggle.”
"A what?"
Their bond only grew when they were not accepted by people in their family. Snape taught Lily about the wizarding world, and Lily tried to get Snape to enjoy Muggle things. Snape's father hated magic and would often punish Snape for his use of accidental magic, as Lily’s crude sister Petunia, made Lily’s life miserable for the same. They spent many hours together from childhood, playing to attending Hogwarts and studying together. They also would play many pranks on Petunia or other people in the neighborhood. It was their fifth year at Hogwarts, which meant their fifth year being in different houses and their fifth year of struggling to keep their friendship the same as it’s always been. Severus and Lily were in almost all the same classes and typically would study together when exams were coming up. OWLS were the biggest exams of the year and Severus wanted to get a jump start on studying so he could get high marks. He didn’t know how to impress his father, but doing well in school couldn’t hurt. It was easy to combat bullies when you were smarter than everyone else. It was easy to prove oneself when you never gave anyone a reason to look down on you. That was something he has tried to teach Lily since their first year here. Severus studied super hard and was quite intelligent; no one else really matched his level; except Lily. It was almost Christmas break and Severus hated being away from Hogwarts and being at home. He and his mother had to tiptoe around his father with everything as they had a connection his father couldn’t understand being as they were both wizards. The only good thing about home was Lily, of course. Most of the time, when his father would abuse him or his mother, he would escape to Lily’s. He felt so defenseless and weak when his father would do anything because he couldn’t use magic since he was underage, and his mother loved his father in a way that Snape could not understand. But this break would be different. Snape has been working on his own spells, he created ones that can be used to defend oneself undetected and he would not let his mother or himself get hurt anymore.
“How are you feeling about going home? Are you feeling nervous?” Lily snapped him out of his thoughts.
“What?” Severus asked.
“I asked if you were feeling nervous about going home for break.”
“No, I’m fine,” Severus said, a little annoyed.
Lily sighed, “Don't do that, Sev.”
“Do what?” He rolled his eyes and looked away.
“You’re shutting me out. I want to help you, talk to you, be there for you. But when it comes to going home, you always shut me out. Must we go through this every break?” Lily asked while trying to give him a reassuring smile.
“I am not shutting you out, Lily. Me not wanting to discuss my thoughts and problems isn’t shutting you out. I know you’re there for me, I just have a-“ Severus was cut off by a voice he knew all too well. Arrogant prick.
“Well, well, well” James Potter and his three friends were standing at the end of the table.
Lily had gotten really good at reading Severus. She has known for a while about Severus's home life and even a bit about his life here. She and Severus made a deal a long time ago to never shut each other out from their thoughts, good or bad. Loneliness is something neither was particularly fond of. She knows about his Slytherin friends and all the dark arts they try to get Severus into, or the spells they teach him. She also knows about James Potter and his band of goonies. She can’t stand them either, well except Remus. Lily and Remus were cordial with each other and got along quite well. Remus was very intelligent and in many of the same classes as the pair, and Remus and Lily were both prefects and often had to attend meetings together. He was pretty tolerable when not with the others, even though Remus often didn’t partake in the antics of his friends. The others on the other hand were just arrogant, immature, toerags.
“Look what we stumbled upon boys, it’s Snivellus in his natural habitat. Checks out though, for some being a talented formidable wizard doesn’t come naturally. Not that I’d call you talented per se, mediocre at best.” James laughed, nudging Sirus and Peter, while Remus shyly smiled.
“Those poor books. Have to deal with your big nose in them and always getting grease on them,” Sirius chimed in, sticking his tongue out in disgust. “You’ll have to buy those after all that damage.” He laughed again. Remus rolled his eyes while Peter chuckled a bit. Snape gripped his wand in his robe as Lily took note.
“At least I'm not an immature and unintelligent prat who has nothing better to do than annoy others.” Severus jabbed.
”Using big words and never having fun doesn’t make you intelligent and mature, Sniv.” Sirius spoke.
“Yeah. It makes you insecure and elderly.” James finished laughing.
”You pathetic little-“ he was cut off by Lily.
“Didn’t you guys get “acceptable” on the majority of your OWLS last term? And cause Gryffindor to lose the house cup because of points taken?” Lily shrugged but laughed. “Talk about mediocre, Potter. If you ask me I reckon opening a book will do you all some good. And maybe acting your ages. Twits”. She rolled her eyes then looked at Remus who just stared at her. “Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you guys be at quidditch practice or something? I would hate to see you get punished by McGonagall for missing the last practice of the term…actually scratch that by all means miss.” Lily turned to Severus who was tensed up.
“And lose us the quidditch cup? Not a chance.” James spoke up.
“Barmey Evans, didn’t know you cared about us so much to know our schedules. You hear that, boys? Evans cares about us.” Sirius said, lightly pushing James’s shoulder.
“Ah, that is exactly what I heard Padfoot,” James said laughing with Sirius.
“Oh, piss off. I’m a prefect, remember? Therefore, it’s my job to watch out for troubled students, so obviously I know your schedules. I guess I could just take points from you all for disrespect. What’s a few more this term, right?”
"Must have slipped our minds you're a prefect as we don’t typically take note of authority. How wonderful though to have such a beautiful girl watching out for us all, innit?” Sirius stated nudging James. Snape gripped his wand even tighter, removing it from his robe as he shifted in his seat, allowing Lily to look at him again. Remus also noticed Severus’ change in demeanor as he was about to stand up, gripping his wand. He figured he needed to chime in and try to diffuse the tension building.
“Regardless, Lily's probably right” Remus spoke up. “If any of you are tardy to one more thing, like practice, McGonagall will give us all detention for the rest of the year. And we can’t afford to lose any more house points because of you two.” He said laughing with the boys. Once more he and Lily made eye contact and he just nodded at her, and she smiled back.
"Whatever Moony. You’re no fun after becoming a ‘responsible prefect’ like Evans. Who are you trying to impress?” James said. As Remus turned a bit red. They all turned to leave but James turned around before walking out, “See you around, Evans. Maybe at the match tomorrow.” He winked then paused to look at Snape. Snape glared at them all as they walked away.
He could easily hex them into next year. He knew many jinxes and even darker spells, but he cared about Lily too much and how he was perceived by her. She was the only thing that kept him sane. She was his only glimmer of light in this awful world, and he would never do anything to ruin his relationship with her. “Tossers. I mean honestly, don’t let them get to you. They need to sod off and quit bothering everyone.” Lily stated putting her hand on Severus’ arm. He brought his attention back to Lily and his expression softened.
“You are right a break is much needed,” Severus stated. After they gathered their stuff and stood up Snape paused, “Can you really take away points?”
Lily laughed, “Honestly I’m pretty sure it’s a gray area.” Snape just smirked as they left the library once again feeling grateful for Lily and the effect she had on his life.
The next day was the final quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin, and as usual, the Great Hall was crowded, noisy, and full of pride in the house. Sitting at their house tables, Lily sat with a group of girls with whom she shared a room and to her left, none other than James Potter and his pack of baboons. Lily didn’t mind quidditch matches, she actually quite enjoyed them and almost wished she was better than she was at riding a broom. Looking around the Great Hall she spotted Severus, as she usually did when eating in the Hall, sitting next to Lucius Malfoy, Gregory Goyle sr., and Cadmus Mulciber, and across from them Narcissa Black. Lily didn’t hate his Slytherin friends per se, but she did think they were bad influences on him. Getting him hooked on the dark arts and trying evil spells that go against what they learn. Snape noticed Lily staring and made eye contact with her. Lily waved and gave him a thumbs-up. Snape just nodded and turned his attention back to his table. He was different around them, that’s for sure, always trying to fit in. Before everyone could leave to go to the pitch, the headmaster always made it a point to wish both teams’ luck and make final announcements before Christmas break.
“May I have your attention, please? As I know you are all so eager to get started with the final match for the quidditch cup, I will make this brief. The train leaves from Hogsmeade station tomorrow at 11 am. If you are staying in the castle, you must report to your assigned head of house or prefect at that time. Second, I must once again state that the Shrieking Shack is off-limits for all Hogwarts students, most notably during your trips to Hogsmeade. I would hate to have those weekends taken away. Furthermore, I implore you all to be diligent in your studies as I know your wizard exams are coming up. I wish both teams good luck today and to play fair. With that, you may make your way down to the pitch”. Lily got up and ran out of the hall, waiting for Severus to exit. Waiting there, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter all stopped when they saw her.
“I reckon you’re coming, Evans. I mean my prefect needs to watch where I am at all times, right?” James said sarcastically. “Can’t hurt to watch me catch the snitch the final time this term.”
“It baffles how small your brain is compared to that big head of yours, Potter. As it happens, I will be going, just not for you. I happen to enjoy quidditch."
“Won’t be hard to spot you, especially if you’re sitting with Snivellus. You can spot his big nose a mile away.” Sirus said bluntly.
“It must kill you to not get all the attention or be spectacular at something that everyone praises. Won’t be hard to spot you sitting on your arrogant arse with all the other nobodies.” Lily shot back proudly. With that Sirius huffed and hurried off with the boys, leaving Lily waiting for Snape, Remus, however didn’t leave with the rest of them.
“Don’t mind Sirius, he’s just -“ Remus started.
“Annoying? Prideful? Selfish? Unbearable?” Lily cut him off.
“I was going to say a bit immature at times, but uh sure,” Remus said as Lily scoffed and looked back at the door for Severus, Remus continued. “I meant to ask, are you attending the meeting tomorrow night or are you leaving with the other students?” He stated trying to start a conversation. Lily was caught off guard and pulled her focus on Remus.
“Huh? No, I’m leaving on the train with the others. I promised Professor Sprout I would watch over some troublesome Hufflepuffs since she’s lacking prefects this term.”
“Ah, good call. Well, you will be missed I’m sure.”
“Uh, thanks?” Lily said, confusingly smiling. Remus started to walk away but Lily called him back. “Oh, Remus? I meant to ask…”
“Yeah?” Remus turned back around.
"Umm,” Lily wanted to ask why he was even friends with James, considering how different he was from them. However, with everyone around it wasn’t the best time as she saw Severus walk out of the Great Hall at a quick pace and needed to catch up with him. “Never mind, I forgot. I’ll see you at the match! Save me a seat.” She stated as she ran after Snape, leaving Remus to blend in with the crowd, making their way to the Quidditch pitch. Lily was pushing her way past some students trying to catch up to Severus.
"Severus, Sev!” Lily kept shouting. “Severus, slow down for goodness’ sake.” He didn’t look at her. She eventually reached him before the dungeon steps, and Lily pulled his arm, so he’d look at her. “Severus!”
Snape whipped his head around and in a hostile but saddened way shouted, “What!” Lily was used to his outbursts, and it did not phase her one bit.
“Stop and talk to me, what’s wrong? Aren’t you coming to the match?”
“I would hate to impose on your bonding time with your insufferable Gryffindor goonies and your new boyfriend,” he said aggressively.
“Boyfriend? What are you…are you talking about Remus? Sev, Remus, and I are friends, just friends, we were talking about prefect stuff.” Lily stated as Severus rolled his eyes. “That’s not fair,” Lily started, “I don’t like James Potter and his friends just as much as you, you know that. But I can have other friends, you know. You have your Slytherin friends! I would never ignore you if you were with them. Even if I don’t always agree with what they do. I told you before I don't like who you hang out with, but I never shut you out because of it.” Lily knew that Snape was insecure when it came to friendships and never blamed him when he got jealous. She has reassured him many times that they will always be friends, even being in different houses, something Snape still struggles with and has since the sorting. After a pause, Snape sighed.
“You’re right, my apologies. I think I am more nervous about break and going home than I thought. I do not feel ready, but I shouldn’t have lashed out.”
“I understand that, I do, but don’t always have to take it out on me. You won’t be alone at home, you know that! We always go through it together. We can do all kinds of studying over break to cheer you up! Or even prank Mrs. Figg!” This made Severus smirk a bit and look up at Lily, but he didn’t say anything. Lily went on. “It also gives you a reason to not be home. Besides, it’s not break yet, why don’t you come to the match so you can watch your house get creamed by mine?” Lily said jokingly.
“You know Quidditch isn’t my thing, Lil. But do tell me how your humble and superb seeker does.” Snape said with boredom and sarcasm in his tone.
Lily just laughed and said “Ha, I will give you every detail. I’ll catch up with you after, okay? At dinner?”
“Yes, at dinner we will talk.”
With that Lily gave him a friendly squeeze on his arm and they parted ways. Upon getting to the stands, she noticed both teams were almost done warming up, it was somewhat snowing and notably very chilly outside. She made her way to the Gryffindor section where she saw Remus waving her over in the prefects section.
“Aren’t you cold? It’s freezing and you’re just wearing a jumper!” Lily stated rubbing her hands together to create heat.
“I don’t get cold super easily. I guess my skin is thick like that” Remus stated quietly. He looked over at Lily blowing heat onto her hands and cast quietly, "Focillo"
“What was that?"
“A warming charm. Learned it the other day.”
“Of course, the class we don’t have together is the one where you learn something I need, and you don’t” Lily started laughing.
“Professor Flitwick taught us it because Goyle wouldn’t stop complaining about how cold the dungeons were."
“10 points to Slytherin haha. Thanks though.” Lily stated, while Remus chuckled and nodded as if saying you’re welcome. The quidditch match went by pretty quickly. Lily had never truly noticed how fast and decent of a flyer James was, he really wasn’t that bad of a seeker. She's flown on a broom from time to time, but never was she as good as the quidditch teams. Slytherin was up 20 points and James caught the snitch towards the very end right before Lucius Malfoy was about to grab it, winning Gryffindor the house cup. As James landed and held up the snitch to show the students, who were all chanting his name, all of a sudden someone screamed "Furnunculus!” and James’s face burst into boils and pimples all over. The same voice then screamed “Ascendre” and James was thrown up and into the wall. All the Gryffindors gasped and screamed as Professor McGonagall rushed over to assist James to Madame Pomfrey. Professor Slughorn and Dumbledore reached the middle of the pitch just in time to see two students, a girl, and a boy, laughing manically and running towards the castle.